Chapter 20 #2
He finished with his cuffs and started the on buttons along his chest. “That wasn’t your goddamn call to make,” he continued griping as he shoved the hem of the shirt into his jeans, did them up, and started threading a black leather belt through the loops.
“Hayes.” I came unstuck from the floor and closed the distance between us, placing my palms on his chest. “I was just trying to help. You’ve barely gotten any rest the past few days.
I woke up and you were out. All I wanted to do was give you a little more time, so I decided to come down here and make you breakfast before you had to head out again. ”
“I don’t have time for breakfast. Got shit to do.”
His holster and gun went to his right hip, and he clipped his badge to the front left on his belt.
“You have to eat,” I insisted as he slung his blazer around and slid his arms into the sleeves. Persistence wasn’t working, so I went for a different tactic. “Baby, I know you’ve been having nightmares. You didn’t even have five full hours of sleep last night. You need some sort of fuel.”
“I’ll make a cup of coffee.”
“That’s not enough. You need—”
“For fuck’s sake, Temperance!” he bellowed. “Get off my goddamn back!”
I stumbled back so fast that my hip bumped into the counter, knocking off a glass of orange juice I’d poured for him earlier and set too close to the edge. Juice spilled all over, and glass shards went flying around my feet.
Hayes hissed, “Goddamn it,” and started to bend.
“No,” I snapped, my tone so harsh it made him stop. “Leave it.”
“Tempie, you’re barefoot. There’re glass all over—”
“I said leave it.” I clipped. “I don’t give a shit about the glass. Tell me what’s going on.”
“Christ.” He shook his head in frustration. “I told you. I don’t have—”
“You don’t have time. I know, you’ve said that so many times the past three days I’ve lost count, but you haven’t been yourself since you walked through that door the other night. Something’s wrong. Talk to me. Tell me what happened.”
He braced his palms on the counter like all the energy had drained out of him and he needed the leverage to stay upright. “What happened is someone broke into Harley Madison’s house and stabbed her so many times her body was practically torn in ribbons.”
My skin went cold and I could practically feel the blood draining from my face as I sucked in a gasp. “Oh my god.”
“Yeah,” Hayes clipped. “Think of what your definition of brutal is, then multiply that by about a thousand and you probably still wouldn’t be able to comprehend what I saw the other night.”
“Honey—”
“So excuse the fuck outta me if I don’t feel like comin’ home and reliving that horror show with you.”
But that wasn’t what this was about. There was something much deeper and darker playing inside of him, and I’d be damned if I let it take root and fester. So help me god, I was going to dig it out of him so he could heal, whether he liked it or not.
“I’m not asking you to recount all the gory details, Hayes. I’m just asking you to talk to me. This is clearly weighing on you, and I just want to help. I want to be here for you. Talk to me. Tell me what you’re feeling.”
“Not really feelin’ up to pourin’ my heart out here, Tempie.”
My adrenaline had spiked, making my whole body shake as I fought back the need to burst into tears or yell and pound on his chest until I finally broke through. “This isn’t us,” I whispered. “This isn’t what we do. We don’t shut each other out. We talk to each other.”
A rough, sardonic bark of laughter burst past his lips. “That’s rich, comin’ from the woman who lit outta town like her ass was on fire without a single word or reason for twenty-one fuckin’ years.”
The tears that had been burning behind my eyes did their best to push through, but I somehow managed to fight them back.
“That’s the last time you throw that in my face,” I said with quiet rage.
“You understand me? The last time.” His whole frame jerked back, and I could see the regret written all over his face.
But I refused to stand there and be insulted.
“You want to be an asshole?” I asked, reaching across the island and grabbing a dishtowel with jerky movements.
“Have at it, but I won’t be your punching bag.
” With that, I dropped to my knees and began cleaning up the mess I’d made.
“Tempie, stop.” He lowered to the floor as well and tried to reach for me, but I pulled back and kept working, gathering up the large pieces of glass. “Damn it, angel. You’re gonna hurt yourself.”
My head shot up, and I skewed him with a vicious glare. “What do you care? You said you need to leave, so leave.”
“Tempie, look I—”
“Ow!” I was so mad that I wasn’t paying attention to what I was doing, and a piece of glass sliced into my palm. “Shit.”
“Fuck, baby.” Hayes reached for me and grabbed my hand. “Here, let me look at it.
“Let me go,” I demanded, trying to give the injured hand a jerk and hissing when the cut burned with the strain.
“For fuck’s sake,” Hayes grunted. His fingers gripped mine tighter, as he stood, wrapping his other hand around my arm and gingerly helping me up. Then he grabbed my waist and lifted me over the remaining glass, not putting me on my feet until I was standing at the sink.
“I’m fine, Hayes,” I said, trying to get free again as he turned on the water and pulled my palm beneath to rinse the cut.
His eyes came to mine and all the anger from earlier was gone, replaced with remorse.
“Please,” he said quietly, “just stop fighting me and let me take a look.” I stood in silence as he washed and examined the cut with a gentleness I wouldn’t have expected from a man as big and strong as he was. “It doesn’t look so bad.”
He finally released my hand, and I shut off the water and grabbed a paper towel. “I told you so.”
“Look, angel. I’m sorry, I just—”
“We promised each other a fresh start,” I blurted out, unable to hold the words back any longer. “No more living in the past, remember?”
“I remember,” he replied quietly.
“I’ll be damned if I let you pull us back there whenever you’re hurting, Hayes.”
“Tempie—”
“We talk,” I cut in. “That’s what we do.
You have a bad day, so bad it gets to the point that it plagues your sleep, to the point it eats at you and changes you, you talk to me.
I told you before, it’s my job to make it safe for you in here, to have your back when shit gets so deep you feel you can’t dig yourself out from beneath it.
And that includes putting you in your place when you start to act like a raving jackass.
I’m here for you. No matter what, Hayes, I’m here.
But you will not walk on me when you’re struggling.
I won’t allow it, just like I wouldn’t expect you to let me walk all over you. Understand?”
“Angel—”
“If something’s still so fresh in your mind you can’t talk to me about it, you say that.”
“Baby, I tried—”
“No, you shut down and closed me out. There’s a difference.
I asked, and you slammed a wall down between us.
You didn’t say, ‘Angel, this is all just too much for me right now. I love you, and I’ll talk to you eventually, but right now I just can’t.
’ You got all grunty and short and just expected me to listen.
And you’ve been doing that for days. That shit is not gonna fly. ”
By the time I finished my rant, I was so heated that I almost missed the way Hayes’s lips were pulling up at the corners. Almost.
Narrowing my eyes into slits, I hissed, “Are you seriously laughing at me right now?”
“No,” he lied, then busted into a full-blown belly laugh, throwing his head back while his arm shot out and pulled me forward until I crashed into him.
His arms locked around me like steel bands and his face burrowed into my neck until his laughter finally tapered off. Which took a while.
When his head finally came back up, the shadows that had been in his eyes were fading. They still lingered, but they were nowhere near as prominent, and that rock in the pit of my stomach began to lighten.
Reaching up, I cupped his scruffy jaw and asked, “Feeling better?”
“Yeah.” The humor fled from his expression, regret taking over. “Tempie, I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay.”
“No, it isn’t,” he insisted, lowering his forehead to mine. “It’s really fuckin’ not. I had no business sayin’ what I—”
My hand shifted to cover his mouth. “I forgive you,” I declared. “You apologized, I forgave you, and now it’s done. We had an argument, then we got past it. Don’t hold on to this, Hayes. You’ve got enough on your plate as it is.”
He closed his eyes and I felt his chest rise with a deep inhale. “I hate that this is happening. I hate that I can’t find the asshole killin’ people in my town, and I fuckin’ hate that I feel like I can’t keep you or anyone else safe.”
“This isn’t your fault,” I exclaimed, leaning deeper into him, wrapping my arms around his waist and giving his big body a little jostle. “None of it is on you.”
“Doesn’t feel that way.”
“I know it doesn’t.” Turning my head, I rested my cheek against his chest and hugged him tight, the thump of his heart soothing me.
“You’re a protector—it’s just who you are.
Something like this is gonna weigh on you.
But that’s what I’m here for. When things get too heavy for you to carry on your own, I’ll lighten the burden. ”
His lips brushed against the crown of my head as he murmured, “I love you, angel. More than you could possibly imagine.”
“Well, that’s good to know,” I said, dropping my head back so he could lean in and kiss me. “Because I feel the same way.”