Chapter 4
“I’m just a young nigga on the block, watchin’ the clock.” TK rapped to the instrumental playing from the car speaker.
“Yeah!” We hyped him up.
“Niggas know not to fuck wit’ me. Fuck around and get split in three.” He continued.
“Nigga, that shit was ass.” I interrupted his rhymes.
“It’s always a hatin’ mothafucka in the mix. When I get us out of the hood, I don’t want to hear shit.” TK paused the music since I’d messed up his flow.
“Marq is already out of the hood. My boy is in a nice house in the ’burbs now. Katy, Texas, ass nigga,” Mouse added.
I chuckled. “It wasn’t by choice. I’on’t even be at they spot much. You see where I’m at today.”
“You dumb, to be honest,” Mouse stated with a shrug.
“Huh? Why?”
“If I were you, I would have washed my hands of this street shit soon as I got a bed of my own in a neighborhood far from this one. You basically got a fresh start and came back to the hood that took your mom and got yo’ pops on the run? Dumb shit.” Mouse lifted the blunt to his lips.
“Nah, facts. We doing this shit to survive. You got people who want to see you be better and opened their home to you.”
I frowned. “Who the fuck are you niggas?”
“Man, we might be hoodlums, but we are smart hoodlums. Personally, I’m not interested in doing this shit forever. That’s why I’m trying to get into music. My pain can make money.” TK shrugged.
It was rare for us to talk on such a deep level. I couldn’t lie; it made me reflect on my choices. I was lucky I didn’t get caught up in the foster care system or become homeless in the streets after my mom died. Uncle Chance and Aunt Dee were very generous and didn’t have to let me stay with them.
“Look at these lame ass niggas.”
The unfamiliar voice brought me back to the present. My gaze landed on three block boys. They were looking for trouble with their shiesty masks on. I hadn’t gotten into a good old-fashioned fistfight in months. After I’d pissed off Uncle Merlot, he punished me with block work. I didn’t give a fuck, though. It gave me opportunities to kick it with the guys.
“You must want to die today,” I said nonchalantly.
I rubbed my hands together as my eyes darted between the three dudes. I could take them all down by myself, but my boys wouldn’t let me handle it on my own. If one fought, we all fought.
“Nigga think because his crackhead ass mama dead, he the hardest?—”
BOP.
I swung my fist forward and punched the reckless mouth that had something to say about a situation he had no clue about. As soon as I felt his lip split from the pressure of my fist, I saw red. It was like a fuse blew in my head as I crashed out on the dude.
Time seemed to slow down as I focused on causing the most pain possible. All the slick-talking bitch could do was curl up in a fetal position as I kicked him repeatedly.
With wild eyes, I finally stepped back and took in the scene. The young man was unconscious and covered in blood.
“Next time, I won’t stop until he stops breathing. Do not fuck with me because I will kill y’all. Stupid mothafuckas.” I spat at his other two friends, who had done nothing but watch in horror as I beat their homie up.
One of them wanted to charge at me, but his other friend grabbed his arm. “C’mon Gee. We gotta get him some help.”
“Listen to your friend before yo’ mama got to plan a funeral and yo’ cousin got to Photoshop you in front of them lame ass clouds.”
They lifted their unconscious friend down the block and disappeared around the corner. I grabbed a towel out of the back seat to wipe the blood off my hands. It had been eerily quiet. My eyebrow lifted in question as I examined the faces of my friends.
“What?”
Mouse remained silent as he shook his head. TK looked scared to speak.
“Man, what’s wrong wit’ y’all?” I asked with irritation coursing through my veins.
“Marq, you got some issues. You almost killed him,” Mouse explained.
“Yeah? So? The nigga talked about my mama. I ain’t ever been the type to let the disrespect slide.” I defended my actions.
“You gon’ beat up the wrong person and get locked up, dawg. If you enjoy your freedom, you might need to get therapy or something,” TK suggested.
“Therapy is a scam. I’m not confessing my crimes to a bitch to send my ass to jail.”
“Something needs to change, though. You are tripping.” Mouse rubbed his hands down his face.
“Facts. If you don’t chill out, you putting all our freedom at risk, and I’ll be damned if I get locked up behind your bad ass temper.” TK shook his head.
“You think I’m afraid to get locked up? You think I’m afraid to die in these streets? I have nothing and no one to live for. If I died tomorrow, no one would really mourn the loss of my life.” I snapped at them. My immediate family was gone. I was a charity case for Uncle Chance and nem.
“That’s why you need to speak to a professional, Marq. Shit doesn’t have to be this sad,” Mouse explained.
“Man, whatever. I’m gone.”
I dapped them up and walked across the street to where I parked my car. As I brought the engine to life, my mind wandered. They didn’t know what I’d been through. My anger was justified. I had to get the enemies before the enemies got me. The streets weren’t nice to anybody. It was a dog-eat-dog world.
* * *
Swish!
The basketball went into the net. I stepped back and dribbled between my legs. I got into my shooting position, pulled up, and followed through.
Swish!
Basketball was effortless for me. I would have joined a team if I had gone to a decent school. The district enrolled me in an uppity ass school full of lames. I wasn’t about to participate in shit with them. I skipped school so much I was sure Aunt Dee and Uncle Chance would get a truancy notice soon if they hadn’t already gotten one.
The sound of a door closing brought me out of my trance. I looked over to see Honey walking down the porch steps in my direction. She wore blue jeans and a spaghetti strap tank top. I licked my lips when her scent greeted me before she did.
“Hey,” she said softly.
“What’s up, Honey?”
“I’ve been thinking about the kiss since it happened,” she confessed.
Me too.
“Yeah? What about it?”
She frowned. “I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do. You know you came over here with a script memorized. Say what’s on yo’ chest, baby.”
“Baby? Don’t go confusing me more with these pet names.”
“Okay. Say what’s on yo’ chest, Honey .”
She rolled her eyes, even though a ghost of a smile tugged at her lips. She let out a huff and walked over to me. She grabbed the ball and dribbled it a few times before she pulled up and followed through with a perfect shot into the hoop.
“I like you, Marquise. I’d been trying to pretend I wasn’t attracted to you, but I was since the day you moved in. The crazy thing is, I tried to convince myself you weren’t my type because of a promise I made to my grandmother.”
She passed me the ball. I dribbled between my legs and around my back before I propped it under my arm and gave her my full attention.
“Come ride with me.”
“Really? Right now?”
“Yeah. Car rides are where I can think the best. I want to listen and understand your feelings.”
She smiled. “Okay.”
I tossed the ball onto the porch before I walked over to my car and got in. A few moments later, she got in too. I pulled out onto the main road and kept the radio on low.
“You like me, and I ain’t gon’ lie… I like yo’ annoying ass too.” I replied to her words from earlier.
“Annoying?”
“You’re like a pretty plague. Your face, your scent, and your lips been on my mind for a while. Not on no crazy shit, but you plague my thoughts and my dreams.”
“So, would you be my boyfriend, or do you only want sex? Like I said, I’m not trying to give you my virginity anytime soon.”
I merged onto the highway and switched lanes until I could go eighty-five miles per hour. What was I doing with this girl? How had shit changed so drastically?
“I don’t want your virginity, Honey.”
She looked down at her hands. “I understand.”
“I don’t want your virginity. I want your heart and your soul, but a nigga like me ain’t the type who deserves all that.”
Those bright, twinkling eyes looked up at me. “Why do you say that?”
“Because you deserve more.”
“Marquise,” she whined.
“Don’t do that, baby.”
She grabbed my free hand and rubbed my knuckles. I hated being touched. I hated when people made me confront my feelings. I hated getting attached to people. All the things I hated were Honey personified, yet I wanted to be around her. She made me do shit outside of my norm.
A few weeks ago when we smoked, I asked for consent. I didn’t want to push her too far while she was high. I could get pussy on my own regardless, so I didn’t have to drug anyone to give me some. Plus, I would have hated myself if she woke up the next day and hated me for it.
It was shit like that…
Why did I give a fuck what Honey thought about me? Months ago, she was an annoying little girl. Now she was someone I looked forward to seeing. The contrast between how I treated others and how I treated her made me feel like God put her in my life to save me.
“Here you go throwing around that baby word again. Marquise, why don’t you think you are enough?”
I gripped the steering wheel tighter. Who needed a therapist when Honey was here to make me confront shit I wanted to keep buried in the back of my mind?
“You really don’t want to get caught up with a nigga like me, baby. I’m a troubled person. Everyone I love ends up dead or hurt.” The confession made me feel like a drop of water in the sea—useless.
I exited the highway and turned down a familiar street. Honey rubbed my knuckles and smiled at me. She showed all her perfect white teeth.
“I have a praying grandmother. No matter what happens, I’m protected by God. Plus, I know you wouldn’t let me get hurt.”
Her words sent something through my chest. I wasn’t sure what the feeling I felt was, but I didn’t want it to go away. With a short glance her way, I took in her appearance and let my eyes linger on hers. Her eyes revealed a comfort I’d never experienced before. It may have been selfish of me, but I couldn’t let her give the look to anyone else. I wanted her to myself. I wanted to hold her close to my chest and do my best to make her words law in my heart. I would never let her get hurt. If she got hurt, I’d give the Lord my life in exchange for hers. I blinked in surprise at the thought. Had this young ass girl really made that big of an impression on my soul?
“You want to see what happens?”
She nodded. “I do.”
“You better buckle the fuck up and enjoy the ride.”
I hope her grandmother adds me to the daily prayer.