Chapter 11
eleven
. . .
Rachel
Hattie gives me a knowing look when I enter the office we share. “Have a good night?”
“What are you talking about?”
“You have pash rash.”
“What?”
She smirks, pointing at my neck. “Beard burn.” Why does she have to sound so damn smug?
Fuck. I clap a hand over my neck. Jake likes to sleep with his face tucked into my neck, like I’m his teddy bear.
“So I guess things are getting better in the post-Erik world.”
“I mean… I’m doing okay,” I admit.
I don’t think about him nearly as often as I used to. I don’t want to think about him at all.
Six and a half years, down the drain. When I think about how much mental energy I invested into the relationship, I get angry. He strung me along with no intention of ever taking things further. And because I was young and naive, I thought that’s what relationships were supposed to be about—pushing each other, wanting the next step.
And at the same time… my biological clock is ticking. Every woman in my family has had trouble conceiving on top of early menopause. My time for a biological child without intervention is slowly dwindling. And I know there are other ways to have a baby, there’s medical treatments I can try and surrogacy and adoption is always an option… but that’s not what I want.
Before I have a baby, though, I want to be married. I want the commitment of a lifetime together. Divorces happen, a ring doesn’t mean it is going to last forever, but I want to go into it with the intention of forever.
And to get to the point where I can even think about tying the knot with someone, I have to date them first. And to date them, I should probably be fully over my ex first.
“I brought you something,” Hattie says.
My eyebrows go up.
She reaches into her desk, pulling out a Dunkin’ bag.
Inside are two perfectly beautiful donuts. One is chocolate cream pie, I can tell. It’s my favorite. The other is chocolate glazed with colorful sprinkles.
“What’s the occasion?” I ask as I pull out the donuts.
I shouldn’t. I want to, but I shouldn’t.
And then I think of the way Jake looked at my naked body. He likes my curves and rolls. He likes my body.
I take a bite of the donut. It’s delicious.
“Felt bad you didn’t get one last week at the meeting,” Hattie says. “You deserve all the things.”
Aww. I give her a hug and she startles before she hugs me back.
We settle at our desks and get some work done. She’s teaching in the morning and in the lab in the afternoon, whereas I have grading to do this morning and then teaching this afternoon. I actually can’t remember the last time I got uninterrupted time in the lab. My classes haven’t changed all semester, but Erik didn’t like when I brought marking home to do, so I’d inevitably use up my designated lab time with grading. My grad student TA does a lot of it, but it seems like every time I’m caught up, there’s still more that I have to do.
There’s a knock on the door around four o’clock. My last class of the day has just wrapped up and I’m trying to get organized for the days ahead.
Jake is in the doorway, wearing another Grizzlies jacket under his open coat.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. Okay, demand .
His eyebrows go up. “Should I not be here?”
“I—” I take a breath. “I’m happy to see you, but I wasn’t expecting you.”
“It’s starting to snow,” he says.
“It’s December. It snows a lot here.”
It’s the third time in two weeks that he’s dropped by my office without warning. I’m starting to think he’s inventing reasons to come by.
Jake chuckles. “They’re saying a storm is moving in. I didn’t want you to have to navigate the T. Figured I’d come pick you up.”
Oh. I swallow.
“Thanks.” My voice comes out as a whisper.
He crosses the room, then reaches for me and tips my chin up.
“Any time,” he says quietly.
My eyes fall closed. He smells fresh, like his Irish Spring soap, and the now familiar scent of his natural pheromones calms me.
His fingers ghost over my cheek. “Rachel…”
Slowly, my eyes blink open. “Yeah?”
Jake grins. “Let’s go home.”
My mouth goes dry. “O-okay.”
I have yet to spend a single night in the bed he designated as mine. From the get-go, he’s made clear he likes me in his bed.
Waking up in Jake’s arms the last few days has been a blissful heaven I didn’t know existed. I’ve shared a bed with other guys before, but something about the way he holds me like he doesn’t want to let me go makes butterflies erupt in my stomach at the memory.
Last week, he had a day off hockey, so he dropped by the university and we grabbed lunch between administering exams, and when I got home after, he cooked dinner and we watched a movie.
Well. I tried to watch a movie. Every time I glanced over at him, he was watching me.
So I guess it was inevitable that we ended up in bed again, this time with me on my hands and knees as he fucked me senseless.
And the next night, we ate dinner on the couch and then he ate me out until I saw stars.
And the night after that…
We haven’t talked about what it means, though.
He drives with his hand on my thigh. The snow is falling more heavily, so sometimes he needs both hands on the wheel, but as soon as he’s in a steady place, he’s holding me again.
There are groceries in the trunk of the car. Jake doesn’t let me help—he manages to carry all six bags at once… though he does let me punch in the code to open the door.
“You went grocery shopping?” I’d have thought a famous hockey player couldn’t get to the store without being mobbed.
“They’re saying it could turn into a blizzard,” Jake says. He starts unloading the bags. He’s bought staples like bread and milk, and other things like salmon, chicken breasts, and fresh fruits and vegetables. “We shouldn’t lose power, the building is pretty secure, but we might not be able to get out for a few days. They’ve cancelled practice for the next two days, and the game the day after may be postponed.”
“Wow. I hadn’t realized.” I don’t really pay attention to the weather report. It’s cold, it snows, and sometimes there’s freezing rain. I walk the two blocks to the nearest T station, I walk from my stop to campus, and then I walk back. I don’t really go outside other than that. Even on campus, I eat lunch at my desk rather than trekking to the faculty dining hall.
Jake gives me a small smile. “Guess you’re stuck with me for a few days.”
“Oh, whatever shall we do,” I deadpan.
I start unbuttoning my shirt, and he gulps, his eyes glued to my chest. He shakes his head a few times, as if to clear it, then turns to face the other direction.
My good mood falls. Does he not want to have sex anymore? It was the only thing we had going for us, but if he’s not interested and we’re trapped together…
As I watch, he shoves food into the cabinets and the fridge, heedless of where things go. He’s pretty meticulous about his kitchen organization. He showed me his system on the second day and I’ve been mindful of putting things in their designated spot.
“Okay, all done,” Jake says, stowing the empty bags. “Let’s go.”
I blink at him. “Go where?” If it turns into a blizzard, I want to be safe in the apartment.
He reaches for me, and before I know what’s happening, I’m upside down, tossed over his shoulder like a rag doll. Like the first night, he carries me down the hall, lays me in his bed, and strips me bare. He fucks me sweet and slow, and then hard and fast, and when I come I scream so loud I’m fairly sure they can hear us two floors below.
I could get used to this.