Chapter One
chapter one
RYDER
Eight Months Later
“Dada, up!” Addie lifts her arms, releasing the side bar of her crib, and drops onto the mattress in a fit of giggles.
How my daughter wakes up in such a happy mood every morning is beyond me, but since it’s better than her waking up cranky, I can’t complain—even if waking up takes place at six in the morning.
“Good morning, Chunk,” I say, reaching into the crib and pulling her out.
She squeals in delight as I lay her onto the changing table so I can change her diaper and get her dressed for the day.
Once she’s ready, I make her a bowl of oatmeal with fruit and a sippy cup filled with milk. She inhales it like a champ, laughing and babbling the entire time. My little girl loves to eat.
After I clean her up from breakfast, I set her on her play rug that’s filled with toys while I make my own breakfast. Since she’s now learned to walk, she takes a quick look around and then pops up onto her feet, chasing after me.
“Dada, up!” she squeals, latching on to my leg like the most adorable spider monkey.
And because I can’t say no to her—I know, I know, every parenting book says that’s bad—I lift her onto my hip and go about making my coffee and breakfast one-handed.
As I drink my coffee and eat my breakfast, I watch the morning news while Addie plays with her blocks. It’s a routine we’ve fallen into since I returned to work and put her in our recently opened corporate childcare.
After two months of being home with her—while I loved the time we spent together—it was time for both of us to leave the house. I love my job, and Addie loves going to the childcare three days a week and playing with the other kids.
“Dada, look,” Addie says—the word look sounding like ook since she hasn’t mastered the L sound yet . She points to the block tower she created, hits me with a toothy grin, and then slices her fist into it, sending the blocks flying everywhere.
She falls into a fit of giggles, and I can’t help but join her. Everything about her is infectious—her smile, her laugh, the way she looks at me like I’m her entire world.
The first few weeks after Nora left were rough—mostly because I let the nanny go. I was determined to do this on my own. So, I took time off from work and dove into the deep end of single parenthood. But between the books I read, having my best friends—Julian and Ana—there to help, and many days and nights filled with trial and error while praying I wasn’t fucking up my daughter too badly, I’m proud to say that Addie and I didn’t drown. She recently turned one and is thriving.
Nora took her five million, signed her rights over, and disappeared—despite her family begging her not to and agreeing that she’s going through something. While I hate that my daughter will grow up without her mother in her life, I realize now that it’s for the best. I can’t help someone who doesn’t want to be helped, and I need to put my daughter first—something neither of my parents ever did for me.
When the alarm goes off, indicating it’s time to leave for work, I double-check the diaper bag to make sure we have everything we need, get Addie buckled into her car seat, and then take off to the office.
Since we live in Rosemary—a small town in Texas—the ride is quick, and all too soon, I’m handing Addie and her diaper bag off to Cynthia, her childcare teacher she’s grown rather fond of.
“Good morning, Addie,” Cynthia coos, taking my daughter and bag from me. “Are you ready to have a good day?”
“Yay!” Addie exclaims.
The second Addie spots Ana and Julian’s son, Kingston, already playing, she wiggles her way out of Cynthia’s arms and toddles over to Kingston, plopping down next to him to play.
“I have a meeting at noon, so I should be by to get her around two.”
“Sounds good,” Cynthia says with a smile.
Because the corporate world has evolved over the past few years, many of us no longer work in the office full-time. I generally come in three days a week and then work from home two. I’ve considered hiring a nanny to help me at home with Addie since she can be a handful now that she’s mobile, but I haven’t bitten the bullet yet.
“Morning,” I say, popping my head into Julian’s office since the door is open.
He’s not only one of my best friends, but he’s also the co-CEO of Kingston Limited—the liquor company I work for—along with his wife, Ana. Having two CEOs in a company isn’t the norm, but it works for them.
“Hey, man,” he says, nodding for me to join him. “We still on for the game tonight?”
It takes me a second to remember what he’s talking about, but then it hits me. Today is Thursday, and we always get together for a guys’ night on Thursdays. I bring Addie over, and Ana spoils her, along with their son, while we eat shit food, have a few beers, and watch whatever game is on.
“Hell yeah,” I tell him. “We’ll be there.”
The rest of the day flies by. I check on Addie between meetings. At three o’clock, since my meeting ran over, I pick her up, and we head out, stopping at the park to play.
I’ve learned when she burns energy, it means she’ll fall asleep easier at bedtime.
At dinnertime, we head over to Julian and Ana’s, and the second we pull up, she gets excited, recognizing their home.
“Hey there, sweet girl!” Ana says, taking my daughter from me. She’s seven months pregnant, and they just found out they’re having a little girl, so she’s excited.
“Hi, hi!” Addie babbles.
Kingston comes barreling around the corner, and Addie worms her way down to play with him while I have a seat on the couch and grab some chips and salsa from the table.
“Beer?” Julian offers. “The guys should be here soon.”
“Thanks.”
“Hey, Ryder,” Ana says, leaning against Julian. “Did you have a chance to check out the link I sent you?”
I roll my eyes and shake my head. “I’ve been a little busy,” I drawl. “You know, raising a baby on my own.”
“I know,” she says, “but even single parents deserve to have a life. You should check out Plenty of Fish. It’s an online dating site and not sleazy, like some of them. It’s how Paige met her boyfriend.”
Paige is Ana’s best friend, who she met when she was living and working in London. Last year, Paige’s boyfriend got a promotion and moved to Houston, so Paige moved as well. Now, she’s the chief marketing officer at Kingston. I think it’s great she found someone from an online dating site but …
“It’s too soon,” I tell her. “Nora’s only been gone?—”
“Nora and you might’ve been married, but you guys weren’t really together,” Julian says, stating the obvious. “When’s the last time you even got laid?”
“Julian,” Ana hisses. “He doesn’t need to get laid. He needs to meet a nice woman.”
I tune them out while they bicker over me getting laid versus dating, trying to remember the last time I had sex. Nora and I didn’t even attempt it after Addie was born. I brought it up a couple of times while she was pregnant, hoping to connect with my wife, but she shot me down every time with the excuse of being pregnant and not feeling up to it—including on our wedding night.
Jesus, that means the last time I had sex was when Addie was conceived—holy shit—almost two years ago.
“Well, regardless,” Ana says, bringing me out of my depressive thoughts, “whether you’re looking to get laid”—she glares at Julian—“or to date, you need to get back out there. You deserve to have some adult time.”
I open my mouth to argue that I get plenty of adult time, but before I can speak, she says, “And by adult time, I don’t mean you working while Addie goes to childcare or your weekly guys’ nights.”
I shut my mouth since those were the two situations I was going to name and shrug. “I’ll check out the site,” I tell her to get her off my back even though I have no desire to date or get laid.
The other guys arrive, letting me off the hook, and we spend the next few hours hanging out and watching the game. I might be in a dating slump, but Ana’s wrong—I don’t need more than this. I have great friends, a job I love, and the most amazing daughter I could ask for. Why do I need to push for more?
When Addie starts to fuss, we say our goodbyes, so we can get home and start our nightly routine. After a bath, a bedtime story, and some cuddles, her eyes are drooping, and when I lay her in her crib, she’s already halfway to dreamland.
I turn the lights off, and close the door, leaving it open a crack to shine a bit of light in. And then I start my own nightly routine. It’s only nine o’clock, but I’m exhausted, so tonight, I skip working out and head straight for the shower and then bed, knowing if I don’t get some sleep, I’ll regret it in the morning when my little girl is up at the crack of dawn, ready to do this all over again.
While I’m scrolling through my emails to make sure there’s nothing I need to respond to since we have business associates all over the world and in different time zones, Ana sends me the link for the dating site again.
I know she means well, but right now, I honestly can’t imagine dating someone. When I was single, it was easy to casually date, but I learned all too quickly that casual dating could lead to serious consequences. Not that I would ever consider my daughter a consequence. But I can’t negate the fact that my carelessness led to the outcome—my daughter being raised in a one-parent household. I watched my mom leave, my dad choose work over his children, and while my brother and I get along, we’re not close.
When I decide to date again, I need to make sure that whoever I let into our lives wants to stay for the long haul. The last thing I want is for my daughter or me to watch another person we care about walk out the door.