Chapter Twenty
CHAPTER
TWENTY
Summer brought holidaying families and grey nomads into town in droves, so for the next month, whenever Marge asked Beth to work more shifts at the cafe, she was happy to help.
And when she wasn’t at the cafe, she was at the house with Noah, helping with, or at the very least overseeing, the renovations.
By the time the middle of February rolled around, all the extensions had been finished and the new roof had gone on.
Next task on the list was fitting out the wet areas.
Ordinarily, she’d be falling in a heap with so much on her plate, but truthfully, whenever she was at the house with Noah, she didn’t feel as if she was working.
He encouraged her to help out with certain tasks—though none that required her to climb unstable objects—and took the time to teach her valuable skills.
The time always passed quickly when they were together; he made her laugh with shocking regularity and, when it came to the renovation, did everything he could to keep her stress to a minimum.
She’d worried that things might be between them after he’d alluded to having feelings for her.
But he’d put no further pressure on her, either to stay in town beyond the renovation or to continue the conversation he’d started on Christmas Day.
And for that, she was grateful—because she was positively terrified of having to confess to her inexperience with men.
Still, she found herself looking forward to seeing him, and with all the time they were spending together, she was coming to realise just how much she liked him.
On occasion, she even wished he would bring up what he’d said to her at Christmas.
He didn’t, though, and she reasoned that maybe he didn’t feel the same way anymore.
If he didn’t, that was fine—she would be fine—but she had to know.
So, as she’d resolved on New Year’s, she was going to be brave.
She’d worn the phoenix necklace today, because she’d decided to open up and be honest about the things she’d always found difficult.
About everything that continued to stand in her way.
She wanted him to know who she was, deep down in her core.
No one had ever known her that way. Ellie was getting close, for sure, but Beth wasn’t convinced that Rosie had. She’d certainly never understood her.
All this ran through Beth’s mind as she and Noah spent the afternoon installing the new kitchen cabinets.
Eventually, Noah suggested they take a break, so they each cracked a bottle of ice-cold water and headed out to the newly built rear deck that extended over the sloping field below and took advantage of the stunning vista.
The blue sky stretched overhead and the mid-afternoon sun beat down on them.
With no chairs or patio furniture out here yet, they sat on the edge of the platform and let their legs dangle off the side.
They discussed the renovation and everything that still needed to be done, but once shop talk had been exhausted, Beth grew nervous, daunted by the prospect of having to steer their conversation where she needed it to go.
Before she could think of a way to do that, though, Noah said, ‘I finally spoke to Mum and Dad about what I want for the future.’
He glanced at her, his mouth curving up on one side, before he turned to stare out over the empty field. She couldn’t tell whether humour or sadness fuelled his expression, but not knowing was enough to make her forget everything else.
‘How did it go?’ she asked, her heartbeat thumping in her ears. After all, she’d been the one to call him out on his fear. If he’d damaged his relationship with Mick and Celia by being honest with them, she’d be at fault.
Absently fiddling with the label on his plastic water bottle, he continued to stare out at the landscape.
‘Took me a while to figure out what to say,’ he admitted, ‘but I’m glad I didn’t rush into it.
I thought a lot about how I feel and why I feel that way, and in the end, I was more honest with them than I’ve ever been.
They were shocked, of course, but they get it. ’
He turned his head, his piercing blue gaze locking on hers a moment before dropping to the pendant hanging around her neck. A spark flared, and when his eyes once more met hers, their intensity burned.
‘I’ve got a real shot at building the kind of life I want, Beth. And it’s all because of you.’
Her breath hitched, but she couldn’t do it, couldn’t maintain the connection.
Blinking, she looked down at her hands, one thumb working overtime, digging into her opposite palm, over and over again. The pressure grounded her, helped her feel present, reminded her that she existed.
‘Beth …’ Noah, his voice hoarse, put aside his water bottle, then took her hand. Threaded his fingers through hers. Held her tightly and made her feel safe.
Bravely, she met his gaze. Her heart beat steadily.
‘You helped me believe in myself. You see something in me that no one else sees. You look at the work I’ve done and it’s … it’s as if it speaks to you.’ He smiled softly. ‘I’ve never felt so alive, so ready to fight for what I truly want. I have you to thank for that.’
She couldn’t breathe but nor could she look away.
Her skin felt hot all over and she had the sudden urge to move closer, but when Noah inched towards her, she panicked.
She knew what it was like to be kissed by him.
He made her feel too much all at once. No, before they went there again, they needed to talk.
Tugging her hand from his, she put some distance between them. ‘I-I’m sorry, Noah, I—’
‘God, don’t apologise.’ He cursed and scrubbed a hand over his face. ‘I’m the one who’s sorry. I misread the signals.’
Beth gnawed her lower lip. It was now or never.
‘Actually, you read them just right.’
His gaze flicked to hers. ‘What do you mean?’
She smiled, an unintentional, outward expression of her nerves. ‘I mean, I would’ve liked for you to kiss me just now, but … well, there’s something I need to tell you.’
He nodded. ‘I’m listening.’
Letting out a breathy exhale, Beth prepared to lay bare the most crippling issue she faced. She knew she’d be fine once she started, but that was usually the hardest part.
‘I’ve had anxiety for pretty much my whole life,’ she told him, forcing the words out. ‘Social interactions terrify me and I usually find it impossible to relate to people my own age. Aside from a friend I made in kindergarten, I’ve never had a close connection with anyone.’
She glanced at Noah, wondering whether he could read between the lines. He was looking at her with such empathy, she wanted nothing more than to curl up in his arms.
‘That must’ve been a lonely way to grow up.’
She considered that. ‘Yes and no. I always craved connection, but the kids I crossed paths with were nothing like me. At least, that’s how it felt.
Whenever I tried to interact, it was as if they all spoke another language that I couldn’t quite decipher.
And for the most part, I didn’t care to get to know them.
The things they valued, their interests, I saw as frivolous and boring.
’ She shrugged. ‘And I always enjoyed my own company, anyhow.’
‘Yet you still craved connection.’
She nodded, wondering whether he’d considered the implications of her social isolation, but as she floundered and tried to find the right words, Noah added, ‘You say you enjoyed your own company, and I assume you still do, but do you think there’s a difference between solitude and loneliness?’
His question was unexpected, but when she realised he was actually asking if she was lonely, emotion welled up inside her. She’d never felt so seen.
Eventually, she choked out an honest answer. ‘Yes, I do.’
With that, the dam walls were breached. Because she was lonely. Or at least she had been, until she’d come here.
Her tears flowed freely and Noah didn’t hesitate. He pulled her to him, one arm around her shoulders, his free hand holding hers. She leaned into him, accepting the comfort he offered.
Once her tears ran dry, he tipped her chin up and stroked the hair from her face. ‘Have you felt lonely here in Karlup?’
‘Maybe at first,’ she said, thinking of the day the two of them had met, how her insecurities had come to the fore and she’d cried herself to sleep. ‘But lately? No, I haven’t felt lonely at all.’
Noah’s gaze fell to her lips, the tension between them palpable.
Needing to defuse the situation—she still hadn’t got her confession out—she sat tall, pulling herself from Noah’s arms in the process, and said, ‘It’s impossible to feel lonely when you live with Ellie.’
Her attempt at light-heartedness, however, fell flat, because Noah’s smile was tight.
‘I’m glad she’s been a good friend to you.’
‘You have, too, Noah,’ she rushed to assure him.
His nostrils flared and he gave a short, sharp nod.
God, she was making the situation worse!
Desperate to make him understand, she grabbed his hand. ‘I just mean that you and Ellie are the first people who’ve ever really been there for me.’
‘It’s okay,’ he said, patting her hand as he tried to extricate his. ‘I get it.’
‘No! I don’t think you do.’ She angled her body towards him. ‘Noah, the reason I told you about my anxiety was so you’d understand—’ Freezing, she stared at him. Swallowed the lump in her throat. Tried to conquer her fear. ‘So you’d understand when I tell you that I’ve never …’
Squeezing her eyes shut, she huffed impatiently and finally blurted, ‘That I’ve never been intimate with anyone.’
Silence washed over them as she let the dust settle.
Eventually, she cracked her eyes open. ‘I’d never even kissed anyone until that day at your house. So, no, you don’t get it, Noah. Because I want you to kiss me so badly it hurts. I’ve just been terrified of having to explain that I might need to take this slowly. Like, really slowly.’
A tiny crease formed on his brow. ‘Why would telling me this terrify you?’
Exasperated, she threw her hands in the air. ‘Because I’m a twenty-six-year-old woman who’s never even been on a date. It’s pathetic!’
Reeling back slightly, Noah expelled a puff of air between his lips and shrugged. ‘I’m going to be honest with you, Beth. All I heard was that you want me to kiss you.’
A beat passed before she grinned, slowly at first, but once she realised that her inexperience didn’t matter, she was powerless against the force of it.
Noah leaned closer, lifted a hand to her cheek and dipped his chin to look at her. ‘I promise we can take this as slowly as you want. You’re in the driver’s seat, okay?’
‘Okay,’ she breathed, dizzy with need.
Touching his nose to hers, he murmured, ‘Can I kiss you now?’
She nodded. ‘Now would be good.’
His breath caressed her lips and then he was kissing her, slowly, but very, very thoroughly.