Chapter 5
THREE MONTHS LATER
Thrown in a fit of rage, the bottle of liquid gold—my hard earned, hand pumped breast milk—is tossed out of the car seat that’s hooked over my forearm by the tiny terror that is my three-month-old. I watch as it rolls beneath the running boards of my minivan and disappears out of sight.
Pinching my eyes shut, I take a deep, steadying breath in and then let it out just as slowly.
“Don’t worry, Mom, I can reach it,” Dalton says softly. Dropping to his hands and knees, he fishes it out from beneath the van from where it’s rolled behind the right rear tire. Thank heaven above, the safety top has stayed on, which means the bottle nipple is safe from dirt and grime. I don’t have to toss the whole bottle down the drain when we get inside.
I might just cry if I have to toss anymore of that hard won nutrition down the sink today.
Hiking Bea’s car seat up my forearm so that it rests in the crook of my elbow, I sling the diaper bag over my other shoulder. Dalton slides the bottle into the side pocket and I smile down at him as I huff out, “Thanks, Bud. Can you take Penny’s hand?”
“I don’ need to hold Dalfon’s hand,” Penny grumbles. Crossing her arms over her chest, she stuffs her hands under her armpits and glares at her big brother. “I a big girl, Mommy.”
I sigh, rubbing the spot between my eyes with my middle and index fingers. I have a headache from hell. But Momming never stops.
Especially single Momming to three kids under nine.
“Do you promise not to run off toward the creek?” I ask, staring down into the wide, chocolate brown eyes of my daughter, giving her the best Mom-glare I can muster. I shift Bea’s car seat up my arm again. Good grief she’s heavy.
“I pwomise.”
I sigh again and turn back toward the paved walkway that leads to our side of the duplex townhouse. I glower at the too long grass in our front yard, then sigh. I really need to mow. And weed-whip . Ugh .
I’m just stepping up onto the small paved patio to our front door when Penny squeals shrilly on a high-pitched giggle, and bolts.
“Penny!” I shout, dropping the diaper bag from my shoulder in a heap. I set the car seat down on the patio and start running after my toddler. “Dalton, stay with Bea!”
Fuck I’m out of shape , I groan as I hustle around the side of the townhouse. Her little legs are pumping as fast as they can toward the creek and a tiny shed that stands near it, her new favorite spot the last few weeks. The creek is shallow enough most of the time, but one side of it gets deeper when the rain hits—not that we’ve had any of that in weeks—but it still makes my mom heart nervous as hell for her to get too close.
“ Penelope Louise! ” I shout again, putting on a burst of speed. Just as she’s about to hit the water, a form steps out from behind the shed and snatches her around the waist, hauling her away from the water and into the air.
I come to an embarrassingly awkward stop, panting. Bending over, I rest my hands on my knees as I huff for breath. Cheesus above, this is so humiliating.
“Well, this isn’t what I was fishing for, but I guess it’ll do.”
My hair has started falling out of the messy topknot it was fashioned into on the top of my head, and I blow a loose tendril away from my face as I straighten, raising my eyes to the man standing ten feet away. God, why did he have to be here today of all days? Looking like that ?
Xander holds Penny aloft with one ridiculously muscled arm like a sack of potatoes. She giggles shrilly when he reaches up and tickles the exposed flesh of her belly. Her head is dangling in front of his chest, her feet kicking wildly above his head. I shake mine. Dammit, Penny.
“You know, I just might let you cook her,” I grumble, stepping forward the last several feet. I’m achingly aware that my plum purple biking shorts have hiked their way up my thick thighs, and the loose-fitting Lainey Wilson band tee is clinging to my chest and the residual soft roundness of my stomach, my least favorite souvenir from birthing my babies. I push my glasses back up the bridge of my nose and shake my head.
“No! I don’ wanna be cook’ded!” Penny wails, flailing wildly again.
The chuckle that rumbles out of Xander’s chest is deep and light. His dark beard is scruffy today, slightly longer than normal. He’s wearing a pair of jeans that fit way too well, and an old, worn looking Sky Ridge Hotshot t-shirt that has the arms cut off. His dark hair is thick and just a tad too long, like he’s overdue for a haircut. He’s stupidly handsome.
Not that I’ve noticed . Nuh-uh. Nope.
He’s one thousand percent off limits. The caution taped, neon signs blazing, foghorns blaring kind of off limits. Especially when he looks at me like that .
I swing my attention back to Penny, who is still frantically kicking her feet above Xander’s head. “Well, then I guess you shouldn’t have run off after you promised not to. We’ve had this talk, miss ma’am.”
Reaching up, I snag my wriggling toddler around the waist and he lowers her into my arms. His hand gets caught between Penny’s stomach and my chest and I flush eight shades of red. Oh god, am I sweaty? Of course I’m sweaty, it’s like ninety degrees out. Can he feel it? Ugh, I hope not.
It’s obscenely hot out today, the late summer heat brutal, and my little sprint around the house didn’t help, I’m sure.
He pulls his hand from between my still wiggling child and my body, and I force back a sigh of relief when he steps back slightly. He nods toward the back side of the duplex. “You’ve really got your hands full with this one.”
I groan as I lug Penny up against my chest, still hanging upside down. She laughs again and I can’t help the grin that tugs at my lips or the roll of my eyes. We start our way back toward the townhouse.
“Full hands, full heart,” I laugh cheekily, my go-to response. Because that’s what everyone says when they see me with my kids. We round the corner and I spot Dalton sitting on the patio steps, rocking Bea’s car seat back and forth. He’s playing a game of peek-a-boo, making her coo, which she’s just started doing. My heart melts. He’s the best big brother.
Xander clears his throat and says quietly, “If you ever need anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
That weight settles on my shoulders again, like it always does. I itch to fidget with the band of my wedding ring on my left hand, but I don’t. I swallow around the lump in my throat. “Xander, we’re okay, just like the last time you asked. Cal, Scottie, and the Hansen’s come around to check on us. ”
Those incredible eyes of his do that thing where he stares into mine for what feels like a small eternity, as if he’s trying to see clear into my soul, and I can’t help the flush that erupts over my chest and cheeks. He’s just so ungodly good looking I can’t help but stare back. Even if my heart has shriveled up inside my chest, and I have this self-imposed no-dating-ever-again rule, my eyeballs can still appreciate a gorgeous hunk of man.
“Thanks for hog-tying my escapee back there,” I say lamely, my voice coming out in a weird, husky croak thing. I blush again and drop my gaze from his. “I swear she lives up to the middle child stereotype.”
He chuckles again, tucking his hands into the front pockets of his jeans as I twist Penny in my arms so that she’s right-side-up again, and I set her down, keeping a firm grip on her hand. “Well, the offer still stands, just like every other time.”
Glancing down at Bea in her car seat, her cheeks finally filling out, I can’t help but feel so incredibly grateful for the man that lives next door, even if I’d rather the ground open up and swallow me whole than to ever talk about that night again. Or to admit that I may or may not have a teeny tiny crush. It’s pointless, anyway.
“Th-thanks,” I mutter, my voice shaking as I drop my eyes again. “Umm, anyway, I should get them inside?—”
He nods, then holds out his fist to Dalton, who fist bumps him, a wide grin spreading across his face as he stares up at Xander. I watch, fascinated as always, as he winks down at my son, then points a finger at Penny and says gently, “Quit running off on your mama. I know she’s told you to stay away from that creek. You could get hurt down there.”
Penny nods, her big brown eyes wide. He hunkers down in front of Bea’s car seat—and I swear my long shriveled up ovaries just about burst as I watch him—as he grins at my infant. She waves her little arms like crazy, a wide, toothless smile scrunching up her tiny face. “Good gravy Miss Bea, look how big you’re getting!”
From where he’s hunkered down in front of her, he turns his head to glance up at me, that same wide grin still stretching his face. His teeth are perfectly white and straight, another punch to the gut. Why is he so obnoxiously handsome?
“You did good, Teddy.”
God, the sound of my name on his lips is intoxicating. That low, gravelly rumble of his voice does something to my insides, turns my heart to thrumming and parts of me that haven’t been acknowledged in almost a year to awakening. I haven’t heard a man say my name in that husky, low tone in so long… Some days I forget my name is something other than some variation of Mom .
Flustered with my internal thoughts and praying he can’t read them on my foolishly blushing face, all I can do is nod and produce a shaky half-smile that feels more forced than anything. He straightens, standing to his full height again. I barely come up to his shoulder and have to tilt my head back to look at him, especially from this close. He nods once more, and then his tall frame disappears around the center partition that separates his half of the townhouse from ours, the muscles in his back and shoulders easily visible due to the DIY cut job on his t-shirt.
“Umm, Mom. I’m really sorry, I didn’t notice it until after you had run around the house to get Penny.” Dalton’s voice brings me back, and I glance down at him curiously. He holds up the diaper bag. “The top came off when the bottle fell out, and it went in the dirt.”
I sigh and pat his cheek gently. “It’s okay, Bud. It happens.”
I lug Bea in her car seat into the house behind Dalton and Penny, and try not to burst into tears as I dump the six ounces of contaminated breast milk down the sink after all.