Chapter 20
The ring was a thin white gold band with one cushion cut diamond. Anemic compared to Maggie’s monstrosity but exactly what I wanted. When I went to show it to Celia and Jen, I realized why.
“Oh my god, that took forever.” Celia speared a roll of sushi with a chopstick, and it promptly fell apart. “He asked us ages ago what kind of ring we thought you wanted.”
“He’s very thoughtful,” Jen said. By this time, she was sporting her own engagement ring, her fiancé’s mother’s old emerald.
“He’s the best,” I said. “I feel like I should get him a present.”
“I thought you were the present,” said Celia. “But if not, give him a blow job.” Blunt, as always, but it wasn’t a bad idea.
“He’s been so down about his album,” I explained. I’d filled them in on the near misses of Gabe’s past, the pressure he put on himself to hit the big time, what he thought he owed his family. “It just sucks that there’s nothing I can do to help him out.”
“Clearly you’re helping,” Jen said, flagging down the server for the low-sodium soy sauce. “You guys just got engaged.”
“But I can’t help with this,” I said. “I feel so guilty. If it weren’t for me, Maggie McKee would have made him a star.”
“You don’t know that,” said Jen. But I did.
I was obviously the reason Gabe had severed ties with Maggie.
If I hadn’t come back into his life, he wouldn’t have declined her offer.
He wouldn’t know about her plan for Sally Ann, how she’d used him as collateral.
Maybe by now, Maggie would be the one with a new diamond.
“Well then, you’ll make him a star,” said Celia with a confidence I wished I’d ever once in my life come close to possessing.
“Very funny. I can’t even make myself night sky adjacent.” I paused, thinking of Lauren. “Unless . . .”
I should have known I couldn’t start a thought in front of Jen and Celia without following it through. I might have avoided this whole mess if I’d just understood when to shut my mouth.
“Unless what?” Jen said immediately.
“What what what?” Celia bounced on the seat of the booth.
“This is going to sound crazy. Certifiable,” I said.
“Spill.” Jen took a long sip of ice water.
“What if Gabe and I got married . . . on TV?”
In this before-the-altar promo, Lauren sits down with us to explain the situation to our viewers.
“I’m Lauren Lin,” she says, “former producer for Honeymoon Stage, and the mind behind the new show Real-Life Lovers, coming spring 2008. You’ve seen how the celebrities do it—now let’s shine a light on people like you as they experience the highs and lows of their first year of marriage.”
Cut to montage of Jason and Maggie’s more blissful moments on the show, which doesn’t make much sense to me, but okay, whatever.
“We’re so lucky to be here with our first couple, letting us in on the beginning of their happily ever after. Our very own Cassidy Baum, the behind-the-scenes muscle on the original series, and her Prince Charming, Gabriel Leighton.”
The way Lauren phrases this makes it sound like I was more than just her peon.
It also makes it sound like we’ve agreed to do the full television series, which we certainly have not.
Wedding weekend, sit-down interviews, another sit-down in six months for a where-are-they-now.
Where will we be? Savvy viewers might guess—we will ideally be basking in Gabe’s musical success.
He’ll have his first of a lifetime of Grammys.
I’ll have gone from freelance copywriter with credit card debt to full-time TV producer, thanks to the reference Lauren promised in exchange for letting her executive produce my wedding.
“Hi.” Gabe gives an awkward wave that translates as adorably humble. I’m an actual deer in headlights, making a terrified tight smile.
Cut to montage of me and Gabe throughout our relationship, which has thankfully never been filmed.
Instead of Jason leaning in to wipe whipped cream on Maggie’s nose, we get a still photo of me and Gabe at Jen’s engagement party, his arms in a bear hug over my shoulders, both of us wearing unironic goofy smiles.
A still photo of me and Gabe at the Getty Center, squinting into the sun with the iconic city views spread out behind us.
And then the pièce de résistance, the live footage of Gabe.
Of course they have him short and grinning while he tap dances on The Tiger Crew.
This is paired with a photo of me in my youth soccer uniform, one shin guard hanging and sock bunched around my ankle.
Next, he’s onstage at some bar, sitting on a stool with his acoustic guitar.
I’m in college, hair and earrings both overlarge, my arms flung around two friends who’ve had their faces blurred.
Finally, he’s an opener at a larger seated venue, looking like uncut sex, sounding gravelly and gorgeous.
Clearly, they should have ordered this differently, because here I am as the finale, caught accidentally on camera on the Honeymoon Stage set, reflected in a window behind Jason and Maggie.
I’m wearing jeans and a T-shirt, and my hair is held back with two strategically placed pens.
A trademarked Real-Life Lover if you ever did see one.
I am the nerd who will take off her glasses and get a full face of makeup painted on and then transform into a hottie.
Gabe is the already-hottie who will see me, now that I’m hot, and fall in love, never mind that we are already engaged and have been dating coming up on three years now.
He’s also the hottie who will sell his song as the theme song to our special.
If all goes well, this will also be the theme for Real-Life Lovers, hitting as big as Maggie’s theme song did for Honeymoon Stage.
Gabe will have eyeballs on him, more than just those of the few devoted fans and tabloid hounds who think he broke up Maggie’s marriage.
Lauren will have full credit for Real-Life Lovers, and a built-in premiere audience.
I’ll have a TV job—either with her or from her reference—and the knowledge that I’ve pushed Gabe back onto the track I’m pretty sure I led him off.
“Cassidy and Gabe will tie the knot at Palisades Pines, where it all started for our original duo. Tune in November 4 as the Honeymoon Stage continues.”