Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
RORY
It was Tuesday afternoon, three days after my and Cord’s near… whatever the hell that was in my parents’ family room, and my head was still a freaking mess about it.
And it was still a mess because, even though he’d been the one to shut it down, he still came around all the time.
I knew he meant it when he said we were in this whole thing together when it came to Zach, but I hadn’t realized just how together we would be.
Zach started his first day at his new school the morning before, and to my utter surprise, after I’d gotten him out of bed—a task that was not easy or enjoyable—and sat him at the table for breakfast, Cord showed up.
I didn’t want to argue with him in front of Zach, so when it was time to go and he’d commanded that he was driving, I’d dutifully climbed into the passenger seat of his truck and kept my mouth shut about it as we drove to the school.
He’d even insisted on coming inside while I got Zach registered and his class schedule sorted out.
Leaning forward the entire time I spoke with the lady in the front office, he showed avid interest in how Zach’s days would be set up, who his teachers were, and having his name included on any emergency contact forms.
The ride back to my house—without Zach there for me to chat with in order to avoid looking at or speaking to Cord—was uncomfortably silent.
Every time he tried engaging in conversation, I took a page out of Zach’s book and kept it to short, one-word answers that left no room for conversation, so he eventually gave up.
I thought that would be it.
I was wrong.
Zach had wanted to ride the bus home, so I hadn’t picked him up, but ten minutes before the bus was due to drop him off at the end of my lane, I heard the sound of a loud engine and tires crunching on gravel and looked out the window to see Cord’s big truck pulling in.
He wanted to be there when Zach got home to see how his first day went, and damn if that wasn’t the sweetest, most thoughtful thing I’d heard.
And it made my freeze-out nearly impossible.
I found myself allowing him to talk to me, but I was still so embarrassed and confused by his brush-off that I was unsure how to act; therefore, the conversation was somewhat stilted.
This morning was much of the same thing, except now that he’d been registered, Cord took Zach to school without me so I could get the house tidied up.
The man from Child Welfare Services, who I now knew was named Edward Pierce, had taken me very seriously when I told him to fast-track my certification, and I had a case officer coming out for a home inspection that I was nervous as hell about.
I’d spent the morning cleaning my house top to bottom; then, when I had nothing else to clean, I spent the rest of the time before the visit fretting.
I was giving myself this week to get things settled, choosing to bring the bookkeeping home so I could work on it and the upcoming schedule during the hours Zach was at school. But I couldn’t even concentrate on that.
They were scheduled to arrive at one o’clock, and at twelve forty-five, the familiar rumble of an engine and crunch of tires sounded from outside.
While I wanted to be annoyed that Cord continued to invade my life, I didn’t have it in me.
Truth was, I was scared to death that this visit wouldn’t go well, and having someone at my back made me feel a million times better.
Turned out I had nothing to worry about.
The new case officer was younger than the last, somewhere around my age, had a sunny disposition, and seemed to genuinely care about the children she was responsible for.
Instead of feeling judged, I felt like she was on my side, like she wanted both Zach and me to succeed and be happy.
When she left, I took my first real breath of the day, and Cord was right there to pull me into his arms for comfort, kiss the side of my head, and congratulate me for knocking that visit out of the park.
And just as I started to melt into him once again, he pulled back and disappeared.
See? Confusing!
I had no idea if or when he was coming back, and I hadn’t been able to bring myself to ask.
I didn’t want to come off needy or clingy.
He’d pulled away twice; I wasn’t going to risk a third time.
Whatever Tempie and the other girls thought, it was becoming all too clear that Cord had truly meant it when he said he was fine with being just friends, and I hated that I was the one who’d begun to waver on that front.
Even with the home check done and behind me, I was still feeling out of sorts, so instead of sitting down to do some work, I took a page out of Nona’s book and decided to bake something sweet and delicious and chock full of calories.
I was just starting to ice the carrot cake that I’d baked and allowed to cool when I heard the screen door swing open.
My neck twisted, a big smile pulling at my lips as the front door opened and Zach walked in.
“Hey, honey, I made a carrot cake. Now, before you say you don’t like it because it’s got vegetables in it, you should know I kinda modified the recipe so there’s actually hardly any carrot at all. ”
“Whatever,” he muttered with a shrug.
I felt a tiny part of me deflate at that response.
We hadn’t gotten far in the past couple of days, but I’d at least thought we were past all the “whatever” business.
Dropping the spatula into the bowl of cream cheese frosting, I turned fully to him and placed my hands on my hips. “Everything okay? How was school?”
His eyes slid through me, like he was intentionally looking anywhere but at me as he started toward the hall. “School was school,” he replied, skating over my other question.
“Did something happen?” I continued, turning with him as he moved through the house and disappeared from sight.
“Nope. Got homework,” he called out. Then his bedroom door closed, effectively shutting off the conversation.
I wanted to follow after him, the need to protect him and fix whatever problems he was having and not telling me about digging at me, but I also knew he needed space.
So, as hard as it was, I kept myself where I was, but I did it while staring down at my pretty cake, unseeing, as my thoughts ran wild and my heart ached.
It wasn’t until my phone clattered across the counter and let out a shrill ring, giving me a start, that I pulled out of my reverie.
Looking down at the display, I saw Cord’s name flash on the screen and blew out a frustrated breath.
The frustration came from the fact that there was a part of me—a very large part—that felt a little thrill at just the sight of his name, while another part of me was mad at him for not kissing me.
Damn it, I was a freaking mess.
An irrational sense of anger flooded my system right then.
Anger at Cord for making me an emotional disaster, anger at Zach for not letting me fix all his problems, anger at our government for not doing more to help the homeless and put more money into providing the healthcare to our veterans that they deserved, anger at Mother Nature for making today so damn gray and drizzly, angry at Netflix for taking so damn long between seasons of Stranger Things, and so on.
I was mad at the world and intended on taking it out on one person.
So when I snatched the phone up and answered, I did it with an unpleasant bark of “What?”
Silence carried through the line before Cord’s velvety voice rang out. “Somethin’ wrong, dollface?”
“Uh, yeah,” I snapped peevishly. “I’d say something’s wrong.
I just made a delicious freaking carrot cake, and right about now, I’d love nothing more than to grab a fork and dive right in.
But I’m now the caregiver of a preteen boy, so I have to set a stupid example, which means I can’t have cake before dinner, because if I had cake before dinner, he’d want cake before dinner, and I’d have to tell him he can’t have cake before dinner, because that’s what a good caregiver does, and I’d look like a total hypocrite.
So, yeah, it’s safe to say something’s very wrong.
Now are you calling for an actual reason or just to ask stupid questions you already know the answer to? ”
My asinine rant was met with more silence. Then, when he finally spoke, his voice dripped with humor. “Well, I was callin’ to tell you I’m swingin’ by Momma Gianna’s for a couple pies and wanted to know what kind of toppings you liked.”
My stomach let out a growl at the mere mention of Momma Gianna’s. They were, without a doubt, the best pizza place in the state of Virginia, if not the country.
“So you’re coming over? Again?” I asked, still full of attitude.
He hesitated for a second. “If that’s not a problem.”
It didn’t matter what kind of mood I was in; the fact was, I’d have to be dead to turn down someone offering to pick up a pie from Momma Gianna’s, and last time I checked, I was still very much alive and kicking.
“Pepperoni,” I grumbled churlishly. “And black olive and mushroom.”
His chuckle hit my ear, and I felt a bit of my ire melt away and the warm sound. “Is that all three toppings on one pie, or one topping per pie?”
“Pepperoni on one, olives and mushrooms together on another,” I answered on another grumble.
“All right, baby.” He continued to chuckle. “Be there in about thirty. Do me a favor and save me a slice of that cake, yeah?”
“Yeah, whatever,” I said, taking a page out of Zach’s book.
I called his name and got a soft, gentle, “Right here, Rory,” in response.
“Thanks,” I grunted coarsely, unable to not show my appreciation, even though I was still angry about a whole lot of nothing.
My parents had drilled manners into me from a very young age, and even if they hadn’t, I prided myself on being a nice person, so years of practiced behavior wouldn’t allow me to end the conversation without at least saying that.
I didn’t have to see his face to know he was smiling; I could hear it clear as day in his voice as he said, “Not a problem, sweetheart. See you soon.”
With that, I allowed myself to end the call, then dropped the phone onto the counter. My eyes went back to the partially iced cake and the mixing bowl full of frosting. “Oh screw it,” I muttered, sticking my finger into the bowl, digging out a big glob of icing, and popping it into my mouth.
“Damn, baby,” Cord said the moment he stepped into my kitchen. “You weren’t kidding. That cake looks delicious, and I’m not even a real big fan of carrot cake.”
He rounded the island and placed the three large pizza boxes on the counter while I slumped down on one of the awesome countrified barstools I’d picked out to go with the equally awesome countrified décor of my whole house.
I propped an elbow on the kick-ass butcher block counter I’d paid a mint to have custom made and rested my chin in my hand as I pouted.
“Yeah, well, like I told Zach before he shut himself and his bad mood in his bedroom, I hardly put any carrots in it.”
Cord went on alert at that, and his gaze shot from the cake to me. “Zach came home in a bad mood?”
“Yep. I’ve been reduced to trying to bribe him into liking me with cake, and that’s not even working,” I answered sullenly. “And when I tried to talk to him about it, he shut down and closed me out.”
Cord’s expression went tender as looked down at me. “He likes you, dollface. He’s just adjusting.”
My chest went heavy with sadness, and I slumped deeper into my defeated position and stared down at my pretty countertop. “I want to believe you, I just don’t know….”
“Rory.”
“Huh?”
“Baby, would you look at me?” My head stayed pointed down, but my eyes went up to him.
“When your dad and I were with him last weekend for his punishment, it took him a while to get comfortable enough to open up, but once he did, he spent the rest of that time and the entire time we fished to ask questions about you.”
Okay, so that got my attention. I sat up a bit straighter. “He did?”
Cord’s mouth hooked up on one side in a small grin that still packed quite a punch on his gorgeous face. “Yeah, he did. He wants to know you, Rory. He just doesn’t know how to go about it. You show him the way, and he’ll follow your lead.”
Oh god.
Oh god!
“I’m such an idiot,” I breathed, dropping my face into my hands.
“I’m such an idiot!” My head shot up as I continued, “He’s been with me for days, Cord.
Days, and not once have I asked him about.
.. well, him! God, I’m so bad at this! I have no business taking care of a child.
” I dropped my head onto the island and covered it with my arms as shame ate away at me.
His heavy boots clomped against my wood floors as he came around to my side of the island, and a second later, I felt the heat of his palm on my back. “Rory, stop,” he said with gentle authority. “You need to cut yourself some slack. You aren’t bad at this, you’re just new.”
Lifting up, I turned his way, not ready to give up on my self-recrimination just yet, and asked, “What kind of person doesn’t try and get to know the child living with them? I mean, who does that?”
“A person who doesn’t want to risk bringing up bad memories,” he declared, making the argument die on my tongue.
“For fuck’s sake, baby, you’ve got to stop beating yourself up.
You care about him. The fact that you want him to like you so badly it’s made you go a little crazy is proof enough of that.
” My face fell into a dramatic scowl, but it wasn’t like I could argue.
I was being crazy. “You want him to be happy and comfortable. You’re walking on eggshells and breaking your back to make that happen.
That shows you’re not bad at this, Rory, because if you were, you wouldn’t give a shit. ”
I closed my eyes for a brief moment, pulled in a fortifying breath, and looked back at him. “Okay,” I whispered. “I think I’m better now.”
His hand came up and his fingers drifted across my jaw, the masculine, hardworking roughness of them making my skin tremble with desire. “You’re fucking incredible,” he said quietly, his voice having gone gruff with emotion.
I leaned in close, that invisible string tightening and pulling me toward him.
“I smell pizza,” Zach said, suddenly appearing at the mouth of the hallway. “Are we having pizza for dinner?”
And just like that, the moment was broken.