Chapter 58
— Chapter 58 —
I stay on the pier long after Carlos leaves, smoking the cigarettes he left me, throwing pebbles into the water and watching them disappear.
The sun is already up when I get back to the house. I can hear the piano from the driveway. Jam is playing something loud and stormy, like the Dies Irae of a requiem, but by the time I get inside, the melody has trickled into sparse notes on high keys.
He stops playing when he hears the door close. Comes through the kitchen to see me.
“You okay?” he asks.
I lean into him and he wraps his arms around me and I let him. I thought in the light of day I was ready to come home and be by myself. But I’m not. Even if it’s awkward, I’m glad he’s here.
“I was worried about you,” Jam says. “I asked Aubrey if she wanted a ride home last night and she said she doesn’t live here anymore.”
“She doesn’t.”
I can see the wheels turning in his brain. I worry he’s trying to figure out if I went to see him as a rescue from my feelings. I wonder how much he cares.
“I have to get some sleep,” I say. I feel like I’m drunk when all I am is tired.
“Yeah,” he says. “Okay.”
I walk toward the den.
“Why are you still sleeping on the couch?” he asks.
“It feels less like being here.”
“You could at least fold it out to a bed.”
“Then I’d have to put it back,” I say.
He picks me up, one arm under my knees, the other around my waist, and carries me up the stairs to my old room. He climbs into bed next to me. It’s already so bright. We never got around to hanging the curtains Aubrey made.
“How’d you get so strong?” I ask.
“You weigh less than a quarter side of beef,” Jam says, letting me rest my head on his chest.
He pulls my old comforter over us. It smells like Aubrey’s shampoo, and I don’t know if I’m ever going to see her again.
I wish I could sleep forever.