34. It’s A Privilege
34
IT’S A PRIVILEGE
DAKOTA
I ’m an open wound. Every part of me is raw.
But this, this is what I need tonight. To feel something good, something real. After what happened today, I need to feel someone’s heart beating against mine.
And not just anyone’s—Wyatt’s.
I throw my head up to the moon, straddling his hand as I try to drown out my dark thoughts and focus on the man beneath me. His hot tongue tracing up the curve of my neck.
Water droplets cascade down my flushed skin in the heat of the night. The cords of his neck are taut, his jaw clenched in concentration as he rubs my clit with the pad of his thumb.
But I need more.
So much more.
His hand pumps inside me, and I close my eyes, furrowing my brow in concentration. But in the darkness, thoughts of the rodeo, the screaming, the sirens all creep back into my mind.
“Hey.” Wyatt grips my chin, forcing our eyes to connect. His gaze darkens to pools of moss, filling with an intensity that makes my breath hitch. “Eyes on me. I don’t want you thinking of anything else when you’re with me. If you need something to focus on, watch me .”
The command in his tone sucks the worries right out of my mind. I’ve always had a hard time focusing during sex, but not now.
Not with him.
His mouth crashes down on mine, hard and fierce, like he’s been waiting for this moment forever. He stands from the shower floor, picking me up right along with him, all while keeping his lips locked with mine. It’s like he doesn’t want to stop kissing me even for a moment. He tries to take off his wet shirt while keeping his lips on me, but when he can’t, he groans in frustration. He only pulls back for a second to rip off all his clothing, and then his lips are back on mine.
I barely hear his belt hit the floor.
He steps out of his wet jeans, leaving the rest of his clothing in a puddle on the ground. I don’t even get a chance to appreciate all those naked muscles in the moonlight, but his drugging kisses are worth it.
His hand slams against the shower slats like he’s trying to hold himself up. That noise, knowing I’m the one doing that to him, making it sound like he can’t handle any more, turns me on more than anything, but it’s not enough.
“Please, Wyatt. I need to feel you inside me.”
That seems to make him more feral. We’re both standing, so he grips the back of my knees and lifts me off the ground, forcing me to wrap my legs around his strong waist. He cradles my head as he slams me against the shower wall, protecting me. Something about that gesture is so sweet it brings tears to my eyes. Embarrassment simmers in my chest because I never cry during sex, but I’m feeling all kinds of raw, so I kiss him harder.
“Are you sure?” he breathes against my lips.
I tangle my fingers in his wet hair, clenching my legs tighter around his waist. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
In one movement, he lines himself up with my center and then slides into me—deep, deeper, deepest. I’ve never felt so full. When he reaches that farthest point inside me, he groans, biting my shoulder.
“Oh, fuck,” we both moan.
Well, he moans it. I scream it.
“Are you okay?” he pants, letting me adjust to him. “Tell me you’re good.”
He’s taking in deep rugged breaths like this is too much for him, but that doesn’t matter. It’s too much for me too. I cling to his shoulders, clenching him tight. “So good.”
I can barely get the words out without whimpering. He begins moving inside me, slowly at first as the water drenches us. We’re so damn wet.
He kisses my temple while pumping into me, and it’s the perfect balance of sex and romance. He somehow manages to know exactly what I need without me having to tell him.
It’s really hard not to explode into ecstasy right then and there. He dives back into a kiss all while thrusting into me, and the entire time, he never once stops kissing me. The base of his cock rubs perfectly against my clit, sending sharp jolts of pleasure through me. My thighs tremble, and my moans make him moan.
I cry out. So does he.
He thrusts up against me, and then his mouth is on my neck, biting and sucking, leaving marks on my skin. They’re a possession, and I wouldn’t let anyone other than Wyatt claim me.
His thrusts become more intense with the rhythm of rough sex. Skin slapping together, brutal and hard. We’re loud enough to drown out all the worries in my mind. Every water droplet that lands on my skin feels like a caress, and the wetness between us makes our movements slick and raw.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” he groans, the words all stringing together. His pumps turn faster, harder, driving me wild. “Come on, honey, get there with me. You’re gonna make me lose it the way you’re bucking against me like that. Tell me you’re close.”
I raise my voice over our slapping bodies. “So close.”
“Where do you want me to come?”
“Inside me.”
“ Fuck ,” he moans.
My eyes roll back, and he releases a guttural, slightly frustrated groan, and then I feel it, that warmth. His release fills me up and seeing him so unleashed, knowing his control is snapping because of me, it pushes me over my own ledge.
My panting turns to screaming as the intensity of my orgasm crashes through me. It’s never been like this, and I don’t know whether it’s because I’ve never needed an orgasm so badly or because it’s Wyatt.
Probably Wyatt.
“That’s it,” he murmurs, coaxing wave after wave from my body. “Goddamn, I can feel you clenching around me.” My body convulses, and he makes sure to draw out every last bit of ecstasy.
When it’s all over, we’re a wet, panting mess, and I already feel better. More like myself.
His eyes are on me, glinting with primal satisfaction, but there’s also something deeper, something tender, so I stroke his rough cheeks. “I needed that. Needed you.”
His arms tighten around me in a desperate hold, but he doesn’t say anything as he pulls me impossibly close, his lips find my temple in a wispy kiss.
“Did you…” he trails off, sounding nervous. “Was it good for you? I wanted it to be good for you.”
“It was more than good.” I kiss him. “It’ s never been like that for me.”
I don’t ever want to let him go, and I could kick myself for not doing this with him sooner. I can already feel my craving for him growing, and I know I won’t be able to keep my hands off him for the rest of the summer. There’s no way I can stay emotionally detached, so this is going to hurt when it’s all over.
I can’t even think about him leaving, so I won’t. Not tonight.
We untangle our bodies, and his hands move with an almost reverent touch as he washes me, rinsing away the evidence of our passion. He lathers shampoo into my hair, massaging my scalp, and I close my eyes, finally letting myself relax.
As he conditions my hair, the rodeo, Nash’s smile, it flashes through my mind again because I’m an overthinker who can’t shut her brain off at the appropriate times—like post-shower fuck.
That so easily could’ve been me. My brain speeds off with my worries, spiraling into the abyss. I’m going to end up dead by the age of thirty with a tombstone that reads: Took the bull by the horns... and lost.
Life’s brutal out there, but then I think about how I can’t give up this dream. I can never give up because without the rodeo, I have nothing. I’ve poured too much of my life into this career to give up—missed birthday parties, failed friendships, forgotten Christmas presents, declined wedding invitations.
Boone told me I’m an obsessed workaholic who doesn’t care about anyone but herself, and maybe he’s right. I’ve sacrificed too much to quit, and if I give up now, all that hard work will be pointless.
I’m in too deep now.
Wyatt seems to sense my thoughts have veered off because he murmurs softly, “Let’s get you to bed. Like your dad said, a good night’s sleep can solve most problems.”
He wraps me tight in a towel and lifts me effortlessly into his arms. I’ve never had anyone handle me so gently, and it’s something I didn’t know I needed in a man. Everyone treats my body like it’s indestructible, but Wyatt’s holding me like I’ve got caution tape wrapped around me, not a towel.
I thought I needed a man who could handle me, but maybe what I really needed was a man to hold me.
As he carries me to my room, a tight lump forms in my chest. We both get dressed, but as he’s about to lower me onto my bed, I look up at him and whisper, “I don't want to be alone. Can I sleep with you and Vi tonight?”
Softness flickers in his eyes, and without a word, he carries me to his room, holding me a little tighter this time. Luna follows behind us because she can’t sleep without me, and I need my little shadow too.
He kicks open the door with his foot, stepping over the sea of toys. His room is a disaster. Piles of laundry are stacked on the floor. So many clothes. The laundry must never end, and I make a mental note to throw some of his stuff in with mine.
Vienna’s stuffed animals are everywhere, but she’s snoozing in her crib. She hasn’t had the chance to love me yet, but I’m falling for the way she squeals Dee-dee when I walk in the door.
My eyes start burning at the thought of Vi. This barn is going to feel so much emptier once they’re gone. If something like this happened again, I’d have nothing to come home to but a bottle of tequila. And coming home to Vi’s laughter is a trillion times better.
Wyatt gently tucks me into his bed, the cool sheets enveloping me as he slips in beside me. I curl against his warm side with Luna nestled comfortably at our tangled feet.
“How’re you feeling?” he whispers, stroking my hair in the moonlight.
I’m feeling all kinds of things I can’t sort through, and I’m really wishing I could have another shot of tequila just to dull my thoughts, but my dad’s right, that never works. Because it’s Wyatt asking, and this is the most peaceful I’ve felt since the rodeo, all my fears pour from my lips.
“I was so scared,” I admit into the darkness. “I’m starting to think it’s just better if no one loves me. That way, fewer people get hurt if something happens.”
“Don’t say that,” he demands in a hot voice, tightening his arms around me. “Don’t even think that. Loving someone as brave as you could only ever be considered a privilege.”
My eyes start to sting again. “There’s a reason all those bull riders sleep around. It’s just easier not to get attached in case something happens. It’s why I’ve never believed in happy endings.”
He wraps me up in his strong arms, holding me close. “Then let me believe in them for you.”
And I do the last thing I ever thought I’d do tonight—I fall asleep with a smile.