Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
SERENITY
Turned, out the lasagna was still warm enough we didn’t need to nuke it.
After the workout we’d just had, both of us were starving, so we got dressed, Hunter in only his jeans, the zipper done, but the button still hanging open, and me in my panties and the tee Hunter had been wearing before fucking me damn near through the island.
We ate and talked and laughed, and Hunter surprised the hell out of me by revealing he was actually pretty damn tactile once the dam had burst. For starters, he’d pulled my barstool so close to his, I was practically on top of him.
Then, between bites of food, he caresses my bare leg or reaches up to sift his fingers through my hair like he couldn’t get enough.
“Damn, Wildcat,” he groaned around the heaping bite he’d just taken. “This is the best lasagna I’ve ever tasted.”
Heat hit my cheeks and I knew they’d flushed red at the compliment. “Thanks,” I said softly, a pleased smile taking over my face. “I love cooking and haven’t done it in a while. It was nice to get to flex that muscle again.”
He swallowed and wiped his mouth with a napkin before leaning in, taking my chin in his hand, and tilting my face up to his.
He brushed a slow, sensuous, feather-light kiss against my lips.
“If all your cooking tastes this damn good, I’m more than happy to let you flex that muscle in my kitchen as long as you want. ”
I’d been so sure I’d made too much, but when I looked back at the pan, I noticed Hunter had made more than a serious dent with the seconds and thirds he’d loaded on his plate.
“I don’t know,” I said playfully as I raked my gaze down his chest and abs. God, I could look at him all damn day. “You keep eating this much, you might get a bit of a gut, and I’m using you for your body, so you’ll have to be sure to get some extra workouts in.”
He lowered the fork that had been halfway to his mouth, slowly turning his head to look at me.
“Is that so?” he asked, his menacing tone and a look that promised payback sending a pleasurable shiver down my spine.
I nodded, biting my cheek to keep from laughing.
The static in the air snapped a moment later, and I bolted off my stool just as Hunter’s fork clattered to the counter.
A peal of laughter bubbled past my lips as I ran past the living room, but I didn’t even make it to the hall before he caught me. With a show of strength that sent a zap from my nipples to my clit, Hunter threw me over his shoulder and started for his bedroom.
“I’ll show you who needs extra workouts,” he growled, bringing his palm down against my ass in a stinging slap, making me yelp and my insides quiver.
Then he threw me onto his mattress and proceeded to give me the workout of my life.
I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been so comfortable.
After round two, Hunter had ordered me to stay in bed while he headed back into the kitchen.
I’d been floating on a cloud of bliss and orgasms as I listened to the sounds of him cleaning the kitchen.
Knowing he was that kind of man, the kind to take care to clean the kitchen his woman had cooked in for him, had me losing a tiny piece of my heart.
I’d nearly dozed off when he returned a few minutes later, with two bowls piled high with ice cream sundaes.
“You took care of dinner, I figured I’d handle dessert. It’s not a culinary masterpiece or anything like you’d probably bake, but I did the best with what I had.”
With that show of sweetness, Hunter claimed another little piece of my heart. I took the bowl and held it out so I could lean in and kiss him, nice and deep.
“Ice cream sundaes are perfect,” I whispered once I pulled back.
Silence engulfed the room as we sat snuggled in Hunter’s bed, eating dessert, and I was finally able to wrap my head around everything that had happened the past few hours.
Questions floated through my mind on an endless loop, and he must have read them on my face, because before I was halfway into my sundae, he took the bowl from my hand and placed it on the nightstand beside his.
“I wasn’t done with that,” I decreed, but he didn’t seem to care because he came back to me and used his body to guide me onto my back so he could hover over me.
“Hunter, as thrilling as the last few hours have been, I need a bit of a break. You’re bigger than I’m used to, and I’m feeling it.”
The smirk he gave me was full of arrogance. He lowered himself down to give me a kiss before pushing back up so he could see my face.
“As much as I like hearing that, and as much as I want you again, that’s not what this is.
I widened my eyes as I lifted my arms and looped them around his neck. “Color me curious, then. What exactly is this?”
Those glacial eyes looked warm for the first time since I’d known him as he scanned my face, and the sight of his shadowless blue eyes was enough to steal my breath.
“I saw those wheels turning in that head of yours. They were spinning so fast I could hear them. This position is two-fold. It’s my way of getting and keeping your attention so you can tell me what’s on your mind, but it’s also my way of maintaining contact, because now that I’ve touched you, I can’t seem to stop. ”
Damn it, he had to be too good to be true. I was having a lot of trouble reconciling the man currently pinning me to his mattress with the one who, weeks ago, had told me the kiss we’d shared was a mistake.
“That right there,” I started. “It’s comments like that that had the wheels in my head spinning.
You said nothing would ever happen between us.
I tried to respect that, really. But it feels like everything you’ve done since that proclamation has been what a man does when he’s pursuing a woman. It’s been confusing as hell.”
His brow furrowed as contrition stole across his features. “I know, baby.” He leaned in, brushing his nose against mine. “And I’m sorry for that.”
I appreciated that, but it wasn’t really the answer I was looking for. “I hate being this woman, Hunter, but I feel like I have to ask: What are we doing here?”
There were so many conflicting emotions in his eyes, it tore at my chest.
“If this was only a one-time thing, say it. I’m a big girl. I can handle it.” It would hurt like hell, but I’d force myself to get through. “I need to know where I stand. I’m not asking for a ring or a commitment you don’t have in you to give. I just want the truth.”
I could see the war waging inside of him through his eyes. He inhaled so deeply I worried he might burst a lung. “The truth is, I don’t know.”
Well that fucking stung. Suddenly, our position on his bed lost its appeal. I knew I said I was a big girl, and I could handle it, but shit, that hurt.
I tried my best not to let it show, blinking rapidly and breathing deep to keep the tears at bay. I’d gotten damn good at hiding my emotions in my old life, and I pulled that little skill back out because I didn’t want Hunter to see.
When I finally felt like I could speak past the lump in my throat, I nodded. “Well, okay, then.”
I was expecting him to move, to free me from the bed so I could get up and make some excuse to be anywhere else, but he didn’t. He continued to speak.
“I’m not someone you want to tie yourself to, Sere. I’ve got so much damage, it wouldn’t be fair to ask you to take that on. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t drawn to you from the moment I first laid eyes on you.”
Well, I certainly hadn’t been expecting that.
But he wasn’t finished.
“I remember everything from that moment. Storming that warehouse to save you and your sister, only to find you whaling on the asshole who took you, dressed to fucking kill for the date you’d been on before being kidnapped. I felt an instant pang of jealousy for a man I’d never seen in my life.”
Until that moment, I’d forgotten all about that date. But I was glad to know the dress had been a hit, at least.
“I want you in a way I can’t explain. It doesn’t make any sense, and now that I’ve had you, sorry to say it, baby, but I’m addicted.”
“Hunter—”
“I know it’s not fair to ask you this, but can you give me a day at a time?
I don’t know where this is going or how long it’ll last before I fuck it up, but I’ve felt better with you in my life these past couple months than I’ve ever felt before.
Baby, you keep the nightmares away. I didn’t think that was possible. ”
“Nightmares?”
He let out an exhale that sounded like it carried the weight of the world. “Just a part of that damage I mentioned earlier. I’ve got more scars than the ones you can see on the outside.”
I licked my lips, hesitating before finding the nerve to ask, “From the bombing?”
“Among other things.”
God, what else could have happened to this poor man that rivaled something like that?
“Honey, I’m trying to be cool right now, I swear, but when you say things like that, it’s almost impossible not to get curious.”
He let out a weary sigh before moving his weight off me, shifting us both in the bed so his back was pressed up against the headboard and I was straddling his thighs.
He rested his hands on my hips, and I got the sense he was bracing for a story, so I kept my mouth shut and waited, determined to give him all the time he needed.
“Not a lot of people know this, but I had a little sister.”
The use of past tense in that sentence made my skin prickle, and all of a sudden I regretted my decision to push. “Hunter, you don’t have to—”
He cut me off, his eyes growing unfocused as he returned to the memory.
“Her name was Gracie. I was already fourteen by the time she was born, and back then, I thought the knowledge that my folks still had sex was the most damaging thing in the world. My parents liked the joke that she was a happy accident they had late in life. I didn’t want a little sister at first, but the minute she was born, she had me wrapped around her little finger.
I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from crying at the wistfulness in his voice as he spoke of his baby sister.
“She was the light of my life,” he continued, each word driving a knife a little deeper into my heart.
“But I was still a stupid kid. I was dating this girl, Cindy Mitchell, and I snuck out one night to go fool around with her in the back of her parents’ car.
I was seventeen years old, thinking with my dick, and my whole life went up in flames at night. Literally.”
I inhaled deeply, feeling a pain in my lungs and chest. “Honey, I shouldn’t have pushed. I’m sorry. You really don’t have to do this.”
He shook his head, a sad smile pulling out his lips.
“It’s okay. She deserves to be talked about.
She deserves to be remembered. I got home that night, and the fire was already so big I couldn’t get close to the house.
It was coming through the roof and windows.
Investigators said it was a faulty water heater.
My parents had just had a new one installed, and apparently the guy didn’t know shit about putting in water heaters.
It had been burning for a while by the time I got home.
My parents died in their beds, smoking inhalation.
Apparently, that’s one of the better ways to go, but I don’t know.
” He shook his head, grief etched into every line of his face.
“In my dreams I still hear Gracie’s voice calling for me, begging me to help, to save her. I tried; I just couldn’t do it.”
“Hunter, it’s not your fault. It was just an accident.”
“The flames were so high, so hot, it felt like they were melting my skin when I got closer, but I couldn’t leave her.
I had to try. I rushed inside, and the smoke was so thick it started choking me instantly.
I screamed for her, but she didn’t respond.
By the time I found her it was too late.
I didn’t know that at the time, one of the paramedics told me afterward.
I was trying to rush out of the house, carrying a little body in my arms, when one of the ceiling joists gave away and fell on me. ”
“That’s where the scars on your back came from,” I said, in a barely-there whisper. He nodded. “I thought they were from the bombing.”
His hands clenched on my hips, his fingers digging into my flesh.
“Like I said, I’ve got scars inside and out.
More than my fair share. If I wasn’t dreaming about Gracie, screaming for me to help her, it was that boy with the goddamn rocket launcher.
I haven’t had a break from those nightmares in years. ”
He blinked, his eyes suddenly going clear as he shook himself from the past and looked at me.
“Until you. Granted, that couch is as uncomfortable as shit, but at least it hasn’t been the nightmares waking me up.”
He was trying to make light of the situation now that he’d poured all the heavy out, but I couldn’t bring myself to follow his lead.
Reaching up, I took his face in my hands and tilted it until his gaze locked with mine.
After everything he’d just given me, after all the pain and suffering he’d endured in his life, the very least I could do was give him what he asked for. “I can give you one day at a time.”
His shoulders sagged in relief, the tension melting from his bones like ice on a hot sidewalk in the middle of summer. “I don’t want to make you any promises I’m not sure I can keep. But I’ll do my best to make it worth it.”
I didn’t bother telling him he already had; he was worth this small sacrifice and so much more, because something in my gut told me he wouldn’t believe me.
He wasn’t ready to hear that yet, but I made a promise right then and there that I’d eventually get him there.
And one day, he’d know he was worth everything.