Chapter 31 Zhuri
thirty-one
Zhuri
Zhuri
I’m requesting an emergency meeting
Nia
That doesn’t sound dramatic at all
Zhuri
The dramatics are necessary
Nia
I doubt that
Zhuri
Nia
Nia
Fine
I’m free right now
What do you need?
Zhuri
Come over?
Nia
I’ll be there soon
Don’t lose your mind in the meantime
“Okay,” Nia says, walking through my front door as I pace my living room. “What the hell is going on?”
I just blurt it out. “Cameron almost kissed me last night.”
My sister stops in her tracks and gapes at me. “What?!”
I groan and flop onto my sofa, palms pressed over my eyes. “He almost kissed me, Nia.”
I should have expected that she’d be more excited than anything else. “Details, Z!” She sits down next to me.
I sigh. “Team dinner was last night, and I hung out after. We kind of went for a late-night swim in our underwear, and things might have gotten a little charged between us.”
“Meaning?”
I would love to wipe that stupid grin off her face.
“We always ask each other would you rather questions, and they were far from innocent last night.”
“Ooh, do tell.”
I roll my eyes at her. “I’m not getting into bedroom activities with my damn sister.”
“You’re no fun,” she scoffs.
“The point is,” I say, redirecting the conversation, “that we were swimming in our underwear, talking about sex, and ready to kiss each other.”
“So why didn’t you?”
I stare at her. “You know damn well why. Our contracts don’t allow that.”
“Fuck the contracts right now.” Nia looks at me with determination. “What did you want to happen?”
“That doesn’t matter…”
“Don’t deflect, Zhuri. What did you want?”
I take a deep breath and try to settle my racing heart. “I wanted him to kiss me,” I finally reply softly.
Nia claps her hands together in excitement. “Anything else?”
I let out a light laugh because I know what she’s getting at. “Yeah, I wanted a lot more than kissing.”
My sister smirks knowingly. “You wanted to get well acquainted with his bed.”
“Be a little less crass, will you?”
“You know I won’t,” she shrugs. “But you’re deflecting again.”
“I hate you,” I groan, holding a throw pillow over my face. “Yes, Nia. I wanted him. What the hell do I do?”
“You fuck him.”
My sister couldn’t be eloquent if her life depended on it.
“I can’t fuck him, Ni.”
“Oh my Godddd,” she says with an exaggerated groan. “Stop living your life the way other people think you should. You never do anything for yourself. You should, and you should start by jumping into bed with the hot, tattooed Croatian.”
“I have no idea why I decided to ask you for help.”
“Because, deep down, you know exactly what you want to happen, and you know I’m the one that’s going to tell you to just go for it.”
I look over at Nia in surprise.
Is she right? I could’ve asked Bet or Isla to come over, but I know exactly what they would have said. Isla won’t mix business with pleasure, and I don’t think Bet could break the rules if she tried.
But Nia? Nia has never been one to do what everyone else says. My sister is a free spirit, living for herself while trying to be the best possible mom and wife to Nova and Ty.
Maybe, subconsciously, I did ask her to come over because I knew she’d tell me what I wanted to hear, not what I needed to hear.
“So,” she asks, “when did you start liking Cameron?”
I sit up now, resting my hands on my thighs. “I don’t know. I feel like it happened slowly, until I suddenly realized I could see him as more than just a friend. So much has changed since this team was created, and Cam is actually really fucking incredible. I was so wrong about him before.”
“Then stop worrying and go for it,” Nia asserts. “I told you before that man has it bad for you. Give in and have a little fun for once.”
I’ve always been so careful and cautious, so afraid of doing the wrong thing and having it negatively impact the way I’m perceived.
It’s exhausting.
But can I really let go of that and just live for me?
Can I really let loose and still be me?
The rink is where I’ve always been able to clear my head.
Nia’s words still ring through my mind, and I’m hoping some ice time will give me some much-needed clarity.
I head to our practice rink and suit up, grabbing my stick before walking to the ice, and I’m surprised to find I’m not alone when I get there.
“What are you doing here?” I shout, getting Lev’s attention from the other side of the rink where he’s working on his movements.
Lev skates over to me and pulls off his helmet. “I could probably ask you the same thing, Cap,” he chuckles.
“Co-captain,” I sigh. “And I’m just here for a little extra practice. The rink has always been good at helping me clear my head.”
“Yeah, me too.” He looks on wistfully, and I wonder what he’s thinking about. “You need to clear your head over Cam?”
I stare at him like a deer caught in the headlights. “W-what do you mean?”
Lev shakes his head and laughs. “I’m perceptive, Zhuri. Cam’s been different so far this season, and his eyes are always on you.”
“No,” I reply quickly. “There’s nothing going on between us.”
He holds his hands up. “I’m not going to breathe a word, I promise. A no-fraternization clause doesn’t make sense when you put men and women together on the same team.”
I take a deep breath. “Has anyone else noticed?”
“Not that I know of,” he shakes his head.
“Thank God.” I let out a sigh of relief. “Nothing has actually happened between us, but it’s hard wanting someone you can’t have.”
“Don’t I fucking know it,” he mutters. I eye him curiously, and he continues. “I still want my ex, but she broke up with me right before she left for college. Coincidentally, today is the sixth anniversary of her leaving.”
I hum in acknowledgment. “That’s why you’re here to clear your head.
“Yeah,” he sighs. “You and Cam decided I was Most likely to marry their high school sweetheart, but that won’t happen for me. She left me after four years. I don’t regret the time we had together, but I do still miss her.”
“I’m sorry, Lev.”
He shrugs and tries to downplay the way this is still obviously affecting him. “That’s life, isn’t it? Last I heard, she’s still back home in Chicago working on her Master’s degree.”
“Well, I can definitely say my situation is far from the same, but we can commiserate together, Morozov.”
Lev laughs before putting his helmet back on. “If we’re here together, we may as well practice together. Take some shots at me. Easier for me to practice when someone else is here.”
“You don’t need any damn practice,” I grumble, grabbing my stick and following him toward the net. “I think I’ve gotten like one damn puck past you.”
“Not sorry,” he calls over his shoulder, and I rumble with laughter.
Lev and I have entirely different situations, but we’re still in the same place—wanting the person we can’t have.
And I think his talk of not having regrets is giving me a little bit of needed clarity.
I like Cameron; that much is obvious now.
So will I regret never going for it if we don’t try? Or will I regret trying if it all blows up in the end?
That I still have to figure out.