BULLSHIT
10
Jack : I think Prue is angry with me.
Nuri : What have you done?
Jack : Why do you expect I’ve done anything?
Nuri : Well, have you?
Jack : I just told her something.
Jack : That I did in college.
Nuri : That’s a long list, you’re gonna have to narrow it down.
Jack : UUUGH Alright.
Jack : I told her about her first year when Nate and I used to scare guys away from her.
Jack : And now she’s ignoring me.
Nuri : I knew you were up to something back then.
Nuri : She spent years thinking she was an ugly beast because guys were standing her up and avoiding her.
Jack : What?
Nuri : Don’t make me type it again. I wrote it right the first time.
Jack : Oh god, she hates me now.
Nuri : She definitely has the right to be angry. You’re lucky she’s not like me, I would be livid and would make your life a living hell.
JACK
My whole body is screaming murder. My spine feels like it’s made of shards of glass, my legs like the muscles are filled with tiny rocks moving inside it, and my hands and fingers like the bones are actually broken branches of wood.
“Why don’t you just kill me now?” I grunt breathlessly.
Nate stays quiet for a few—too long—seconds. I’m laying on my stomach on his table, and I can hear him walking around, probably to get more of his stupid lotion.
“And miss out on you actually getting better? Not a chance.”
I scoff, but the sound is a little weak.
Because I’ve actually been getting a little better for the last week. The chronic pain hasn’t worsened, and my mobility has improved. I can actually type on my computer more easily, and I’ve been able to stand up from my chair a few times on my own.
“I’d like to try something out,” he finally says, placing his hand back on my shoulders, a little more gently this time.
I scoff again. “If you plan on coming out to me while I’m almost naked on a table and with your hands on me, give me just a second to call Prue so she can gloat.”
He freezes and I curse myself silently. Oh my god, what if Prue was actually right and I made fun of him just as he was about to come out? Jesus, why am I so dumb?
I really need to learn to keep my fucking mouth shut.
“What?” He asks, and I curse myself again.
“Forget I said anything. It’s none of my business and if you truly are coming out of your closet, I should not have made fun of it this way. I’m sorry, please just…”
“Wait, you really think that I’m gay?” He asks, taking his hands away from my back and I feel compelled to turn so I can see if he looks mad or not.
He doesn’t. Just confused. Weird.
“I don’t,” I answer in a rush, trying to sit up as smoothly as I can using the little arm strength that I have. “Prue had that theory, I was just trying to make a joke about it. I’m sorry.”
“ Prue thinks I’m gay?” He asks, eyes getting wider with each answer I give him.
“Well, I don’t know! She started saying that maybe you were fucking around in college because you had a crush on me but weren’t ready to admit it or something, and that I didn’t want her to be in the house during therapy because we were having sex on the table and…”
“Oh my god,” Nate says, horrified. I frown at his excessive reaction and he seems to notice as he quickly starts talking again. “Oh, come on! You know I don’t give a shit about people’s sexual orientation. It’s just that… Oh my god. She thinks I’m gay .”
He mutters the last part with a dumbfounded look on his face and my frown deepens.
“I assured her that I was certain you’re not. I mean, come on. I’m gay, and I’ve heard more women moanings than men, thanks to you.”
His blue eyes widen even more and he groans, turning around to fumble with random stuff on a side table.
“Wait, why are you pissed off about that?” I ask, confused.
“I’m not, I… It’s just…” he stutters before sighing deeply. He’s still facing the other way, turning his back on me. “I’m your physical therapist. I don’t want her—or anyone to think that I’m taking advantage or…”
“Oh god, Nate, no,” I interrupt him frantically. “Look, you remember how she is, right? She just creates stories in her own mind when she picks up certain things. Maybe she misread your clear loathing of me for some repressed sexual tension or something. I’m sure no one thinks…”
“I don’t loathe you,” he admits with a deep sigh. “I’m still hurt by what happened back then, there’s a difference.”
“To-ma-to, to-mah-to…”
“Look, to be clear, I’m not gay,” he turns abruptly, his arms crossed over his chest. “I wasn’t a manwhore because of some repressed feelings for you, and I’m still very much into women.”
His brows are creased and his eyes cold. All confusion disappeared from his face.
“I know,” I say softly. “I was just joking, I didn’t mean to make you…”
“What I meant when I said that I’d like to try something out was walking . I think we should try to make you walk a little.”
Alright, that conversation is over then.
But walking? I haven’t properly walked in… Well, months. And even if the physical therapy is doing its job, I’m not sure I could walk on my own.
“Nothing too hard,” he continues when I’m not answering. “We could go to the park across the street with Evie or Ikram and take a few steps. They would follow us with your chair so you can sit at any time.”
“I don’t know, I feel pretty exhausted right now…” I admit.
“I know, and the walk wouldn’t be right now. Especially with the pouring rain outside. I was thinking more this afternoon or tomorrow.”
His face, confused and cold and embarrassed just a few seconds ago is now completely devoid of any feelings.
How I wish I could have my best friend back…
“Do you really think it’s a good idea? I mean, with my current state, wouldn’t it be too much, or…”
“It’s only too much if you think it is,” he interrupts me with a bland voice. “I think you’d be perfectly able to. I know the pain is real. I know the disease is weighing you down. But how you choose to live with it depends exclusively on you. What we do here is meant to help you in many ways, including your mobility. So, I believe it would be beneficial for you. If you’re not ready or too scared or whatever, we can try again later. Or not.”
“Do you scold all your patients like this or is this reserved exclusively for me?” I grumble.
A hint of a smile stretches his lips. “I’m straight-forwards with everyone. But I get results and my patients are grateful in the long run.”
I sigh. But as much as I want all of the pain to be over and die in fucking peace, I also want to repair my relationship with Nate. Make things right.
“Alright,” I concede, “we can go for a trial walk this afternoon if I’m not in too much pain, and if the rain stops.”
He simply nods before turning around to put all his stuff back in his bag.
My phone rings and my heart misses a beat when I see it’s Prudence calling me. Maybe she’s not mad at me anymore after all…
“Yes?” I answer with a careful voice.
“For the records, I’m still mad.”
Well, that solves it… I put her on speaker so I can start putting my clothes back on and place the phone on the table next to me.
“But I need your help. I’m stuck at the precinct, my car has been flooded in the underground parking lot, Grumpy Hot Guy is actually a married or not married detective called Raph , and my only way back to the house is an Uber worth 700 dollars or a ride with fucking Raph . My card will obviously decline for an amount like this one and I didn’t take the one you gave me. And I won’t get into a car with Grumpy asshole taken Raph.”
“Wait, what? Grumpy Hot Guy is here? And married?”
“Not the point, Jack!”
I see Nate is standing frozen, his back to me and I frown again.
Why does he always react weirdly when it’s about Prue? He got upset when I told him that it was Prue who thought he was gay. He stiffened when I told him that Prue was joining me here from Seattle. Is it because of me? Because of how I reacted back then when I thought…
“Jack?”
“Yes. Sorry. Send me your location, I’ll send a car.”
“Thank you.”
I hang up and stare at Nate’s back. He’s still frozen in place. He stopped putting his stuff away and he’s standing so still he looks like a statue.
That has to be it. We grew apart because I thought he was trying to get in her bed. But he wasn’t. He was just helping her with her art projects.
I have to prove to him that I trust him. That things changed, that I’m different now.
I grab my phone and look at the dark screen, faking concern.
“Damn, the Uber she mentioned has a two hour waiting time… There’s no way I’ll let her wait in the rain for that long…”
I pause to check on Nate’s reaction. He’s still frozen, his back turned on me.
Should I ask him upfront? Maybe he won’t take the bait… It’s been a while since college, when we were doing everything we could to push guys away from her.
“I’ll have to call her back. Maybe she can go back to the precinct and wait for the rain to stop. But she’s going to have to accept the ride from…”
“I can pick her up,” he interrupts, without turning around to face me. “My schedule is clear for the next four hours.”
Thank god.
“You could? That would be really nice of you.”
He finally pivots slightly, showing me the side of his face with a brow arched in suspicion.
“You sure you trust me not to fuck her in the back of my car?”
My throat bobs but I manage to keep a steady face.
That reaction was to be expected… I force a smile.
“Of course. I told you, I overreacted back then. I trust you. And after all, you are both adults. What can I say, if you both want to have sex in… In your car? Nothing. I mean, we only live once, right? That’s the saying? And I’m not going to…”
“You’re rambling.”
“Shit—sorry.” I pause and can’t fully hide my wince. “What I meant to say is, she’s her own person, and doesn’t need to be babysat. I trust you not to force yourself on her, and that’s all I need.”
His head tilts slightly to the side as he finally turns fully, crossing his arms over his chest. He’s staring at me with narrowed eyes and I force myself to hold his stare.
“What?” I force out.
“You’re full of shit.”
Huh?
“Excuse me?”
“You heard. Tell me what’s really going on.”
My eyebrows crease in confusion.
“I don’t know what you—”
“Oh, you do. You changed and you’re trying to prove your point by acting all weird. The Jack I knew would never have taken lightly to someone telling him he would fuck his sister. Even someone he trusted. So tell me. What the fuck. Is wrong with you,” he says, insisting on each word with a menacing calm.
My lips part in shock but I manage to keep a steady voice.
“Nothing is wrong with me. Prue is all grown up and she can do whatever she wants with whomever she wants.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m serious!”
“You wouldn’t let anyone get near your sister for years . Now, you’re just okay with the idea of me fucking her in my car. What the fuck is happening?”
I clench my teeth, trying to get rid of the image, and forcing my anxiety back down.
“Things have changed, that’s all!”
“Bullshit,” he growls at me, taking a step closer, “not you. I know your sister is the person you care most about in the world. Hell, that’s the whole reason we’ve been estranged for the last ten years or so.”
My jaw is clenched so tight that my ears are buzzing.
“And now, you’re suddenly okay with the idea of me and her? Of her seeing that Grumpy—married—whatever guy? Were you even encouraging it? Because I don’t get it, and I know you’re hiding something. So what is it? I won’t go pick her up until…”
“I don’t want her to be alone when I’m gone!”
My own voice feels like it echoes in my head in the silence that follows. Nate has gone still and just studies me with a hard stare.
My heart rate is going dangerously high. I’ve never admitted it out loud before. That I’m afraid for my little sister. That she wouldn’t have anyone once I’m gone. She spent most of her life looking after me, and I pushed people— guys —away from her for a long time. Because of me, one of the only serious relationship she ever had was with fucking Jason Jerkwood, and only because he was clever enough to make his move after I finished college.
Because of me, she’s alone. And I don’t want her to be when I’m gone.
“Alright,” Nate says simply, turning away to finish packing his bag.
“Alright?”
“Yeah. I’ll go pick her up now. Text her to wait at the precinct.”
And with that, he’s gone, leaving me completely dumbfounded, still sitting on the table. Evie comes in shortly after to help me down, but I’m still not sure what just happened.