Chapter 26 #2
He watched me for a few seconds, and I knew he wasn’t buying it. “That sadness have anything to do with that giant of a man back at your office who was lookin’ at you like you were his sole reason for existin’? What was his name . . . Xander?”
Ah hell.
“Yes. That’s his name, and he’s why I’m sad, but I seriously doubt he was looking at me like that.”
“Then you’re either blind, or you just weren’t lookin’. Don’t know how you’d miss that, though. Emotion pourin’ off that man into the room was enough to drown all of us who were standin’ there.”
“It doesn’t matter,” I said quickly, bringing my heels up to the edge of my seat so I could curl my arms around my legs as I looked back out at the view. “It’s done. Time to move on.”
From the corner of my eye, I watched Dad face forward as well. Neither of us spoke for a bit, and I’d just let out a breath of relief, thinking the subject was dropped, when he spoke again. I should have known better.
“You wrote me ten letters since movin’ here. In different ones you’d talk about the town, the people you met, your work . . . But in all of them, you mentioned him.”
“Daddy—” I started in warning, but he didn’t pay it any mind.
“Laughed my ass off when you detailed the childish fights you two got in. In one letter, you’d hate his guts.
In the next you two had suddenly become friends and I was hearin’ all about his badass cabin and his cute dog.
” He stopped and let loose a chuckle, and I hesitantly gave him my eyes when I felt his gaze on me.
“Pretty sure you left out some serious shit, judgin’ by what I saw today.
So tell me, baby girl. You in love with this man? ”
God, god, god! My dad. The wisest, smartest, biggest pain-in-the-ass man I’d ever known.
“Yes,” I finally confessed on a whisper.
“Jesus. Fuck me,” he grunted, raking a hand through his hair. “Leave it to my girl to fall for a man who could make a goddamn mountain move just by glarin’ at it.”
I swallowed down the need to laugh, because that was the perfect description for Xander, and gave my dad the rest of it. “But he doesn’t love me.”
“Bullshit.” My chin jerked back at the power he forced into that one word. “Man doesn’t look at a woman like that unless he’s totally fuckin’ wrecked for her.”
I thought I’d cried out the very last of the tears I had left when I bawled in my father’s arms earlier. After the week I’d had, I wasn’t sure how I wasn’t dehydrated as hell, but I felt that familiar burn start again and had to blink it back.
“He hurt me,” I said quietly.
“Physically?”
My back shot straight at his bark. “No! God no. He’d never. He isn’t like that. He’s . . .” I hesitated for a few beats, really considering my next words. Then I gave my dad the truth. “He’s a good guy. One of the best I’ve ever met. But he’s got demons.”
“Lotta men have demons.”
“I know,” I replied. “But he doesn’t live with his.
He’s let them infest every single part of him.
He lost people, people he loved. One of them his wife.
I don’t know how, and I don’t know when.
And I only know because I stumbled on a box of pictures.
He doesn’t talk about it, said straight up discussing them was off the table.
I got that. I didn’t like it, but I understood and didn’t push.
But there’s this . . . I don’t know how to explain it.
” I paused, pulling in a deep breath. “There’s a darkness in him.
When he’s feeling more than he can handle he lashes out at those closest to him. ”
“Fuck, baby girl.”
“First real fight we ever had, he told me he needed to make me hate him, because he couldn’t stay away from me. Said he was toxic, and he’d infect my life. He needed me to hate him so I’d stay away.”
“Jesus,” he hissed. “That’s some serious shit.”
“Tell me about it,” I mumbled, taking another sip of my hot chocolate.
“The last fight we had, the one where he ended us, I told him I loved him. He said in no uncertain terms he didn’t feel the same way.
We were together a month. Spent all our free time together.
Then one day a switch just flipped and he was done. ”
His arm stretched across the distance between our two chairs, and he pulled one of my hands from my mug so he could curl his fingers around mine. “I’m sorry, precious.”
I inhaled deeply, pulling the crisp, cold mountain air into my lungs. “So like I said, it’s done. It hurts, but I’ll get over it. I wanted to help him fight whatever is haunting him, but he doesn’t want to fight. He wants to lay down and let it destroy him.”
“Saw the man for less than a handful of minutes, and could tell you with a hundred percent certainty, he’s fightin’, baby. Can’t say if he’ll win or what’ll come of it, but he’s fightin’ somethin’ tooth and nail.”
I didn’t know what to say to that, so I said nothing at all. But he wasn’t done.
“Not gonna tell you what you should do, girl. It’s not my call to make.
You know your own mind. You know your worth, and you know what you deserve.
What I will say, whether it’s this man or not, you’ll find him.
Know that to my bones. You’ll find your man, you’ll build a life together, and you’ll give him beautiful babies.
And when that time comes, I’ll have to battle every instinct in me to keep from poundin’ the life outta him for touchin’ you. ”
I let out a giggle and leaned over the arm of my chair to rest my head on my dad’s shoulder.
Yes, having this back, having him, definitely soothed my soul.
“Just please, Christ, if it’s him, clue your old man in on his weak spots, ’cause if I have to fight that son of a bitch, I’m gonna need one hell of an upper hand.”
And just like that, I burst into laughter.
Once I was done, Dad stood from his chair and bent to press his lips to my temple. “Air smells like snow, so I should probably get on the road before shit gets too bad.”
I shot up, leaving my mug resting on the arm and dropping the blankets to the deck as my stomach plummeted. “You’re going back? Already? But . . . you just got here. I haven’t had any time with you.”
“Not back to Redemption,” he answered. “Got a lot more of you I need to soak up, darlin’. But before I came to you, I booked a room at a place just outside of town.”
“Absolutely not,” I clipped, following him through the sliding glass door and into the kitchen. “As long as you’re in Hope Valley, you’re staying with me. It’s ridiculous for you to pay for a room when I’ve got a spare you can crash in.”
Dad grabbed his leather jacket from where he’d slung it over my dining room chair and shrugged it over the thick flannel he was wearing before coming back to me and taking my face in his big, grizzled hands.
“Love you to the moon and back for always, angel, and I’m not leavin’ any time soon, not if you’re here.
But I spent eleven years livin’ in a goddamn cell with another man.
If that wasn’t bad enough, that cell was surrounded by even more, all filled with assholes.
Haven’t had a moment’s peace in more than a decade.
I need my space. I need silence. Give your old man that, yeah? ”
Now that I had him back, it was a struggle to let him go, but I understood where he was coming from, and what was more, I saw in his eyes just how much he needed exactly what he’d just asked for, and I couldn’t deny him that.
I gave in with a sigh. “All right. But as soon as you wake up, you better bring your ass straight here.”
“Yes ma’am,” he replied with a chuckle.
“And we’ll go out and get you a truck.” He opened his mouth to argue, but I got there first. “I know you’ve been missing that bike something fierce, but you said it yourself.
It’s gonna snow tonight, and there’s no telling what else the forecast has in store.
You’re staying here, you’re getting a truck. And that’s final.”
I let him have his room at a hotel, and he let me have that.
He left shortly thereafter, and while it hurt to watch him leave, I at least had the comfort of knowing I’d see him the following day.
And that knowledge went a long way in healing the pain I’d been living with for the last week.