Chapter 31
The guys shoved us girls out of Xander’s duplex as soon as dinner was over, refusing to let us do the dishes—and who am I to argue with that?—so we’d allowed ourselves to be shooed out to enjoy the last of our wine and quiet girl time. Sitting around the little patio table out the back sliding door of my duplex, we’re laughing and chatting and I’m so blissfully content it’s a little disconcerting. I haven’t felt like this in so long, it’s almost foreign.
A citronella candle is lit on the small glass tabletop between us, the flame flickering in the light breeze that just barely stirs the evening air.
Leaning back in my chair, I sigh and close my eyes. “I should really get my kids to bed but I’m so comfortable I don’t want to get up.”
Violette hums in agreement, though none of us make any move. “I know, I should be getting Hols home to bed, too. But this is nice. Relaxing.”
We can hear the guys talking and the kids laughing from inside Xander’s house as they clean up the dinner dishes.
“It’s nice to not have to do it all alone,” I admit quietly, my eyes still closed, head tipped back. “Does that make me a terrible person to say that out loud?”
“Not at all,” Scottie says softly, and then I feel her hand squeeze mine gently. “You’ve been doing all of this alone for months, Teddy. It’s okay to let someone else help you. Especially if they look that hot doing it.”
“Are we talking about Xander or my brother?” I ask, cracking open one eye to look at her. She laughs, tipping her head back.
“Pfft, I was talking about us,” she laughs, shrugging her shoulders. I grin, then let my eyelid drop closed again. “Cal adores your kids, by the way.”
“I would hope so,” I laugh lightly, rolling the back of my head along the back of the chair. “He’s the one that was begging me to give him nieces and nephews. He just likes that he can spoil them absolutely rotten and then send them back home all cracked out on sugar.”
Scottie snorts a laugh, nodding. “Isn’t that the truth.”
We’re quiet for a time, listening to the guys and kids inside. This weird, patchwork family that seems to have been stitched together at random but feels so right, somehow.
I roll the pad of my thumb over the smooth underside of my wedding band on my finger, then look down at it. Taking a deep, steadying breath in, I whisper into the fading twilight to the two women that have become like sisters to me, “Thank you for letting me be a mess, you guys. This has all been so confusing. Both in my head and my heart. Thanks for allowing me to try and talk it through without judgment.”
“You’re not a mess, you’re a human,” Vi says gently, reaching out to squeeze my hand. “And this is a judgment free zone. You know that.”
Before any of us can say anything else, an indignant cry reaches us from inside Xander’s house and I sigh. “Well, that’s my Mom-cue. ”
The slider door opens and closes next door and then Cal appears around the walled partition with a now fully awake and hangry Bea in his arms. I silently thank myself for switching to water after my second tiny glass of wine earlier.
“Okay, okay, little miss crabby pants,” he mumbles, bringing her to me. “I get it, I’m your least favorite person right now.”
“Only because you don’t have working nipples,” I laugh, teasing lightly. His nose wrinkles and he makes a disturbed sound in the back of his throat, which makes Vi and Scottie laugh.
I take hold of her and she cries all the harder for a handful of seconds while I adjust my top in the dark. Cal averts his gaze and then a second later Bea’s angry fussing cuts off abruptly as she latches on. I adjust the loose flowing shirt over the both of us, and by some miracle, she doesn’t try to shove it off of her head.
Cal places his hands on Scottie’s shoulders, massaging them, and she groans, tipping her head forward until her chin nearly touches her chest. He chuckles. Dusk is fully settled around us, the only light the single citronella candle that sits in the middle of the table, though it does little to break up the darkness, shrouding each of us in deep shadows.
My brother notches his chin toward Xander’s side of the townhouse, then asks, “Are you ready for them to come home for bed? Penny is sacked out on the couch.”
“Probably should,” I say, resting my head on the back of the chair. “Just give me a couple minutes to finish here and get her changed for the night, and then I can come get them.”
“We’ve got it,” Cal says, leaning over to squeeze my shoulder before dropping a kiss to the top of Scottie’s head. He disappears around the corner.
“This is amazing,” Vi mutters, sinking lower in her chair, her eyes closed. “I could definitely get used to them taking over kid duty.”
My chest twinges with a hit of envy. She gets to go home with her man, as a family, the three of them. In an hour, I’ll be alone again. Putting my kids to bed and then going to bed alone. Just like every night. Switching Bea from one side to the other, I sigh, closing my eyes. It was fun to think about while it lasted, anyway.
When she’s finally had her fill, I lift her up to my shoulder and rub her back gently until her tummy settles, and then I heave to my feet. Both women follow suit, and I hug Violette with one arm and say good-bye with a promise to meet up for coffee later in the week, before they head over to Xander’s. I slip inside my own house to change the baby and get her into a set of footed pjs. Carrying her with me back to the living room, I smile when Dalton comes in through the sliding door in front of Cal and Scottie. Xander has a sleeping Penny cradled in his arms.
“Tiny terror just couldn’t hang with the big dogs,” he chuckles, shrugging those muscular shoulders, then winks at me. “Where would you like her?”
“In her bed,” I say, notching my chin down the hall. Xander’s heavy footfalls sound behind me as I lead the way, turning on the hall light as he enters her bedroom. “She can sleep in those clothes. If I try to change her out of them, she’ll wake up and then be up all night.”
He lowers her to the bed and then covers her with the comforter, tucking her in gently. I flip on the nightlight beside her bed, and then we exit her room as quietly as we can.
“Dalton, brush your teeth and head to bed, please.” He nods, turning to Cal and Scottie. Scottie ruffles his hair gently and Cal holds out his fist, to which Dalton bumps with his own.
“Good night, dude,” Cal and Scottie say.
“Good night, Uncle Cal, good night, Aunt Scottie,” Dalton grins, then glances over at Xander, who holds out his fist, too. My chest cracks when Dalton’s grin widens further before fist bumping Xander. “Good night, Xander. Thanks for showing me that trick with the bat. ”
“Of course. You’ll be killing it next year if you keep practicing. We’ll try and catch a spring game next season when Detroit comes out to play Seattle,” he says, tucking his hands into his front pockets. Dammit, my heart…
Dalton’s brown eyes go wide and they bounce between Xander’s and mine. “Seriously? That would be wicked!”
Xander grins, shrugging. “As long as it’s okay with your mom, sure. Maybe your uncle can come with us.”
Dalton does a jump and punches his fist into the air in excitement. “Yeah, Uncle Cal! Come with us!”
“Let’s just get through fall and winter before we start worrying about spring sports,” I laugh, laying my arm across my son’s shoulder and squeezing. “Alright, big man, it’s really time for bed.” I drop a kiss to the top of his head and he squeezes me around the middle before skipping down the hallway to the bathroom. I roll my eyes and glance between Xander and Cal. “You don’t know what you just started.”
Both men chuckle. Bea is wide awake now and much happier than before, but I’m already regretting allowing her to nap as long as I did. She’ll be up for hours now. She’s waving her little arms like crazy at Cal.
“Oh, now you’re happy to see me,” he mutters sourly, though his eyes twinkle as he takes her out of my arm.
Dalton pops his head out of the hallway. “Good night, everybody. Good night, Mom.”
“Good night, bud, I love you,” I murmur, smiling over at him. He waves, and then his door closes. I turn back to Xander, Cal, and Scottie. Scottie leans in for a quick hug, then I slip one arm around Cal’s waist, hugging him, too. He squeezes me gently. “Good night, you guys. Thanks for coming over.”
“Coffee with Vi later this week?” Scottie asks, and I nod with a smile, before leading them to the front door. “Good night you guys!”
Cal finally hands Bea back as we reach the door after giving her a dozen kisses to each cheek. The big softie is wrapped around her tiny finger.
“See you soon, sis,” he says, leaning down to whisper, “I can kick his ass if you want.”
“That’s not necessary,” I whisper back, rolling my eyes. Squeezing his bicep, I murmur, “Love you.”
“Ditto.”
Xander exits with them, turning to give me one last look. “Thanks again for tonight. Good night, Xander.”
“Good night, Teddy.” His voice wraps around my middle, making my fingers tremble where I’m clutching the edge of the door. Those eyes are laser focused on my face. I’m too chicken to ask for a kiss in front of my brother and Scottie, so I just smile and then close the door. I blow out a long exhale, puffing out my cheeks as I sag against the closed door. I can hear their murmured words beyond the door, but it fades as they walk away.
Glancing down at my infant, I murmur, “Come on, chicklet, it’s time for Mom to get ready for bed, too.”
Taking Bea with me, I get her situated in her bouncy seat on the floor in the bathroom as I wash my face, brush my teeth, then change out of my clothes and into a pair of matching boy-short underwear, along with my favorite nursing bralette. Pulling my robe on, I tie it at my waist and then we settle into bed. I read on my kindle while she nurses one more time, and then she’s out like a light. Carrying her into the room she shares with Penny, I lay her down as gently as I can, and sneak back out of the room. With a sigh of relief, I pad to the kitchen.
A light tap on the glass of the sliding patio door turns my head with a startled gasp. On the other side of the glass, Xander stands in the darkness beyond, but the light from the lamp highlights his features. He holds up one hand, a little pink puppy attached to a pacifier suspended there. I roll my eyes and smile, heading over to the door .
Pulling it open, I laugh, “This damn puppy. I swear we lose it at least once a day.”
“I’m just glad I spotted it,” he chuckles, handing Bea’s comfort item over to me.
“Thank you for tonight,” I murmur quietly. “You didn’t have to do all that, but I appreciate it nonetheless.”
Leaning one shoulder against the door jamb, he folds his arms over his chest, and I’m acutely aware of the way his eyes travel over my face, then lower, before climbing back up to mine. I swallow hard, my fingers shaking slightly as I clutch the pink stuffy between my hands.
“I had a good time,” he says quietly, that deep, husky timbre of his voice sending the butterflies in my belly to fluttering like crazy. “Your kids are great, Teddy. You’ve done such an amazing job with them.”
“Thanks for uh, for offering to take Dalton to a game,” I murmur, wringing the plushie between my fingers. I try to smile, but it’s wobbly. “Logan was supposed to take him this year, but…” I shake my head, forcing the smile back on my face. “I understand your schedule is crazy, but I appreciate you offering, even if it doesn’t happen?—”
“Why wouldn’t it happen?” he asks, those dark brows pulling low over his eyes. I stand a little straighter, taken off guard by the sharpness in his tone.
“I just meant—it’s still a long way out, Xander,” I whisper, worrying my bottom lip with my teeth. “That’s seven, eight months from now.”
“And?” he asks, shifting his feet, though his arms are still crossed over his chest. The muscles in his upper arms are bunched and dammit I can’t help but wish I could drag my fingers along those deeply tanned muscles.
“Xander,” I laugh hesitantly, blowing out a sigh.
“I’m crazy about you,” he continues, his eyes laser focused on mine. “That means every part of you, Mama, and your kids are a part of you. It might have to happen before the fire season starts, but we’ll go to a game. I keep my word.”
“Oh,” I whisper, the word escaping me in a puff of breath. One corner of his mouth tilts up in a smirk.
“ Oh ,” he repeats, eyes twinkling. Pushing away from the doorjamb, he takes a step toward me, forcing me to look up into his face as he draws near. His hands bracket the sides of my face, his thumbs stroking along my cheeks. I’m trembling, shaking where I stand. “I told you I’m tired of fighting this, Teddy. I tried to. Goddamn I tried ,” he breathes, shaking his head. “I know you deserve so much more, but I’d like to try to give you the world, beautiful. If you’ll let me.”