26. twenty-six
twenty-six
Brooks
Nora doesn’t look at me for the entirety of the holiday market. Not even when a line forms around the corner made up of people who recognize me as they’re passing by. Some simply say hello, while others want a photo or an autograph. Normally, I wouldn’t mind this sort of thing, but tonight it feels wrong to be taking so much attention away from Nora in her own booth.
She’s all welcoming sweetness for those who are interested in her work and make purchases, but I can see the tight smiles she’s giving the Stormbreakers fans who have discovered that I’m here. I feel horrible. My intention was to help her run her booth, not draw a crowd for my own personal gain. But I’m trapped. I don’t know how to politely turn all of the eager people away, so I smile and make shoutout videos and sign random objects for the duration of the night, too busy to help Nora wrap a single mug or vase. I even catch Sydney giving me an annoyed look as she tends to Ollie, which was supposed to be part of my job. I’d much rather be hanging with him than doing this.
The rain continues to fall, the crowd dwindles, and Ollie starts yawning widely. I finally escape from a lengthy conversation from two very avid local fans and slink to the back of the tent in an effort to hide.
“You tired, buddy?” Nora asks, pulling him in for a hug. He nods pathetically and whimpers. “I’ve got to get Ollie home,” Nora says to Sydney.
“How can I help?” I ask, and Nora’s eyes flick in my direction before moving away just as quickly.
“You can help me load these boxes into Trent’s truck,” Sydney answers instead, seeming to sense the tension between us and attempting to ease it. I’m grateful for the direction and work quickly, feeling a growing anxiety in my chest as I watch Nora in my periphery. I’m afraid that I completely ruined what was supposed to be a special night for her.
Once everything is packed up, and the tent is taken down, Sydney follows us back to the house. I help her unload the truck into the garage while Nora puts Ollie to bed.
“Hey,” I say once everything is safely stored away. “I’m sorry about tonight.”
Sydney looks up at me with a gentle smile. “I’m sorry for you . I’m sure a three-hour meet-and-greet was not in your plans for this evening.”
I scrub a hand over my mouth. “I feel terrible.”
“It’s okay,” Sydney says with a shrug. “Nora wasn’t herself tonight.”
My guilt deepens.
“Just talk to her,” Sydney says with a pat on my shoulder. “I’m sure it will all be fine.”
She drives away, and I take several steadying breaths in the garage before heading inside. I need to make things right.
I find Nora at her kitchen sink, scrubbing dishes that must have been left from a hasty dinner she’d prepared for Ollie earlier. My pulse races, and my nerves feel frazzled as I approach her in the quiet of her kitchen. I sidle in behind her at the sink, gently placing my hand on the small of her back.
“Hey,” I say softly. “Can we talk?”
She continues furiously scrubbing away at a pot and doesn’t spare me a glance. “About what?”
“About tonight.”
“What about it?” she bites out, tossing a clean pot onto a towel spread onto the counter. I slowly slip the towel out and begin drying the pot. She continues to avoid my gaze.
“Nora,” I say, setting the pot and towel down. “Come on. Look at me.”
She flings her hair over her shoulder and finally glares over at me, pausing her frantic scrubbing. The look I see flashing in her eyes haunts me. It’s the same look she gave me when I broke up with her all those years ago.
“What happened tonight,” I say, “was inexcusable.” She continues to glare at me, her eyes dancing with emotion. “I’m so sorry that I drew attention away from Noli. I’m sorry that I couldn’t help you with Ollie or help you ring up customers. I feel awful about it.”
She looks away, letting out a long breath from her nose and staring out the window over her sink into the dark yard beyond.
“Let me make it up to you,” I say, reaching for her, but as soon as my fingers brush her arm, she flinches and pulls away.
“I worked for weeks to pull this off,” she finally says, her voice trembling. “Every spare second I had, I spent at the wheel. I gave up extra sleep so I could get everything ready. And I still worked shifts every day at the diner like I always have. This was supposed to be special,” she says, and when her voice breaks, my heart thuds painfully against my ribs. “Tonight was important to me, Brooks.”
“I know. I’m so sorry.”
She sniffs, brushing the back of her hand over her nose. Then she sets the dish brush aside and grips the edges of the sink with her head lowered. She looks so defeated. I hate myself for causing her to feel this way.
“Nora,” I say, coaxing her into my chest. She buries her face in her hands and starts to cry in my arms.
“I’m not even mad about all the stupid fans who found out you were there,” she says, her voice muffled against my shirt.
“You’re not?” I ask, confused.
“No,” she says. “A good amount ended up buying things, too. Really, I should be thanking you.” She lets out a snorty laugh.
“Why are you so sad, then?” I ask, rubbing my hands up the sleeves of her soft sweater. “I thought this was all because of me.”
“You’re only partially to blame,” she says softly, her eyes downcast. “Your dad was there.” My grip on her arms tightens as she raises her gaze to mine. “He pulled me aside while you had Ollie.”
“What did he say to you?” I ask, furious. How did I not see him there? “Please tell me.”
“You first,” she says stubbornly, poking me in the stomach. “You’ve barely spoken to me since last weekend when we ran into him at the market.”
I allow my shoulders to drop, my eyes flitting between Nora’s. I don’t want to tell her. I don’t want to hurt her any more. In my session with Greta this week, we’d worked through some of the insecurities our encounter with Bill had stirred up, and she’d counseled me to be upfront with Nora about those feelings and doubts. But now that I’m standing here in front of her, face to face, I don’t want to do it.
“You promised,” she pleads. “You promised to be honest with me, and I promised that I would be completely honest with you. Please tell me what happened, and then I swear I’ll tell you about the conversation I had with your dad.”
I sigh, releasing her and rubbing a hand over my forehead. I swallow, not wanting to speak my father’s hurtful words into existence again.
“He tried to give me some advice,” I say carefully. “Some really terrible advice that I refuse to listen to.”
“Let me guess,” she says flatly. “Advice about me?” I nod slowly, feeling a frown pulling at the edges of my mouth.
“He told you to get me out of the picture, didn’t he?” she almost whispers, and I see tears pooling at the corners of her wide, brown eyes. I nod again.
“Yeah,” I say on a sigh. “He did.”
She shakes her head, and I see anger in the tense lines of her face and the set of her jaw.
“He told me the same thing.”
My chest aches, and I draw her to me again.
“He offered to invest in my business if I let you go,” she says, her voice thick and muffled against my chest. “He said I was a nobody. And after tonight, I think he’s kind of right.”
“Don’t say that,” I say angrily. “This is what he wanted. This is how he works, Nora. He tried to make me doubt you and doubt myself, and I’m embarrassed to admit that what he said to me the other day got under my skin.”
“I know,” she sniffs. “I could tell.”
“He’s an expert at making me feel inadequate. You would think I would have learned to see through it by now, but I let him get to me, and then I let him get to you…” I trail off, placing my hands on her shoulders so she’ll look at me. “I’m so sorry, Nora. This is what he wanted. He wanted us to fight. He wanted to drive a wedge between us. That’s what he does.”
“Why?” Nora whispers.
“I’ve been asking myself that question for my entire life,” I say with a bitter laugh. “It’s a power struggle. That’s just the kind of parent he is.”
“I’m so sad for you,” Nora says, pressing a palm over my heart. “My parents trusted me. I always knew my parents loved me. I don’t know what I would have done if I’d had someone always making me feel small like your dad does.”
I draw inward, recognizing the feelings of shame and inadequacy that always rise whenever I interact with my dad.
“You were right. I don’t think I’ll ever please him, and I need to grieve that,” I say. “I’ll never be perfect. No matter what milestones or achievements I make, it will never be enough. He holds me to a standard that he himself cannot ever achieve.”
“That’s probably why he hates me so much,” Nora replies. “I’m a mess. He thinks I’m going to take you down with me and ruin the perfect image he wants to hold you to.”
“You are not a mess,” I say firmly. “You are real, Nora. That’s what I need. My dad tried to make me feel guilty for going back to you, but I’ve only been able to move forward and progress these past couple months because I had you by my side. I need you, Nora. You keep me grounded. You remind me that it’s okay if things aren’t perfect. I don’t want to lose this momentum that you’ve helped me create. For the first time, I feel like I’m on the right path for the right reasons, and I want you to walk it with me.” I frame her face gently with my hands, and she closes her eyes.
Nora hiccups and claps a hand over her mouth, embarrassed.
“I’m so sorry,” she says, laughing. “Sometimes I hiccup when I cry.”
We laugh together, breaking the tension of the moment, and I go off in search of a box of tissues. We reconvene a minute later on her couch, our legs and hands tangled together.
“Are you going to take Bill up on his offer?” I ask, teasing. “Cut me loose?”
She blinks over at me, offended. “Absolutely not. I’m not going to allow him to come between us again, Brooks.” Her words make my chest swell. “Though what your dad said to me did make me think about what I really want, long term.”
“What do you want?” I ask, desperate to know. Desperately hopeful that I’m included in her plan.
“I’m okay with being a nobody,” she says with a shrug. “If that means I get to live in my own little house and do honest work I’m proud of. And have a family of my own to love and learn from.”
“Don’t sell yourself short,” I insist, but she waves me off.
“No, really,” she says. “I don’t need a lot to be happy. That’s why I’ve never ventured outside of Kitt’s Harbor. I never had big dreams to chase like my sisters did. I just wanted to be somewhere I could feel safe and be loved.” She clings to my hands even tighter. “But you, Brooks Alden, you are not a nobody.”
Her eyes fill with tears again.
“You have carved out a big place in this world, and I don’t want to hold you back from filling it.”
“Nora,” I plead.
“What are we going to do once baseball season starts up again? You have to go to Florida for spring training. Then you’ll be on the road lots for away games, and even when you’re in Seattle for home games, your days are filled from top to bottom. Where would Ollie and I even fit?”
I bite my lip and take a deep breath, not wanting to face the facts of what the future is going to look like for me. The disparity between our lives that we’ve been able to ignore up until this honest conversation.
“I have a son, Brooks. I have to work to provide for him. I have to live close to Nate to abide by our custody agreement. And you have to go back to Seattle. Back to your team.”
“All of that is true, but plenty of my teammates are in relationships and have families and they make it work,” I say. “Tell me you haven’t been happy with me. Lie to my face. Go ahead and try it.”
“You know I’m a terrible liar! Of course I’ve been happy,” she cries, half-laughing, half-sobbing. “I’ve never been more happy!”
“Then let’s keep this good thing going,” I say. “I’ve spent these past two months learning what it means to be a man outside of my career. The man I want to be is the man by your side, Nora. The man who takes care of you and Ollie, just like I said I would.”
“Brooks, I–”
“We could make it work,” I say. “You know we could. I have driven home every weekend to see you, and I don’t regret one single mile.”
“Won’t you have games on the weekends?” she points out.
“Come to my games, Nora. I’d love for you to be there,” I counter. “Bring Ollie along. There are always lots of girlfriends there, and the other wives bring their kids to the games, too. Have you ever asked Nate if he’d be willing to adjust your custody agreement?”
“Well…no. I’ve always been afraid to.”
“Why? Nate doesn’t seem like he’s much of a father to Ollie. I think you could take Ollie full-time if you wanted to. We could approach Nate about it with the help of a lawyer, if that’s something you’d want to change.”
Nora grows quiet, resting her chin in her palm, her fingers dancing over her lips.
“Nate pays child support. I need that money,” she says softly.
“I have money, Nora,” I say. “You wouldn’t have to worry about that.”
Her dark eyes widen, and she blinks rapidly. “I can’t take your money.”
“What else am I supposed to do with it? My sisters think I’m going to die a bachelor, and I’ll have to bequeath it all to them. I can’t let that happen.”
Nora’s determined expression softens, and she smiles at me, but her smile quickly fades.
“My biggest concern and priority is taking care of my son. It has to be.”
“Understood,” I say. “But who is going to take care of you?” She stares back at me, her expression unreadable. “Let me do it, Nora. Let me take care of you.”
“But if I let you do that, if I let you in, there’s no guarantee that things will work out between us,” she says fearfully. “If anything were to happen, it wouldn’t just break my heart, it would break Ollie’s, too.”
“I would never do that.”
“That’s what Nate said, too, when he married me.”
“Nora,” I say gently. “I am not the man I was when we dated in high school, nor am I your ex-husband. Look at my muscles. Unlike Nate, I didn’t have to do steroids to build them.” I playfully flex my bicep around her shoulders. “You can feel them if you want, just to verify for yourself.”
She laughs and snuggles closer to me.
“I’m all in, Nora,” I say. “I might not be perfect at being the man you need and the man that Ollie needs, but I will sure as hell try my best.”
Nora’s eyes flick between mine contemplatively.
“Screw Bill Alden,” I say, brushing my fingertips over her ear and into her hair. “I want you, Nora. I’ve always wanted you. I’m not going to let him or anyone else take you from me again.”
She places her hand over mine and leans into it, her gaze filled with a soft affection. “I want you, too,” she whispers.
That’s all it takes for me to capture her mouth with mine. I kiss her gently, breathing her in and holding her carefully. My heart is pounding against my chest. Words are gathering in my throat. Words I’ve been wanting to say every time my mouth moves against hers. Every time I pull into her driveway and she’s there, waiting for me. Every time she’s taken me in and tamed my demons and helped me get out of my head.
“Nora,” I mumble against her lips, and our kisses quiet. “Nora…” I rest my forehead against hers, eyes still closed. I wait until she opens her eyes, and our gazes collide.
“I love you, Nora. I think I never stopped loving you,” I say. I see the emotion emerge in her expression, drawing her mouth up into an unguarded smile. I kiss her again, and she begins to tremble under my hands. She pulls away, nervously touching my cheek, her eyes darting between mine.
“I love you, too,” she whispers. “We can do this. I want to do this.”
Her words blanket me, and there’s a settling in my soul and in my bones. A tempering of the unknown. I try to convey my dedication to her and to what will hopefully be our family one day with every slow kiss, every brush of my fingertips across her skin.
We’re a team now: Nora, Ollie, and me. And if there’s one thing I know how to be, it’s a team player.