Chapter Twenty-Eight
CHAPTER
TWENTY-EIGHT
Birdsong and the pale light of dawn woke Beth the following morning.
She blinked, forgetting for a moment where she’d slept.
Not that she’d done much of that. Her eyes focused and she glanced around the room at all her worldly possessions.
The things she’d left in Townsville had arrived and were stacked in the front room of her house. But the mattress—god, the mattress!
It had been leaning up against a pile of boxes when she’d arrived last night.
She’d cleared a space for it on the floor and, laying it down, had slept on it bare—she hadn’t had the energy or inclination to riffle through boxes for sheets—but the lack of bed linen hadn’t caused her restless night.
The unforgiving slab of foam did not compare to the heavenly contraption she’d been sleeping on for the last six months.
And it probably hadn’t helped that before going to bed, she’d spent an hour standing at the front window, sobbing her heart out as she stared at the shadowy ghost of Flo’s empty house.
Now, bleary-eyed and desperate for caffeine, she considered her next move.
The future weighed on her mind. She’d planned to move in here and make it her home once it was ready.
Which it wasn’t. Not yet. It was nearly finished, though; just the internal doors to hang and window treatments to install.
Noah had done a lot while she’d been holed up in her room at the B&B.
No doubt he planned to complete these last tasks soon, but …
Her face crumpled and she pressed the heels of her hands to her eye sockets. She couldn’t bear the thought of facing him. Of seeing his disappointment. Seeing him wonder what the hell must be wrong with her to cause her not to go to the funeral of someone she’d claimed to care about.
She just couldn’t do it.
Maybe she’d text him later. Find the words to let him off the hook. Tell him that his services were no longer required. He’d probably appreciate having his life back.
Sighing, she rolled over and scowled when her cheek found a damp spot on the mattress. Had she been crying in her sleep?
Rolling the other way, she stared at the blank, freshly painted wall. What would her life look like tomorrow? A week from now?
Forget about a five-year plan. She had no clue what she’d be doing in five hours.
How could she stay in Karlup, where running into Ellie and Noah was inevitable, where Flo’s empty house was a stark reminder of all that she’d lost?
And how would she feel when someone else moved into it?
Presumably, Flo’s sister would sell it. Olive and her daughter Teresa had flown over from Sydney to organise Flo’s funeral.
Now that they’d laid Flo to rest in the local cemetery, Beth guessed they’d straighten out her affairs, donate her belongings, then fly home and get on with their lives.
Maybe that’s what she should do, too. After all, leaving had been an option before. Should she once again consider selling this place so she could cut ties with Karlup for good?
She drifted off to sleep again, haunted by thoughts of how much easier it would be to heal from this latest loss if she were somewhere new.
* * *
An incessant knocking woke her sometime later.
She jerked her head up and immediately recoiled against the bright daylight filling the room.
The knock came again.
‘Beth, open up! I know you’re in there.’
Ellie. What was she doing here?
The knocking turned into an impatient pounding.
Throwing off the unused drop sheet she’d used as a blanket, Beth got to her feet and traipsed to the front door, straightening the clothes she’d been wearing since yesterday.
She opened the door to find Ellie glaring at her.
‘You disappeared.’ Her tone was accusatory.
Beth wrapped her arms around her middle. ‘I stayed here last night.’
‘You cleared your stuff from your room.’
It wasn’t a question, that much was clear, but Beth answered anyway with a rather lame, ‘I’d always planned to move in here.’
Ellie huffed out a disbelieving and completely humourless laugh. ‘You left without a word.’
Beth winced. She already knew she was pathetic—did Ellie really have to remind her?
‘Is this because I got angry with you? Because that happens sometimes, Beth. People get angry. That doesn’t mean you just run away.’
‘I wasn’t running away.’ She could say that with conviction, at least. ‘I just … I wanted to give you space.’
‘Don’t you think I should get to decide whether I need space?’
Beth thought about it, but in the end, all she did was shrug. Her head was a jumbled mess. She knew the answer was in there somewhere, but she had no hope of formulating a coherent sentence right now.
‘God, Beth, I swear.’ Ellie turned to leave, then whirled back immediately. ‘You make it so hard sometimes, you know that? Just talk to me!’
Beth flinched, as if Ellie’s words had been a physical blow. Because she did make it hard. She made everything so bloody hard.
Looking away, she hugged her arms tighter around her middle and opened her mouth to speak. Because she wanted, more than anything, to communicate. Ellie was her friend. She wanted to tell her how she was feeling, she just … couldn’t.
‘Right—’ Ellie threw her hands in the air, ‘—I give up!’ She turned and stomped down the front steps, throwing her final words over her shoulder without a backwards glance. ‘Let me know when you’re ready to talk.’
Beth watched Ellie get into her car, slam her door and drive away. And that’s when the shaking started.
Unable to control the tremors, Beth looked down at her hands. The unwelcome sensation travelled up her arms to her shoulders until her whole body quaked. Choking out a sob, she sank to the floor and slumped against the wall.
Her worst fear was being realised—she was alone again. Ellie had given up on her and clearly Noah had come to the conclusion that she wasn’t worth the effort, either. Otherwise, he’d be here.
She didn’t blame either of them. She’d give up on her too if she could.
So, not that much had changed, really. Her life was much the same as it had been before she’d learned about Pru and Karlup.
Before she’d met Ellie and Noah and Flo.
Her location had changed, sure, but she’d been alone in Townsville, and now she was alone here.
Except here, there were so many happy memories taunting her.
Reminding her of a time when she’d hoped for something more.
Envisioned a future filled with love and family and happiness.
At least in Townsville, she’d had no misconceptions about her capacity for connection.
She’d always feared she’d grow old alone and now here was proof that it was indeed her destiny. She just had to pick herself up off the floor and accept it.
But she did no such thing. Instead, she lay down and curled up on her side, her face turned towards the open front door so she could watch the world go by, ignoring her as it always did.
Tomorrow, she thought, and closed her eyes. Tomorrow, she’d accept her fate and do what needed to be done. But today, all she was going to do was lie here and try her best to ignore the pain.