10. PRESTON
Chapter ten
PRESTON
FUMBLING INTO THE FRIENDZONE
I can’t believe I just made out with Dean in a paddock in full view of anyone who might walk by. It was hot as fuck, too. My cock wanted me to take it further and is aching against the tight fabric of my cargo pants despite the twenty minutes it took me to get home, all thanks to the replay in my mind that kept me company the entire way.
I jump in the shower to wash off the day and try to settle my hormones, except as the soap slides down my chest and over my aching cock, it pulses and I give in, wrapping my hand around it. I lean on my other arm, letting the hot water roll over my back as I give my cock a slow stroke.
“Fuck. Kissing Dean was so good,” I say, remembering his mouth on mine, the rough scratch of his stubble against my soft lips, his calloused hands sliding over my back.
I touch myself slowly, closing my eyes as the images of Dean and me get clearer with each stroke. If I hadn’t run away, if I hadn’t been worried about someone seeing, maybe he’d have stripped me bare, wrapping those perfect lips over my cock again, as he teased my ass.
“Oh yeah, that would have been good,” I say as my strokes get faster.
He could have teased my hole, stretched me open with his fingers, and then, when I straddled him, instead of only grinding against his jeans, I could have taken his hard, thick cock. I imagine bottoming out, my ass resting in his lap, his fingers digging into my ass cheeks the way they did when he sucked me off.
“Oh fuck, yeah, that would be so good,” I groan, imagining myself wrapping my legs around him, with my hard cock wedged between us.
I stroke myself faster, my breaths coming heavy the more I imagine us together.
I’d bounce and grind on his throbbing cock, riding him like a cowboy, making him moan and groan and thrust into me harder, faster. My ass would clench around him. I’d hold the back of his neck for leverage and use my other hand to fuck my fist as he thrusted, over and over, and…
“Oh god, yeah,” I moan, pressure building to intense levels. My head goes back, the hot water running down my face, and when the heat of it surrounds my cock, my balls pull up tight as my orgasm hits hard and fast.
***
I’ve kept my distance from Dean for about two weeks now. At first, I didn’t know what to say to him. It wasn’t fair of me to use him as an escape in the mini barn and then again in the paddock. But then I was terrified I’d see him, and I’d flash to the fantasy I had in the shower, and I’d embarrass myself by getting a hard on, or going bright red, or both.
Maybe I wasn’t using him for an escape, but instead, I was finally letting myself have something I’ve wanted for so long. But what if he regrets what we did?
“I’m totally going to hit up Dean about the naked retreat again,” Atlas says as he pets Loki and feeds him treats to keep him happy and distracted by food.
“I’m pretty sure you’ve got a better chance of Loki miraculously gaining his hearing back.” I laugh. We did a few more tests on his hearing a week ago and found the loss is permanent.
“No way. Dean’s been goofy happy for over a week now. There’s never been a better time.”
I wonder if that has anything to do with me. Regardless, Atlas has no hope of getting Dean to agree to have a bunch of naked people just walking around the ranch.
“You have children visit the ranch almost every day. How do you expect to pull off a naked retreat?”
He shrugs. “That’s for future Atlas to worry about, after Dean says yes.”
“So in other words, you have no clue.”
“Look, getting the okay from Dean is step one. I don’t know how many steps there are, but keeping children away will be one of them, okay?”
“Good because…” Shit, I nearly said, because my daughter is one of those frequent visitors and I don’t want her seeing that shit. “No one wants their kid walking in expecting to see Miss Milky and instead seeing something else big and white and hairy.”
He cackles with laughter. “That could be the warning sign we put on the fences. Beware, big hairy full moons past this point, only enter if you’re over twenty-one.”
“You’ve got no chance of getting a naked retreat, no matter how happy you think Dean is.”
“It’s not that I think he’s happy. I know. He’s been humming, singing, and smiling. I reckon he’s finally seeing someone, about bloody time, too.”
“Really, you think?”
What if he has? What if in these two weeks that I’ve been trying to figure my shit out, he found someone? A pit forms in my stomach at the thought of someone else maybe being the reason for his happiness. I shouldn’t be mad about it. I’m the one who ran away, after all.
“It’s the only reason I can think of,” he shrugs like he’s not totally sure, and that brings way more hope into my heart than it should. I stopped things from going further. I ran away. Dean deserves a man who’ll put their relationship first. Can I really do that now that I have Poppy in my life?
***
Everything with Poppy is going so well. She’s been coming to the clinic after school almost every day this week, and we’re becoming…friends. I guess that’s the best way to put it. I don’t know how to be a dad, so I am starting with a friend. I’m not sure if that’s a bad or good idea, because as a friend, when she asked if she could let out the puppies to play in the back room, I was all, “Sure, they love to play, go ahead.”
Isabel isn’t too happy to see her uniform filthy from the floor and the puppy’s fur as she holds out two damp socks, one with a gaping hole from when Poppy pulled them off to play tug-of-war with one of the feistier pups. I don’t really care what makes Isabel happy. I’d know how to keep Poppy from using her socks as a rope with the pups if I’d been given the chance to learn this parenting thing from the start. No. I can’t think like that. What’s done is done. I want to be there for Poppy the rest of my life, and I won’t have any hope of doing that if I keep letting my anger over what I lost overshadow what I have now.
“Sorry,” I say as she sweeps a hand over the back of Poppy’s shirt, brushing off the fur. It flicks into the light streaming in from outside, and they float like slivers of glitter behind her.
“Maybe we should just have her visit on weekends,” Isabel says.
“No,” Poppy and I reply, her deep frown and pleading gaze mirroring my own. For the first time, I can really see myself in her, other than her hair. And I can tell Isabel sees it, too, her stare moving back and forth between us for a moment before she sighs.
“Okay, then I guess I should drop some clothes for her. She can change after school.”
“Thanks, Mom,” Poppy squeals and hugs her side tightly.
“I can clear out a drawer for her upstairs,” I say, and Isabel nods.
“Mom, can I help Preston with the pet adoption booth at the fair?” Poppy asks, still squeezing her mother around the hips and peering up at her with those big eyes. I have no idea how parents ever say no to their kids when they look at them like that. I press my lips together to stop myself from blurting, “Yes, you can have whatever you want.”
“Preston will be very busy that day. I’m not sure he’ll—”
“I could use the help, actually, if you were okay with it. I’ll have to complete the paperwork for anyone adopting. She can keep an eye on the other pets while I do.”
“Okay then. If you’re sure. I will be at the family stand most of the day, so if you need me for anything, I’ll have my phone.”
“Yay. I’m going to go tell the puppies,” Poppy cheers and dashes back into the back room.
“Thanks for this,” I say, and Isabel smiles, grabbing Poppy’s bag from one of the chairs in front of the window.
“She’s your daughter, Pres; you don’t have to thank me for spending time with her. I should be thanking you for making this so easy. God knows I don’t deserve how great you’ve been, not after what I did.”
“I’m doing my best to work through the hurt, Izz, but I have to be honest. It’s not easy.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I know, and one day, I won’t need to hear you say it anymore.”
“But not yet?”
“No. Not yet.”
“I’ll keep saying it, Pres, as many times as you need, because I really am sorry.”
That teenage voice is there again, telling me to go easy on her, to make her feel okay, but adult Preston isn’t going to let that voice erase what she took from me. Only time will help me get past it. I just have no idea how long I will need.
“Have you told your mother yet?” Isabel asks.
“No. I was waiting until Poppy was ready for all that. Once Mom knows, the whole town will know within a few hours, if they don’t already after our…conversation in the street. You know how she is with good news. When I graduated from vet school, I got countless messages about how proud my momma was and how I better come back soon, “because two vets are better than one.” Poppy would have been only a couple of years old then, still a baby, really. If I had come back then instead of traveling the world, Isabel would have probably told me about Poppy when Paul left, and I could have been a real dad to her.
“You think she will hate me?” Isabel’s eyes well with tears, and I step closer, putting a hand on her shoulder.
“She loved you, Izz. She might be mad at first, but she’ll get over it the second she meets her granddaughter.”
“I almost told her a few times.”
“Really?” I ask, and we move to sit as we wait for Poppy to return.
“Yeah. After Paul left,” she says, twisting her fingers in her lap. He knew he wasn’t Poppy’s father. Isabel was honest with him and her parents from the start. Poppy knew, too, from an early age. Though she didn’t know who her father was, Isabel had just told her that she loved him and that he didn’t know she was pregnant. And that’s true, too. Though looking back at it all, I should have known something was up. I should have picked up on the hints. Paul decided when Poppy was about three that farm and family weren’t his thing after all, and he took off with some woman he met passing through town. I remember Mom telling me she was divorced and thinking how sad that must be for her and her child.
“Why didn’t you tell her?” I ask.
“I thought I couldn’t tell your mother before I told you, and then I’d write you a letter or jot down what I wanted to say and make a plan to call you, but then I’d chicken out at the last minute.”
I place a hand over hers, and she looks at me, eyes glassy.
“I’m glad you told me first. It’s been amazing getting to know my little girl, and once Mom knows, I’ll have to share my time.” I laugh.
“You can tell her if you want to. We can tell everyone now,” Poppy says from the doorway. Wow, kids can be stealthy.
Isabel stands.
“There’s no rush, you can decide to take it slow if you want,” she says, but Poppy is shaking her head.
“I saw her across the road at the store. We can tell her now.”
“No,” I blurt. She frowns, the hurt in her gaze is like a knife in my heart. How do I love her so much when I just met her? I quickly go on to explain. “I mean, I don’t want her to find out this amazing news in a grocery store. I want it to be special where she can cheer and jump for joy without knocking over a tower of canned peaches.” Poppy’s expression flicks like a switch into excitement.
“We should throw a party for her,” Poppy exclaims.
“With balloons,” I say, and she claps.
“And streamers and cake. Mom makes the best cakes. You can help me make a cake, Mom, can’t you?”
“Sure,” Isabel replies. “But let’s keep the guest list small, just you, me, Pres, and your grandparents.”
“That’s probably wise. How about tomorrow? I only have one client in the morning, and then I’m closed for the day,” I say.
“Tomorrow works; do you want to do it here?” Isabel asks, looking around, and I shake my head.
“No, umm, Mom doesn’t come here, not since Dad passed.” Dad would have loved Poppy. I wonder if they ever met. He won’t get that chance now. The bitterness rises again. It’s not just what Isabel took from me that is hard to swallow; it’s what she’s stolen from my whole family. My dad will never know his grandchild. He lived in the town with her, and he never knew. My eyes prickle, and I blink back the tears that threaten to break past my resolve. I see more of my dad in Poppy than I do myself. Her smile, especially. I wonder if Mom will see it, too. Will it make her smile, or will it make her even angrier about what we lost? What he lost.
“Sorry, Pres,” Isabel says for the twentieth and not even close to being the last time. I force a smile for Poppy’s sake. “How about our place, then?” she asks.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, your mom likes to pick her fruit right from the tree, and we have cherries and strawberries ready to harvest. She’ll want some for her pies for the fair. I’ll send her a message to see if she’s free to come out. Should we say about ten?”
“Ten works for me. How about you, Poppy?” I ask, and she nods excitedly.
“Great. I’ll come over early and I’ll take care of the balloons and streamers, plus anything else you need,” I reply, and they leave to collect a few things for the cake that Isabel is helping Poppy bake, and I finish up at the clinic before heading back out to check on the birthing cows at Beaker brother’s Ranch.
Once mom knows, she’ll tell her friends, and the gossip will spread fast. I need to tell Dean myself. I don’t want him to hear it secondhand. I know we aren’t a couple or anything, but if we are going to one day maybe be something, he should know.
***
I pull onto the ranch and park the van beside the house. Sally-May waves to me from the front window, and I head towards the mini barn.
“How did we go?” I ask as I pull back the barn door. Dean is sitting on the ground, legs crossed, and a new calf cuddling in his lap. He lifts his chin, his hat tilting back to greet me with his incredible gaze. I’ve traveled the world, and never have I met a man with eyes quite like Dean’s. Dark, almost black, but tiny colored flecks pick up the light and glisten back like stars.
“Luna’s a little tired, so I’m keeping this little bull company while she rests.”
“A bull, that’s your first in a while.”
“Yep, the last thirty have been heifers.”
It’s not unusual to have mostly heifer births from milking cows. They actually do everything they can to keep it that way. Bulls aren’t harder to manage, but other than servicing the cows, they aren’t used for much else nowadays on a dairy farm, at least. They used to be used a lot for working the land, pulling carts and farm implements, but Dean didn’t need them to be working animals. He doesn’t like selling them off either, so he’s got a handful on the ranch, and each has its own pasture. The ones that edge onto the surrounding farms. A bull is the best deterrent for trespassers; he’s got signs up along all those fences. “If you climb the fence, you better make it across to the other side in eight seconds because the bull can do it in ten.”
“He looks good. Are the others okay?”
“Yep, a smooth run this time. Sorry you came out for nothing,” he says, and I sit in front of him and reach over to pet the calf.
“I told you; this is the best part of my job.”
“Well then, here you go,” he says, lifting the calf and passing it over. They aren’t exactly light animals at birth, and the muscles of his thick arms bulge under his green flannel. It looks amazing on him, almost as good as the blue one I still have hanging in my room.
The calf wriggles a little but settles into my lap, and I brush my hand over its soft fur.
“I have to tell you something,” I start, keeping my eyes on the calf for fear that if I look at Dean, I’ll lose my nerve.
“Look, you don’t have to say anything. I’m good to just forget it.”
“That’s not what I want to talk… wait, you are?”
I look up now, and he’s rubbing the back of his neck with one hand and adjusting his hat with the other.
“I just mean, like I didn’t expect a repeat or anything. I mean, it was good. You were good. It was great, shit, I’m sorry, you should just talk now. What was it you wanted to tell me?” he asks, and his cheeks turn three shades deeper, and my pulse quickens.
“You know Isabel Mores?”
“Yeah?” he replies with a slight frown creasing his brow. “We went to school with her, and she brings her kid to the cuddle cove at least once a month.”
“So you know Poppy. I mean, of course, you know Poppy. You just said she brought her to the ranch.” My face feels warm, and I can hear my pulse in my ears increasing in tempo with every second that passes.
“I’ve seen her around, yeah.”
“Well, I just found out that she’s mine,” I say, and the moment the words are out of my mouth, the room feels lighter, the cow in my lap does, too. Like the air around me can finally flow freely.
I wait for what feels like forever for Dean to say something. But he’s just staring at me, his eyes blinking softly every few seconds.
“Did you hear what I said?” I ask.
He nods slowly.
“Isabel’s daughter is your child.”
“Yeah, but I only just found out, like two weeks ago. The day of the storm, actually, that day, I mean officially, I found out for sure the next day, but yeah. I’m a dad. Wow, even saying that out loud is weird. I’m a dad. Fuck, this is surreal, right?”
“Surreal, yeah,” he repeats, pushing up and heading over to the back wall, where he starts washing off his hands.
Luna nudges my knee with her head, and I slide her calf off my lap in front of her and head over to Dean.
“You look just as shocked as I was when I heard,” I say, washing my hands under the tap.
“You just found out, so did she not know who the dad was or…”
“She knew. She didn’t want to keep me from being able to leave, travel, or go to vet school, so she didn’t tell me. Then she met Paul.”
“I never liked that guy.”
“I never met him.”
He dries off his hands on a towel and passes it over to me.
“So…you’re a dad.”
“Yep, I’m a dad. I’ll tell Mom tomorrow. I can’t wait to see her face.”
“You told me before your mom?” he asks, and my stomach swirls at the way he smiles.
“I wanted you to hear it from me, the whole story, not whatever rumors start after Mom finds out, because you know she can never keep a secret, and this town loves to talk.”
“Yeah, coming out in this place took one kiss behind the popcorn stand at the spring fair and about twelve hours.”
“I didn’t know that.”
He rubs the back of his neck again. I want to take over, massage away any tension he carries, and make him feel good, so I shove my hands into my pockets to stop myself from doing exactly that.
“Billy Robinson, a year after graduation. He tasted like popcorn and shoved his tongue so far down my throat, I gagged.”
“That wasn’t your first kiss, though, was it?” I ask.
“Yep. With a guy. It was almost…” he turns away and walks toward the stall with Patrice inside. When he said, “It was almost,” the memory of a teenage me, drunk and sad, leaning in towards his big soft lips surfaces again. Could he be talking about that almost kiss? Did I miss out on the chance for us to be each other’s first kiss with a guy?
“So, how is it?”
“What?”
“Being a dad,” he says, leaning on his elbows against the gate of the stall opposite and propping one boot on the lower rail. His strong jaw and slight stubble just top off the perfect scene in front of me, and I have to shake away the thought of him exactly where he is, but shirtless, before I start drooling on the mini barn floor.
“To be honest, it’s amazing. She’s been hanging out after school at the clinic, and I’ve just been getting to know her. So far, I’ve learned that she’s incredibly smart. Way smarter than I was at her age for sure, and she likes animals, cows being her favorite. She’s tried to convince her grandparents to get one for her as a pet for the last four birthdays. I’m worried about what to do when she gets bored with the clinic. I don’t know how to entertain a ten-year-old.”
“Bring her to the ranch. She loves to cuddle cows already. With you, she could visit with the other menagerie of madness residents, too,” he says, his lips picking up in a sweet grin.
“Thanks, I’d like that.”
“Me, too.”
“So, you’re cool with it?”
“With you being a dad?” he asks, brows pinching together a little.
“Yeah.”
He chuckles. “Sure. Kids are great. Well, most of them.”
“Yeah, I’m still trying to think of a way to stop the murder twins from adopting another bunny at the fair. I’ve got six that need homes, and I can’t bring myself to let any of them go home with them.”
“Tell them they’re already adopted.”
“But what if they come at the end of the day and see pets left over?”
“Tell them you’re just holding onto them for me.”
“Really?”
“Hey, you know if you can’t find them homes, you’d be coming to me with them soon enough, anyway.”
“That would be amazing. Thank you!”
“No problem. Now, should we get out of here and leave these new moms to their young?”
He starts for the door, and I reach out and take his arm.
“I don’t want to forget the other night,” I say, and he turns to face me.
“You don’t?”
“No. But…” I say, the rest of my words getting stuck in my throat.
“You just found out about Poppy.”
“Exactly. I think I owe it to her to let her be my focus, and I don’t really do one night stands, and you’re… what I mean to say is, I think we could be something, if you even wanted that, but if you did, I doubt I could think about anyone but you, and I want to get to know her, to figure out who I am as a father.”
His brows pick up. “That good, hey?”
“Amazing,” I reply, then feel the blush rise to my cheeks.
“I get it, Doc. I’m okay. We can just be friends.”
“I can do friends, too,” I say, and he laughs, and the double meaning clicks. “I mean, I can be friends.”
“Good, now come on, Doc. Sally-May will have dinner ready. Are you hungry?”
“Starving,” I reply and follow him out of the mini barn.
I know I just said we could be friends, and that this is what I need, but the way he was just so amazing about it all has me internally kicking myself that I might have just friend-zoned the most amazing guy I’ve ever known.
***
I tie the last of the pink, “It’s a Girl” balloons to the base of a cherry tree as Poppy and Isabel walk around front to wait for my mom. When I saw them at the store, I had to get them. Mom is going to be over the moon to find out she’s a grandmother, and while the giant banner strung up over the table with pink plates and cups and the cake Poppy made might be going a little overboard. I don’t care. She missed out on so much already. We both did. It’s only right that we make it a little special for her.
I hear Poppy’s sweet voice.
“This way, it’s a good surprise,” Poppy says, and a second later, I see my mother, eyes covered by a pink blindfold, as Poppy walks backwards holding her hands to lead her toward me.
“Is it much farther?” my mother asks, and Poppy giggles.
“Just a few more steps,” she says, and as nerve-wracking as it would be for me to be led blindfolded by a child to God knows where, my mother doesn’t seem to mind at all. Her smile is wide as she takes each step closer to us.
Isabel stands beside me.
“I think I’m more nervous than Poppy,” Isabel whispers in my ear, and I reach down and take her hand in mine.
“She’s going to be so happy,” I whisper back, offering a reassuring smile. I’m still pissed she kept this from me, but right now, this isn’t about her. It’s about mom. And I won’t spoil this moment for anything.
“Are you ready?” Poppy asks, and my mother nods.
“These must be some amazing cherries,” she laughs, and Poppy lets go of her hands.
“Wait there,” Poppy says and moves to stand in front of us under the sign. “Okay, you can look now.”
My mother strips off the blindfold, smiling at first when she sees me standing there, but then she frowns as her gaze goes from me to the sign hanging above us. Her eyes flick from decoration to me and to Poppy and Isabel, and it is almost like I can see the cogs turn in her mind.
“Surprise,” I say, putting a hand on Poppy’s shoulder. “I’d like you to meet your granddaughter, Poppy.”
Her eyes go wide, as her mouth spreads into an enormous smile.
“If this is a joke, Preston Robert Knight, I’ll never forgive you,” she says, clutching her hands at her chest.
“It’s no joke,” I reply, and Poppy steps forward.
“Hi Grandma.”