Chapter 20
I may be a little hungover this morning, but the last twenty-four hours have been exactly what I needed. Nothing that a hot shower, maybe an Aspirin, and the rest of this absolutely giant coffee from The Nook can’t fix. Oh, and lots of water.
I’d left Vi and Scottie after hugging them both on the sidewalk outside of The Nook and thanked them for an amazing girl’s night. We made the promise to hang out again soon, even if it’s just meeting up at one of our houses for wine and adult girl talk. I’m refreshed—despite the slight hangover—and I feel ready to take on the world.
It’s really incredible what good friendships can do for your soul. And I’m so insanely blessed to get to say both of those women are my friends, but more than that, they’re family. My sisters from other misters.
I’m singing along to the radio when I turn down my street, feeling lighter than I have in months. And then I spot it from halfway down the block; Xander’s black pick-up truck in his side of the driveway.
He’s been gone two weeks.
Butterflies—or maybe they’re big awkward pelicans because they seem to take up a lot of space in my chest—take flight in my middle. I haven’t seen him since the morning that he’d left…and I’m not entirely sure I’m ready, now. Nerves make me jittery.
Okay. I’m fine. I can do this. It’s just Xander .
Xander… who apparently has heard my ‘ self care ’ and knows that I think about him when I do it.
Oh god . I’m going to die of humiliation.
Glancing at my reflection in the rearview mirror, I breathe a sigh of relief that my hair isn’t a flyaway mess, and that I’d at least put on a little bit of makeup before we’d gone out for breakfast. My clothes are comfy and altogether not sexy; I’d packed my favorite pair of coral pink biker shorts and had pulled on a white, oversized tunic top where one shoulder hangs halfway down my arm, leaving my shoulder and upper arm bare.
My jaw drops open when I get closer though, and I’m not entirely sure I remain breathing.
Good lord… hot neighbor is right. It really should be illegal to be that attractive .
He could cause an accident with that body on display like that.
I slowly pull into my side of the driveway, parking next to Colleen and Kent’s car, if only to get a better look at what is happening in the front yard.
The majority of the front lawn is cut, just a couple strips left remain horribly overgrown as Xander pushes the mower. His shirtless, bare upper body and torso are deeply tanned, rippling with hard muscles and dripping sweat in the late summer heat. He has a pair of black basketball shorts slung low on his hips, the band of his underwear visible just above them, and dirty, grass stained sneakers cover his feet. His dark, thick hair is damp with sweat and keeps falling over his brow.
He glances over at me, those intense, ice blue eyes meeting mine from across the yard and I can’t help the blush that stains my cheeks. I drop my gaze from his quickly, my heart racing frantically in my chest, and I turn the engine off before grabbing my overnight bag from the passenger seat. Sucking in a deep, calming breath, I step out of the minivan. The sound of the mower cuts off and my gaze raises to him again. I blush hotly all over as he walks toward me.
I try—heaven above I try—not to stare at him like I’ve never seen a naked man before, but good lord the man is just too pretty not to look at. He shoves one hand up through the sweat-dampened hair at his brow, his fingers raking through it and shoving it back as he grins. That wide, white smile is like a balm to my soul after not seeing it for two weeks, and his eyes crinkle at the corners.
“Hey,” he says, stopping several feet from me. His facial hair is scruffy and thicker than usual, but it only adds to that ultra-masculine, lumberjack look he’s got going on. The butterflies in my stomach are loving it.
“Hey, yourself,” I murmur, smiling back at him despite myself, taking in all of him. I can’t help but notice the deep circles beneath his eyes. When was the last time he slept? “When did you get back?”
“A couple hours ago.” His eyes drop to the overnight bag in my hand. “Can I take that for you?”
I narrow my eyes at him, forcing myself to keep my eyes on his and not letting my gaze travel over every naked inch of him that’s close enough for me to touch. He’s got muscles on top of muscles, and my fingers are screaming at me to touch, to let the tips of my fingers trail between the grooves of his abs. I want to take a bite out of his biceps like they’re big, juicy apples.
Good grief. Down, kitty .
Shaking my head to clear it, I murmur slowly, “You’ve been gone working for two weeks and before you even go inside to sleep, you mowed my lawn.”
He glances over his shoulder at the lawn that is now completely mowed, then turns back to me, a smirk tilting up one corner of his mouth. Dammit, those eyes of his are my undoing. I’m powerless under that stare.
“Uhh, yeah? What does that have to do with me offering to carry your bag?”
“ Xander …” I scold lightly, shaking my head again.
“ Teddy ,” he counters in the same tone, stepping slightly closer.
I have to tilt my chin up to remain staring at his face and not at that magnificent body that’s now even closer to me. All I have to do is reach my hands up and I could run my palms all over?—
“Did you have a good girl’s night?” he asks softly, hauling me out of my slightly pornographic daydream. I blush scarlet. What is it about this man that just makes me lose all ability to think rationally?
“Uhhh,” I mumble, my brain trying to play catch up. Xander reaches a hand out to me and I’m so addled, I don’t protest when he takes my bag off my shoulder. He just dazzles me completely. It’s not fair. “Yes. I’m a little hungover, but it was a lot of fun.”
“I’m glad you got to have a little time for yourself,” he murmurs, lifting the bag to his own shoulder and turning us toward the townhouse. “You deserve it, Mama.”
I can’t help the involuntary gasp at that huskily whispered word, nor can I stop the sharp intake of breath when the heat of his palm at the small of my back registers. It’s like a branding iron, searing me. I don’t even remember the last time I had a man’s hands on me, even just as simple as something like this. It’s… oh god.
“Teddy, if you keep making that sound, I’m going to embarrass myself in front of your in-laws,” he whispers roughly, leaning closer so his breath fans against my ear. Holy shit . “And I rather like them, so I’d like to not make this awkward if possible. But I can’t do that if I’m sporting a boner in my gym shorts. ”
The shocked laugh that escapes me at his boldness is more of a snort than a laugh. My hand flies over my mouth as I stare up at him in horror at the sound that I just made. It’s like it’s literally impossible for me to not embarrass myself to the very depths of my being whenever I’m around this man. And what he’d just said…
His chuckle is deep and low as we make our way toward the front door, and I’m painfully aware of his hand still riding low on my back, just above the slope of my ass.
Those fingers spread wide over my back, as if flexing, and then he squeezes gently. “And before you start second guessing what I just said; yes, I fucking meant it, beautiful.”
I swear my face is flaming eight shades of red as Colleen chooses that moment to open the door, Penny on her hip. “Oh, hello my sweet girl! I thought I heard you pull in. Bea’s down for her morning nap, and Grampa has Dalton down at the creek looking for crayfish. Xander, that lawn looks amazing! You must be parched, look at you sweating up a storm. Come on in, let me fetch you a drink to cool down.”
“Sure, let me just go grab my t-shirt.” He sets my bag down just inside the door, then dazzles my mother-in-law with a smile before jogging back down off the porch, to where he’s tossed his t-shirt aside. My eyes are glued to his body as he shoves his arms and head through the holes in the shirt—sleeves cut off, as usual—and then he’s jogging back over to us. I can’t take my eyes off of him. Colleen ushers us all inside and closes the door behind us.
Colleen sets Penny down on the ground and my toddler launches herself at Xander, who catches her and lifts her up into his arms. She cackles shrilly, sliding her hands over his shoulders which are still damp with sweat, and then she fingers his hair. “Ewwww! You’re all sweddy!”
His laugh is genuine as he stares at my toddler. He shakes his head at her, making her laugh harder .
Tearing my eyes away from them, I turn to grab my bag from beside the door, if for no other reason than to give my hands something to do. This is the first time Xander has been inside my house since that day he’d brought me the sandwich after Bea was born.
Straightening, I turn back, just to find Colleen eyeing me knowingly. Tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear, I put on my best smile. “I’m just going to drop this in the bedroom.”
“Mmhmm,” she murmurs, her mouth quirking just the slightest with a hidden smile.
I pass by her, Xander, and Penny, slipping down the hallway. Dropping my bag inside the closet, I rush over to the full-length mirror that’s propped into one corner of the room, running my hands over the brightly colored biker shorts that are clinging to my thighs. I wiggle my toes in my flip flops, the new coat of polish on my freshly manicured feet after last night. My shirt is hanging off one shoulder, showing off the light tan there. Reaching up, I rewind my hair up into the claw clip on the back of my head, fanning out the strands so that they lay just so . Then I rush into the bathroom to give my lashes another couple swipes of mascara and add a touch of blush to the apples of my cheeks.
Exiting the bathroom, I skid to a halt and backtrack, reaching into the cabinet for an almost empty perfume roller. I slide it along my collarbones and then at my wrists. I cap it, placing it back in the cabinet before my eyes drop to the flash of silver on the finger of my left hand.
Dropping my face into trembling hands, the shock of cool metal against my heated cheeks sends guilt crashing through me. What am I even doing? Primping for a man with my wedding ring to another man on my finger? With my dead husband's parents right here? What is wrong with me?
Breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth, I count to five. It’s just Xander. He’s my neighbor. My brother’s best friend. My brother’s boss . All he did was mow my lawn. It’s not a marriage proposal, for crying out loud.
I groan into my hands, shaking my head in dismay at myself, my thoughts heading straight into the gutter. “Ohmygod,” I grumble miserably, my words muffled by my hands still.
Dropping my hands and staring into the mirror over the sink, I remind myself I am a mature adult woman—a widow, for crying out loud—with three children to take care of. I can’t afford distractions. Especially when they come in the form of Superintendent Xander Macomb.
When I return to the kitchen, Xander is standing at the kitchen counter with Colleen while he drinks a glass of ice water. I don’t pay attention to the way his throat works with each swallow, or the way his fingers clasp around the glass, the muscles in his forearm bunching and shifting with each movement. Penny is sitting on top of the peninsula bar top, her legs criss-crossed. I focus on that instead.
“Penny, is that where bums go?” I ask, stopping at the counter.
“Ummm…” she giggles, glancing at Colleen, who I catch winking at my terror of a toddler. I shake my head as I roll my eyes where they can’t see. “No?”
“That sounds an awful lot like a question,” I mutter. I glare at her playfully, making her giggle more. “Get your bum off the counter, please.”
Xander sets his glass down and catches her beneath her armpits, sweeping her up and off the counter like an airplane before setting her in one of the high back stools pulled up against the tall countertop.
“That’s my bad, Mama, I set her down up here,” he explains, turning his head to wink at me. I nod, though I do my best to keep my shoulders straight and not hunch in on myself like I’m so used to doing nowadays. Especially around Xander. Especially when he uses that word. He has to know what it does to me.
Actually, I’m fairly certain he knows exactly what that does to me and does it on purpose.
That intense gaze that I swear to God can see straight into my soul pierces me, and the understanding that flashes there as he stares at me wrecks me. He’s a good man, I can feel it in my soul. But… I can’t do this. He turns back to Penny, ruffles her hair gently, then addresses Colleen.
“Thank you so much for the water. I should head next door. I don’t want to stink up Teddy’s house anymore than I already have, and I really should get some sleep.”
My mother-in-law pats his forearm and smiles at him kindly. “You don’t stink, but you should definitely go get some sleep. The lawn looks perfect. And it was so nice to see you again. Teddy, be a doll and walk him to the door,” Colleen insists, picking Penny up and balancing her on her hip. “I think I hear Bea waking up.”
I glare at the back of her head as she walks away, knowing full well she’s lying out her ass about hearing Bea. The traitor.
Clutching my arms across my waist, I smile at Xander and we head toward the door together. Stepping out onto the patio, I sigh heavily.
“I’m so sorry,” I laugh, gesturing back into the house. “They mean well but they’re meddlers.”
“It’s very apparent that they love you,” he says gently, stepping down off the main porch and onto the paved walkway. “I’m glad you have them.”
“Me too,” I murmur, smiling. Wrapping my arms around my middle tighter, I do the thing and hunch in on myself when those eyes of his find their way back to me. His gaze unnerves me, so I babble, “I’m glad you made it back safely?—”
“Stop doing that,” he whispers roughly, those eyes boring into my own. I swear he sees too much of me .
“Stop doing what?” I ask, my throat tight. I swallow hard.
He waves at me as a whole, generalizing around my middle, where my arms are crossed. “ That . Folding in on yourself. Like you’re trying to hide or shrink or something.”
I drop my arms to my sides, my heart hammering in my chest at the roughness in his voice. It’s raw and dangerous and fuck me, it’s thrilling. I hate it. I don’t want to like it as much as I do.
He steps up onto the patio once more, until we’re close again. “I meant what I said before I left, Teddy. Don’t think for one fucking minute that I haven’t spent the last two weeks replaying every second of seeing your body on display like that, or remembering the way you sound…” Heat creeps up my neck as he continues huskily, “You are… you’re fucking perfect, Teddy. I hope you know that.”
Oh god. This is so bad. So dangerous. For me, my kids, my very breakable heart. Possibly his face, if Cal isn’t as chill about it as Scottie seems to think. Because I’m not sure I’m ready to date again, and I can’t do casual. “Xander…”
“Don’t,” he breathes, almost beseechingly. His sky-blue eyes are tortured as he stares down at me. “I know. It’s okay. You don’t have to say it. I just… I want you to know that I’m here. And I see you, sweetheart. Every fucking part of you, beautiful.”
My teeth clamp over my bottom lip as he turns and strides away, disappearing out of sight.