Chapter 16
Chapter Sixteen
TEMPERANCE
My body gave a little jolt as I was forced awake at the tail end of another nightmare. It wasn’t as brutal as the others I’d been having, but it was still enough to pull me out of sleep in a way that I knew I wasn’t going to be able to find it again.
It had been more than two and a half weeks since my date with Hayes at The Groves, and since that night we hadn’t spent a single night apart.
I hadn’t realized until this very moment that I hadn’t been plagued by a single nightmare in all that time.
This was the first in more than two weeks, and it wasn’t anywhere near as traumatizing as the ones I’d had before.
Most people might not understand, but for me, that was huge considering I averaged at least one nightmare every other night. At least.
I’d been so wrapped up in Hayes, so blissfully happy and oblivious to everything else that I hadn’t even noticed that he’d managed to not only make me feel safe and happy while I was awake, but also in rest.
I laid there for what felt like forever, staring at the shadows the moon cast along the walls through the blinds of my bedroom windows, trying my hardest to doze back off to no avail.
I didn’t want to wake Hayes with my tossing and turning, but I knew the longer I stayed in that bed, the more likely that was to happen.
I moved to slip from under Hayes’s arm only to have it clench tighter and pull me back the inch of space I’d managed to gain.
“Everything okay?” he asked, his tone thick with sleep.
“Yeah, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“Felt you jolt a while ago. Could practically hear those wheels turnin’ in your brain this whole time you’ve been layin’ here. You wanna tell me what’s going on?”
I pulled my lips between my teeth, not wanting to admit what had woken me. “It’s nothing, really. I just had a dream.”
That arm grew tighter, and his breath whispered across the back of my neck. “A dream?”
“A nightmare. Like I said, it’s fine, but I don’t think I’ll be able to get back to sleep. I can go downstairs so I don’t bother you.”
Hayes moved, lifting up on a forearm and pulling me to my back so he was hovering over me.
He shifted his hips, forcing my legs to spread so he could settle between then as he lowered his lips to mine.
“Bet I could think of a couple ways to clear that busy mind of yours and exhaust you at the same time. What do you say we give it a try, yeah?”
His idea sounded like the best idea I’d ever heard in all my life.
I woke to the sun pouring through the windows of my bedroom, painting everything in a warm, cheerful glow.
Stretching my arms over my head, I worked the stiffness from my muscles and relished the aches and twinges left behind by Hayes.
Just as he’d promised hours and hours ago, he’d well and thoroughly exhausted me back to sleep, and now I felt nice and well rested.
The first few mornings I’d gotten up with him when his internal alarm clock pulled him out of bed just after five.
He’d go for a run, or to the gym for a short workout that explained all those amazing muscles, and I’d get breakfast ready.
It was an ungodly hour, but I was used to an erratic schedule; years of working in a hospital would do that to a person.
But Hayes saw that it took me longer than usual to perk up and, on the fourth morning, instead of climbing out of the bed, he rolled into me, kissed me until I couldn’t breathe, and ordered, “Stay in bed, angel. I can make my own breakfast.”
I tried to argue, but he kissed me again, and that kiss turned into so much more. By the time we finished, I’d come twice and couldn’t move. He left me completely satisfied, and I promptly fell back asleep. It was a brilliant way to start a morning.
Rolling to the side of the bed, I threw my feet over and climbed out, heading for the bathroom to get ready for my day.
With Hayes spending more time at my place than his, he’d begun pitching in on the housework whenever he had the time.
Every room was scrubbed until it gleamed, and Hayes had done such things as replacing rotted baseboard moldings and repairing leaky faucets, things he referred to as “man’s work” since they required power tools.
With his help, the beautiful old house was almost restored back to her former glory.
I was freshly showered and standing at the bathroom mirror in nothing but my bra and panties as I applied my makeup when Hayes came in.
My eyes met his in the mirror, and I couldn’t help but smile.
He looked so damn good walking around my house, his hair damp with sweat from his workout and nothing but a pair of track pants hanging from his lean hips.
“Mornin’, sweetheart,” he murmured, coming up behind me and pressing his chest to my back before leaning down to kiss my neck. One arm moved around me, and a steaming mug of coffee made just how I liked it was placed on the vanity in front of me. “How you feelin’?”
“I’m great. You sleep okay?”
“Slept like a rock every night you’ve been beside me.
” He lifted his gaze to the mirror to meet mine.
“Wasn’t a big fan of a nightmare rippin’ you from sleep, though.
” His gaze in the mirror held mine captive.
“What’d you dream about that you thought it’d keep you up all night, angel?
” I opened my mouth, but before I could issue a lie, he continued, “And don’t lie to me.
You know I was always able to tell whenever you lied. ”
Well, damn. “It was... about that night,” I finally admitted.
His dark eyes grew intense in the mirror. “The night?”
“Yeah,” I said quietly, casting my gaze down to the basin. “The night my parents were killed.”
His whole frame strung tight. That arm around me squeezing so tight the air expelled from my lungs just before he let me go and spun me around, pinning me to the vanity. “You dream about your folks, angel?”
“Yeah.”
“A lot?”
My gaze locked on his clavicle, then his throat, anything but his eyes as I spoke, “Sometimes I’m in the woods. Sometimes I’m alone in the house in the middle of the night when a faceless man breaks in. That was the one I had last night. It was definitely one of the more mild ones.”
“Fuckin’ shit,” he hissed, his jaw ticking violently as he pulled me close and held me against him.
“It’s okay, honey,” I said, tilting my head back and looking up into those deep, dark pools.
“It really is, I promise. It’s the first one I’ve had in weeks, and I didn’t wake up sweating and crying or even screaming.
That’s a big deal, Hayes. And it’s because of you.
Because I have you with me, and you keep me safe.
” My fingers spanned his jaw, and I lifted up on my tip-toes, my lips brushing against his as I spoke again, “You’re only just finding out about them, so you don’t like it, but I swear, this is great. You’re taking them away, baby.”
He kissed me hard before pulling back just enough to rest his forehead against mine. “Fuck, but I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said on a big, beaming smile. “I love that you make me safe even in my sleep. And I love waking up knowing you’re here in my house”
“I love waking up in this house too. You can watch the sun come up over the mountains from the back porch.”
“Then you should stay.” The words poured out unexpectedly, but now that I had the chance to think about it for one-point-five seconds, I was totally in love with the idea.
Hayes’s eyes grew round. “What?”
“You should stay,” I repeated. “You love this house, and no offense, but your apartment sucks.” My body shook with the force of his chuckle as he pulled me even closer.
“I used to dream about getting married here and raising my family in this house. All little girls picture their dream home, and I got lucky, because my dream home was real.” I shifted in his hold, turning around so I could look directly in his eyes as I finished.
“If it’s still too soon for you, I totally understand.
It doesn’t have to be now. But I love you, and that’s never gonna change for me.
I have all this beauty surrounding me every single day, and I want to share that with you, honey. ”
His brows dipped into a V. “Why didn’t you ever have kids, angel?”
My heart dropped to my stomach as I pulled back and asked, “Why didn’t you?”
Sadness filled his eyes. I recognized it easily since that very same sadness had lived in me for my entire adult life. “You know the answer to that, Tempie.”
“I do.” I nodded. “And it’s the same for me.
Like I said, I never stopped loving you, so how could I possibly imagine starting a family with someone who wasn’t you?
” What I left unsaid was that my dream for a family had been extinguished when I lost our baby because I’d known the end of us was just around the corner.
His forehead came down on mine again, and he let out a pained “Fuck.”
“It’s okay,” I whispered, trying to soothe both of us at the same time. “We have each other now, and that’s all I need. I don’t want to keep living in the past. I want to be right here, right now, with you.”
“There’s not a goddamn thing in this world I won’t bend over backward to give you if you want it,” he said firmly, as if he were making a vow. “So you just say the words, baby. You still want a family, I’ll give you one.”
“I—” My jaw dropped at his vehement declaration. “Hayes, that’s not possible. I’m almost forty, for god’s sake.”
He gave me a small grin. “It may be a little harder, but you’re healthy and strong. It’s not impossible, angel. You know that.”
He wasn’t necessarily wrong, but I was still struggling to wrap my brain around what was going on. I’d made myself stop hoping for all these things so long ago that the conversation almost didn’t feel real.
“But—” I gave my head a quick shake. “What about you?”
His chin jerked back as he asked, “What about me?”