Chapter 29
Cassidy
Itried.
I tried to do this with an epidural, but the pressure and contractions were getting the best of me, so I caved. Now, I’m eight centimeters dilated and eighty percent effaced, sitting comfortably propped up in some sort of position with a peanut ball between my legs, while Hayley rubs my back.
“He’s not coming,” I say, as I press my epidural button for some more medicine.
I’ve texted Channing at least twenty times, and Brooks has tried calling him a dozen, and he hasn’t answered. I’m doing this alone. Well, not entirely alone, but without the person I wanted here.
The nurse comes in and rotates me to the right side and places the peanut ball back between my legs. I watch the city lights through my room window and wonder what he’s up to.
Ugh, just let it go, Cassidy. He’s clearly not worried about you.
I close my eyes as tears silently flow down my face. Memories of us filling my mind. The door to the room slowly opens, and I open my eyes to see a worried look in my eyes.
“You have a lot of nerve showing up here, Halloway,” Hayley says, standing up from the chair and walking around the bed. “Did you finally pull you head out of your ass long enough?”
“I just want to talk to her,” he says, with a hint of remorse in his voice.
Hayley stands her ground and if I could see her now, I know she probably has her arms crossed over her chest and her hip popped to the side. This is why she’s my best friend. She protects me like I would protect her.
“Please,” he whispers as Hayley huffs out a breath.
“Fine, but don’t think I won’t be nearby, waiting to kick your ass,” she threatens as she walks out.
The door gently closes as silence fills the room. He clears his throat slightly before rounding the bed to take a seat beside me. I bury my face in the crook of my arm as more tears silently fall.
He’s an ass. An ass I love. An ass I love who completely disregarded everything we had. It’s what I expected; I just held out hope he wouldn’t be that guy.
He rests his elbows on his knees as his head drops between his shoulders. “I don’t even know where to begin,” he says, turning his head slightly to look at me. “You probably hate me right now, and I can’t say I blame you.”
“I don’t—” He raises his hand to stop me.
“Let me finish,” he says, before running his hand through his shaggy blond hair. “I should have listened to you. Heard you out. Yet I jumped to conclusions once again. Every reason why I never dated or trusted anyone came rushing back to me, and I just lost my shit. I know it’s not an excuse, and I’ve said sorry a million times. But I mean it. I don’t deserve you, Cassidy. I don’t deserve that little love inside you, yet I will do anything to prove to you that I do. I can’t promise you that I won’t let the outside noise get in and cause doubt, but I can promise that I will love you and our daughter with everything I have.”
Silence passes between us as I take in his words. He loves me. Like really loves me. A silent sob racks through me as I thread my hand into the hair at the base of his neck and pull him to me, his lips meeting mine in a heated kiss.
We pull apart as he runs his fingers gently across my cheek. “Say it again,” I murmur as I kiss him again.
“What? I can promise I won’t fuck up again—”
“No. The last part,” I say, as I cut him off.
He smiles against my lips. “I promise to love you and our daughter with everything I have,” I say, kissing her lips gently. “I love you, Cassidy. Always have, always will.”
Just as I’m about to shout it from the rooftop that I love him too, a knock sounds on the door before it opens quickly. “Ah, Dad’s finally joined us,” the doctor says, walking over to look at the paper strip. “I would like to check you again. I think you may be ready to have a birthday party,” she says, moving to grab a pair of gloves.
Channing looks at me with so much love and hope as he squeezes my hand. The doctor checks my cervix and confirms I am in fact ready to push. My pulse spikes as the thought of pushing a tiny human out of me sinks in.
“Oh gosh. I can’t do this,” I say, as the nurses break down the bed and set up for me to push. “I can’t do this.”
I look at Channing as he smiles down at me, squeezing my hand. “Yes, you can. You got this, Cass.”
I look at the doctor and push for ten seconds like she instructs. Pausing for a moment, I go right back into it. After the first three pushes, I take a break and look at Channing, who is supporting one of my legs.
“Channing, I—”
“Push, Cassidy. I need you to push. Her head’s right there,” the doctor says, cutting me off.
“Tell me after she’s born,” he says. I push again before tiny cries fill the room.