Chapter 11
"Want another game of pool?" Suzi asked her.
Ellie shook her head. "Nah, I'm done. I think I'll go back to the lab and take another look at those samples."
While the storm blew itself out, most of the roughnecks, scientists, and analysts were stuck below deck with nothing much to do other than hang out in the recreational lounge or the mess hall. Even she couldn't work, not without fresh samples to analyze. Only the security teams were working, taking turns to make sure the drilling equipment was secure, everyone was accounted for, and no one ventured topside.
After what had happened to Billy, the private security operatives had cracked down on personnel going up, even to get fresh air. “No unauthorized access” was the phrase used, and Ellie couldn't help feeling she was somehow responsible.
Phoenix and Boomer had been pretty scarce, which was both a relief and a disappointment. After what had happened at the med center, she longed to see Phoenix again but was also scared about how she might react. She hadn't wanted a man so much in a long time, if ever, and she was desperately afraid he'd see that.
Not since Rafe.
She shuddered. What that guy had put her through. It didn’t bear thinking about.
When they'd first met, she’d been very much in love. Rafe was exciting, intoxicating, and a little bit dangerous. A lot dangerous, as it turned out. But for a play-it-safe lab geek like her, he was addictive. A bad boy in every sense of the word.
Looking back, she had no idea what Rafe had seen in her. Yet, he'd gone out of his way to wine and dine her, show her a good time, and finally, seduce her.
Ellie shook her head. She should have realized he was up to no good. Too smooth, too fast-talking, too many secrets.
Even so, she hadn't wanted to claw at Rafe's clothes and strip him naked every time she saw him. She’d never had this deep-seated desire to be with him, to find out more about him, to discover what made him tick. Not like she did with Phoenix.
Ellie guessed it was her natural curiosity kicking in. Phoenix was an enigma, a puzzle, and she wanted to solve it. There was so much she didn’t know about him. The only problem was, she sensed there might be something there she did not want to find. What she didn't want was to throw herself under a bus like she had before. Rafe had made her question everything. Men. Herself. Her own judgment.
It had knocked her confidence, and fast-forward two years, she was still single, still having panic attacks, and still unable to trust anyone.
Damn Rafe.
He'd really screwed her up.
Ellie looked up as the subject of her thoughts entered the room, followed closely by Boomer. Both men looked a lot more relaxed than they had earlier and were dressed casually in jeans and loose shirts, towering above everyone, easily the most handsome men in the room. Her gaze lingered on Phoenix, admiring the way his shirt hugged his toned chest and shoulders.
"Hey!" Suzi lit up like a candle and sidled over to Boomer. "I thought we weren't going to see you guys this afternoon."
"We had some stuff to do," Boomer said vaguely.
Ellie glanced at Phoenix, only to find his piercing blue eyes already focused intently on her. It made her quiver inside.
"Can I have a word?" he asked, his deep voice sending another tremor through her body.
Uh-oh. Her heart leaped into her mouth. What could he possibly want to say to her in private? Had she done something wrong? Or was this about what had happened in the med center?
"Sure." They walked a little distance away from the others. As they went, Ellie heard Suzi ask, "What's that about?"
"Not sure." Boomer gestured to the pool table. "How about a game?"
"You're on!"
"What's up?" she asked Phoenix, then gnawed on her lip, a habit she had when she was nervous.
"I need to ask you about what happened last night," he said, his voice gentle. "When Billy got swept off the platform."
"Oh, that." She let out a relieved sigh. "I thought I was in trouble."
He frowned, genuine concern in his eyes. "Why would you think that?"
"Oh, just because we were told not to go topside, not for any reason. It was out of bounds. I thought that was because of me, that it was my fault that Billy got injured."
"No, it was just dangerous, that's all. Nothing to do with you." He reached out and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly, his touch electric even through the fabric of her shirt.
She exhaled, relieved. "Are you sure?"
"Positive. Ellie, I want you to focus on what happened last night. Can you talk me through the events leading up to Billy’s accident?"
“Sure.” She took a deep breath, trying to do as he asked and not focus, instead, on his piercing blue eyes inches away from hers, his day-old stubble, or how good he smelled. "We heard that almighty crash as the crane came loose and fell over. You and Boomer raced topside to check it out."
"Yeah, what made you come up too?" He tilted his head, studying her intently.
"We wanted to see if we could help. I followed Suzi up on deck. Once we got up there, we noticed the railing was loose and buffeting around in the gale. We thought it might come apart and injure someone, so I grabbed a rope, and we tried to secure it."
"That's it? Nobody told you to do it?"
"No. What's this about?" She searched his chiseled face for clues.
Phoenix lowered his voice so only she could hear, leaning in closer. She could feel the heat radiating off his hard body. "We inspected the railing this morning, and it looks like it's been tampered with. Some of the bolts holding it together were removed."
Ellie gasped, shocked by his revelation. "Deliberately removed?"
He gave a grim nod, his jaw clenched.
"I don't understand. What does that mean?" Ellie asked, her mind reeling.
"It means someone tried to sabotage the rig. They knew the railing would come loose in the storm and might injure someone," Phoenix explained.
"Do you think someone wanted to hurt Billy?" It was unthinkable, Billy was such a great guy, yet Ellie's mind was already trying to work out the puzzle, if there was one.
"Did you say Billy came to help you? That he told you to stay clear?" Phoenix questioned.
"Yes, that's right." Ellie distinctly remembered him saying that. If it wasn't for him, it would be her who'd been standing by the railing when that rogue object came hurtling toward him.
She gasped, as the revelation struck. "You don't think—?" She couldn't finish. It was too terrible for words. Too frightening.
Phoenix gave a sage nod, his expression darkening. "I think we have to consider the possibility that someone was trying to hurt you, Ellie."
Suddenly the room started to spin. She clutched her throat and gasped for breath. Phoenix frowned.
"Ellie, are you okay?" His husky voice was laced with worry.
But she couldn't respond, couldn't focus on anything except the rising panic threatening to consume her. Her shoulders heaved as she fought for air. Hoarse raspy breaths burned her lungs.
Breathe. Ellie heard her therapist's voice in her head.
In and out. In and out.
It wasn't helping. Oh, God. She was going to pass out.
Wildly, she looked for an exit. Spotting the door, she turned and ran. If she could get outside, get some air, she might be okay.
She charged for the stairs leading to the deck. She was halfway up them when strong arms lifted her off her feet.
"Ellie, stop." Phoenix grabbed her, turned her to face him. Ellie lashed out, desperate to get away, but instead of letting her go, he cradled her against his chest.
She stared up at him, still hyperventilating, her hands fisted in his shirt.
"It's okay," he said, his voice calm and soothing. "Just breathe. It will be okay. You're safe. Nothing's going to happen to you. I promise." He stroked her hair with a tenderness that made her heart ache.
She stopped fighting, focusing instead on his deep voice, his reassuring words, and slowly felt herself begin to relax. Her breathing gradually returned to normal.
"That's it," Phoenix murmured. "Nice slow breaths. I've got you."
She melted into him, allowing his strength to seep into her, chasing away the last vestiges of fear. It felt so natural, so right, to be held in his protective embrace.
Exhaustion hit her then, as it always did after one of her attacks. She slumped against him, weak and trembling, and he guided them down to sit on the metal stairs, keeping an arm securely around her. She leaned her head on his shoulder, savoring his closeness.
"You okay?" Phoenix asked, his breath warm against her hair.
"Yes. Or I will be." She felt embarrassed and vulnerable. "I'm sorry. I just... What you said, it triggered me." She tensed, waiting for him to pull away.
He must think her so silly. Here he was, this tough former SEAL, afraid of nothing, and she was having an anxiety attack because she’d nearly been hit by flying debris in a storm.
It was laughable, if it wasn’t so frightening.
But Phoenix only held her tighter, his hand rubbing soothing circles on her back. "You have nothing to apologize for, Ellie. I'm here for you. I'm not going anywhere."
Tears pricked her eyes at his heartfelt words. She raised her head to look at him and whispered, "Thank you."
Phoenix brushed a strand of hair from her face, his fingers lingering on her cheek. "Don’t worry. I won’t let anything happen to you." His blue eyes blazed into hers.
Ellie nodded, unable to speak past the lump of emotion in her throat. How was it that she barely knew Phoenix, but when she was with him, it felt more real and right than anyone she’d been with before.
Phoenix pressed a tender kiss to her forehead then helped her to her feet. "Come on, let's get you some water and you can tell me what happened to make you react that way. Letting it out will help. I promise I'm a good listener."
Ellie sighed. After her little performance, she supposed she owed him an explanation. Nodding, she let him lead her to the cafeteria. It was practically empty, not being serving time, and they took a table by the window. The rain had stopped, and there was even some blue appearing behind the clouds.
"I had a bad experience," she began, once he'd gotten her a cup of water and she'd taken a sip. How did she tell him about Rafe? About how stupid and naive she'd been? He'd never look at her in the same way again. "It was two years ago, and sometimes I have anxiety attacks."
He sat down beside her. The chairs were close together, their legs almost touching. His closeness was reassuring—it gave her strength.
"Tell me," Phoenix said. "It'll make you feel better."
Would it? She wasn't sure about that.
Oh, hell. What did she have to lose? He'd seen her at her worst, anyway.
"There was this guy," she began.
Phoenix nodded. His face was impassive. He wasn't judging, just listening.
"I met Rafael when I got back from Saudi. He was a biker. A real bad boy." She grimaced at the phrasing, but it was true. "I fell for him, and for a while, everything was great, but then I realized he was into some shady stuff."
Phoenix frowned. "What kind of stuff?"
"Dealing, I think. I wasn't really sure. He rode with an outlaw motorcycle club, or so he told me. I thought he was exaggerating. Turns out he wasn't." She gave a soft snort. "One day, I was at his place when the cops came around. They had a warrant for his arrest. Instead of giving himself up, he took me hostage." She swallowed, aware her voice was trembling but unable to stop it.
Phoenix took her hand across the table. "What happened?"
"He… held a knife to my throat. Threatened to kill me."
"Jesus Christ," Phoenix hissed.
"The police were pointing their guns at us, but Rafe was using me as a shield. He threatened to slice my throat. I was so scared. I thought I was going to die. I've never been that scared in my whole life."
He gave her knee a gentle squeeze. "Did they get him?"
"Yeah. He cut me on the neck to make his escape out the window, but they got him.” Her fingers fluttered at her neck. “I've still got the scar."
He nodded. "I've seen it."
"Oh." She hadn't thought he'd noticed. "Anyway, the cops caught him trying to get away on his motorcycle. He's serving twelve years at San Quentin."
"What were the charges?" His face was a mask.
"Drug trafficking, GBH, attempted murder." She took a shuddering breath. "I can't believe I fell for someone like that."
"It's not your fault," Phoenix said, not for the first time.
"That's where you're wrong," she whispered. "That was my fault. I willingly dated someone I knew was wrong for me. Someone dangerous. Even my sister warned me against him. I was just so bored after those years in the Middle East, I wanted a little fun, you know? I thought it would do me good." She shook her head. "I couldn't have been more wrong."
"We all make mistakes." Phoenix released her hand. She kind of liked holding it. It was comforting, like he cared.
"Some more so than others," Ellie said darkly.
He inhaled and nodded. "Yeah. Some more so than others."