Chapter 33
I can’t believe I’m doing this.
I can’t believe how hard I just came on this man’s fingers. My brain is still half-addled, I think. As we make our way down the darkened hallway, nerves take hold of me, though I’m not sure if the trembling is from nerves or the intensity of that orgasm.
As soon as the door to my bedroom closes behind us, his hands are on me again. Touching and gripping everywhere, like he can’t get enough of the feel of me beneath his hands. My robe is shoved off my shoulders, letting it pool around my feet, then he’s flicking the front clasp of my bralette open and shoving the straps down my arms.
His mouth falls open as my breasts spill out of the bra, and then he breathes, “Fuck, Teddy. You’re so fucking pretty.”
Kneeling in front of me, he drags my panties down my thighs and I place my hands on his shoulders for balance as he helps me step out of them. Until I’m completely naked in front of him. His mouth presses into my stomach and I squeeze my eyes shut tight, embarrassment heating my skin.
His hand cracks down on one of my ass cheeks in a sharp slap, making me gasp, my eyes flying open to stare down at him where he’s still kneeling in front of me. The sight of him on his knees in front of me is thrilling, he’s so darkly handsome.
His voice is raspy as he demands, “Get out of your head, Mama. Tonight, all you’re allowed to think about is how amazing we feel together. Got it? How many times can you come before you’re begging for mercy, Teddy?”
He stands, pushing his hands into my hair and angling my head up so he can crush his mouth to mine, kissing me thoroughly, until I’m a melted mess of a puddle in his hands.
“Get on that bed. Spread these thighs for me and let me see what I’ve been dying to taste.”
I stare up at him, dumbfounded at the filthy words, a nervous laugh escaping me, but I do as instructed.
Reaching up, his shirt is pulled over his head to be tossed aside, and I’m afforded an unrestricted view of his chest, abdomen, and shoulders. I watch as his strong fingers work quickly at his jeans, shoving them down his thighs, until he’s in nothing but a pair of tight, sharply tented black boxer-briefs. I can’t wait to see him. His thighs are long and thickly muscled, dusted with dark hair, though I can’t see as much as I’d like to with the lights off. The moon is filtering through the window, highlighting us in a faint silver glow. He looks dark and dangerous standing at the foot of my bed, naked except for the black underwear, one hand gripping his cock beneath the fabric.
I’m naked on the bed, just like he asked, and I’m grateful for the darkness. I know my body is soft and round in all the places I wish it wasn’t, and I’m glad that at least for this first time—assuming there will be more of this to come—some of my imperfections are somewhat shadowed.
“Please, go slow,” I whisper then, my words barely a breath in the dark, nervousness making my throat tight. He kneels on the bed, lowering his beautiful, strong body over mine until he’s pressed fully against me. His brow furrows with worry as he cups my cheek. “It’s just… been a long time, Xander. And obviously not since Bea was born… Sometimes it can be a little painful, at-at first…”
His brow smooths out and then he’s ducking his head and kissing me fiercely. I moan, fisting his hair in my hands, and then his mouth is moving down my neck. He presses kisses to my throat, and I can feel his lips moving as he speaks. “Then I guess I just need to do my job and make sure it’s not.”
“It’s okay, it’s normal,” I assure him, but he shakes his head.
“I would never forgive myself if I caused you any pain, Teddy. Let me get you ready for me, please,” he rasps against my skin. I shiver, digging my fingers into his hair and holding him to me.
His mouth is moving lower again and I tug on his hair between my fingers, pulling his mouth up before his lips close over the tips. I let go of his hair once he’s looking at me, sliding my hands down to cover my breasts. “Xander…”
“Why can’t I taste these, Teddy?” he asks, swiping his lips over the backs of my fingers.
A bewildered, terrified laugh bubbles out of me. “B-because.”
His gaze is heated as he stares up my body at me, his lips still trailing over the back of my hand that’s covering my left breast. His beard tickles the back of my hand. “Because why? You let me before. That night. Sitting in that chair outside. You let me taste you through your shirt, and then you let me put my mouth on them, too. Why not now?”
I sigh brokenly. I’m terrified of what will happen if he plays with my nipples again. I leaked through my tank top after the last time, and I’ll die of shame if it happens again.
“I know…but…I don’t want you to be—” Squeezing my eyes shut, I groan when he lifts my left hand away from my body. His tongue is there then, circling my nipple, before his lips close over it. “Oh shit. ”
The sensation zaps all the way to the center of me. Logan never played with my nipples after I had Dalton. He always said it was weird, and I hadn’t pushed him about it. But God, I’ve missed this.
His deep, tortured groan rumbles up through his chest and I can feel it around my nipple as he sucks it, laves it with his tongue, effectively cutting off my anxious thoughts. It’s impossible to focus on anything else as his hand moves my other hand away, and his fingertips pluck at my other breast. My back arches off the bed and an agonized moan leaves my throat as my fingers dive back into his hair, holding his head to me.
“I can’t tell you how often I’ve thought about this,” he groans around the bud in his mouth.
“Seriously?” I ask, laughing, then groan again when he flicks his tongue rapidly.
He raises his head and those eyes pierce mine. “We will circle back to this conversation later, beautiful, but right now, I want to enjoy every delicious part of my meal. This is just the appetizer.” One of his hands slides down my body and parts my thighs, his fingers finding my aching center like a magnet. Two fingers slide deep and my back arches off the bed, my eyes rolling into the back of my head as he flicks those fingers deep. “This is my entrée, pretty girl. And I intend to feast. I didn’t get nearly enough of a taste earlier.”
“Holy shit,” I breathe raggedly, sinking my fingers back into his hair, holding on tight as he flicks his tongue over my left nipple again and again, at the same time his fingers are doing wonderful, magical things inside me.
“Goddamn,” he groans, lifting his head and switching to my other breast, giving it the same adoring attention as the first before he slides down my body. I squeeze my eyes shut, too embarrassed to watch as he sinks to his knees on the floor at the edge of the bed, slinging my thighs over his shoulders. And then his mouth is right there, tongue darting out to lap at my clit in quick, rapid flicks before settling in to devour me whole.
My entire body is shaking. It feels so good, his fingers inside me, his tongue and lips and teeth on my clit. I open my eyes just to find him watching me from between my thighs. The sight is so filthy and erotic, I moan out his name.
“Fuck, you taste so fucking good,” he groans low, leaning away to sink his teeth into the softness of my inner thigh. I gasp sharply at the spasm that rockets through my core at the shock of pain. He growls in approval, kissing the hurt gently. His eyes are on me as he rasps, “Are you going to come on my fingers, Teddy? I can feel it?—”
He fucks me with his fingers, flicking with each deep thrust until I’m a writhing, panting mess as he replaces his mouth on my oversensitive clit, and then I’m coming. My legs shake where they’re slung over his shoulders and my body curls up on itself, my abs contracting almost painfully with the intensity of my orgasm. One hand fists in his hair, the other clamping down on the bed sheet next to me as I try not to scream.
“Shhhh,” he groans from between my thighs as I sob brokenly, still shaking uncontrollably. “ God , Teddy. You come so good for me. You soaked my hand; what a good fucking girl you are.”
Embarrassment flushes my skin, making me hot all over as I come down from that high. “Ohmygod.”
His fingers slide out of me and I gasp loudly when he flattens his tongue and drags it along my pussy before sinking inside. He groans gutturally, his arms wrapping around the thickest part of my thighs to hold me to him. The man said he wanted to feast, and he does.
Good God, am I happy to be his meal. Especially when he makes me come harder than I’ve ever come before.
“Mmhmm,” he hums against me. Leaning away for a half a heartbeat, he demands, “Come on my face. I want to feel this pussy come on my tongue, Teddy.”
There’s no denying the man what he wants. I couldn’t if I tried. I come again, shattering with a muffled cry aimed at the ceiling as he wrings every drop of pleasure out of me like I’m the most delicious thing he’s ever tasted.
I’m incoherent at this point. I’m dotted with sweat, the back of my head is thrashing on the bed sheets beneath me, and all I can manage to say is, “Ohmygod, ohmygod.”
He lifts my hips up off the bed, shoving a pillow beneath my ass, and then he’s kneeling between my thighs, rising up like a dark statue. God, this man is so pretty to look at. And damn, he’s gloriously naked. I get my first look at his cock, hard and long and so much bigger than I’d expected.
Pressing two fingers deep inside me again, he stretches his fingers wide and I whimper, aftershocks still fluttering through me. “Are you ready for me, Mama?” he asks from above me. His other hand grips his cock in his fist, pumping slowly. My mouth goes dry. I nod. “I can put a condom on, Teddy, but I’d really love to feel this bare pussy around my cock. I’ve never gone bare with anyone else before.”
“I’ve never been with anyone else,” I whisper, licking my lips. “Only ever…”
He nods, and I don’t finish the sentence. I don’t want to speak his name right now. Not in this moment with Xander.
“We don’t have to do this, Teddy,” he whispers through the dark, his voice low and pained, but so understanding.
“I want you,” I breathe, reaching for him. “I want you, Xander. Please. Fuck me bare. I want to feel all of you.”
He drags the head of his cock along my lips, soaking himself in my wetness. Notching himself at my entrance, he pushes forward, just a little. Bracing one hand against the bed next to me, he lowers his upper body until he can capture my mouth with his in a searing kiss .
“Tell me to stop if it’s too much, Teddy,” he murmurs. I nod frantically, my hands scrabbling at his waist as he rocks his hips against mine, sinking a little further inside.
My mouth drops open on a quiet mewl, the stretch more than I expected. His other hand curves around the back of my neck, angling my mouth against his. I’m lost in the kiss, the taste of him, the feeling of being so incredibly full.
“Goddamn, Teddy, tell me this is okay,” he rasps against my lips. “You’re so tight, sweetheart. Am I hurting you?—”
“No, no, no,” I chant, smoothing my hands over his back. “Xander?—"
“Say it again,” he groans, rolling his forehead against mine. My eyes are locked on his. We’re connected from head to toe, but more than that, I can feel his heart beating so close to my own.
“ Xander ,” I whisper, my lips dragging against his as he pushes the rest of the way inside. Our mutual groans of pleasure echo around the quiet room. I flit my fingers along his bearded jaw, before drawing his mouth back to mine. The rise of my hips propped up on the pillow allows him a deeper angle, making me tremble beneath him. “Ohmygod.”
Pushing himself up, Xander kneels between my thighs, then drapes my thighs over his. Smoothing his palms over every inch of me he can reach, he finally settles his hands on the curve of my waist where my hips flare out, fingers digging in sharply. Pulling out slowly, he sinks back in, repeating the move several times. The slow, deep thrusts allow my body time to adjust to his intrusion and drive me crazy with each one.
My eyes are caught on his, I can’t look away. His fingers tighten around my waist, his hands trembling lightly.
“Fuck, you feel amazing. So fucking tight. Like you were made for me, Teddy.”
His dark, whispered words send flutters through me, and his mouth drops open as I squeeze around him. His thumbs dig into my stomach and then he pulls out, slamming back in hard. My tits bounce with the force of his thrust and I slap a hand over my mouth to muffle the cry that breaks free.
“Ohmygod, yes,” I pant from behind my hand, my vision going hazy. “Please. Just like that?—”
He does it again and then holds, pulsing inside me. He’s pressing against that magical spot deep inside and I sob brokenly. Then he’s moving. Deep, quick thrusts, his hard, muscular thighs bunching and shifting beneath mine as he fucks me, his hips slapping into mine fiercely. Our bodies move in unison, already attuned to the other, as if anticipating what the other needs before we can even vocalize it.
It’s an intimacy I hadn’t expected and it catches me off guard, making my chest tighten. Oh, but this is so much more than sex. So much more, and I know without a doubt that my heart is in very real danger of being lost to this man. The way he is healing the broken pieces of me one by one, stitching me back together piece by piece…
He moves one of his hands from my hip, smoothing the flat of his palm against the lower part of my abdomen. I have only a second to allow embarrassment to rush through me before he’s pressing his palm down against me, between my hip bones.
“ Oh, ” I gasp sharply, my thighs shaking as an orgasm barrels down on me, the pressure of his hand on my stomach and the way he’s hitting that spot deep inside combining into a maelstrom for my overstimulated body. “Oh, Xander, I’m going to?—”
“Yes,” he grunts, thrusting faster, harder, depressing his hand a little harder on my abdomen. The sensation does me in. “ Come on, Mama . Give it to me. Fuck, please, Teddy, let me feel this pussy squeeze my cock?—”
I shatter, my back arching off the bed, thighs shaking violently. His movements slow slightly and I watch as he shudders, too, his head tipping back as his mouth drops open .
“Goddamn, such a good girl coming on my cock, Teddy. Good fucking girl .”
He rocks his hips against mine in shallow, slow thrusts. I’m seeing stars and panting like I’ve just run a damn marathon. The magic this man wields over me…
He drops onto his elbows and slides his arms beneath my shoulders, his mouth crashing into mine. This kiss is almost brutal in its ferocity, like we can’t get close enough. “Please,” I pant brokenly, burying my fingers in his hair. “Please.”
“Please what, beautiful?” he rasps against my mouth. “What do you need? Soft and slow?” I shake my head and he grins against me. “Hard and fast?” I nod frantically, my lips dragging across his. He nips at my lip and sucks it between his teeth, then kisses me again. “Hold onto me, Mama. Don’t you fucking let go.”
Clasping him close, I sob as he unleashes, pounding into me hard and deep and fast, our bodies slapping against each other. Sweat makes our bodies slick as we move together, and when I’m about to go over that edge again, he pins my throat with one hand, tipping my face up to his.
“I’m going to come, Teddy. Where do you want it?”
Delirious and seconds away from coming myself, all I can do is sob. “Don’t stop,” I beg raggedly.
“ Teddy, ” he demands sharply, his fingers tightening around my throat. My body is tightening and I can feel my orgasm building. Yes, yes, yes… “Where. Do. You. Want. My. Cum?”
“On me. In me. I don’t care, just don’t stop!” I sob, and then I drop my forehead to his shoulder as I come again, harder than before. My entire body shakes, my inner muscles spasming around the hardness of him pressed so deep inside.
“Shhh,” he groans raggedly, pushing my face into his shoulder as I come apart. I sink my teeth into his shoulder to muffle the noises that are being pulled from me as he fucks me into oblivion, and he grunts with the sting of pain but I can’t help it. “Oh fuck, yes, Mama?—”
He slams in again, all the way to the hilt, then holds. His body above me goes taut and then shudders, his deep groan low and guttural, and I can feel it as he comes, too. His forehead drops to the mattress next to my shoulder, his lips parted as he heaves heavy, gasping breaths.
“Holy shit,” I pant against the skin of his throat, kissing away the hurt. “That was…”
He leans up to press a kiss to my temple, then smooths my hair away from my sweat-dampened face. “I know,” he whispers roughly, his touch tender. “ You are amazing , Teddy. So fucking perfect.”
Cradled in his arms with our hearts beating together, I let myself believe his words.
Because here in the darkness, in the quiet aftermath, I can admit to myself that I’m falling for Xander Macomb, and I so desperately want to believe that he is falling for me, too.