Chapter 15
— Scout —
“Hang out with me tomorrow,” I stated while re-dressing. I’d just fucked Remmy’s body print into my couch cushions and didn’t care one bit that we’d left a sex stain behind. That was what upholstery cleaner was for.
Her gaze found mine after she tugged her tank over her head for the second time tonight. “Like, stay the night or meet up tomorrow?”
“Stay.”
The simple request made Remmy pause for the briefest of beats. If I hadn’t been watching her, I would have missed the hesitation in her otherwise sure movements.
“If you want,” I added, trying to play it cool.
“We’re moving a little fast, don’t you think?”
“I mean, there’s no rush, of course,” I called over my shoulder while heading to the open-plan kitchen. “I’m just hoping to be cleared from physio this week, which means I’ll rejoin the team soon. Once that happens, it’ll be a while before I get to hang with you again.” I returned to the couch with stain remover and a cloth.
Remmy snickered as I sprayed the wet patch she’d left behind. “Good thing you’re dealing with that now—when it dries it goes white.”
I looked up from under my brows and smirked. “I know.”
She rolled her eyes dramatically. “Fair warning: You’ll be sick of me by the time the weekend’s over and begging your manager to join the team.”
I shrugged. “That’s fine. I’d like to get to know you a little more. I still can’t believe we never bumped into each other in Gatlin Falls.”
Feeling like I’d had years of opportunity stripped from me, my gut burned with irrational irritation that Mercedes didn’t introduce us while her cousin stayed during summer breaks.
“Maybe you didn’t hang out where the cool kids did,” Remmy teased, eyes sparkling and alight.
The comment made my chin tuck back. “I was the cool kids. The skate park was the place to hang. That, and the dock.”
“I used to go to the dock with Merce. Didn’t see you there though.”
I shook my head, astonished that our paths hadn’t crossed when we were younger. However, Gatlin Falls in summer bustled. The holiday park overflowed as families came in droves to vacation there. Despite it being a small town, the population boomed.
A wistful smile on Remmy’s face accompanied the nostalgia in her eyes. “I remember the last summer I went back as a teenager. I was so angry at Dad because he got called back to Portland for work, and we had to leave Gatlin Falls two days early. The change of plan meant that I missed out on a huge lake house party that night…”
Her amusement at the memory slipped, and her brows drew together. “But the night of that party, Merce, Beckett, and their friends were involved in a car accident, which put Beckett in jail for years.”
My knees weakened, and I wavered on my feet. Roughly setting the upholstery cleaner and cloth on the coffee table, I half-sat, half-fell onto the edge of the couch.
“Mom never let me go back after that…” Remmy continued, seemingly oblivious to my reaction. “…and when I left school, Merce and I didn’t hang out often. Though we stayed in touch, obviously. We…”
White noise overtook my hearing.
It happened years ago, but that night still haunted me.
It fucked me up for the longest time and added fuel to my determination to leave Gatlin Falls. I felt like I was shunning my family by leaving, but I had to get out. Had to escape. I didn’t call it running back then, but that was exactly what I’d done.
“It was an accident,” I murmured, staring at my hands hanging limply between my bent knees.
Silence came from Remmy’s direction. I slowly lifted my head and looked her dead in the eye as my heart burned holes in my chest.
“It was an accident. I was in the car that night after the party. We didn’t see him until it was too late…”
“You were in the car?” came Remmy’s ghost of a whisper.
I nodded without saying a word, then scrubbed my hands up and down my face as if it would erase the stupid teenage mistake from my head.
“There were five of us in the car. We let Beck get behind the wheel because he said he was okay to drive. Fuck—”
I tilted my head back and blinked at the ceiling, willing the moisture back into my tear ducts. I remembered the crash like it was last week. The sudden realization that we were about to hit someone. The impact. The flying glass and the screams. The body coming through the windshield, limp, warm, and bleeding onto Vic’s white miniskirt. Her screams of terror while Mercedes sat deathly quiet in the front passenger seat, making me believe she’d been killed on impact. Beckett’s cursing filled the car as he tried to wake Mercedes. Jared, in the backseat with me and Vic, shoved the injured man off Vic while I tried to calm her as best I could.
We’d managed to get out of the car, and when I looked back, my stomach pitched. My vomit was hot with the vodka shots we’d tossed back earlier, and combined with the bile that swamped my belly, it remained burning for hours.
The flashing lights from the cop cars had given me a migraine, and it took me ages to give my statement thanks to the shock that consumed my entire body, inside and out.
I remembered calling Dad. Hugging my friends. Asking about Mercedes as they loaded her into the ambulance. Meeting Beckett’s eyes as he lowered into the backseat of the cop car, hands cuffed behind his back.
That night had fractured not only our friend group, but the entire Gatlin Falls community.
I worked my teeth back and forth and swallowed around the aching wedge in my throat. “I still wish I could take it all back. That night ruined so many lives just because we were idiot kids.”
It was fifteen years ago, yet it was a memory that destroyed my soul a little further each time it resurfaced. I was ashamed of my actions that night. Ashamed that I didn’t stop Beck from getting behind the wheel when we knew he’d been drinking.
Remmy shifted close. Her soft, warm hand landed on my forearm. “I’m so sorry for bringing it up. I didn’t realize...”
Our fingers interlinking was the grounding I needed. “Don’t be. I just didn’t expect to revisit it tonight and definitely not with you.” A humorless laugh slipped from my mouth. “Plus, I’m both relieved and gutted that you weren’t there that night.”
Although she didn’t question me outright, her frown had me elaborating, “I would have met you that night, but chances are you would have been in the car with us too. And in the crash. I’m glad that didn’t happen.”
Remmy shifted onto my lap and wove her arms around my shoulders. My arms immediately wrapped around her torso. Holding her secure, I pondered those small blessings from years ago. It was funny the way life panned out.
Remmy’s ribcage inflated as she took a breath, then sat back on my lap. “So, what happened next?”
I hummed and smoothed my hands up and down her thighs. “Lots of questioning, crying, regretting. Jared left town—I have no idea where he’s at now. We lost touch. Vic’s mental health took a heavy dive. Beckett got locked up. I chased the big league, and Merce stayed in Gatlin Falls and bounced around deadbeats while holding out hope for Beckett’s return.”
Concern scrunched Remmy’s expression. “She never talks about what happened. I asked her about it once, and she demanded I never ask about it again. It truly broke a part of her.”
“I still thank the Gods that she doesn’t remember the crash. It was fucking horrible.” I scrubbed a hand vigorously over my face again, wishing I could erase the memory for myself too. “The disappointment on our parents’ faces though… Fuck, I’ll never forget it. That fucking stung.”
Remmy’s warm hands cupped my jaw. “It was a silly mistake. That doesn’t define you now, Scout.”
“It did at the time,” I murmured hoarsely. Truthfully. Smoothing my hands up and down her thighs failed to rid the nausea in my stomach. “Babe, do you mind giving me a minute? I just need to go upstairs for a bit.”
She slid off my lap without question. “Of course.”
“I’ll be back in a sec,” I assured her while jogging for the stairs.
I thought I could fight it off. Quell the nausea before it got the better of me. But no. Just like every other time it rose, my gut churned past the point of no return.
Shame cloaked me as I shut myself in the bathroom and leaned over the toilet bowl. My fingertip met the back of my throat, making me gag but not relenting until tears stung my eyes, and I vomited, spittin’ chunks of dinner I wish I’d chewed more thoroughly.
But again I punished my body to spite myself. Pushed and tortured in self-reproach. To purge the memories and the demons they carried. At least for the moment.
Three times it took for my stomach empty. Three times of wishing I didn’t have to endure this—that I could overcome it.
After wiping my mouth and flushing the toilet, I braced against the back wall while catching my breath. I’d made progress while being in rehab for my elbow injury, but tonight had thrown me back ten steps. Back to where I once was.
I washed my face and brushed every inch of my mouth clean, plus gargled mouthwash. Chucking a segment of gum into my mouth for good measure, I gave myself one last look in the bathroom mirror before heading back downstairs as if I hadn’t just relapsed.
Remmy stopped scrolling on her phone as soon as I arrived at the foot of the stairs and gave me an odd look. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I replied hoarsely, then cleared my throat. “Just a little shook up. I’m okay now though.”
I sat beside her and grabbed her hand, needing to be re-grounded. “Sorry I took so long.”
Her fingers squeezed mine. “Don’t be silly. You weren’t long at all.”
A beat passed where our eyes snagged. She climbed back onto my lap and cupped my heated cheeks again.
Soft, plump lips tenderly met mine. They peppered kisses along my upper and lower lips, and double-kissed each corner of my mouth. Then either side of my nostrils, before moving to my outer cheekbones.
Each carefully placed kiss chased away a lingering wisp of the darkness that had resurfaced, until I finally cracked a smile when her lips pressed to the end of my nose. My eyes met hers at close range and the two green circles staring back at me blinked once.
“Still want me to stay?” Remmy whispered, pulling a chuckle from deep within my chest.
“I won’t say no, honey.” Not when she made everything good again with nothing more than a smile, a hand squeeze, and a kiss to the tip of my goddamn nose.