16. So Close
16
SO CLOSE
WYATT
“ I t’s official,” Dakota says, dropping a fifty-pound dumbbell in the open-air gym. “I hate farmer’s walks, but we’re not stopping.”
“No, ma’am. We’re not.”
It’s hot as hell out, but I don’t mind. I’d rather sweat my ass off than freeze in the winter. We’ve been working out for over two hours, doing planks, burpees, and lunges. I’m exhausted, but if Dakota’s not quitting, then neither am I. When she sets her mind to something, she’s an unstoppable force that I wouldn’t dare try to tame.
The sweat’s dripping into her eyes, so I toss her a towel that she catches with ease. “You’ve got to work on your grip strength, and carrying around fifty-pound dumbbells is one of the best ways to do that.”
“I know, but it doesn’t mean I have to like them.” She wipes the sweat off her forehead, a corner of her mouth hooking up, but her lips ultimately stay in a frown.
I’m so close to getting one of her beautiful smiles, so close, and I want it bad.
“Okay, that’s it,” Dakota says. “What’s next in Patterson’s workout from hell? Plank holding for eternity?”
My teeth clash together. Her calling me by my last name isn’t all that much better than “sugar,” but I shrug it off. “Next, we stretch. Your body needs a break.”
She salutes me with two fingers. “Yes, sir.”
Goddamn.
The way she says yes, sir makes me a little hard, and that combined with how her thick thighs are splayed wide open on the mats has me imagining some very un gentlemanly things, which isn’t helping the situation.
She squirts water all over her face, making her tan skin glisten. I zone in on the droplet sliding down her neck, dipping to her collarbone, and heading straight between her… I rip my eyes away to the guy grunting on the leg press.
Her strong body is slick with sweat from the intensity of our workout, but I refuse to let my eyes veer from her face. My parents always said if a woman’s looking you in the eye, you better be looking back. It requires a massive amount of restraint not to let my gaze drop down her body, but I’m nothing if not restrained when it comes to her.
I clear the gravel in my throat. “So, how about we—”
A man whoops in the distance, drawing our attention. We turn our gazes to the training arena where some of the newer bull riders are practicing. She watches one of the guys bucking on the back of a bull with pinched brows. Her eyes are locked on them, and mine are on her.
She’s mouthing, counting to herself, and when she reaches eight, she curses when the guy jumps off the bull, and everyone ropes the animal.
“Goddammit,” she mutters, standing from the mats. “I rode that same bull last week and couldn’t stay on, but that boy had no problem lasting eight seconds.”
She grits her jaw, and the way she beats herself up tugs at this need I’ve always had to make her feel better, so I gently grip her sweaty shoulder.
I’m shocked when she doesn’t pull away. “Hey, you’re strong, and you’re only going to get stronger this summer with all our training. I’ll make sure of it. You’ve got everything it takes to make it on those aggressive bulls.”
“Not enough, apparently,” she mutters. “I’ve only got six weeks until the rodeo, and if I don’t make it then, everyone’s going to be patting me on the back and saying, ‘I’m proud of you for trying.’ Fuck that. I want to be the best.”
Dakota tries to pull out of my grasp, but I refuse to let her go this time, so I grip her tighter. Her brows shoot up, and she seems surprised by the motion, but I force her to look at me by tilting her chin.
“Listen up,” I command. She goes rigid. “Yeah, you’ve got to work harder to get on their level, but you’ve got something they don’t. Grit, and that’ll take you far. Success is made of a hell of a lot more grit than luck. People respect that. We’ll get you on the right macros, keep training in the gym, and you’ll be ready for the bigger bulls.”
She nibbles her bottom lip, suddenly looking like the little girl who stole my heart with one crooked smile. “You really think so?”
“I know it.” I squeeze her again. “I’ll always bet on you, Dakota Cutler.”
I keep my hand on her shoulder, and she doesn’t pull away. She gazes up at me with something like gratitude shining deep in her brown eyes.
Dakota’s not a sunshine girl; never has been and never will be. She’s an ambitious cynic with a crazy drive to succeed, and I couldn’t think of a better role model for my daughter. I want her to see that she can be anything, whether that’s a teacher, a mom, or the president, so she never feels limited by the world around her .
“Thanks, summer boy.”
And then she does it—she smiles for me, and those dimples pop, right along with my control.
There’s something in her honey eyes. I think she’s looking at me like how I’m devouring her, and all the clattering sounds of weights fade away. I let my gaze skate over her flushed face, but that sweat only has me picturing her sweaty for a whole different reason.
I lift my arm, giving her a chance to pull back, but she doesn’t move away, so without thinking too hard about my next move, I step forward until my chest brushes hers. She freezes in shock or anticipation, I can’t tell, but I need to taste her.
I’m done waiting.
I tilt her head back, and zone in on her full lips. My heart’s racing, pounding, throbbing , but I’m not stopping. Shit, I’m nervous. My body shudders because she’s always had that effect on me, but just when I’m about to kiss the hell out of her, my fucking phone vibrates in my pocket.
She jumps a bit in surprise, feeling it against my thigh. “You need to get that?”
So close.
I pinch my eyes closed, muttering a colorful curse as I look at the screen. I never used to answer the phone when I was on a date with a woman, but now that I have a daughter, I have to check.
Grumbling under my breath, I pick up my phone to see that my mom sent a picture of Vi covered in pancake batter squished between her and Mama’s smiling faces, and I’m thrown back into Daddy Mode.
My baby girl looks so happy, which has me grinning, but then this shot of regret hits me because I’m missing out on this moment with them. My grin dips lower as I continue to stare at the picture.
“Checking in on your girl?” Dakota asks .
Jerking in surprise, I twist around to find her sitting back down and resting her hands on the mats, her head cocked in a curious tilt. She seems completely at ease, and maybe I misread that entire almost-kiss.
It’s probably for the best I don’t kiss her for the first time in the middle of a sweaty gym.
“Yeah, my moms are making banana pancakes with her again. Seems like they’re having fun.”
A crease forms between her dark brows. “ You don’t sound like you’re having much fun. I mean, I don’t blame you because this is the workout from the devil himself, but at least you don’t have to worry about Vi with a nanny who might try to use your hot tub.”
“It’s the middle of summer in Texas. No one’s sitting in hot tubs, but yeah, I guess you’re right.”
She squints, stares, sees . “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing…” I blow out a breath, debating whether I should talk to her in the same way we used to—comfortable and breezy.
“Tell me, Patterson. I’m waiting.”
She might sound harsh, but I can hear the joking undercurrent. It’s the first time she’s demanded anything from me, and it has me wanting to talk like old times, so I toss my gym towel over my shoulder.
“Well, since you asked so nicely,” I tease.
She shrugs. “You know me. I’m not sweet; I’m spicy. Now, tell me what’s on your mind.”
I sigh, relenting. It’s actually nice to have someone to talk to about all this. “Sometimes, I feel bad leaving Vi with my moms. It makes me feel like I’m missing out on parts of her life, like what if I miss her first steps?”
“She’s not walking yet?” Dakota asks carefully.
I rub my chest to get rid of the ball of stress that randomly formed. “Not yet… It feels like I’m doing something wrong, even though I know I’m not.”
She’s quiet for a while like she’s trying to pick out the right words, and then stands from the mat, wiping her hands on her thigh. “You’re doing everything right. My cousin’s kid didn’t start walking until eighteen months. I know that’s late, but some kids just take their time. You don’t have to be here training me if it adds more stress. Go be with your girl, or do whatever you want. Relax or something. Bake.”
“Bake?”
“Yeah, bake . Some people find it relaxing. Lana does.”
“What do you find relaxing now?”
“I don’t have time to relax. I need to train, but I can find someone else to work out with. I think one of the Bronc riders has some free time, but I kicked him out of my bed a few months ago, so it might be kind of awkward now.”
The last thing I want is her spending more time with some other guy. “No, I want to be here with you,” I say too eagerly, so I slow my next words. “As much as I want to be with Vi, it’s also exhausting spending every moment with a one-year-old. This is good for me. I need some time to myself. Time to…” I trail off, not sure if I want to admit this to anyone.
“Time to what?” she prods, bumping my shoulder with hers.
A gulp travels down my throat as our stares meet. Her steady eyes could always pull the truth out of me. “Time to feel like a man and not just a dad. Sometimes, it feels like my entire identity is tied to my kid. I can’t remember the last time I had a night out, but I feel bad leaving her.”
As soon as the admission falls out of my mouth, I turn my head to the pull-up bars because if there’s pity on her face, I don’t want to see it. There’s nothing better in the world than being Vi’s father, but that’s not all I want to be.
“There’s nothing wrong with being a little selfish, Patterson,” she says. “If you give everything away to everyone else, you’ll have nothing left for yourself.”
My parents are always telling me to take time for myself, and I still want to have things that belong to me and only me.
“Yeah, maybe you’re right,” I admit, and this is why I fell for her in the first place. She’s always pushing me to prioritize myself.
When she stays silent, I turn back to find her staring at me with a tilted head like she’s contemplating something.
“Come on,” she says, grabbing my hand. “I have an idea. Let’s get you showered. You deserve to have some fun this summer, so I’m taking you out as a thank-you for training me.”
“Where are we going?”
She winks at me over her shoulder. “To the General. We’re gonna have some fun tonight and find you a cowgirl to ride.”
I’m going to die in the friend zone.