Chapter 19
My heart pounded in my chest. It was a cool day, but my body shivered with anticipation for what Marquise had to say. The conversation was inevitable, but I hadn’t expected it to be so soon.
“I wanted to come by and give my condolences to you and your family. When I heard Miss Janie passed, it hurt me as well. She wasn’t a big fan of mine, but she’d given me her blessing to propose to you.”
I blinked in surprise. “What?”
I nodded. “She walked me through dinner and approved the ring I’d picked out for you. We’d had a great time that day. I think our relationship would have been a lot stronger had I not gotten arrested when I did.”
He rubbed the back of his neck as he held out the flowers for me to take.
“Thank you for the flowers. These were her favorite.”
“I know.”
I placed the flowers on the table near the porch swing. Then I rubbed my hands together and waited to hear what he had to say. Marquise was fine as hell. He’d gotten more muscles but kept his signature low-cut fade and trimmed beard. He would always be attractive to me, but I couldn’t risk the danger involved in being with him.
“Look, I’m sorry for how shit ended with us. It fucks me up to this day thinking about the love I lost when I got locked up. You’d warned me so many times over the years about this shit, yet I still expected you to hold me down.”
I chuckled. “Nah. I loved you, for real. I just wasn’t about to put my life on hold to stick beside you for fifteen years.”
He licked his lips. “It was only six now. I got out on good behavior.”
“Same difference.”
“I guess.” He set the bag in his hand on the steps and stuffed his hands into his pockets.
He was so damn fine. I couldn’t help but admire how well he’d aged. Time had treated him well, even if life had been rough.
“Look… I’m proud of the chef you’ve become. You’re out here doing good shit in the culinary world, and I’m happy Miss Janie got to witness it.”
I gulped as the lump formed in the base of my throat. “Mm-hmm.”
“How are you holding up?”
I shook my head. “You’re not my person anymore, Marquise.”
“I know, but I’d still like to check up on you. Grief can be rough.”
“Don’t act like you care. I can tell from the way you’re moving you didn’t come here to talk about my grief. Please be honest with me. Cut the shit and be real.”
He chuckled. “You know, after we bumped into each other, I did a deep dive into your life. I saw your business page, and that shit had me going down memory lane. You have always been a talented cook, and it’s cool as hell to see how far that shit has taken you.”
I smiled. “Thanks. It means a lot to hear you say that.”
“You’re welcome. I missed you. Hell, I miss you. I thought about you the entire time. Part of me hoped and prayed you’d pop up one day. It was a dream, but I wanted to believe it was possible. I wrote to you a couple times, but you never responded.”
Guilt washed over me. Marquise had no one. He’d left the gang to make a better life for us, and even I turned my back on him when he went down. He deserved better than what I gave him, but I couldn’t stay around and wait for him to get out. It was stupid to pause my life because he wasn’t around.
I couldn’t admit to him I read every letter. I’d get them from the post office every time I came back home and would sit in the room and cry. A few years ago, he’d sent a final letter to me. I cried for hours because I didn’t have the strength to face him and tell him the truth.
Tell him now.
My subconscious was a bitch for putting the thought in my head. It made sense. The window to tell him was wide open, yet I still hesitated.
“Look, I came here to talk to you and to ask you a serious question.”
“What?”
“I watched your interview with… Damn, what was her name? Um, LeAnn. Right. I saw the interview with LeAnn, and it was something you said that caught me off guard.”
Fuck… I should have known he’d do his deep dive into my life and hear my interviews. I loved my son and made him a part of everything I did. The truth would set me free, right?
“What was it?” I asked, though I knew.
“Who is Quis?”
“My son, but you knew that already.”
“I did. Who is his father?”
I looked away and shrunk into myself. I felt like a single grain of sand on the beach as my throat burned. The time to release the burden I’d held on my shoulders for six years had come.
“Honey.”
“What?”
“Come on. Don’t do that. Is Quis my son?”
I gave a ghost of a nod as my gaze met his. “Y-yes.”
“I have a son,” he whispered to himself.
“I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you, but it was like so many things got in the way. The first time I wanted to tell you, you came home beat up. The next time, you proposed and got arrested. It was like God didn’t want?—”
“Don’t put that on God. You did that shit on your own, Honey. Stand on it.”
“I stand on it. I did what was best for me and my child. He didn’t need to see his fuckin’ daddy behind the glass of a prison.”
“Family got same room visits. I could have held my child and been there for milestones. I missed out on first steps, first words, and so much more. You didn’t think I deserved to at least know about it?”
“No. You got arrested and became a ward of the state. You didn’t know inmates don’t have rights?”
He chuckled. “Tell me how you really feel.”
I sighed. “Look, everything happened, and that’s it. We can’t change the past.”
“But we can change the future. Are you going to keep my child out of my life? Are you going to rob me of a chance to give Quis a father figure he can brag about on school projects?”
“I don’t know, Marquise. How can I be sure you won’t go back to prison? How can I be sure your temper is in check? How can I be sure you won’t go back to the cartel? How can I be sure my child will be safe with you?”
Marquise looked at me. His nostrils flared as he held his hands together. He didn’t know how to respond, and these were all signs of his frustration. “Man, this shit doesn’t make no fucking sense. I deserve to be present in my son’s life. Just because you don’t think I’d be a good father doesn’t mean you can deny me of my biological rights to my son.”
“You’d take me to court?” I asked as I crossed my arms over my chest.
Before he could respond, the front door opened, and Quis ran out. “Mommy! This cake is soooooo yummy!”
Quis held the slice of cake out for me to take a bite. I smiled and shook my head. “I don’t want any right now, stinkabutt. Thank you, though.”
Quis nodded and stuffed the rest of the cake into his mouth and rubbed his hands on his shirt. I shook my head with a smile plastered on my face. His timing might have been perfect.
Marquise stared at Quis with wide eyes. It hurt me to see the pain in his brown orbs. “Hey, Quis.” Marquise kneeled and got eye level with his son. They were twins. No one could deny the paternity.
“Hi.” Quis spoke with his mouth full of red velvet cake.
“Hey, don’t talk with your mouth full, baby. Wait until you’ve swallowed, okay?”
Quis nodded and chewed quickly.
Marquise smiled at his tiny replica. “I have something for you in the bag right here.” He slid the bag to Quis. His round eyes widened at the sight of the gift bag. He looked back at me for confirmation he could take the gift, and I nodded.
Quis dug into the bag and pulled out six dinosaur coloring books, three toy dinosaurs, and a dinosaur outfit with a pair of limited-edition kids’ Vans with a dinosaur design on it. “Wow! Mommy, look!” My son’s childish joy was enough to make all my animosity disappear—for the moment.
“I see, baby. What do we say when we get gifts?”
“Thank you,” Quis exclaimed.
“No problem, kid. I heard you liked dinosaurs and wanted to get you some things. I’m glad you like them.”
“I love them,” Quis replied to Marquise and gave him a hug.
Marquise closed his eyes to keep the tears at bay. I could tell this moment meant a lot to him. My heart swelled.
“Quis, go back in the house and ask Pawpaw to clean your face, okay?”
“Okay, Mommy.” Quis gathered his new items and went back into the house.
When the door closed, Marquise stood up to his full height and sighed. He stepped close to me and looked down at me. I froze in place, unable to break the gaze.
“I don’t expect you to want to be with me again—yet—but I can’t let you keep me out of his life.”
“Okay.”
“I know you have a lot to plan for your grandmother’s funeral, but I’d like to spend some time with y’all next weekend.”
“I don’t mind, but we’re going to be going back to Los Angeles, eventually. Not right away because I have a lot to do for my family, but I’m not staying in Katy forever.”
The look on his face made my heart sink. I shouldn’t have said anything yet.
“You’ve got me fucked up, Honey.”
Here we go.