Chapter Eighteen
chapter eighteen
KIRA
I’ve never been the type to have sex on the first or even second date. Growing up, I watched my mom try to use sex to keep a man’s interest, but it never worked. Instead, it would leave her feeling used and worthless. She would sink into a depression that would last for weeks before she finally pulled herself out of it. I love my mom, and she’s always been there for me the best she could, but it was difficult to watch her be so desperate for a man’s affection that she would put him above everyone and everything.
It’s why I was selective about who I was intimate with. I was with my high school boyfriend for several months before I gave him my virginity. But that didn’t stop him from cheating on me within weeks after he took off to a university an hour away.
I held off with Raymond until I felt we were serious. But he still walked away the second he found out I was pregnant with Violet.
And with Brian, I waited until we got married. I thought if I made him wait, I would know he truly loved me and was in it for the long haul. After all, every guy my mom had been with never put a ring on her finger. But it turned out that marrying someone didn’t guarantee a happily ever after.
I told myself I was done with men for a while. I needed to focus on Violet and myself. And then I met Ryder, and everything changed. He’s proven that some men are capable of being amazing dads. He’s shown me how a good man is supposed to behave and treat a woman. And even when he gets frustrated, he handles it as a man should—with patience and understanding.
I told myself I wouldn’t have sex on the first date, but here I am, straddling Ryder’s legs in the middle of his backyard under the stars.
“I want to be with you,” I murmur against his lips.
I’ve tried to do things the right way in the past, but I’ve learned the hard way that no matter what you hope for, no matter how much you try to do the right thing, you can’t control the actions of others, and you sure as hell can’t control the future.
I never could’ve predicted my high school boyfriend would cheat. I never imagined in a million years that Violet’s sperm donor would walk away from his flesh and blood. And when Brian asked me to marry him, I couldn’t see the monster underneath his facade.
So, I’ve decided that I’m going to go with what my heart is telling me, and that’s that Ryder is worth taking a chance on. Sure, there’s the possibility that this will blow up in my face, but if I don’t open my heart, then I’ll never know. And I refuse to allow myself to be jaded by my past heartbreaks at only twenty-seven years old.
“Are you sure?” he asks, looking into my eyes. “Because once we do this … once I’m buried deep inside of you, you’re mine, baby.”
His words cause a swarm of butterflies to attack my chest, and I frame his face, needing his full attention for what I’m about to say.
“I’m already yours. I’ve been yours since the moment Violet and I moved into your house and you gave us something we’d never truly had—a home,” I choke out, not trying to ruin the moment by getting emotional, but needing him to know how I feel. “I’ve been yours since the first time you read to me when I couldn’t sleep from the nightmares.”
I inhale and then exhale a harsh breath. “I’ve been yours since the moment you treated my daughter like she was yours even though she’s not and since you trusted me with Addie despite the fact that after what Nora put you through, you had no reason to trust a woman with your daughter.”
“Kira,” Ryder whispers, his eyes filled with as much emotion as I feel.
“I’ve been yours since you showed me how a woman deserves to be treated,” I continue. “Since you listened to me tell you about Brian, and instead of pushing me away, you pulled me in.”
I lean down and connect my lips with his in a bruising kiss that I hope conveys every emotion I feel.
“I’m already yours, Ryder,” I murmur against his lips. “Now, please take me and show me that you’re mine .”
“Fuck,” he curses.
Then, grabbing ahold of my ass, he flips us over so I’m lying on the inflatable lounger and he’s hovering above me. He rakes his gaze over me, starting with my face and ending at my feet, as if he’s trying to figure out where to start, while I lie still, letting him take the lead.
I’m shocked when he takes my foot in his hand. Of all the body parts he could touch, I have no idea why he would choose my foot. Until he leans down and kisses his way along my instep and up my inner thigh. He spreads my legs, and I expect him to go straight to my pussy, but instead, he starts back at my other foot and kisses his way up my other thigh. He’s clearly not in a rush, so I prop myself up onto my elbows and watch as he works his way back up my legs. His lips are soft, and his open-mouthed kisses send chills through me despite the warm evening.
When he gets to my cotton shorts, he glances up at me, silently asking for my permission to remove them. I nod once, and he grins like he won a prize at the fair as he tugs my shorts and underwear down my legs, then tosses them to the side.
He spreads my legs once again, then leans in and kisses the hood of my neatly trimmed pussy. And then, once again, he confuses me when he trails more kisses up my torso, stopping to give attention to the stretch marks I bear from having Violet. I run my fingers through his hair, and he glances up at me.
“So fucking strong,” he murmurs. “I bet you were beautiful when you were pregnant.”
I choke up, hating that our exes hurt us but so thankful that our pasts have led us here because there’s nowhere I’d rather be than right here, being worshipped by Ryder Du Ponte.
Ryder gives my belly one last kiss and then continues his way up my body. When he gets to my tank top, I take it off for him, exposing my breasts since I’m not wearing a bra. With my boobs being on the smaller side, I only ever wear bras when I leave the house. Brian used to make comments that I should get plastic surgery to enhance them, making me feel slightly insecure about their size.
But as Ryder gets on his knees and climbs up my body, his eyes filled with heated desire, I shove the bullshit Brian said out of my head and mentally capture the way Ryder’s looking at my breasts like he wants to do dirty things to them.
As if he can hear my thoughts, he fondles one of my breasts and murmurs, “Fucking perfect,” before he leans over and takes my nipple between his lips.
He sucks on it for several seconds, causing heat to spread throughout my body and go straight to my core. I clench my thighs in response, and he chuckles.
“When I’m done with you, you’re going to have no doubt that I’m yours.”
He takes my other nipple into his mouth, only this time, he bites on the hardened peak—not enough for it to hurt, but enough for me to feel the delicious sting.
My fingers delve into the messy strands of his hair, and I tug gently, craving more. He palms one breast, pinching my nipple, while he sucks and licks the other one.
I don’t know if it’s because I’ve dated selfish men in the past or maybe they didn’t know what they were doing, but no man has ever given my body this much attention.
Ryder continues to play with my breasts, alternating between them, and when he bites down on my nipple once more, I swear I almost convulse without him even touching my pussy.
“I need you,” I whimper, so wound up that I swear I’ll implode if I don’t find a release soon.
“You got me,” he says, leaving my breasts and crawling further up so he can kiss me.
While his tongue massages mine, Ryder shifts slightly. A moment later, his fingers part my folds and then push into me. I’m already wet, so they slide right in, filling me in the best way possible. It’s been too long since I’ve felt pleasure, and I’m soaking up every drop that Ryder’s giving me.
Wanting to feel him as well, I reach between us and push his shorts down, wrapping my fingers around his hard length and pulling it out of its confines. I can’t see it, but it’s thick and smooth, and I can’t decide if I want him in my mouth or pussy first.
As Ryder finger-fucks me, I stroke his cock, using my thumb to spread his pre-cum around the head and lube it up slightly. But it’s not enough. I’m about to slide down so I can take him into my mouth and wet his dick properly when his thumb finds my clit and sparks fly.
“That’s it,” he murmurs against my mouth. “Come all over my hand, baby.”
Between his fingers in me nice and deep and his thumb massaging my swollen clit, it doesn’t take long for my orgasm to hit me hard. My legs shake, and I moan into his mouth as I come all over his hand, just as he demanded, every ounce of pent-up sexual tension leaving my body.
I’m still coming down from my climax when Ryder reaches behind him and pulls his shirt over his head. I’ve seen his body dozens of times between him going shirtless at the pool and walking around the house, but I’ll never get sick of seeing it. He works out several days a week, and it shows. He might be pushing close to forty, but it’s obvious he takes good care of his body.
With a teasing, knowing smirk, he twirls his shirt around his finger and then slingshots it at me, covering my eyes.
I bark out a laugh as I drag it off my face and toss it to the side, loving his playful side and that we’re comfortable enough with each other to be silly with each other.
Ryder quickly pushes his shorts and boxers down and then drops his hands to either side of my head. His mouth brushes against mine, and as his tongue slides between my parted lips, I reach between us and guide his hard length into me. I wanted to taste his cock, get to know it on a more personal level, but that’ll have to wait.
He pushes into me slowly, inch by inch, as if he’s savoring every second, not wanting it to end, as my legs wrap around his backside, my ankles locking behind him.
“Kira,” he breathes against my lips, shaking his head when I push on his backside, wanting him all the way inside me, “you’re too wet and warm and goddamn perfect.”
I encircle my arms around his neck and thrust my hips upward to push him in the rest of the way. When he bottoms out, his forehead rests against mine, his breathing accelerated.
“Fuck,” he groans. “I’m never going to last.”
“I don’t care. Please,” I beg. “It’s okay if you don’t last. I just want you to fuck me.”
He nods in understanding, then cages me in with his strong arms. With our bodies connected in the most intimate way, he begins to move in and out of me with deliberate, controlled thrusts, hitting places deep within me I didn’t know existed.
“That feels so good,” I moan, tugging on the ends of his hair and bringing his mouth to mine.
He continues to move his body against mine in a slow rhythm, every thrust deep and sensual. And it dawns on me—Ryder isn’t fucking me. He’s making love to me. The thought causes my heart to swell with emotion because as many times as I’ve been fucked in my life, I don’t think a man has ever made love to me. Until now.
I didn’t plan or expect to climax again—hell, I was simply happy he made me come by his hand beforehand—but nonetheless, another orgasm works its way up, climbing higher and higher until I’m coming again, and, holy shit, this release is nothing like my last one. It’s deep and intense, causing my entire body to tremble as I clench around Ryder’s cock.
“Fuck,” he chokes out, unable to hold back any longer.
His thrusts turn erratic and unrestrained, showing me what he’s capable of. His arms tighten around my body, and he nuzzles his face into my neck, sucking on my heated flesh.
And then, with a guttural groan, he comes deep inside of me, coating my insides with his warm seed. I should care that we didn’t use protection, but in this moment, with Ryder wrapped around me and in me, my only thought is how perfect this moment is.
Skin on skin.
Our hearts beating as one.
Our releases mixing with each other.
I’ve never been closer to anyone on such an intimate level, and it only confirms what I already knew—I’ve fallen in love with Ryder.
After several seconds of comfortable silence as we work to steady our breathing, Ryder lifts and kisses me tenderly before he pulls out and sits back on his haunches.
His eyes go straight to my pussy, where, I have no doubt, our arousal is dripping out of me. I should probably be embarrassed, but after two mind-blowing orgasms, I’m too satiated to even care.
“I came in you,” he says, reaching out and swiping his finger through our joint release, as if he needs to feel it to confirm it’s true.
I shiver at his touch and then sit up, climbing into his lap. He drops onto his butt, wrapping his arms around my waist as I encircle my arms around his neck and my legs around his torso.
“I’m clean,” I tell him. “The second I got insurance from working at Kingston, I went to the doctor to get tested.”
“I am as well,” he murmurs, “but that’s not what I’m worried about.”
His eyes meet mine, and it hits me—he’s scared that I could get pregnant.
“I’m on birth control.” I cup the sides of his scruffy face, loving the feel of his trimmed beard beneath my fingers. “And unlike your ex, I actually mean that.” I take his hand in mine and bring it up to my bicep. “Feel that?” I run his finger across a small metal bar beneath my skin. “That’s the implant. I got it less than a year ago, and it’s good for three years, so we’re good.”
I smile at Ryder, and he sighs in relief.
“Thank you. It’s not that I wouldn’t want to have a baby with you …”
“I know,” I tell him. “We’re not there yet. And there’s no rush. When Brian and I got married, he knew I was on birth control and demanded I got off it, wanting to start a family. It rubbed me the wrong way that he didn’t include Violet as part of that family, but I thought maybe he just needed time.
“When things between us began to deteriorate, I started to freak out at the thought of getting pregnant, so I went behind his back and got the implant. I couldn’t risk having a baby with him and being tied to him forever. Having a baby is a big step, and my hope is that the next time I make that commitment with someone, it’s with the man I plan to spend my life with.”
He nods in agreement. “I got so caught up in the moment that I didn’t even think about using protection. Your pussy is like magic, making me lose my damn mind.”
I choke out a laugh. “I feel you. Your dick is like a magic stick.”
I wink playfully, and Ryder chuckles.
“FYI,” he says once he’s sobered, “if you did get pregnant, I wouldn’t be upset about it. I should probably be traumatized as fuck after what Nora did, but when I’m with you, it’s like all that bullshit is left in the past, and all I can see is a future with you and our daughters.”
Unable to say anything, thanks to the huge lump of emotion lodged in my throat, I lean in and kiss Ryder. His fingers delve into the back of my hair, deepening the kiss, and with my body wrapped around his, he lays me back on the lounge chair and proceeds to make love to me all over again.
We’re both sweaty and sticky, but neither of us gives a shit. The only thing on our minds is being together.
And as we both find our release, I whisper the three words against his lips I wanted to say earlier, but couldn’t get out. “I love you.”
His body stills, his cock buried deep inside me, and as he looks into my eyes, his own filled with so much raw emotion, I can feel the words before he says them back.
“I love you,” he murmurs. “More than all the stars in the sky …”
My stomach tightens at his words. I love that he pays attention to even the small things.
He kisses the tip of my nose. “More than the moon shining down above us …” He kisses the corner of my mouth. “More than all the planets and the entire solar system.”
His lips connect with mine, and as he pours every ounce of emotion into the kiss, it flows through my veins and goes straight to my heart, filling every crack and fissure with his love, making it feel whole once again.