28. twenty-eight
twenty-eight
Brooks
December
The month leading up to Christmas is a wild whirlwind of preparation for the new year, doubling down on my good habits and training routines, and slow weekends spent with Nora and Ollie in Kitt’s Harbor. We fall into a rhythm, a comfortable ease that spreads into every other area of my life. My teammates notice. My therapist notices. My family notices. Claire and Caroline are jokingly (but not?) banking on a spring wedding, and I like the thought of it so much it’s embarrassing. In a moment of weakness, I even allowed Claire to show me her inspiration mood board she’s made on my behalf. Then, I found a printed version of it hanging in the guest room the following day.
After our initial six therapy sessions conclude, I decide to continue to meet weekly with Greta. The more I implement her ideas, the more balanced and present I feel in my life.
“The way you speak to yourself really matters,” Greta reminds me during one of our sessions. “Talk to yourself out loud, if you need to. Speak kindly to yourself.”
So, I do.
When I fail to catch a ball, I reassure myself that I’ll get it next time. When I work with my trainer in the gym and struggle to perform something he asks me to do perfectly, I say, “All good, man. All good.” He thinks I’m talking to him, but really, I’m speaking to myself. When Nora and I have a disagreement or I fall short, I don’t allow myself to spiral into negativity and self-doubt. I look her in the eyes and apologize, then say, “I’m still learning. I’ll get better at this with time.”
Nora assumes the role of my gentle partner. My closest friend. We still seek out new experiences to try together, including a painting class that leaves me certain I was never destined to be an artist.
“Well,” I say, hanging my sorry portrait next to Nora’s beautiful artwork on her fridge. “I won’t be doing that again.”
Nora laughs and kisses me on the cheek. “You gave it your best. That’s all that matters.”
Nate was surprisingly accommodating in the new custody agreement, seeming slightly relieved to pass the baton of responsibility for his biological son to me. I’ll never understand him, but at the same time, I’m eager to step into the role he failed to cherish. I may not be Ollie’s birth father, but I know I could love him like he’s my own. I already do.
The hazy happiness I feel at the idea of us becoming a permanent family nearly swallows me whole. Then, there are moments when I catch myself imagining Nora with a ring on her left hand and a swollen belly, carrying my child. I’m willing to move at her pace and respect her timing, but I’m determined to change her last name to mine. I plan to lock her down for good this time.
There’s a peace I’m experiencing as Christmas approaches, a rooted contentment I’ve never felt before. I’m also highly entertained by Nora’s endless collection of Christmas sweaters. I never know what sort of tacky, hand-knit creation she’s going to emerge in next.
One night, we’re seated on her couch, cuddled up after watching a holiday movie. Nora’s reindeer sweater jingles every time she moves. She’s got her legs over my lap and is lying back on a pillow with her eyes half-open. She’s tired. I can tell I’m losing her.
“You still awake?” I say. “I’ve got something I want to ask you.”
“Hmm?” Nora hums lazily. I’d love nothing more than to cocoon her into a blanket and let her sleep, but I need her full attention. “What is it?”
“I want you to come to the team Christmas dinner with me,” I say. Nora’s eyes flutter open, and she blinks at me. “I want to introduce you to the guys. I want you by my side.”
“You do?” she says breathlessly.
“Of course. I want you to bring Ollie, too. If you’re comfortable with that.”
“He would love it. We both would.” Her dark eyes become hooded, and she knots one of her hands into my hair, leaning in close. “How will you introduce me to your teammates?”
“I’ll introduce you to everyone as my girlfriend, if that’s alright with you. You’ve already been that…at least, in my head.”
She lets out a little giggle.
“Would that be alright?”
“I like the sound of that,” Nora says before kissing me softly. She’s all I ever wanted, and I’m eager to meld our worlds together for good.
The night of the team Christmas dinner arrives, and we agree that it's best if Nora drives out to Seattle to meet me. She’s got Ollie with her, and when they show up at my apartment together, I’m so happy to see them standing there outside my front door I think I might implode.
“Hi, Daddy,” Ollie says, and Nora audibly gasps. We look at each other, trying to gauge each other’s reactions to his sweet slip.
I snatch Ollie up in a hug and squeeze him tight. He looks adorable, dressed up in a sweater, khaki pants, and the tiniest dress shoes I’ve ever seen in my life. He rests his little head on my shoulder, and I hold him there, feeling like him accidentally calling me Dad is a sign.
I could do it. I could be his father. I won’t be perfect at it, but anything I don’t know how to do right away, I know I could learn. I can break the chain and be the kind of father I never had. The kind of dad Ollie deserves.
“Looking fresh, dude,” I say, setting him down and offering him knuckles. I turn to Nora and let out a low whistle, looking her over with appreciation.
“Dang,” I say as she twirls around. Her black dress is doing good things for her curves. “On second thought, we’ll just stay in tonight.”
She completes her spin and faces me with a flush on her cheeks and a twinkle in her eyes. “You like it?”
“Love it,” I reply, thoroughly smitten. Her dark hair is shiny and smooth, her makeup accenting her beautiful eyes and smile.
“He called you daddy,” she says, slinging her arms around my neck. “How do you feel about that?”
“He can call me that, if he wants to,” I say. “I like it.”
Nora’s eyes grow watery, and she blinks up at me. “Thank you. That means the world to me. And him.”
I bring her chin up and press a kiss to her mouth. Then, a loud crash sounds from my bedroom.
“Ollie?” Nora calls out, jumping out of my grasp. “I’m warning you now. You’re about to find out how kid-proof your house is.”
Fortunately, Ollie is unscathed. He was trying to reach a signed baseball I keep on my desk and knocked over a decorative globe.
“You wanna see it?” I ask, handing him the ball. “That ball is signed by Ichiro Suzuki. One of the greatest baseball players of all time.”
“Where did you get this?” Nora asks, helping Ollie handle it carefully.
“My dad,” I say. “He bid on it in an auction for me. Gave it to me as a gift when I got drafted into the minors.”
Nora gives me a small, knowing smile. “This is very special, Ollie. Let’s put it back, okay?”
Ollie has no qualms rummaging through my belongings, and soon, we’ve got a spread of balls, bats, gloves, pictures, awards, and other random memorabilia spread in a growing pile on my bed.
“I try it?” he asks, pointing to one of my hats hanging on a rack. I slap it down onto his head, and he beams up at me from underneath the brim.
“It’s a good look on you, buddy.”
He pulls the hat off a few minutes later and gasps. “Oh, no!”
“What’s wrong?” Nora asks.
“My hair! Mama fix it?”
“Oh,” she laughs, combing her fingers through his hair. “Like that?”
“No,” Ollie pouts, then runs over to me. “Big Dude fix it.”
“You want me to fix your hair? Like mine?” I say, and he nods. “You got it.”
I lead him to my bathroom and set him on the counter. He batters his heels against the cabinet drawers while I pull out some pomade and a comb.
“I’ve never done a kid’s hair before,” I admit to Nora, who’s standing by observing with her hands laced behind her back. “But how hard could it be?”
I take some pomade in my hands and gently apply it to Ollie’s soft hair with my fingertips, raking it through. Then, I comb his hair back and style it the way I usually do mine.
“How’s that?” I ask him, spinning him around to face the mirror. “Do you like it?”
His face splits into a toothy grin. “So handsome!”
“You both are. Ollie, you look so grown up!” Nora says, helping him down off the counter before sliding her hands around my waist. “Thank you.”
“Anytime,” I say. And I mean it. “Next time Ollie needs a hair stylist, I’m your guy.”
We head to the restaurant, a swanky seafood joint on the water. I let the valet park my car, per the invitation’s instructions, and we enter the restaurant together.
“Just so you know,” Nora says, sounding nervous as we huddle in the warmth of the entryway, “Ollie might not last very long.”
“That’s totally fine,” I reassure her. “Let me know when you’re ready to leave, and we’ll bounce.”
There’s a chorus of greetings as we’re led to a table, passing by coaches, trainers, and teammates I haven’t seen in a while. Apparently, the Stormbreakers rented out the entire place for tonight. Jonah claps me on the shoulder as we pass and pulls me into a bear hug.
“Tell me you missed me,” he says, squeezing all the air out of my lungs. “Say it.”
“I saw you like three days ago,” I wheeze.
“And who might you be, young man?” he says, crouching down to Ollie’s height.
“This is Ollie.”
Jonah motions for his daughters to come over. “This is Scarlett. She’s seven. And this is Rosie. She’s four. How old are you, Ollie?”
He holds up two fingers.
“Two!” Jonah crows. “No way. You look at least twenty-three with that dapper sweater and hairdo.”
Ollie turns away, clinging to Nora’s dress.
“You must be Nora,” Jonah says. “This is my wife, Megan.”
“So nice to meet you both,” Nora says with a soft smile.
“You’re a lucky man, Brookie,” Jonah says.
Nora smiles up at me. “I think we’re both pretty lucky.” Alright. She can’t say things like that to me in the presence of others. My teammates might witness an improper amount of PDA if she keeps this up.
Nora starts chatting with Megan, and Jonah pulls me aside.
“So,” he prods. “I need the full report. What were all the potential new hobbies you tried out together?”
“We dabbled in roller blading, baking, and cold plunging,” I say. “Nora’s sister also gave us a lesson in photography, and honestly, I think I could get into it.”
“Really?” Jonah asks. “That’s awesome. You should take photos of the team. We could make a calendar for charity.”
“With you on the cover?”
“Nah,” Jonah says, flexing playfully. “That honor would go to Miles. Speak of the devil…”
A big hand closes over my shoulder, and I turn to find Miles and Beau standing behind me.
“Way to show us all up,” I say, taking in Miles’ bright blue suit. He loves a statement.
“Somebody’s gotta be the eye candy here,” he says, flashing a smile. “You gonna introduce us to your lady?”
I regain Nora’s attention and introduce her.
“You’re the one who made those mugs Brooks gave us, right?” Beau asks.
“Yes. That was me,” Nora says, looking slightly starstruck. I forget sometimes that her family followed Stormbreakers baseball before I joined the roster. She’s probably a big fan of some of these players. But as long as I’m at the top of the list and she’s wearing my number on her jersey at my games, I’m cool with it.
We all know she’s mine.
“Now, I was never a mug guy, but I am now,” Miles says to her. “How can I buy more? I want to get some for my mom and sisters.”
Nora glances over at me in disbelief, and I smile with pride. She talks shop with Miles, and they end up exchanging numbers so he can place a larger order. I have a feeling he won’t be the last to make this sort of request.
I turn and greet more of the seemingly endless stream of guys lining up to say hello to both me and Nora. I feel the slightest twinge of jealousy at how friendly my teammates are towards her, but then I realize that they’re treating her as nicely as they are out of respect for me. They want me to know that if she’s important to me, she’s important to them, too.
Ollie steals the show during dinner, raving about everything they put in front of him. He devours his food like it's his last meal on earth and cracks us all up with his expressive exclamations.
“My man,” Miles says, extending his glass to clink it against Ollie’s plastic cup. “You have impeccable taste.”
I find Nora’s leg and give it a squeeze, the thin satin material of her dress silky under my fingertips. “Are you enjoying yourself?” I ask, leaning close to speak into her ear.
“Of course I am. The food is amazing, the service is top-notch, and the company is pretty good, too,” she says, reaching for my hand resting on her leg. I turn my palm upwards, and she slides her fingers between mine.
“Good,” I say. We may not have figured out all the logistics yet, but I can’t imagine not having Nora and Ollie by my side for every single event like this in the future. They belong here with me.
At the end of the evening, I drive a very sleepy Ollie and a very content Nora back to my apartment so she can get their car. She’s staying with her sister Bridget for the night. She’d told me that once Bridget found out they’d be in town she had practically begged them to stay over. We linger in the parking garage, neither of us quite ready to end the night.
“You sure you don’t want to stay with me?” I ask again.
Nora looks over at me skeptically. “You know we can’t do that.”
“Why not?”
“Because,” she says. “We have a child with us, and I know you can’t be trusted to keep your hands to yourself.”
I scoff. “You have so little faith in me. You sure I can’t convince you?”
“Hmm…” she hums as I kiss her jawline before coaxing an answer from her mouth. She pulls away and looks up at me shyly. “It would take a higher level of commitment between us for me to stay with you.”
“What kind of commitment?” I want her to name it. To say the words out loud. I’m ready.
Nora nudges my nose with hers and smiles. The smell of her perfume on her neck and the line of her collarbones are so tempting. She’s probably right. There’s no way I’d be able to resist her tonight.
“You’d have to marry me,” Nora says, and my pulse pounds in my temples.
I gently skate my thumb over her bottom lip, and she smiles. “Is that all?”
“That’s it,” she says coyly, her fingers toying with the hair at the base of my neck. “Just a ring on my finger and a promise to love me forever.”
“Done,” I say, and elation swells in my chest. I can’t keep the stupid smile off my face. “When do you want to get married?”
“Next summer?” she suggests, her pretty eyes sparkling.
“How about next spring?”
“Hmm,” she hums. “Spring might be nice.”
“Tell me when and where you want to get married, and I’ll be there,” I say, elated. High on the thought of making Nora Foster mine forever. “Where will we live after we’re married? Would you move to Seattle with me?”
“Maybe part time,” she says with a giddy grin. “But when you’re traveling, I’d like to be near my family so I could still have help with Ollie. And I’ll still need to work, right? Somebody’s gotta pay my mortgage.”
“I could do that.”
She levels me with a look, and I’m struck once again by her beauty, deep brown eyes and the waves of her dark hair glowing in the dim light inside the parking garage.
“You most certainly will not be doing that.”
“You’re so stubborn,” I whisper, laughing. “What would have to happen for you to let me pay your mortgage?”
“After we’re married, we’ll both pay the mortgage. Together.”
“How about after we’re engaged?” I say, curling my arms around her across the console and wishing I could pull her onto my lap. “Can I make you my fiancée?”
“Yes,” she whispers. “That’s exactly what I want.”
I smile against her mouth before tipping her chin up to kiss her again. This was the go-ahead I needed. Nora Foster deserves the real thing. And I’m going to be the one to give it to her.
A few days later, we spend Christmas together. We start the day with breakfast at Nora’s house before exchanging gifts. Ollie is thrilled about the glove, ball, and bat I give him. Nora gives me a book of photos she and I took on Sydney’s camera that night on the beach. She even framed a few prints so I can display them in my apartment. She also buys me an outrageously hideous Christmas sweater that she insists I wear to her family’s house later that night.
“It’s tradition!” she says.
“So, this is what I’m signing up for?” I sigh in fake frustration. “A lifetime of ugly sweaters?”
Nora beams. “I’ll buy you a new one every year.”
“Maybe I should take up knitting,” I grumble. “I could make something better than this.”
“Put on the sweater, Brooks,” she threatens.
“Oh, you mean right now?” I say, starting to peel off my t-shirt. Her eyes widen, and I grin.
Later in the evening, the Foster family is spread about the living room, their faces washed in soft golden light from the Christmas tree. The house is peaceful and quiet, and I don’t think I’ve ever had a happier Christmas in my life.
“I’ve got one last gift for you,” I say to Nora
“What is it?”
I reach into my pocket and draw out a blank envelope.
“A love letter? How romantic.”
She slowly pulls a piece of paper from the envelope and scans it, her eyes growing wide.
“Wait, what ?” She gapes at me. “What is this?”
“I remembered you telling me that you’ve been using the kiln at the high school to fire your ceramics. I figured you could use one of your own.”
I watch tears pool in her eyes as she glances between me and the receipt for the kiln I’d ordered that’s on its way.
“Now, here’s the catch,” I say, pulling her close. “Consider this an investment in Noli. I want you to really pursue that dream of yours this year, if that’s something you still want. A few of the guys have already agreed to help share about your products once you’re ready to launch.”
She nods, still speechless.
“I want you to know that I believe in you. I want to support your dreams, whatever they are.”
She hugs me so tightly then that I think she may never let go. Fine by me.
“Nobody’s ever done anything like this for me before,” she says, pulling away. “Thank you, Brooks. This means so much to me.” She stares down at the paper with a stunned smile on her face.
“I may need to enlist some of your nosy neighbors to help me bring it into your backyard when it arrives. The thing is a beast.”
“Not the neighbors!” She laughs. “They’ll be eager to help if you’re the one asking.” She carefully tucks the receipt back into the envelope and stands, leaning forward to drop a kiss to my mouth.
“Where are you going?” I say in an undertone. “I’m not finished with you yet.”
“Be right back,” she says with a mischievous grin. She searches behind the Christmas tree, then returns a moment later with a gift-wrapped box. “Open it.”
I carefully tear off the wrapping paper and open the box, my throat growing tight at the sight of what it contains.
“Nora. This is too much.”
“It’s not just from me; it’s from my whole family. We all pitched in to get it for you.”
I look around the room, and sure enough, all eyes are on me. I pull out the frame of a DSLR camera, shiny, black, and brand new. Inside the box is a plastic wrapped lens.
“No way,” I say, shocked. “You guys really didn’t have to do this.”
“Sydney helped me pick it out for you.” Sydney gives me an air high-five from across the room.
“I saw how much you loved taking photos that day at the beach, and I wanted you to have a creative outlet once the season starts up again,” Nora says. “I hope you’ll take it with you to practice and spring training and take lots of pictures to show me.”
I set the box aside and pull her close. “Thank you. I don’t even know what to say.”
“I love you, Brooks,” she says simply. “Now every city you travel to, you can get out and explore and take photos and hopefully get out of your head and into the world.”
Little does she know that she’s become my world.
After Ollie goes to bed, we talk late into the night about the future. Our dreams and hopes, our plans together. And for the first time in my life, I see a happy, fulfilling life for myself outside of baseball. Life with Nora will be filled with diapers and dishwashing, wins and losses, highs and lows, mistakes and healing. A tapestry of both remarkable and mundane moments woven together to create something safe, deeply fulfilling and uniquely ours.