20. twenty
twenty
Brooks
When my sisters head to dinner at my dad’s on Sunday night, I’m relieved to drive in the opposite direction toward Nora’s place instead. She lives a few blocks away from the house I grew up in, down the street from Kitt’s Harbor Elementary, where Claire teaches. The houses look relatively new on her street, a series of cohesive bungalows all featuring low-pitched roofs and wide, open front porches. The trees are shorter in this part of town and the landscaping still looks fresh. Nora’s house is a greyish green with white trim and a deep blue door. It almost looks like it belongs beachside down by the harbor.
Before I can get out of the car to knock on her door, Nora comes bounding down the front porch steps. She smiles and gives me a little wave, and I can’t tear my eyes away from her.
She’s wearing my hat.
But it’s not the hat I gave her at the Harvest Market. It’s a faded blue hat with an old yellow Stormbreakers logo…the one I gave her in high school.
I come to my senses just as she’s rounding the front of my car and quickly hop out to intercept her. My fingers circle one of her wrists, and I yank her gently towards me.
“Slow down, girl,” I say, holding her at arm's length so I can get a good look at her. Her brown eyes sparkle as I drag my gaze down her body, taking in her crewneck sweatshirt, jeans, and high-top sneakers before flicking back up to that dang hat. “Where do you think you’re going?”
“Hi to you, too,” she says with a timid smile that I return easily.
“Nice hat.” I can’t believe she still has it.
“Thought you might like it.”
I do. I like it way too much. Someone needs to remove her from my presence immediately before I do something wild like yank her towards me and kiss her like my life depends on it. But I don’t want to rush her into it. I’ve got to wait until the right moment, even if it kills me.
I reluctantly release her before opening the passenger-side door of her car. She thought it would be easiest for me to drive her car, since Ollie’s car seat is already secured in the back seat. It’s smaller than mine, and I feel like a giant trying to clamber into the driver’s seat.
“Okay, shortie,” I say, my knees nearly hitting my chin. I have to move the seat back about a foot before my long legs can comfortably reach Nora’s pedals. She laughs at me as the seat slowly edges backwards.
I take a long moment to check her out again as she’s buckling her seatbelt. I’d like nothing more than to tangle my fingers into her hair and make out with her right here in her driveway.
“The neighbors are watching,” Nora says, quickly glancing up at me before staring straight ahead out the windshield with what can only be her attempt at a poker face. She’s failing. I see that smile tugging at the edges of her mouth.
“What?”
“The neighbors,” Nora repeats, gesturing nervously out the car window. “They’re watching us.”
I glance outside, and sure enough, her next-door neighbor is out front with her kids. She gives me a small wave which I awkwardly return.
“That’s Brynn. She runs the daycare Ollie goes to out of her house. She was at the workshop, remember?”
“That’s right,” I say, putting the car in reverse to back out of the driveway. “And we care about her seeing us together because…?”
“You clearly don’t know how much moms like to talk.” She sighs. “There are a few moms in the neighborhood who are big fans of yours. I don’t want any of them near you.”
I like the competitive edge in her voice.
“The only mom I’m interested in,” I say, glancing her way, “is you. You’ve got nothing to worry about. Especially after that little stunt you pulled with Tommy yesterday.”
“Thank you for going along with me,” she says, sounding relieved. “He’s harmless but so determined.”
“He’d better stay away from you. You let me know if he doesn’t,” I say. “And in my defense, I can’t be expected to play it cool when a beautiful girl walks up wearing my hat.” I catch her smiling behind her hand as she turns to look out her window. “You’d better hope we don’t hit any red lights.”
The look she gives me then is priceless. A curious mixture of fear and desire that makes my blood hum.
She types an address into the maps app on my phone, and I follow the directions to the highway. “Carleton Point, right?”
“Yeah,” Nora says, pulling the sleeves of her sweatshirt down over her hands. “That’s where Nate’s new wife is from. I’m glad they live far away, honestly. I never have to worry about running into them.”
Nora turns to stare out the window, no doubt lost in her thoughts.
“Hey,” I say, reaching over and laying a hand on her thigh. Her eyes dart down to my hand on her leg before they bounce up again to meet mine. “I’m here for you. I know this can’t be easy.”
She sighs. “It’s so hard. Every time I have to hand Ollie over to them it breaks my heart.” She gives me a little sad smile that makes me want to buy her a puppy or take her to Disneyland just to cheer her up. “You’d think I’d be used to it by now.”
“How could anyone get used to seeing their ex with the person who tore their marriage apart? It’s messed up.”
“It’s not just that. It’s knowing that she’s Ollie’s stepmom. His other mom. Feeling like I have to compete with her as a mother, too, is so hard. I already lost my husband to her. Now I feel like I’m losing my son to her, too, just because I have to share him. I don’t want to share Ollie,” Nora says, and there’s anger simmering beneath her words. “They don’t deserve him.”
“They don’t,” I agree. “So, why do they get to have him?”
She sighs, resting her head back on the headrest. “Because I allowed them to. I was very accommodating and as kind as I could be during the divorce proceedings. I was so pregnant and tired, and ready to just be done with it all.”
I give her leg a little squeeze, which seems to make Nora remember that my hand is there. She flips my palm upward with gentle hands and starts tracing her thumbs along the lines of my palm.
“You seem worried,” I say. “Why don’t you tell me what’s on your mind?”
“You sure? You might get a little more than you bargained for.”
“Lay it on me. I don’t mind.”
I stay silent, feeling the tender press of her fingers into the knots of my palm as she gently works them out.
“I’m worried about Ollie. I worry that one day Ollie will want to be with them more than he’ll want to be with me because they have a nicer house, and they buy him cool toys all the time. I worry that they’ll outshine me and push me out of my son’s life.”
A drop lands in the center of my palm, and I realize Nora’s crying. My own throat knots as I glance over and see her, head bowed, dripping tears onto my open hand.
“Ollie loves you,” I say. “You’re his mother. There’s a bond there, a real relationship that will last far longer than any cool toy will.”
“I hope so,” Nora says, and I close my hand around hers and thread our fingers together.
“Just so you know,” I say firmly. “After you told me what Nate did…” Anger is burning in my chest, and I swallow to keep it down. “I was so upset and angry. It makes absolutely no sense. You’re amazing, Nora.”
She sniffs, swiping at her eyes with her free hand. “It was the biggest blow to my confidence when I found out he was cheating on me. I still struggle with feeling like I’m never going to be enough for anybody ever again because clearly…” She lets out a bitter laugh. “I was not enough for him.” She glances over at me. “I always wondered if maybe I wasn’t enough for you either. If I had been, maybe you would have stayed.”
My grip on her hand tightens, and I have to focus on the road for a moment to let my thoughts settle before I speak.
“It breaks my heart that you feel that way, Nora,” I say softly, meeting her gaze briefly before looking back out the windshield. “I was an idiot to let you go in the first place. But I’d like to think that if we’d stayed together, we would have still been together now. Unlike Nate, who made the choice to break his promises to you and throw away his family. He’s something else,” I sigh. “I could never take you for granted the way Nate did. You might have to hold me back when I see him because I’d love to just…” I slap a palm on the steering wheel. “Deck him right in his nose.”
Nora laughs. “Wouldn’t that be a sight.”
“Don’t test me,” I growl. “I might just do it.”
“I can’t say I wouldn’t like to see you give him the ol’ Alden throwing arm right to the face.”
“Worst-case scenario, I’ve got a bat in the trunk,” I say, and we both laugh. Nora leans over the console to rest her head on my shoulder. I haven’t seen Nate since we were buddies in high school, but whatever respect I had for him before is long gone. I don’t think Nora’s bringing me along so I can teach Nate a lesson, but I wish I could.
“What Nate chose,” I say, loving the weight of her head on the curve of my shoulder, “is a cheap imitation of the real thing. It won’t last. It can’t. It’s not built on trust and honesty and fidelity like real love is. And you, Nora…” I wait until she lifts her head to meet my gaze before continuing. “You deserve the real thing.”
Her eyes are still watery from her honesty earlier, and I watch as she blinks more tears away before resting her head against me again. “I know.”
Nate Elliot steps out of his Range Rover at the park where he and Nora usually meet, looking like he’s aged twenty years since I last saw him. The man has shoulder-length dark hair and an unnaturally muscular frame. He was never a big dude back in the day, but for him to be this jacked? Steroids are the only explanation.
Nora told me I could wait in the car, but there’s no way I’m about to sit here and let her converse with this poor excuse for a man all by herself. I get out of the car while Nora’s busy unbuckling Ollie from the car seat in the back of Nate’s SUV.
“He said he wasn’t hungry. Heidi made him a nice lunch, and he wouldn’t even touch it,” Nate is in the middle of saying, his back to me, one hand on his hip while he lets Nora do all the work of getting their son out of his vehicle. I allow the car door to shut loudly behind me, causing Nate to glance back at me over his shoulder.
The double take happens in slow motion. There’s even a terribly unflattering open-mouthed gawking that immediately follows. His reaction is a thing of beauty.
“Brooks?” Nate asks incredulously, turning fully to face me.
He reaches out a veiny hand for me to shake. There’s no way in hell I’m about to take it.
“Nate,” I say darkly, crossing my arms over my chest in clear dismissal of his gesture.
Nora lifts Ollie out of his car seat, and he immediately throws his arms around her neck.
“Mama! I miss you!” he growls through clenched teeth. He’s squeezing her as hard as he can, and she’s got her eyes closed, holding him equally as tightly and whispering in his ear.
When Nora finally turns and sees me facing off with her ex-husband, she gives me a censuring look. It might have been more effective if she wasn’t wearing my hat and holding a cute kid. Better luck next time, sweetheart.
I continue to stare Nate down. He glances at Nora then gestures towards me with an insincere smile that reveals his perfectly cut, blindingly white teeth. The man for sure has veneers, too. His new wife clearly influenced him to change nearly everything about his appearance. What a winner.
“What is this?” Nate asks, gesturing between me and Nora.
“What is what?” Nora replies coolly.
“What’s going on with you guys?” Nate asks. “Did you win a day with a Stormbreakers player, or something?” He lets out a little awkward laugh.
No one joins him.
“We’re together,” I say flatly, and Nate’s mouth drops open in surprise.
“You…and…and…Nora?” he stammers. Like what I’ve just suggested is impossible.
“You’ll probably be seeing a lot more of me,” I say with what I hope is an intimidating smile that conveys the message that he’d better not do anything to mess with my girl. Or Ollie.
“Really?” Nate says, suddenly looking angry. “Well, if that’s the case, and you’re going to be involved in any capacity with my son, I have the right to know about it.”
“ Our son,” Nora says curtly. “And no. You don’t. You forfeited any right to knowledge of my relationships when we signed the divorce papers, Nate. We’re not doing this right now. Not in front of Ollie.”
“If I’d known he was going to be here…” Nate says, looking flustered.
You what, Nate? Go ahead and finish that sentence.
“Have you just been waiting for this?” Nate says, taking a step towards me. “To cut in as soon as Nora was available again?”
My fists clench at my side. “You mean, was I waiting for you to screw things up so I could see Nora again? Maybe. You did a great job of making that happen for us.”
Nate scowls, a vein in his thick neck popping. What can he say? Ollie must sense the tension between me and his dad because he launches himself out of Nora’s arms towards me. I’m surprised by his sudden lurch in my direction, but hey, I’m used to catching airborne objects. I catch him before he falls and toss him up in the air.
“Hey, little dude!” I say as I set him down on his little feet. “I like your shoes, bro. You’ve got good style.”
“I like your shoes, dude,” he echoes enthusiastically, giving me knuckles.
“Maybe we should trade, then,” I suggest. “You give me yours, and I give you mine.”
Ollie squints up at me, grinning. “No!” he insists. “Mine are too small.”
“Are you sure?” I squat down at his level. “Let me try them on.”
Ollie starts edging away, and I pretend I’m going to snatch his shoes right off his feet.
“What is your intention with Nora?” Nate cuts in, his voice sharp and demanding. Too bad it cracks like a pubescent halfway through Nora’s name. Who is he to ask me a question like that? He swooped in and claimed Nora after I left Kitt’s Harbor, which was reason enough to hate him, but then he broke her heart. I slowly rise from my crouched position and face Nate, watching one of his eyes twitch as I rise to my full height.
“What is my intention with Nora?” I say slowly, cocking my head to one side as if contemplating his question. “You know, I’m not sure that’s something I could discuss in detail with little ears listening in.” I give Ollie a little pat on the head.
The tips of Nate’s ears turn red, and Nora purses her lips, trying not to laugh. Ollie starts jumping up and down, reaching for me. I gather him up easily.
“But if I had to answer your question,” I say, lifting Ollie up onto my shoulders. “I’d say my intention is to take care of these two. In whatever capacity they need me to.”
Like you failed to do. The message is unspoken but rings out loud and clear.
“Let me get Ollie’s bags for you, Nora,” Nate says tersely. Finally, the useless man is stepping in to help.
Nora arches an eyebrow at me, and I give her my best innocent face, mouthing the word, what ?
While Nate’s got his backside sticking out of his car, huffing and puffing trying to wrestle the bags out, I take off with Ollie bouncing up and down on my shoulders. His little hands are clamped around my neck so tight, but the sound of his laughter ringing through the park makes it worth it. We trot around for a minute while Nate puts Ollie’s things into the backseat of Nora’s car.
Nate peels out of the parking lot without saying goodbye to Ollie, looking back at me out his window with his designer sunglasses on.
“I’m sorry about him,” Nora says with a tired sigh as we begin the drive back to her house. “He was not very kind to you. Not that I expected him to be.”
“Well, I wasn’t exactly a peach, either,” I say. “But now that I’ve experienced the full magnitude of his idiocy, you’re not going anywhere near him unless I’m there, too. I’ll try to be more civil next time.”
I’d been partially dreading an encounter with Nate, wondering how things would play out when he learned that I was back in Nora’s life again. He may not be happy about it, but Nora was right. He forfeited his right to Nora’s choices when he chose to be unfaithful to her. His involvement with Ollie appears to be pretty surface-level, and it makes me wonder if he would be open to changes in their custody agreement that would allow Nora to have Ollie more often.
If he genuinely wants to keep Ollie every other weekend, I could handle that if Nora chooses to keep me around. We would never be friends and I could never respect him again, but I could be the bigger person and be civil in our future interactions for Nora and Ollie’s sake.
Nora gets a sly smile on her face and leans across the console. She slips her arm through mine and tips her chin up.
“Thank you for sticking up for me,” she says, her breath tickling my ear. “I really appreciated that.”
“You’re welcome,” I reply in an equally low tone.
“It was…very attractive,” she says, and her soft lips brush against my earlobe in the most tantalizing way.
There better not be any red lights on this drive home, or Ollie’s gonna get a front-row seat to a showing of Brooks Alden Kisses Nora Foster with the Passion of a Thousand Fiery Suns. Sure to be a box office smash.
I glance back at him in the rearview mirror and can’t help but smile. I knew I was attracted to Nora, but there’s something deeper, a sense of warm belonging, growing within me every time I’m with her. I didn’t realize what I was missing until now. The thing that Jonah has that keeps him grounded and keeps the ups and downs, the inevitable wins and losses of a career in baseball in perspective.
Family. One of my own.