Chapter Thirty-seven
As soon as he was finished with his chores the next morning, Finbarr set his feet on the river road, aiming for the Archer home.
Thoughts of Emma’s sorrow and pain, mingled with his own anticipated heartbreak, had kept him up most of the night.
He needed to be with her again, to hold her, to claim what time they had together.
He’d gone, by his estimation, a little more than halfway when Madra began barking excitedly. It was her “I see someone we like” bark. But which “someone we like”? The day was cloudy and dim. He couldn’t make out even a shape.
The mysterious arrival spoke from directly in front of him. “It’s Emma.”
Emma. Relief washed over him. “My Emma.” He reached out, his hand brushing her face as he’d hoped. “You’re cold.”
“A little.”
He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a hug he needed, likely even more than she did. “My mind’s been heavy since you left last night.”
“Mine was too, for a few hours at least.” There was an unexpected hint of hopefulness in her voice.
“What changed?” he asked.
“I think we’ll be warmer if we walk while we talk,” she said.
He kept one arm around her and used the other to sweep the ground with his cane. She walked at his side, her arm around him as well. Madra kept at his leg, brushing up against him in her usual fashion.
“I feel like all I do lately is spill my thoughts and troubles into your ears.”
“Has it helped?”
“It has,” she said. “I don’t get as trapped in my thoughts. They aren’t as heavy, or at least when they are, they don’t crush me.”
He tightened his arm around her. “I’m always here to listen.”
“My nightmares weren’t as bad last night,” Emma said. “I still dreamed about the fire, and it was still terrible and frightening. But it didn’t last all night.”
“That’s an improvement.”
“For the first time since returning to Hope Springs, I think there might be a possibility that I wouldn’t be tortured by dreams forever if I lived here.”
Cecily had said that listening and being a support while Tavish endured his grief had been helpful for him. That approach seemed to be offering Emma some relief as well.
“Does that mean you will be making your home in Hope Springs?”
“Hope Springs hasn’t felt like home in years,” she said. “Ivy says I’ve been holding my breath since the fire. She’s right. Being here is so difficult in so many ways.”
Then, she was going to return to Baltimore? His heart dropped. Joseph had said he feared, if she left Hope Springs again, this time she wouldn’t ever come back. Even if Finbarr was in St. Louis, there was some possibility of seeing her again if she were here. Baltimore, though . . .
“In my nightmares,” she continued, “you are always the one I’m trying to find. Every moment of those dreams is filled with fear that I’ve lost you. After eleven years, I think I finally know why.”
“Why?”
“Losing you was what shattered me,” she said. “Nowhere has been home to me since I lost you.”
“Since I pushed you away,” he said quietly. “I have so many regrets from those first few years. The way I treated you is the heaviest of them.”
She leaned a little more against him as they walked on. “You said last night that we’d found each other again, that we’d found home.”
“I’ve been lost without you too, Emma. I’ve needed you, but didn’t know how to get you back.”
Emma stopped them. “I’ve been thinking all night about St. Louis.
” She moved a little, and he felt certain she was facing him now.
“Your offered job is at a school. If you are going to work there and live there, then I will send them a telegram and ask if they are in need of a qualified teacher who can read and write braille.”
“You would—you would go to St. Louis?”
“I would go to St. Louis with you. Home to me will always be with you. Wherever you are.”
He found her hand again and held it. “You’ve spent five years away from your family.” He raised their entwined hands to his heart. “How can I ask you to be away from them again when you’ve only just reconnected?”
“You aren’t asking,” Emma said. “Aidan needs to be a doctor, and he needs you to offer him a home in St. Louis.” Her fingers lightly touched his face. “And I need to be with you.”
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her flush to him. He kissed her softly, slowly. This was the healing and hope and wholeness that had eluded him for more than a decade.
This was home.
He pressed his forehead to hers, unwilling to let her go or end the moment between them.
“I love you, Finbarr O’Connor.”
“And I love you, mo sholas.” He kissed her again, more ardently this time. She answered with equal fervor.
She is home to me.
Madra circled him, rubbing against his legs.
“I believe Madra is anxious for us to resume our journey,” Emma said, pulling back the tiniest bit. “Is she likely to be patient?”
“Not patient at all,” he said with a dramatic sigh.
Emma laughed, and it did him a world of good. She’d been so heavy and unhappy for so long.
They walked on, hand-in-hand. And, though they were facing the prospect of being separated from their families, there was still hope for the future. A world that had been upended years ago felt put to rights no matter that it was still uncertain. They had found each other again.
They reached the Archer house and made their way inside.
“I will have to thank Cecily for taking the time to teach me braille,” Emma said. “It will allow me to be a good teacher at the school in Missouri.”
“The town’s efforts at making braille books are what created the job,” Finbarr said. “The library Hope Springs has created is, in a very real way, Cecily’s legacy at the school that means so much to her.”
Without warning, Emma suddenly stopped. “Oh, Finbarr. I have just had a potentially brilliant idea.” She sounded excited, eager. “Stay here. I need to grab a few people.”
What had she thought of? He didn’t generally like being left in the dark—figuratively, of course. Literal darkness is where he lived most of the time. And while he didn’t overly enjoy her leaving him, he didn’t feel abandoned. Emma wouldn’t stay away long.
Finbarr knew the Archer home well enough to make his way to the front parlor and take a seat near the fire. Madra curled up on his feet, obviously content to wait for Emma’s return, just as Finbarr was.
Into his moment of isolation, little footsteps sounded. “Finbarr!” That was his sweet little Eimear. “Are you visiting us?”
“I am.”
She climbed up onto his lap. She did that with enough predictability that he hadn’t really needed any warning.
“We had a céilí with your family,” she said, snuggling against him.
“Yes, we did.”
“And you danced with me.”
“Yes, I did.”
“Does Madra dance?” Eimear asked.
“Not that I know of.”
“That would be silly. A dog dancing.”
Finbarr rocked her a little. “I am so glad you’re feeling better, Eimear. You were ill when you stayed at my house.”
“I could stay again. But when I’m not ill.”
“That would be a great deal of fun.”
Eimear talked on and on while tucked into his arms. How could he bear leaving her behind if he went to St. Louis? Yet, she needed the care of as many well-trained doctors as she could. Leaving her might be what saved her.
“Is she driving you mad?” Katie asked from what sounded like the parlor door.
“Not at all.”
“Finbarr said I could visit his house again, but this time I wouldn’t be ill.”
“That’d be a fine thing,” Katie said, a smile in her voice. Her footsteps trailed off again.
Eimear launched back into her one-sided discussion of people they knew, games she wanted to play, and what she liked about céilís. She proved the perfect distraction while he waited for Emma to return.
Before he knew it, she was back. “Eimear, go sit a while with Ivy and Sybil in the sitting room while we talk with Finbarr.”
“Go on,” Finbarr said, lifting her off his lap. “I’ll be sure to give you a grand hug before I go.”
“Promise?” she pressed.
“I promise.”
Eimear skipped off, but other footsteps drew nearer.
“I have your da, Aidan, and my papa here,” Emma said. It was an unexpected group. “I had an idea, one with quite a few threads, but I think they can be tied in a neat bow. At least I hope so.”
“What’s your idea?” Joseph asked.
“I have funds for my return trip to Baltimore,” Emma said. “I would like Aidan to use those funds for a train ticket to St. Louis for medical school.”
“Are you not going back to Baltimore?” Joseph asked, unmistakable hope in his question.
“No, I’m not.”
But, if she gave Aidan her traveling money, how would Emma get to St. Louis? Had she changed her mind about going?
“As generous as your offer is,” Aidan said, “even with a scholarship for my tuition, I don’t have a place to live or money to pay for lodgings. I don’t think the possibility Finbarr was pondering must have come to fruition. He hasn’t mentioned it again.”
Finbarr sat frozen. Da didn’t know about the job offer. Joseph didn’t either. Was Emma going to tell them? She would break her father’s heart so soon after offering him hope.
“Finbarr heard from the Missouri School for the Blind a few months ago,” Emma said. “They are in need of someone to oversee the library and coordinate the shipping of books around the country. Like nearly all of Hope Springs, you know braille, Aidan. What if you took the job?”
Aidan. How had Finbarr not thought of that? Aidan was qualified for the job.
“The offer includes a place to live,” Emma said. “The school would almost certainly work with you to allow you to still attend school while working. You’d have a home. You’d have an income.”
Aidan pulled in a sharp breath. “That might actually work.”
It was so obvious, yet it hadn’t even occurred to him. Emma had decided to see if they were hiring teachers, but Finbarr hadn’t given even a moment’s consideration to who else might be hired to run the library.
“I can recommend you to the school,” Finbarr said. “I know Cecily would as well, and her word holds tremendous sway there. She says it’s a nice place, run by good people. I think you could be happy there while pursuing your dream.”
“Merciful heavens.” Aidan sounded overwhelmed. “I could go to school. I could finally be a doctor.”
“You will be a wonderful doctor, Aidan,” Emma said. “And when your schooling is over, you can come back to us.”
“Like you did after finishing your training to be a teacher.”
Emma had returned as a trained teacher. Suddenly, that fact took on tremendous significance.
“Well now, Aidan,” Da said. “See if you can’t pick your jaw up off the ground long enough to go talk this over with your ma and Ryan.”
“Before you go,” Finbarr stood, turning in their general direction though not entirely certain of where they were.
“There’s another school to be taken into consideration.
The one in Hope Springs is in need of a good teacher, one who loves the children of this town.
We have someone right here in the room with us who, as the future doctor pointed out, returned to us a trained and loving teacher. ”
“Finbarr.” Emma’s whisper was a little strained. She stepped right up to him, near enough that he could feel the warmth of her. “Though I did come back, it was only after I abandoned this town, just as Miss Groves said. I can’t imagine they would trust me to—”
He brushed a hand softly along her face. He meant to memorize the feel of her face, if only he was given time. “As you so eloquently said when referencing a different troublemaker, she’s a rat. More than that, though, she is wrong. And you, my darling Emma, are wanted here. Needed.”
“I would be a good teacher.” Her tone was almost pleading. “But I don’t know if they’d let me.”
“Let you?” Da said. “Miss Emma, we’d be honored. And we’d be the most fortunate town in all of Wyoming territory.”
Emma wrapped her arms around Finbarr. He enfolded her immediately in his.
“Da’s right, mo sholas. The children love you. This town loves you.” He kissed her forehead, then whispered, “I love you. And we need you here.”
She turned a little in his arms, likely twisting to look at Da and Joseph. “Do you really think the town and the town council would be willing to hire me? I would be a good teacher. I promise I would be.”
“Not a soul in this town would doubt that,” Joseph said. “We need to talk with the others on the town council, but I can say with certainty that there won’t be a single objection.”
Finbarr wished he could see Emma’s face and could know at a glance if she looked excited or nervous or peaceful.
“We’ll go gab with Maura and Ryan about Aidan going to St. Louis,” Da said. “Joseph, let me know when you’ve had a chance to talk with Jeremiah and Patrick and Eliza.”
“I will,” Joseph said.
Finbarr heard them leave, but how many had departed he didn’t know.
“Your father and Aidan left,” Emma told him. She had so quickly and wholly adopted the habit, and he deeply appreciated it.
“I’m going to go tell Katie and the children that you’re staying,” Joseph said. “I’ve so desperately hoped that you would.”
Emma stepped away from Finbarr. The rustles and movement that followed, Finbarr guessed, was Joseph hugging his daughter. After a moment, footsteps signaled Joseph’s departure.
“Do you think the school in St. Louis will shift their offer to Aidan?” Emma asked.
“I do,” he said. “And I am a little embarrassed I hadn’t thought of it sooner.”
“I only did because we were talking about the town knowing braille.” A moment later, her arms were around him once more. “And do you truly think Hope Springs will accept me as the new teacher, even with all that has happened the past eleven years?”
“I truly do.”
“I did think about it briefly on the day I stole Miss Groves’ paddle. But I couldn’t imagine anyone here wanting—wanting me.”
“Do you believe it now, my Emma?”
She pressed a quick kiss to his lips. “I believe you love me, and that, my darling Finbarr, means everything to me.”
“We’re staying in Hope Springs.” Saying it out loud warmed his heart. He kissed her forehead. “This is going to be home again, Emma.”
“Our home.”