Chapter Twenty-One #2
Holden tripped over his feet, slamming into the wall. She grabbed his hips to steady him. He was an absolute disaster.
“Look at me.”
Holden’s eyes were glazed over. The effects of the alcohol were showing, and he’d be in pain tomorrow. Lots of it. Let that be a lesson.
“You’re going to do everything I tell you, yes?” she asked.
Holden smiled, slowly nodding. “Anything for you.”
Oh hell!
She dug her nails into his waist to keep his attention. “You’re going to grab two water bottles, two aspirin and go to your room. You won’t fall asleep until you’ve taken the medicine and drink both bottles of water. You hear me?”
“Uh huh.”
“Put your garbage basket next to your bed and sleep on your side.”
He leaned forward. “Which side?”
Jesus Christ, Holden. “It doesn’t matter.”
“I like my left better.”
Roxanne rolled her eyes. “Fine. Left it is.”
She peered around the foyer and glanced up the stairs. She had little faith he would remember her instructions and debated leaving him on his own.
“I saw Jonah’s truck in the driveway, so that must mean he’s here, right?”
Holden's glassy gaze showed signs of life again, and he ambled forward, nearly knocking her over. “Do you want me to get him for you?”
What? That was the last thing she wanted.
“No,” she snapped. “Just want to be sure you’re not alone.”
“You’re a good sister.” His words were slurred, but she felt them down to her core.
The living room light shone brightly, and she jerked her head to the doorway. Shit! Jonah stood with his eyes pinned on her.
“What’s going on?” He darted his gaze between her and Holden. “Are you drunk?”
“Lil bit.”
Jonah balled his fists, and his face shaded to red. These brothers needed an intervention before all hell broke loose.
“He tried calling you, but you didn’t answer. Tried Cord too. He called me, so I picked him up.”
Jonah furrowed his brows and pulled his phone from his back pocket. He glanced down at the screen, tapping it twice. His jaw squared, and when he looked up, his gaze darkened. His sharp glare was aimed at Holden.
“Then why don’t I have any missed calls?”
What?
His brother squinted, cocking his head. “You don’t? That’s weird.”
“Holden,” Jonah growled as the tension in the room escalated.
Roxanne squeezed his waist, getting his attention. “You did call your brothers, right?”
The long stretch of silence had Roxanne clenching her jaw.
“Holden,” she warned.
His lids were low, masking most of his eyes. “Well, I mean, I was going to.”
Her mouth dropped open. “Why didn’t you?”
He shrugged. “I figured I’d get less shit from you.”
This fucking kid.
“Get your ass upstairs,” Jonah shouted.
Roxanne expected Holden to break away from her and follow Jonah’s order immediately. Instead, he turned slightly, pulling her in for a hug. “Thanks, Rox. You really are the best.”
As much anger as she had roaring through her body, she wasn’t immune to the sincerity in his tone. She hugged him and walked him closer to the stairs before letting go.
She watched Holden walk up slowly. He had enough sense to hold on to the banister. Still, she watched his every move, ready to jump into action if he swayed backward. When he made it to the landing, she released her breath.
“Sorry about that.” Jonah lifted his chin toward the stairs.
“It’s fine.” She turned to the door hoping to escape the awkwardness. Seeing him again reminded her of how raw and heartbreaking their breakup had been. How it still is.
“How are you?”
She ducked her head and swallowed the knot in her throat. “I’m good. I have to go.”
His boots clacked against the wood, and she felt him move closer. “Let me walk you out.”
Absolutely not. She spun around and pressed her back against the door. She knew he was behind her but hadn’t realized how close. Jonah stood only a foot away. They’d been in this position a few times. It was usually followed with a kiss that led to more.
It was the worst time to be thinking of their past. Still, it plagued her mind like a force she couldn’t escape.
Like going back in time, when things were different.
She wanted that back. Without another rational thought, she acted on impulse.
If this is all I get, then I’m taking it.
She closed the gap between them, slid her hand up his chest, and his hands immediately gripped her hips, pulling her closer.
“Rox, I …”
Talking was out of the question. She wouldn’t let him ruin this moment for her.
She lifted her chin, hiked up on her toes, and kissed him.
This was probably a bad decision. It’d only make this breakup harder.
She wasn’t even sure why she did it, but Roxanne wanted one last memory. And Jonah didn’t disappoint.
He crushed her against his chest, his hand clasping her neck as his tongue slipped past her lips.
The man knew how to kiss. His fingers dug into her skin as if he were afraid she’d pull away.
She didn’t, giving in to their last kiss.
It was all too familiar and natural. She wrapped her arms around his waist, tightening her hold.
“Stay,” he whispered, cupping her neck, trailing his fingers through her hair.
It would be easy to say yes. I want to say yes. But nothing had changed. Not for Jonah and not for her. Reality had the worst timing. She ended the kiss just as quickly as she’d started it.
Roxanne shook her head, veering her gaze to the floor. It’d be easier to leave if she weren’t looking at him.
“I can’t.” Unintentionally, she was throwing his words back at him.
“Nothing has changed, Jonah. Even if I spend the night, we’ll wake up tomorrow and be in the same position.
” She drew a breath, turning her head, and his hand fell to his side.
“I’d still be in love with you. And there would still be no place for me in your life. ”
“I was wrong,” he whispered. “Your place is with me.”
She shook her head.
“I love you,” he whispered.
This was what she’d wanted to hear. The only problem was that it wasn’t enough now. Maybe T was right, and Jonah had pushed her away because of his own demons. But they were still there, and if he kept them hidden, it was only a matter of time until they ended up back in their current position.
Roxanne shook her head. “You don’t trust me, Jonah. We both know that.”
“I trust you.” His tone was graveled but stern.
She glanced up. The hardest part was knowing he wanted to, but he couldn’t. Roxanne didn’t know if that reflected on her or their relationship.
“Not the way you need to for this to work between us.”
She tried turning her head, but he grasped her jaw. “You deserve someone who can give you everything.”
Roxanne once again remembered what her brother had said.
“Then be that person for me.”
His jaw squared, and his features tensed. “It’s not that easy.”
“But it is, Jonah.” She laughed without an ounce of humor. If anything, it was a nervous frustration. “You may love me, but you certainly don’t get me. There’s nothing you could share with me that could change how I feel about you.”
“I think you’re wrong.”
They were at a stalemate. She couldn’t get him to open up. If he didn’t want to, he wouldn’t.
“Then I should go.”
“Rox.” His brows furrowed.
“All or nothing, Jonah. Either you let me have all of you…the bad, the ugly, the worst you got? Or nothing. Because I want it all.” She sniffled, not even realizing that she was sobbing until that very moment. It was almost a shock to feel the tears streaming down to her chin.
“It’ll change us.” He whispered.
“It’ll make us stronger.”
“It could ruin us,” he countered.
“There’s no us unless you let me in.”
Jonah stepped back, putting distance between them. Neither of them spoke, but continued to stare at one another. Whatever he was holding back, had to be given on his terms. And that wouldn’t happen. Not tonight.
Roxanne drew a breath, swiped her damp cheeks and straightened her shoulders.
“Bye, Jonah.” She opened the door and walked out. In the back of her mind, she wanted him to chase after her.
He didn’t.
****
Two days later, Jonah sat in the chair at his desk piled with invoices, notes and pictures of potential projects.
He had calls to make, deadlines to meet, and bookkeeping that his accountant demanded yesterday.
None of that seemed to matter as he stared at the picture of him and Roxanne on his phone from the night of his brother’s homecoming dance.
For all the time they’d spent together, this was the only one he had.
She was leaning her back against his chest with a bright smile. He wasn’t as carefree as she was, but he recognized something on his face he hadn’t seen in years. Joyful peace.
“Hey.”
Jonah spun in his chair watching Holden slowly inch through the garage. His face was pale, with bags under his eyes to rival a man three decades older, and with a look of utter defeat. Two days later and Holden was still nursing his hangover.
“How are you feeling?”
“Like I made a bad life choice.”
Thank God for Holden. He could always count on his brother for comic relief, even in a weathered state.
The knock on the door had Holden jerking his head and then squeezing his eyes shut.
Yeah, he was still feeling the effects of partying too hard.
Jonah had given him the mandatory parental speech in the morning, but he took it easy on him.
It had been a while, but Jonah had been in his position a time or two when he was younger.
Kenzie walked in smiling at Holden.
“Hi.”
He lifted his hand and waved without an ounce of enthusiasm. It was the polar opposite of how he usually reacted around the beautiful woman.
“I’m going back to bed.” Holden stumbled toward the door.
Kenzie raised her brow but remained silent until Holden left.
“What happened to him?”
Jonah clasped his hands over his stomach, rocking back on the chair. “Tequila.”
Her lips twisted, and her nose scrunched. “Oh, been there, done that. I still regret that night.”
Jonah snorted and stood, heading to the opposite end of the workshop. He assumed this was her reason for the impromptu visit. “The table should be done in a day. Sent Bogs a picture. He didn’t show you?”
“He did.” Her voice was soft, and her steps followed behind him.
“Don’t trust it?” Jonah leaned over to unveil the table, but she grabbed his arm before he had the chance. He glanced back at her. “What?”
“I came to check on you.”
Jonah sighed and gently pulled away, circling the table.
“I’m not trying to pry, but …” Her voice trailed off.
“But you’re going to.”
Kenzie flattened her lips and tucked her hands in her pockets, shrugging her shoulders to her ears.
He didn’t have many close friends, but he considered her one.
Still, he wasn’t interested in sharing his thoughts with anyone.
He’d spent the last couple of days at a crossroads.
He thought he’d made the right decision.
By putting distance between them, it shielded her from his past. But seeing Roxanne the other night had him second guessing his decision. I fucked up.
“Do you want to talk?” Kenzie asked.
“No.”
“Okay,” she muttered and rocked back on her heels. He knew her pretty well, and by the looks of it, she wouldn’t respect his privacy. “Are you up for listening?”
Jonah sighed. “Do I get a choice?”
“Not really.”
He dragged his hand through his hair and settled his back against the workbench, folding his arms. “Then let’s hear it.”
“She loves you.”
Three simple words, and they hit him as hard as a punch to the gut.
And I love her.
It had been years since he’d spoken those words, but a few nights ago with Roxanne, they came out so naturally. He was speaking his truth.
“Well,” she inhaled a breath, “I should go.”
What the …
Jonah spread out his arms. “That’s it?”
Kenzie cocked her head to the side with a small smile playing on her lips. “Isn’t that enough?”
Yes.
Jonah’s muscles tightened, and blood rushed through his veins. All or nothing. Roxanne’s words replayed over in his head. The door closed, and he drew in a breath, staring up at the ceiling.
All or nothing.
Jonah pushed off the workbench, stalked through the shop and out the door. Kenzie was at the end of the driveway.
“Kenzie,” he shouted. He hurried his steps when she stopped and turned. “Need a favor.”
“Sure.”
This could backfire, but Jonah was willing to take the risk. All or nothing? He’d made his choice.
All.