Chapter 2
RONI
I looked around into the dark, glimpsing the faces that flashed in and out of the shadows in the chaotic lighting from the stage. Crew members. Security. Friends and family with guest passes.
But I didn’t see Jude.
I didn’t feel him; his dark presence, solid and magnetic.
He’d been standing here at the side of the stage with me through the first song of Dirty’s set, but he’d slipped away during the second and I wasn’t sure where he’d disappeared to.
My mom stood on one side of me, beer in hand, loving the VIP treatment as she watched the show. One of my best friends, Jessa, and her husband, Brody, were on my other side. Usually, Jude would be right here with us the whole night.
Unless, of course, duty had called him away.
I hoped there wouldn’t be any security-related drama tonight.
I was thrilled about this show and the new tour, and I wanted it to be a great night for my man. It was his birthday, after all.
I wasn’t sure why he was so broody tonight, but I’d sensed the tension in him. He’d tried to fool me with his stoic bodyguard-on-duty face, but I knew him far better than that. He was distracted, and that wasn’t normal for Jude when he was working.
Would he tell me if something was brewing behind the scenes? Probably not until well after the issue was fixed, cleared up. He wouldn’t want me to worry.
The thing he never seemed to quite understand was that I didn’t worry. Because I knew he had things under control.
Even when I was kidnapped…
A disturbing shiver ran through me as it always did at the memory of that Mafia creep shoving a gun in my back, gagging and handcuffing me in his car, and holding me prisoner. But even in that situation, dangerous as it was, especially since I was pregnant, I didn’t worry. I was scared, yes. There were moments I was terrified. But I knew that Jude—and his many loyal club brothers in the Kings MC—would come through for me.
That they wouldn’t rest until they got me back.
That they’d always protect me.
No matter what we’d been through, Jude had always made me feel safe like that.
It was one of the reasons I loved him so damn hard.
Because I could trust him. With my heart. With my life.
Onstage, Dirty was really revving up the show with one of my favorite songs—and one of their fans’ favorite songs, “Dirty Like Me”. It was heavy and hot, passionate, emotional, and had me longing for Jude.
I wrapped my arms around my waist and imagined he was holding me now.
I wondered, when moments like this—songs like this—took me back in time to our teenage years, if he really understood how madly in love with him I was.
And had always been.
Even though I’d fought it for so long when I was young and stubborn… Jude had always been the one.
I was scared of it back then.
But I was grateful for it now.
I couldn’t possibly regret a single step on our long road here, because each step, forward and back, had gotten us to this place. Together.
I also wondered if he realized it was two years ago now that we’d bought our first house together, and what a milestone that was for me.
It was the first time I really felt like we were family.
Now, we literally had our own family. Our little Julian was almost six months old. Over the last few years, I’d worked my way up in my career to join Dirty’s management team and for the first time, Jude and I were going on a whole world tour together—with Julian, too. No more back and forth traveling to see each other, or longing for one another long distance.
This would be our third tour since becoming a couple. But it was different now.
We were together, in every way. Colleagues. Peers. Friends.
Lovers.
Partners.
Parents.
And we were far more than any of those labels, too.
Jude Grayson was the love of my life and he always would be.
As I listened to this song that Dirty had written while I was hanging out with the band in their practice space, way back before the fancy world tours, I got crazy nostalgic. My eyes misted up.
I was not the girl who cried easily.
But how could I not feel teary-eyed right now?
Music had changed all our lives. Jessa and Brody. The band. And Jude and I, too. It gave a boy who was destined for trouble and a poor, overlooked girl a place to belong and a means to thrive.
Most of the members of the band onstage right now, idolized by so many, didn’t travel an easy road to get where they were now. From losing parents too young to overcoming addiction, they’d been through some shit, and we’d been through it all with them.
I reached to take hold of Jessa’s hand, and she squeezed mine. The two of us had been tight for so many years, it was still hard to fathom, sometimes, that we’d made it this far. So far from where we started.
Two girls without fathers.
One blessed with a talent for songwriting, and one armed with nothing but the determination to survive.
Together, as we watched her brother’s band onstage, playing a hit song she’d co-written, I wondered if she had moments when she felt like this; when she straight-up marveled over the beauty of it all. If she stood in awe of the fact that we’d made it all here, together.
And now we were lucky enough to have children, too. We’d come so damn far, and yet we were still us.
I loved being here with her.
With Jude.
And I couldn’t wait to bring our kids along to these shows when they were older.
As the song ended, Zane hollered, “FUCK YEAH, VANCOUVER!”
Which sent the crowd into a thunderous frenzy. Three songs in and thoroughly warmed up, it was the first time he’d addressed the crowd tonight.
I released Jessa’s hand so we could clap along from the side stage.
Once the crowd had calmed enough that Zane could actually be heard over the noise again, he announced, “We’re gonna kick this night off right, with a little fucking romance!”
He paused for effect and the crowd went nuts again. “Strap in, kids!”
he shouted. “And get ready to swoon! Jesse Mayes, do your thing!”
The crowd thundered their excitement again as Jesse grabbed the wireless mic off his stand and spoke into it. “I’ll be right back. Zane, hold down the fort.”
Zane looked at him like What the fuck? and laughter rippled across the crowd as Jesse walked off stage.
One of his guitar techs took his guitar from him, and he came straight over to me. It took me a weird delay to process that he was talking to me.
“We’re doing a special surprise birthday thing for Jude,” he said.
“Uh, okay? I don’t know where he is.”
“Don’t worry.”
He held out his hand to me.
I blinked at him for a minute. Jude’s rock star best friend, in the middle of his concert, holding out his hand to me. He wore leather pants, a sleeveless shirt, and shone with stage sweat, his thick whorls of dark hair a hot mess, and his brown eyes on me at once steady and sparkling.
I trusted Jesse, deeply, because he had Jude’s trust.
I also knew he was up to something.
I could feel the crowd’s expectations building and hear Zane laughing onstage. He’d been cracking jokes or something as Seth played a little background rhythm on his guitar. Everything was getting surreal as my heartbeat sped up and Jesse just stared at me and the crowd got louder.
“Jesse Mayes!”
Zane bellowed. “Get your ass back out here! You got twenty thousand people waiting!”
Jesse raised an eyebrow at me, his hand still waiting for mine.
“It’s for Jude,”
he reiterated.
Well, fuck.
I took his hand. He gripped mine, tight, and what could I do when he started walking back out onstage but go with him?
I glanced back over my shoulder to see Jessa and Brody grinning at me. “Where’s Jude?”
I called back to them, but my voice was lost in the noise and no one answered.
And why weren’t they being dragged out here?
On fucking stage.
My breath caught in my throat as the awareness hit me.
Twenty thousand people…
Tingles swept through my body, from my scalp to the tips of my toes. It was knock-you-over stunning, the energy that radiated off the audience. I’d never felt anything like it.
And they were all looking at me.
Well, they were looking at the band, probably. But still.
I knew something was really getting weird when I found myself center stage with Jesse still holding my hand—and then he started talking about me. Into his mic. To the crowd.
“I’d like you all to meet Roni,”
he announced. “She’s a friend of the band.”
He paused while the whole crowd made noise—for me—and I definitely felt my face grow hot.
Because now they probably were looking at me.
I didn’t embarrass easily, but shit. I couldn’t even focus on a single face in the crowd. It was just one giant, intimidating, pulsating blur of energy. I was holding onto Jesse’s hand so tight, his fingers were probably turning blue.
“Not only does this lovely woman work with our management team to make all this happen…”
Jesse swept his mic in a grand arc, indicating the entirety of the jam-packed arena. “But she’s also the love of my best friend’s life.”
Oh, Jesus.
The crowd ate that up, cheering for me and my love life.
I sank my teeth into my lip and glanced around the stage, still looking for Jude. Weirdly, the rest of the band seemed to have vanished. I wasn’t even sure when Seth’s guitar had gone silent.
Jesse and I were standing here alone.
And I was very possibly about to pee myself.
I leaned into him. “What’s going on?”
He didn’t answer me.
Instead, he told the crowd, “My best friend, ever since I was a kid, is this big guy named Jude who’s like a brother to me. He works very hard to look out for me and he always has. He doesn’t like to be in the spotlight, but today’s his birthday, so why don’t we all shout ‘Happy Birthday Jude’ on the count of three? I want to hear ALL OF YOU, way in the back! One. Two. Three!”
Jesse thrust his mic in the air and the audience shouted: “HAPPY BIRTHDAY JUDE!”
I laughed with nervous delight. This was amazing.
Where the hell was Jude?
Jesse brought the mic back around and said, “What about you, Roni? You want to say happy birthday to your man?”
Then he thrust the mic at me.
“Happy birthday Jude.”
My voice sounded hesitant and so what-the-fuck-is-going-on-right-now, the crowd laughed.
Into the mic, Jesse told me, “Now Jude has something he wants to say to you, Roni.”
Me?
My knees were shaking now. Adrenalin and nerves were at war in my body as I struggled to just keep standing, keep breathing.
“You wanna let go of my hand or what?”
Jesse asked me, right into the mic.
“No.”
More laughter and crowd noise as Jesse pried his hand from my grip. Then he slipped behind me and said, “Just stand right there. Look out at the crowd.”
I did as I was told, really fucking glad I didn’t wear a short skirt tonight. There were like twenty thousand phones in the air documenting this right now, from every angle.
A shiver of something like elation ran through me.
Was this real?
“On the count of three,”
Jesse shouted at the crowd, “let’s show Roni what Jude has to say to her. Ready? ONE. TWO. THREE!”
The split second Jesse said three, the lights went out. And man, that was eerie and electric. All that blackness surrounding me, and the sea of glowing phones…
Then lights shone out over the crowd.
A single spotlight shone on me onstage. My heart was thudding so hard in my chest I could barely draw a breath. I felt like I was my heart, thudding away up here, fleshy and raw, just silently witnessing this madness as I trembled on the edge of a heart attack.
The crowd noise had suddenly faded as people craned their necks to look around, to see what was going on. I watched as people halfway up the stands, in the beams of light, held up handmade signs in rows, with big letters on them—spelling out a message.
The first actual thoughts I pulled together were: This is adorable! Jude did this? For me?
The next one was: Oh my god.
The message, once it was intact, said: WILL YOU MARRY ME?
I buried my face in my hands as it hit me what was happening, and I felt his arms around me. Not Jesse. I would know the feel of my man’s touch anywhere. The heat of him, his power and his gentleness, the raw silk of his skin.
I turned and fell into Jude’s strong arms. He pulled me close, holding me tight as I buried my face in his chest, in the familiar scents of leather and clean cotton and Jude. I felt the beat of his heart thumping against me.
And suddenly there was nothing but me and Jude, holding each other as the lights went out again and the crowd noise thundered. But this time, it felt distant and even more unreal. We were alone in the dark.
“What do you say, darlin’,”
he growled in my ear. “All I want for my birthday is you.”
“Yes!” I sobbed.
When I peered up, his dark eyes flashed at me in the glow of all those phones.
“You mine, forever?”
I pushed up on my toes and cried, “Yes!”
just before I kissed him.
No one could hear us over all the crowd noise but us.
And maybe Jesse, who was still standing nearby.
We melted together and then Jude swung me up in the air. I floated backstage in his arms, my face buried in his neck as I fought back the torrent of emotions that rose up, swamping me in so many feelings I didn’t even know how to deal. I just gripped him tight as he swept me away.
I didn’t want to cry in front of everyone.
I felt the members of the band rush past us as they headed back onto the stage and people crowding around, congratulating us, patting Jude on the back.
Onstage, Jesse announced, “SHE SAID YES!”
The crowd exploded, and Dirty ripped into one of their classic hits, “Love Struck.”
The song choice was perfect.
I wondered vaguely if Jude selected it, just for this moment.
He didn’t even pause to absorb or enjoy the congratulations.
He just ignored them all as he carried me along the winding corridors, like I was the only person who mattered right now. One of his guys held open an exit door for us and once Jude had walked us outside, he set me on my feet next to his Harley and kissed me so damn thoroughly I would’ve fallen right over if he wasn’t holding me up.
As always, I could just cling to his solid support and know he’d never let me fall.
When he came up for air, he dug his fingers into my hips, crushing me against him as he looked me dead in the eyes. His dark irises burned with devotion. “From now on, I’m keepin’ you where you should’ve been all along,”
he swore to me. “Right by my side.”
He said it devoutly, like a promise sworn with sword and blood, and I knew it meant everything to him.
That I meant everything to him.
I forced out the words around the knot in my throat. “I am by your side, Jude. Always.”
He took hold of my left hand, which was clinging to his leather vest. He lifted it, so gently, to his lips, as my fingers shook. He kissed my ring finger, then slid a diamond ring onto it.
It appeared to be platinum. With a princess-cut diamond flanked by smaller stones.
It took my breath away.
That he’d bought this for me… Planned this for me. For us. This beautiful moment, beyond my wildest dreams.
Our eyes crashed together and he paused with the ring at my first knuckle. I could feel him holding his breath.
“Will you marry me, V?”
he murmured solemnly.
I laughed softly, mostly because I was bubbling over with emotion and had no idea what to do with it all. “You already asked me that.”
“No, not officially. They asked you. So the whole world would know who you belong to, and what that means. So the world would see how protected you are.”
He swallowed, and my bones turned to mush. If I wasn’t still clinging to his vest with one fist and wedged between his hips and his bike, I would’ve melted to the ground like so much useless goo. “But I’m askin’ you now. I want you to be my wife, V.”
“Yes, Jude,”
I said breathlessly.
He slid the ring into place, and I felt the distinct shift in him. The resolute calm. The peace. It was in the softening of his shoulders and the way he looked at me, with such relief.
Was he actually…nervous?
After all we’d been through together already, for better or worse, did he really fear I wouldn’t say yes?
I cupped his face in both hands as the gorgeous ring he’d just given me glittered on my finger. “You’re nervous, baby. I never see you like this.”
It was sweet, actually.
He’d told me, so many years ago, about his vice; that he drank cream soda when he felt stressed or sad. It was so rare for him to feel like that, but I’d drank it with him over the years, now and then. And even though I’d shared in his ups and downs, I’d rarely witnessed my man actually get nervous or anxious.
He made a little growly noise in his throat. “Yeah. So. I was afraid you might say no.”
“Are you serious?”
His dark eyes searched mine as he cupped my face, and he stroked his big thumb across my cheek. “I love you, Roni.”
“I love you, too. You know that.”
He gave an uncomfortable shrug that was incredibly sweet. “It just hit me when I walked up behind you onstage. I couldn’t see your face. I couldn’t see into your fuckin’ beautiful eyes. I could feel you shaking before I even touched you, and suddenly, I just wondered…”
“My answer is yes, Jude. A thousand times yes, and twice more just for fun. Don’t you know that by now? The truth is…”
I took a deep breath and sighed. “I would’ve married you years ago.”
His eyebrow went up. “How many years ago are we talkin’?”
“Too many to admit.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed him then, deep and hot, so I wouldn’t have to.
But the fact was, Jude Grayson had had my heart since we were just teenagers. He’d taken it from me, piece by piece, with kisses and conversations and shared cream sodas, and never given it back.
And what I’d realized over the years?
I never wanted him to.