Chapter 7 #2
‘Yes. You talk about being angry and frustrated, but it’s nearly always directed at yourself – for allowing Garth to sweep you off your feet, for trusting him and Leanne, for not spotting the red flags, for being so na?ve.
You were the innocent party in all of this.
They were the ones who plotted and schemed and used you.
I wonder if the reason you’re still being haunted is not because you’re struggling to put what they did behind you and move on but because you’re struggling to forgive yourself for what you see as allowing it to happen. ’
We walked in silence and I wondered for a moment whether I’d overstepped. I hoped not. I’d never want to say anything to hurt Tara.
‘You know what?’ she said eventually, stopping and facing me.
‘I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.
What they both did to me was unforgiveable and I’ll never not be angry with them for it but I proved that I was strong as soon as I found out.
I walked away from them, started over in a place I’d never been before and created an award-winning business.
Instead of focusing on the strong, brave woman who made all the right decisions, I’ve focused on the lost, friendless sixteen-year-old who had no idea what she was doing and I’ve been so angry for her and all the wrong decisions she made.
But she didn’t know better and they did.
As you say, they’re the ones to blame entirely for everything that happened and not me. ’
I smiled with relief. ‘For a moment there, I was worried I’d said the wrong thing.’
She shook her head. ‘Completely the opposite. I’m so glad you said that. It’s a major light-bulb moment.’
‘You think it’ll help you?’
‘I think it’ll make a huge difference. Thank you for listening and understanding and making that connection.’
She slipped her arms round my waist and kissed me.
‘I think you might just understand me better than I understand myself,’ she said when she pulled away. ‘You weren’t lying when you told me you see me.’
When we’d still been locking horns in mid-November, I’d spotted Tara standing in the middle of Castle Street early on the morning of the Best of the Bay Awards.
She’d been looking up at the sky and that was the moment when I saw her for who she really was – someone in pain as opposed to a smart-mouthed sparring partner – and my feelings towards her shifted.
After she won an award that evening which she felt she hadn’t deserved, she fled from the ceremony at the Bay Pavilion, stopping in the covered walkway above the beach where she screamed her frustration at the sea and pounded the walls with her fists.
Witnessing her anguish, I knew I’d been right about what I’d seen that morning.
As an artist, I noticed details that others might miss but the main reason I could see Tara was because I recognised myself in her, feeling what she clearly felt.
‘I’ll always see you,’ I said, drawing her into another tender kiss.
When we set off walking once more, I deliberately didn’t speak, wanting to give Tara the time to process her thoughts.
‘My dad telling me about Leanne phoning hasn’t helped either,’ she said after a while.
‘He’s adamant they’re done with her but I definitely sensed a wobble from Mum and it scares me.
’ She shook her head and sighed. ‘Enough! I don’t want to give Garth or Leanne another second of my time tonight.
Let’s talk about something nice. Tell me about New Year’s Eve in Australia. ’
I’d celebrated in so many different ways – from house parties to evenings at home to taking the girls into the city centre to watch the fireworks over Sydney Harbour and the Opera House so I shared my varied memories.
‘The harbour must have been special,’ Tara said.
‘It was. We went five times, always to a different vantage point so we could experience it from new angles. The atmosphere was incredible and the fireworks were always out of this world but, for me, the most important part of New Year’s Eve has always been who you spend it with.
A quiet night indoors with the ones I love is just as special as a big event. ’
‘Probably extra special this year because you’ll be spending it with a cuddly giant house bunny and a diva Dalmatian.’
‘Too right!’ I stopped walking and turned to face Tara. ‘But the absolute best part will be spending it with you. I wouldn’t want it any other way.’
Tears sparkled in her eyes as she smiled at me. ‘You’ve already exorcised my Christmas Day demons and I think you’re working your magic on my New Year’s Eve ones too.’
I gently pulled her closer and kissed her and I could happily have lost myself in that kiss for ages if it hadn’t been for Doris flumping down on our feet with a whine, breaking us apart laughing.
‘I think somebody doesn’t like public displays of affection,’ Tara said, ruffling Doris’s ears. ‘How about we continue this back at home instead?’
‘You’re on! Come on, Doris.’ I tugged at her lead. ‘Apologies for embarrassing you.’