Chapter 9
Nine
“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.’ Mature love says: ‘I need you because I love you.’” —Erich Fromm
When Max woke early the next morning with Lexi in his arms, a feeling of peace came over him that was another indication that all this time, he’d been waiting for her without realizing it.
Had he expected her to come back to find him?
Not really, but she’d set the gold standard for what it meant to be in love, and he’d never again come close to having what he did with her.
And now he knew it was all still there—the love, the desire, the laughter, the easiness. Everything about being with her had always been perfect, and last night, they’d confirmed—numerous times—that it still was.
He couldn’t wait to celebrate Caden and Savvy today with their joint birthday party and to spend this day with Lexi. Max wanted her and Caden to get to know each other, which couldn’t happen if she went back to Texas tomorrow. Later, he would see if he could talk her into staying awhile longer.
In the seven years since the momentous day that Caden had come into his life, Max had experienced many highs and lows.
Most of the highs involved the son who’d been a joy to him from the minute he arrived.
The lows had included Chloe’s decision to punch out of Caden’s life and the loneliness that had come with single parenthood.
His entire focus had shifted toward his son, which hadn’t left much space for dating or anything else that didn’t involve Caden.
A nagging sense of discontent had attached itself to his personal life and stayed there as he meandered through a few meaningless encounters with women over the years. Today was the first time in years he’d woken up without the discontent, and it was all because of Lexi.
He tried to disentangle himself from her, hoping she’d sleep awhile yet, but the second he moved, her eyes opened.
And then she smiled. “Hey.”
“How you doing?”
“Better than I’ve been in a very long time.”
“Same. What do we think of sleeping in a bed together?”
“We quite like it, but we knew we would.”
“I could very easily get used to sleeping with you,” he said, kissing her shoulder and her neck and making her shiver.
“Me, too.”
“Why do you have to leave tomorrow?”
“Because that’s when my flight is.”
“Flights can be changed.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Hell yes, that’s what I want. I want you here, with me and Caden, for as long as you want to be here, which is hopefully forever.”
“What if that’s not what he wants?”
“He’ll be fine with it. He’s super easygoing and always loves to meet new people. I’m not worried about him.”
“I think, maybe, we ought to slow down a bit and be a little more cautious about our next steps.”
“Why?”
“You have a son to consider, and I’m still trying to figure out what’s next for me.”
“I want to be what’s next for you. Caden and I want to be what’s next.”
“And I’d love that, but I want to take it slow and have the chance to get to know him and vice versa.”
Max groaned. “Haven’t we lost enough time?” He turned on his side to face her, his hand on her shoulder. “All I want is a lifetime of nights like last night.”
“I want that, too, but I want us to do this right.”
“I thought we did it pretty damned right.”
Smiling, she said, “That’s not what I meant, and you know it.”
“Why are you being the wiser parent?”
“One of us needs to be. Let’s proceed with caution so we don’t give him a reason to dislike me right out of the gate.”
“He won’t.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, but this would be the first time you’d be trying to bring a romantic partner into his life, right?”
“Yes.”
“Then you have no idea how he’s going to react. This is different, Max, and he’s going to see that. We have to give him space and time to come around to accepting me. And I want to get to know him, too.”
“Fine,” Max said, sounding as grumpy as he felt. “We’ll do it your way.”
“You’ll be glad we did.”
“Let me ask you this… If it was just you and me, would you stay forever?”
“Yeah, I would.”
“Well, that’s good to know.” He let strands of her hair slide through his fingers. “How soon can you come back?”
“Probably by the first of the year. Our tenants are moving out of my parents’ house. I’ll move into the garage apartment so they can lease out the rest.”
“You could just move in here.”
“Not yet.”
“Ugh, adult Lexi is making me mad.”
She smiled and leaned in to kiss him. “I bet I can make you happy again in five minutes.”
He put his arm around her to bring her closer to him. “It won’t take that long.”
This weekend was the best thing that’d happened to Lexi since the last time she’d been with Max.
She’d been so in love with him that the thought of being separated for even a day had been painful.
At the time, she’d thought that applying to UC Berkeley was the biggest mistake of her life when the man she loved with all her heart would be back in Vermont, “seeing other people.”
When he’d suggested that, she’d wanted to die. The thought of him with anyone else was beyond unbearable to her. But he’d been so sweet and gentle suggesting they were too young to try to hold their relationship together while they were so far apart in college.
The memories of that excruciating time swirled through Lexi’s mind while she showered as Max took Daisy outside.
He’d been right, of course, but no one could tell her that then. She’d been inconsolable as she’d slogged through her first semester of college with a badly broken heart. She hadn’t partaken in any of the activities her suitemates had engaged in, preferring to spend time alone with her memories.
Without telling her parents, she’d applied to transfer to UVM for the following year and had been accepted.
She was about to tell Max the good news when disaster struck in the form of a raging fever and rash that had sent her to the clinic on campus.
Before that day was out, she was in the hospital with the diagnosis that would take over her life for the next decade.
Missing Max had suddenly become the least of her concerns.
But even in the heat of battle against a relentless foe, he’d remained a larger-than-life character from her past, who’d held a very special place in her heart.
She’d clung to the memories of him and them together to get her through hell.
In all the time they’d spent apart, there’d been only one other man who’d captured her attention—the young oncologist who’d seen her through treatment.
Dr. Jacob Borden.
Lexi had developed a ferocious crush on Jake, as he’d told her to call him, anticipating his daily visits the way she used to look forward to dates with Max. He was always so sweet and kind to her, answering her questions and brightening her days with his wittiness.
And then he came in one day and told her he was getting married.
The devastation of that news had reminded her of Max saying they should see other people while in college.
Somehow, she’d managed to keep it together while Jake cheerfully told her about his fiancée, Devon, and how they’d met in medical school and stayed together through residencies in separate states.
After the wedding, Devon was moving to live with him in Houston and would work at MD Anderson.
Jake said he was looking forward to introducing his new wife to Lexi, whom he referred to as his favorite patient.
She’d had the two weeks he’d been gone for his wedding and honeymoon to pull herself together before he returned to introduce his new wife to her as promised.
Devon had been a symbol of everything Lexi no longer was and might never be again. She was beautiful, accomplished and madly in love with her handsome husband.
Their marriage had triggered a dark period for her, one that had taken multiple therapists and new medication to pull her out of months later.
And when she’d resurfaced, the one thing that had remained was Max.
Even though she hadn’t seen him in years by then, he was still there, as much a part of her as her fingers and toes.
Memories of him had once again saved her, and now he was dangling the possibility of forever in front of her.
She turned off the water in the shower and wrapped her wet hair in one of the two towels he’d left for her. As she wrapped the other around her body, she couldn’t contain the swell of joy that came with the idea of spending the rest of her life in Butler with Max and Caden.
As wonderful as that would be, she still felt it was the right thing to slow him down and make sure they were doing what was right for all of them. And who knew if the nostalgic feelings invoked this weekend would still be there in a few months?
What if they dove all in and then realized they’d made a mistake?
Lexi simply couldn’t bear to go through losing him again, and she’d rather proceed with caution than risk that kind of heartbreak.
Her heart had been through enough, and thus her plan to proceed with utmost caution when it came to Max and Caden even as she celebrated the giddy pleasure of being with Max again.
“I don’t suppose you have a hair dryer, do you?” she asked him.
“There might be one from my grandmother’s era in the back of the closet in the hallway.”
Lexi found the hair dryer behind a stack of towels and hoped it still worked.
She took it to the bathroom and found that not only did it still work, it worked better than her newer one ever had.
The metaphor wasn’t lost on her as she picked up right where she left off with her old boyfriend, as if no time had passed, as if they hadn’t both been through a lot in the years they’d spent apart.
Her emotions were all over the place, but one thing was certain. She hadn’t felt this good in a long time, and even as she urged caution, she couldn’t wait to spend this day with Max and have the chance to get to know Caden better.