Chapter 10
HOPE
Three Weeks Later
If there were a blueprint for the perfect boyfriend, it would be Alek.
It's three weeks post-kiss, and we've shared many more beautiful, intimate moments. Our dynamic has subtly evolved from strangers to friends to lovers in a short span of time, which is…confusing. Throughout it all, Alek's been my sanctuary. Not only has he provided unwavering support, but he makes me laugh and accepts me for who I am without judgment.
So, on one hand, adapting to life together has been unexpectedly wonderful. Yet, as I piece myself back together, I'm tangled in a myriad of emotions. As irresistibly drawn to Alek as I feel, my dependency on him—both financially and emotionally—freaks me out.
In other words, falling for him has been easy, but my reliance on him shakes me to the core.
At least my health's on the upswing, even the lingering headaches don't hit as hard. The brain fog, however, is a stubborn reminder of the night I was brutally attacked. Not to mention the loss of my cherished guitar.
I try not to think about it much because when I do, it feels like I'm going to start screaming and never stop.
The problem is, I do think about it. All. The. Time.
Tonight, as we enjoy delicious Chicken Tikka Masala, a weighted silence hangs between us.
"Hey." Alek, intuitive and gentle, furrows his brow. "Are you feeling okay? You seem...off."
I puff out a breath. "Um. It's complicated."
"Tell me." He reaches over and clasps my hand.
I squeeze his fingers between mine. "This...us. I'm into you. So much, but it's also scary. I lean on you. Rely on you. Not just for recovery but also emotionally. It's overwhelming."
"Oh." His eyebrows raise in surprise.
"You have to admit, the past few weeks have been intense. It's hard not to feel like I'm losing myself." My attempt to clarify has the opposite effect, as evidenced by how wounded he looks.
Damn. The last thing I want is to hurt him.
He pulls his hand away. "I'm sorry if I'm smothering you. I never wanted to push you into anything."
"You haven't. I promise. It's just…I don't know how to do this." My voice is raw with confusion and fear.
Just like that, I see the depth of his feelings laid bare. His brown eyes reveal a vulnerability that makes my heart twist. "Hope, I'm in love with you."
"I'm falling for you, too, but..." My words, meant to reassure, have the opposite effect.
I can't say the words. Not yet. It's too soon.
He stiffens as he processes my words or lack thereof.
"I thought we were...in the same place." His voice is laced with pain. Immediately, I want to reach out and erase the distance I've carelessly created.
“We are. It’s also a lot very quickly. I’ve never been this dependent on anyone, and it’s hard to not feel like I’m losing myself in the process,”
I try to explain, my heart aching at the confusion in his eyes. “I’m going to my room. I need to lie down.”
Alek’s sorrowful gaze follows me, yet he doesn’t hold me back. Though my guilt of deepening his distress is crushing, I wasn’t lying. My head is pounding, and I have to rest.
Lying in the dark room, I’m torn between my developing feelings for Alek and my need to reclaim some independence.
This feels like a crossroads.
When all I want is for our paths to merge.