THOSE HYPOTHETICAL HYPOCRITES.
6
Jack : Where are you?
Jack : The physiotherapist will be here in one hour, and I’d like to introduce you.
Prudence : I went for a run in the park.
Prudence : Also, I thought you didn’t want me to deal with any medical stuff?
Jack : Don’t be like that.
Jack : I still want you to meet every person who will be hanging around the house a lot.
Jack : and the physiotherapist will be here every day, and twice if needed.
Prudence : I’m sorry.
Prudence : You’re right, I’ll be there.
Prudence : The nurse from this morning, Olive, seems nice.
Prudence : You did good finding all this medical staff by yourself.
Jack : Thank you, Sunshine.
Prudence : I’m running a little more, and then I’ll come back to that monstrosity of a house.
Jack : You mean, come back home.
Prudence : I said what I said.
Prudence : You are my home, no matter the house we’re living in.
PRUDENCE
I hate it.
I want to take all the bad things I said about Seattle and the rain back. The sun sucks. It’s 8a.m and I feel like I’m running in hell because of this insufferable heat.
When I was running in Indianola, the only worries that I had was that I might slip in the mud or catch a cold. Now, I have to stop every fifteen minutes or I might faint from the heat.
I’m a sweating mess when I stop near a water fountain to drink before I let myself fall ungraciously on a park bench.
Have I mentioned how much I hate it?
That wall that Jack built between us is the worst of all.
I brought my resume to the LAPD yesterday afternoon, but in the meantime, I don’t have anything to do. Spend my days on the beach? I don’t have a swimsuit. Should I go buy one? Maybe a few books to occupy the time? Yes, I should go to a mall or something. Buy some stuff to make that ridiculous house more homey. And a few books. And a goddamned swimsuit.
My phone rings with an incoming video call and I smile when my best friend’s face appears.
“Hey, Nuri.”
She hasn’t changed a bit since college. She still wears her typical Asian straight black hair in a shoulder length bob, still rocks the same cat eye eyeliner and red lipstick. The only difference between her college self and grown up version are her clothes. She traded her colorful grungy looks for still colorful elegant business dresses and suits.
“Prue! I’m so sorry I didn’t get back to you sooner,” she says, her background moving like she’s speed walking in the streets. “It’s been a few hard weeks, the kids are getting sick one after the other, and it’s the holidays so we’re trying to find our new rhythm with Elle and Sophia and the new daycare…”
Nuri is a thirty years old mom of four—very energetic—kids. She always wanted to have the picture perfect family and, so far, she’s acing it. The absurdly sweet husband, the nice house in San Francisco, the great career in advertising. They had their first boy—Eric—at 24 and their daughter—Alfie—at 26, almost exactly two years later. The problem is, when they decided to try for their 3rd and last child when Alfie turned one, they found out she was already five months pregnant. With twin girls .
And god, how I believe her when she says it’s a handful and she never wants to have kids again.
“It’s alright, don’t worry about it. How are you guys?”
“Oh, you know how it is. We run everywhere and just hope that we’ll avoid the walls,” she laughs but I see the exhaustion in her eyes. She casts a glance to the side and frowns before she’s suddenly inside a building and the noise from outside stops. “But what about you? How’s Jack? How’s L.A?”
“Jack’s fine, I guess,” I sigh. “And as for L.A, I’m not really sure… I wanted warmth, not hell…”
She laughs again and the sound makes me smile. I miss her.
“Yeah, we’re in the middle of a heat wave. We have more wind here in San Francisco, so I think it’s a little better… It should cool off in a few days, after the heavy rain hits at the end of the week.”
Rain. At least that’s something I know and I’ve been used to for the last few months. I can deal with the rain. Probably much better than with that insufferable heat.
“I’ve been thinking, maybe you guys could come to San Francisco for a few days soon! I’ll send George to his parents with the kids and we can have at least one night together, like in university.”
She seems so excited that my stomach twists when I realize that I’m going to say no.
Traveling with Jack is always a little complicated. The plane is tiring and staying in the car too long hurts him a lot. As we just moved from Seattle to here, he’ll need a few weeks if not more before he can travel again. And even then, we’ll have to do it all over again after a few days to come back here.
“I’m not sure Jack will be able to stay in the car for that long…” I admit. “But I’ll ask him, and we’ll figure something out.”
There’s a pause and I’m holding my breath. We haven’t seen each other in a while. In fact, I think the last time, she was pregnant with the twins.
“Oh, yes. Sure. You’re right! Actually, maybe I’ll come by for a weekend or something.”
“Really?” I ask, relieved. “That would be amazing.”
“Of course! I know how difficult it is for you guys. I’m sorry I haven’t been around as much as I should have.”
“What? No, you have nothing to be sorry about—”
“Of course I have! You’re my best friend! You shouldn’t have to be alone in this. It’s bad enough that your own family is shit… I told you when I had Eric that it wouldn’t change anything and that I would always find time for you. And I’ve failed. Miserably.”
“Nuri, you didn’t—”
She closes her eyes and clicks her tongue loudly a few times, shushing me. “I’ll move things around and I’ll come by in a few weeks for a whole weekend. It’ll be just like old times.”
I sigh with a smile. I don’t think she realizes how good it feels to hear that. For years, she’s always been the only friend I ever managed to keep. She’s the extrovert that decided one day that I was going to be hers . Her weird introverted friend, her person .
I miss her. So much.
“Alright, I need to hop in the elevator, I’m late for work… Again.”
“What?” I gasp. “You’re never late!”
“Oh god,” she chuckles, “you should see me now… I’m always late, it’s a nightmare. Anyway, I’ll text you soon to tell you when I’ll come visit.”
“Alright, good luck with work.”
I hang up and lean back on the back of the bench with a long exhale.
Maybe I can convince Jack that this place is not for us. We could go to San Francisco… It’s still California, and maybe I wouldn’t feel so alone there.
I fall ten minutes later on the same bench. That’s it. No more running. Why do I even run? Jack doesn’t need me anymore, I don’t care if my cardio and back strength decreases. If he falls, he’ll always have someone else to help him back up. If his electric wheelchair malfunctions, there will always be someone to push him around.
But not me.
Because he doesn’t want me to help him.
Is he seeing me as the old bookcase too?
I groan and turn my face to the side to watch the people around in the park. They probably think I’m a total lunatic, laying down on a bench every ten minutes, face red and whole body drenched in sweat.
I see a woman pushing a stroller, with three kids running around her, laughing and yelling. Carefree. She doesn’t look anything like the kids. Is she the nanny? Maybe she’s secretly sleeping around with the kids’ father behind their mother’s back. Maybe the mother is a horrible person, or a celebrity always traveling and neglecting her family. Her kids might even love the nanny more than her. Or maybe it’s the opposite… She’s sleeping with the mother while the husband keeps coming home late because of “work”. The mother keeps saying that she’ll leave him and they will run off together, with the kids. They don’t need him, anyway. Maybe he, too, is an old bookcase.
I see a group of people doing some complex yoga poses in front of what looks to be their teacher. They all cover their bags with some kind of towels. Maybe they all pretend to be healthy and gluten free and all this shit, but hide the most outrageously sugary drinks and bags of junk food in their bags to keep up appearances. They preach a healthy lifestyle but secretly stuff their faces with chocolate, chips, and loads of bread.
Those hypothetical hypocrites.
And then, I see a dog. An Australian Shepherd, running towards a man, carrying a wood stick in his mouth. I squint—as the man is really far—to try and see him better.
He is shirtless, wearing old jeans. Brown hair, sun kissed skin. I can’t see anything more. If it wasn’t a little weird, I would get a little closer just to study him, because he looks absolutely incredible. Broad chest and shoulder, abs for days, lean but not bulky. God, I wish I could draw him from a little closer. I just love drawing muscles. All those intricate lines and curves… The last was Hot Grumpy Guy, and before that, I used to ask students in university to pose for me, so I could practice. I kind of miss those days… Staring at hot people for a couple of hours and drawing their shapes, their lines…
I groan and close my eyes.
I haven’t thought about university in a while. How because of me, Jack had a fight with his best friend. He did react like a mistrustful asshole though, and that’s on him. But I always feel like it was my fault somehow. Maybe I should have told Jack about Nate posing for me. Or maybe Nate should have told him. I never understood why he didn’t… Maybe he thought that Jack would not be okay with it. I knew Nate had a reputation of sleeping around, but I’d known him since I started college, and he never made a move on me—fortunately, even though I wished he would when I first met him. From what I’ve heard, he did sleep with most of the girls in my dorm.
I was surprised when Nate offered to pose for me. He had always been a little cold and distant, like I was a thorn in his side. The annoying best friend’s little sister. Not to mention what I’d heard him tell a guy who invited me for a date during my first month of college… “Is she really worth the trouble?” So no, Nate clearly wasn’t a fan, and the silly little crush I had for him turned sour. Which made me really skeptical when he first showed up to pose for me.
To this day, I still think that by helping me, he was trying to get closer to that girl I shared a room with—was it Sara? Olga? I can’t remember, and she only stayed for a couple of weeks before dropping out anyway.
With all these facts, it’s clear that Jack obviously overreacted, and he acknowledged that pretty quickly. But, did he make a move to fix things? No. Because he is so fucking stubborn.
When I get back into the house, I’m welcomed by Jack’s grunts of pain and I wince.
I’m fifteen minutes late, which means he’s already with the physiotherapist, probably in one of the empty rooms downstairs.
I force myself to stay in the living room, no matter how much his physical therapy seems to be painful. He would probably shoo me away anyway.
I place my earbuds in my ears and turn up the volume of my audiobook as I pour myself a coffee. I might as well enjoy the terrace while I wait for them to be done. And from outside, I probably won’t hear Jack’s pain… Which I absolutely don’t want to hear.
I grab my sketchbook and a few pens and settle on the lounge chair.
A smile stretches my lips when the picture I’m drawing takes form. Two people doing yoga casting judgmental glances at someone eating a chocolate bar on the side. Their bags covered, but showing a hint of a bag of chips and a bottle of soda. I name it “Hypothetical Hypocrites” – Prue
I giggle like a schoolgirl at the scene depicted in my audiobook. The main character is stuck in an elevator after a fight with her boyfriend. But he is the one called by the emergency button as he deals with the security in the whole building. He asks her to apologize for what she said, but she refuses. So he doesn’t help, and just messes around with her. When she asks him if he’s going to do his job and help her get out, he tells her she looks hot in her business clothes and especially with a scowl on her face.
“ Fuck you, are you going to help me or not? ”
“ I quite enjoy watching you squirm,” he said, his voice low and playful.
But Juliet knew she couldn’t let him win their argument like this. Who did he think he was? He was probably responsible for the elevator malfunctioning in the first place.
“So what, are you just going to sit there in front of your screen and watch me wait for hours? Aren’t other people watching and hearing this? That’s really childish and completely unprofessional of you.”
She heard him chuckling and felt her anger suddenly rising a bit more. “What an asshole”, she thought.
“Other people can see you, yes, but they can’t hear. As far as they know, you are just stuck and angry at the one who took the call.”
“Let. Me. Out, Paxton. Or I swear I’m going to break that fucking elevator.”
“Apologize.”
“No!” She yelled. “I didn’t do anything wrong, for fuck sakes.”
“You kind of did, though.”
She let out a frustrated sigh, but she froze, as she realized what she heard him say. No one was listening, but other people were watching. She lifted her narrowed gaze to stare right into the camera, and started to unbutton her silk shirt slowly.
“What are you doing?” he asked, his voice dropping lower.
“Giving other people a show, what does it look like I’m doing?”
“Stop. Don’t you dare take another… Juliet, stop!”
She smirked at the camera, reaching for the third button. She knew her black laced bra was now visible and she slid her bottom lip between her teeth playfully.
“Juliet,” he growled in warning.
“Let me out, Paxton.”
“If you keep going, you won’t like what I’ll do when I come back home. Stop.”
“Actually I’m quite hot in here. Maybe it’s the anxiety rising from being stuck in such a small place…”
“Juliet, please…”
“What, you don’t want to play anymore?”
She faked a dramatic pout and heard him grunting in annoyance. Reaching the last button, the elevator suddenly jolted back to life.
“You have two minutes to reach your car before I get there,” he said slowly. “If I catch you,…”
I jump with a yelp when a hand grabs my shoulder, sending my sketchbook and pen rolling on the deck.
My eyes meet Jack’s wide one and my hand lands automatically on my racing heart.
“Fuck, Jack. You scared me.”
“I’m sorry, didn’t see the earbuds from behind you.” He winces. “How was your run?”
“Like a visit through the furnace of hell.”
He rolls his eyes, but my gaze catches movement on the side, where I dropped my sketchbook and pen. My heart misses a few beats when I see him . Leaning down to grab it from the floor and examining the picture I was drawing. Our eyes meet.
“I guess you remember Nate?” Jack says finally, voice a little shy, bringing my attention back to him. “He actually owns the house we’re staying in and the other ones on the private beach.” I try to swallow the knot that formed in my throat. “And he also is the physiotherapist who will be treating me.”
My eyes are fixed on Jack, trying to ignore Nate’s gaze burning my cheek.
How is it that I thought about him for the first time in a while today, and now he’s here? Is it some kind of weird karma joke?
“Does that mean… Did you guys make up?”
“Well… I did apologize, but I think Nate here is just happy to see me suffer through physical therapy. So I guess we’re working on it.”
I frown and turn my head sharply towards Nate, who’s still staring at me with inscrutable blue eyes.
“Happy to see him suffer?” I grit out.
A beat of silence. Two. Finally he answers without looking away.
“Physical therapy for Myotonic Dystrophy patients is always painful, especially for someone who’s been sick since childhood.”
“I fail to understand why that would make you happy.”
“It doesn’t.”
Jack clears his throat uncomfortably, and pulls on my arm softly.
“Come on, Prue. I was joking.”
“He was not,” Nate adds flatly. “I did mention that he was going to suffer anyway and that if someone was to do it, it was going to be me.”
I straighten up on my lounge chair, ready to stand up. My hands are fists by my sides.
“What’s wrong with you?” I say through clenched teeth, focusing my attention back on him.
“Nothing’s wrong with me,” he shrugs. “But he did insult me, and then ignored me for nearly ten years, just to come back and ask for my help like nothing happened. I don’t enjoy his pain, but I’m the best option he has. You can think I’m a bastard or whatever you want, I’m happy to be the one who hurts him if it means he’ll get a bit better in the long run. But no matter who treats him, he’s going to be in a lot of pain if the physical therapy is done right.”
My ears are ringing and blood rushes to my face.
“I did say I was sorry…” Jack mumbles.
“You did. If you didn’t, I wouldn’t even have offered to treat you.” Even as he answers Jack, his eyes don’t leave mine and it makes my jaw clench. After a too long silence, he finally turns his face towards Jack. “You can expect some pain in your calves and lower spine. Take some pain medication in about two hours, but if the pain intensifies, call me and I’ll come back around five this afternoon.”
Jack nods with a small shy smile. “Will do.”
The sound of the front door makes us all turn around to see Evie and Ikram walk inside the house with grocery bags. Well, I guess Jack gave them a key to the house… And I guess it makes sense since they are helping him with a lot of things. I can’t help but feel a little threatened though. They are the new bookshelves…
They wave at us with bright smiles and walk to the kitchen, bickering with one another. Ugh, I both hate and love that they seem so nice.
“Evie and Ikram are the best of their team,” Nate says to Jack, “and I think Jack and Diego will be on call for the week-ends.”
“Another Jack?” My brother asks with surprise.
“Short for Jacqueline,” Nate explains. “For the night, it will depend on who’s on call, but their facilities are just a few miles away and they can be here in about five minutes for emergencies.”
Jack nods, and after a few seconds Nate places my sketchbook on the lounge chair next to my thigh, bringing my attention back to him. Our eyes meet again. What’s his problem? Why does he keep staring at me like my mere existence annoys him?
Is she really worth the trouble? The old memory rings in my head, sending a pang of hurt in my chest.
Oh, wait…
What if he wanted to be alone with Jack? What if I’m interrupting their reunion and my presence prevents them from fixing things and making up? Or… Oh. What if… What if he’s gay too now? What if back in university he was just locking himself in the closet by screwing half of the campus female population and now he’s out? And now he wants Jack? Oh god, am I cockblocking my own brother?
“I have to get going,” he says to Jack, dropping my gaze, and I feel like I can finally breathe. “I’ll see you tomorrow if you’re doing alright. But call around five if the calves and spine pain persist.”
“I will. Thank you, Nate.”
He nods and turns around after giving me another weird glance. As soon as he leaves, Jack slaps me on the forearm and I hiss with a frown.
“Hey! What was that for, you crazy animal?”
“What’s your problem?”
“ My problem? What’s your problem?”
“I’m trying to fix things, you lunatic!” he whisper-yells. “And if you keep insinuating to his face that he is a sadistic bastard, that’s not going to work out well for my plan!”
I let out a dumbfounded, nearly hysterical laugh. “Your plan ? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I want my friend back! And if you—”
“Well, maybe you should have thought about this before you insulted him ten years ago!”
He frowns at me. “Nine. It was barely over nine years ago.”
“Oh, whatever, you big stubborn baby!”
He gasps with wide eyes and I hold a laugh. I manage to hold it until he explodes in laughter himself, and now we’re both chuckling like children who just read a stupid joke on a candy wrapper.
“Oh god, I am a big stubborn baby, am I?” He finally says, releasing an amused sigh.
“You’re not that big,” I stand up, grabbing my sketchbook. “More like a frail stubborn baby.”
He brings his hand to his chest in a dramatic way. “Ouch. Mean.”
“Are your feelings hurt?”
“Deeply.”
“Good. You deserve it.”
He chuckles softly. “Fair enough.”
I roll my eyes and walk inside, Jack wheeling behind me. I force a smile towards Evie and Ikram—I really need to take the time to get to know them, they seem to be nice people—and stride towards the living room where I fall on the couch.
My eyes fall on the sketchbook on my lap, where a half finished sketch appears. The one I was drawing after I finished “ Hypothetical Hypocrites ”, while I was listening to my audiobook before I got interrupted by Jack and Nate. The woman pushing the stroller in the park, holding hands with another woman while the kids run around them, and the Australian Shepherd holding a wooden stick in his mouth.
Nate stared at it for a long time when he picked it up from the floor. Was it because it was two women holding hands and it called to his newly accepted homosexuality? Him being gay would explain a lot. Why he didn’t tell Jack about posing for my art assignments, why he asked to treat Jack even though they haven’t talked for almost a decade. Maybe he had a secret crush on him since they met, and he slept his way through all the girls on campus because he was in huge denial.
I sigh. I really need to slow down on my storytelling if I want to get back on working with the police. The storytelling game is supposed to be just that; a story. A fantasy. I can’t start mistaking the game for reality. If I start storytelling in my head when I’m doing a composite drawing, that could impact on the face they end up with.
Also, new rule; no more storytelling on people I actually know. That includes Nate. Gay or not, I shouldn’t be imagining stuff just because I want Jack to have a romantic life. But god, I wish he did…