I THINK I CHANGED MY MIND
39
Prudence : Are you okay?
Jack : I should be asking you that.
Prudence : I’m processing.
Prudence : My parents may be somewhere, still alive.
Jack : Do you want to look for them?
Jack : I can hire someone to track them down.
Jack : It’s a long shot, but we never know.
Prudence : I need to process all this.
Jack : Yeah…
Jack : Do you think they knew?
Prudence : What do you mean?
Jack : What kind of place our parents were adopting from?
Prudence : I hope they didn’t.
Prudence : But if they did choose you from some kind of “ratings”, I’m guessing they knew enough.
JACK
I’m stuck.
My chair is in the hotel room and I’m stuck, not physically but mentally, in front of the bathroom mirror.
She was stolen .
How much more fucked up can it be? Her parents are probably still out there. Heartbroken for almost twenty eight years.
Stolen.
I really don’t want to know my own story, but what if they’ve stolen me too? I just know that I was born in Sweden, and adopted here at three months old. And that I apparently had a good “rating”.
Fucked up.
“Jack?” Ikram’s voice calls softly from behind the door.
“I’m coming.”
“Do you… Do you need any help?”
“I’m fine.”
I force my hand to release their grasp on the lip of the sink and lift my head only to be faced with my reflection.
My fair skin, freckles, green eyes, blond hair.
Is there someone out there who looks just like me? Is there a chance that I’d walk the streets in some town in Sweden and meet my own eyes? Would that person stop and stare at me in confusion, thinking “That guy looks familiar”?
Or maybe my initial thoughts are correct, and they’re dead anyway.
I don’t need to know. It would only bring more preoccupations and questions that I don’t have the time to solve.
I turn my face away and take the step separating me to the door. The second it opens, I see the worry in Ikram’s eyes.
“Jack—”
“I’m fine,” I say, stepsiding him to go unpack.
“You’re not,” he says, walking closely behind me.
A loud sigh escapes me. “I am, Ikram. I got the closure I needed, and tomorrow, I’ll try and reconnect with my siblings. It’s all fine.”
“Jack, can we just sit for a moment?”
Where the hell are my pain-killers? I wouldn’t have forgotten them. I don’t even need morphine, just a damn aspirin for my head.
“Jack.”
“Just a second!” I snap, before I freeze and close my eyes. Fuck . I turn around to face a slightly shocked Ikram, standing still, his lips parted in confusion. “Fuck, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—my head hurts. I didn’t mean to snap.”
“Why did you, then?” he asks, his voice remaining calm.
“I—I don’t know. It’s just—it’s too much at once. Shit, I’m so sorry.”
I take a step forward and relief fills me when he doesn’t step back. After what happened in his past, I wouldn’t blame him…
My hands lift slowly until his face is between them. “I’m sorry. I think I’m overwhelmed.”
“Yeah. I would be too.”
He smiles softly, his hands reaching for mine, rubbing my knuckles with his thumbs.
“If—I just need some time and space to think, so if you’re worried again, just give me a few hours. And please, if I ever snap at you again, just punch me in the face, that’ll do.”
He chuckles softly, but I’m not laughing.
“Promise me,” I insist.
“Okay.” He stands on his tiptoes to peck my lips. “But don’t shut me out.”
I arch a brow, confused.
“You can talk to me. I’ll understand.”
“I know. It’s just that… Until recently, the only person I could count on was Prue. It takes time for my brain to accept the fact that we’re not alone anymore.”
“You’re not,” he smiles. “You’ve got Nate, and me… Let’s not forget how feisty Evie was in there.”
That pulls a chuckle from me. She was feisty, and I did not expect her to say anything.
“We all love you. Don’t push us away.”
My eyes open abruptly and I look down at him, the top of his head only reaching my chin. He just smiles. Like he didn’t just talk about love.
“You all love me,” I repeat slowly.
“Well, all in a different way, of course… At least, I hope Nate doesn’t love you in the same way I do.”
“Love,” I say again.
He arches a brow, his smile widening.
“I’m an all or nothing kind of guy,” he shrugs. “And I’m not afraid to admit it.”
“That you… Love me.”
“Is Steinert disease known to make your ears malfunction?”
My throat bobs, and there’s a sudden pressure behind my eyes. “It’s not.”
“I don’t care if you don’t say it back,” he reassures.
“I do.”
He pauses, tilting his head to the side. “You do… Care?”
“Love you. I do, love you.”
He smiles so wide that his eyes narrow and crease at the corners. And I’m petrified. We’ve been seeing each other for what, a week? I’ve had a little crush before but it’s all so new. And terrifying.
“I’m scared,” I admit.
“Why?”
“We started dating less than a week ago.”
“So?”
“How are we already talking about…”
“Love?” He continues for me when I hesitate. “I don’t want to waste the precious time that we have. I know I love you, I don’t see the point in repressing it just because society deems it too soon.”
“But what if it doesn’t work out?”
“Then it won’t, and we’ll have good memories,” he pauses. “But it will. And I don’t really care about others’ opinions. Only yours. And you—”
“Love you too, as scared as it makes me.”
He kisses me again, more than just a peck this time, nestling against me, his arms circling my waist. He tastes just like the honey tea he offered to pour me when we got back to the room, and I don’t think I can ever eat honey without thinking of him anymore.
“You remember how I told you I wanted to wait?” he rasps against my lips.
“Hmhm.”
“I think I changed my mind.”
I gasp but he captures my lips again, biting softly.
“You sure?” I manage to say between kisses. “What if we—”
“I’m sure,” he pulls his head back slightly, just enough to stare into my eyes. “If you’re willing to try, that is.”
“Yes.”
My hands slide to the back of his head, pulling him back against my lips, and he smiles.
“A hundred times yes.”