Chapter 18 #2
An hour later, Ryan and I were standing in Sports Mania, a huge mecca of a store that sold every kind of sporting goods imaginable.
If the clerk could have, he would have bent over backward serving Ryan.
I sat on the bench, and Ryan knelt in front of me, tying up a pair of black skates for me.
I studied the top of his head. His hair looked so thick and soft and my fingers itched to touch it.
“How do they feel?” His blue eyes glanced up at me.
“Weird.”
“Try walking on them.”
I unsteadily got onto my feet. They didn’t feel normal at all. I walked up and down while Ryan and the clerk studied me. “Do they pinch anywhere?”
I walked awkwardly back to Ryan. “I don’t need skates.”
“How am I going to teach you to skate if you don’t own skates?”
“Can’t I rent a pair? ”
“Not a chance.”
A little kid, with stars in his eyes, nervously approached Ryan. “Hi Ryan, can I please have your autograph?”
While Ryan chatted to the kid, I undid the skates. By the time I had my boots back on, another dozen people crowded around Ryan. I decided to look around the store. Not that there was a lot to look at. It was all snowboards, skis, bikes, and everything else I had no use for.
I wandered around the clothing section. A lot of yoga pants and athletic wear.
I bet Bianca wore stuff like this. I bet she had matching workout clothes.
She was exactly the chick I imagined Ryan would date.
What if they fell in love? They could work out together.
The thought depressed me. I had a feeling that I would move out sooner than later.
I looked at the winter coats. They looked so warm and inviting.
I looked over my shoulder. No sign of Ryan.
I slipped on a pink waterproof, goose down filled jacket that had the most beautiful fake fur-lined hood.
Maybe I could afford it? It would be amazing to have a coat this warm while living on the streets.
I looked at the tag and my heart sank. It was three hundred dollars making it completely out of my price range.
With a sigh, I shrugged out of it and put it back on the rack.
I wandered back to Ryan, whose group of fans had diminished. He glanced at me.
“Ready to go?”
We walked to the counter, and the clerk rang in the skates. “That will be three hundred and twelve dollars.”
The memory of Bianca telling me I was using Ryan flashed through my mind. I couldn’t let him do it.
“Don’t spend that much money,” I rushed before he handed over his credit card.
“You need skates.”
I shook my head, looking into his eyes. “No. I don’t.”
“Zoey.”
“It’s just a waste of money. ”
“We have the charity event. You absolutely need skates.”
I shook my head. “Let’s go, okay?”
“Come on,” his voice was teasing. “Let me splurge on you.”
I swallowed. This was hard. “I’m not a bloodsucking leech.”
His eyes widened. “Zoey! What? Of course you’re not.”
“Let’s go.”
“Why won’t you let me do this?”
I stubbornly stayed quiet.
“Zoey, come on. Please?”
“If you’re going to spend that much money, buy something I need. I don’t need skates.” My face was bright red. “Please, let’s go.”
He went still. “What do you need?”
“Nothing. Let’s go.”
“Why did you say that?”
The clerk was staring off into space, trying not to look like he was listening. But he totally was. I stared at Ryan. Here he was trying to do something so nice for me. And I was blowing it.
I leaned forward and Ryan bent his head down, so I could whisper in his ear. “It’s cold on the streets. And if you’re going to spend $300 on me, these skates aren’t going to keep me warm.”
He pulled back his head and understanding dawned on his face as he looked at my ratty faux leather jacket. “I’m such a fucking asshole.”
“No. You’re not.” My eyes got a bit misty. “You’re the nicest person ever. But when I leave, I will not be skating and it seems like such a waste of money. I don’t want you to spend money you don’t need to.”
He looked at the clerk. “Where are your winter jackets?”
“Right over there, sir.”
Ryan put his arm on my back. “Come on.”
“No,” I protested, as he steered me to the coats.
“Let’s get you a coat.”
My eyes burned with humiliation. “No. I’m not letting you buy me anything. Not a coat. Not a pair of skates. ”
He walked away from me, rubbing the back of his neck. Then he turned. “You know, I grew up on a farm. We weren’t rich, but we always had lots of food and we had warm clothes. I don’t think of these things. I don’t know what it’s like to be cold or not be safe.”
I looked around to make sure no one was listening. “That doesn’t mean you have to fix things for me.”
“Zoey,” he looked frustrated. “I have so much money. I never worry that I will run out. It’s just there. I will never run out of money that is how much I have. I don’t have a clue how you’ve survived and thrived as well as you have, but it’s humbling to witness.”
He was going to make me cry. “Well, I don’t expect you to take care of me. You’ve already done too much.”
“You know what makes me happy?”
I shook my head.
“These days, fuck all. I’m living the dream, right? Fantastic job, a nice apartment, any woman I want, more money than I can spend. Fame. But I feel nothing. I feel like something is missing. But lately, the one thing that makes me feel good about life, is when you let me help you.”
I went still. We stared at each other.
“Why?”
He gave a short laugh. “I have no idea. But I’m going to be selfish and ask you to please make me happy. Please pick out a coat.”
“You’re the least selfish person I know.”
He lifted a black ski jacket. “How about this one?”
I shook my head.
He lifted up a navy one. “This might look good on you.”
I eyeballed the pink jacket. Maybe I could pay him back? “I’ll let you buy me a coat if I put it on the list.”
“Deal.”
I pointed at the pink coat. “Then I pick that one.”
He paused and blinked. “It’s pink.”
I reached out and stroked the fur-lined hood. It reminded me of cotton candy. “I know.”