Chapter 22 #2
‘Or maybe it’s just you who isn’t ready,’ Carly suggested. ‘This flat has been your sanctuary pretty much since you arrived in Whitsborough Bay. Leaving your safe haven is bound to be a big thing.’
Safe haven. That was exactly it! The flat had always meant so much more to me than a place to stay. It had been a place to hide. The thought of leaving it… I sighed, my heart feeling heavy.
‘It is a big thing,’ I admitted. ‘And there’s the practicalities of it. If I lived elsewhere, I’d have to stop my early-morning swims because there’s no way I could find time for them, the travel to work and all the food prep without getting up at something ridiculous like four o’clock.’
Feeling myself spiralling, I took a deep breath and channelled my inner Pollyanna. ‘I’m glad I met Jed and I wouldn’t be without him so, when the time is right, I’m sure a solution will present itself that works for us all.’
‘I’m sure it will. Isn’t Jed a trained chef? Couldn’t he share the cooking with you? Two hands would mean you don’t need to be in so early and you could still fit in swimming.’
My heart leapt. ‘It’s certainly an option, even if it’s only for two or three days a week. I can’t believe I never thought of that myself. Thank you.’
‘My pleasure. I’m sure you’d have thought of it at some point but it’s usually harder to see solutions when you feel emotional about something.’
I sipped on my hot chocolate, nodding. Carly was right that I was too emotionally invested in the flat and the thought of moving out had meant I’d only focused on the problems it would incur rather than any solutions.
Now that she’d mentioned Jed helping, I could see that another possibility was asking Sheila how she’d feel about early mornings.
I knew she rose early because her husband, Eric, liked to go out fishing first thing.
She might be willing to start earlier and finish earlier.
Maria might consider one early morning a week too.
Her husband, Marc, always did the school run so it was feasible for her.
‘So, tell me more about your ideal house,’ I asked, feeling much calmer about my situation. ‘Where are you looking?’
Carly listed a few villages they were considering as well as a couple of areas of Whitsborough Bay – the streets around Hearnshaw Park and the area near the Sea Rescue Sanctuary.
They ideally wanted a four-bedroom detached property but would consider three bedrooms if there was space elsewhere for a home office.
‘We’d love to have two kids so it’s pointless looking for anywhere smaller,’ she said. ‘We did wonder about trying for a family as soon as we’re married, but we want some time to just enjoy being together as a couple first. It’s new and exciting so we want to make the most of it.’
‘You’ll both make such brilliant parents whenever it happens. Have you thought about what you’ll do with the shop then?’
Carly sighed. ‘It’s another reason why we want to delay things.
If I was running a different type of business, I could find someone to cover my maternity leave, but I am the business.
Bethany’s already proved she has no skill whatsoever in baking or cake decorating, not that she’ll be any help when she has a ba—’ Carly clapped her hand over her mouth and I clocked her guilty expression, my eyes widening as I realised what she’d stopped herself from saying.
‘Bethany’s pregnant?’
Carly removed her hand and scrunched up her nose. ‘I wasn’t meant to say anything yet but I know you can keep a secret.’
‘I won’t breathe a word. How far gone is she?’
‘She’s got her first scan on Thursday. She and Joshua weren’t planning on telling anyone until after that but she needed me to order her bridesmaid dress in a bigger size so I’ve known since the day after we chose the dresses.’
‘Aw, I’m so pleased for them and for you. Congratulations auntie-to-be! That explains why she steered us towards looser-fitted dresses. I didn’t think anything of it at the time.’
‘Yeah, she told me she didn’t want a style that would draw attention to her baby bump and away from me. That’s not the way I think so I reassured her that she didn’t need to worry about it, although it was sweet of her to have thought about me.’
‘And a great example of how much she’s grown recently.’
Following a terrifying incident involving an estranged father with a knife at the nursery where Bethany worked, Carly had taken her on as an extra pair of hands but Bethany had turned out to be a liability.
High maintenance and selfish, she’d lost Carly business and caused her significant rework but things came to a head a year gone December when Bethany went missing shortly before her wedding.
Thankfully, Carly and Liam found her and Bethany sought professional help for PTSD and low self-esteem issues.
She still worked for Carly but in a role far more suited to her skills and it had been lovely seeing the change in her and how much closer the sisters had become since then.
‘You’ve all got a big year ahead of you,’ I said.
‘I know! My head hurts thinking about it but it’s all exciting.’
‘If there’s anything I can do to help with the wedding plans, just give me a shout.’
‘To be honest, Bethany’s done most of it so far. She’s been doing stacks of research, presenting options she thinks we’ll like and ordering whatever we need. She’s a changed woman and so much happier.’
‘Speaking of making people happy, I’ve had an idea…’ I ran my friendship club idea by Carly.
‘That’s a genius idea and so very you. I’m happy to run sessions on cake decorating techniques if you think they’ll be of interest and I’ll volunteer Bethany’s services if you want any marketing support. She’s a whizz with it.’
‘Yes, please, to both. Anastasia’s great on the socials but she’s the target audience and I can’t help thinking that, if I get her involved in the behind-the-scenes stuff, she won’t get as much from it as if she’s a regular attendee. I have a name too. How does The Friendship Pod sound?’
‘Ooh! I like that! Like dolphins in a pod, looking out for each other.’
‘Exactly that! I want to launch soon – at the start of March – so would you mind asking Bethany in the morning if she’s okay to help? If she is, I can stop by when it’s quiet to brief her.’
After Carly left a little later, I stood by the arched window looking out onto Castle Street.
A lone dog walker headed towards Castle Park and a couple holding hands passed in the direction of town but it was otherwise deserted.
The woman appeared to be heavily pregnant, turning my thoughts to Carly’s news about Bethany.
I was so pleased for her and Joshua. They’d make great parents.
Bethany had excelled in her role at the nursery and Joshua had the patience of a saint.
Carly and Liam would make brilliant parents too when they were ready to start their family. Would I?
I mulled that question over as I watched a black-and-white cat prowling along the street, dipping in and out of the doorways.
Loads of our customers brought in their kids and I’d held babies, made toddlers giggle and chatted to so many young children over the years but could I imagine kids of my own?
I tried to picture myself with a child but the images that sprang to mind weren’t of young children – they were of the students I mentored at the TEC and sixth form, my young members of staff who sometimes asked for my advice, and Zoe.
A nudge against my feet drew my gaze down to Hercules. I picked him up and snuggled him as I looked out of the window once more.
‘I’m not sure I see children in my future,’ I said to him. ‘I don’t think that’s the path for me.’
Saying the words out loud, I didn’t feel sad.
If anything, I felt relieved. I always thought I’d pushed the idea of a family out of my mind because I couldn’t imagine ever meeting anyone but, now that I’d met my forever person, it seemed that the lack of a partner wasn’t the barrier after all. I was.
With a sigh, I turned away from the window and returned to the sofa with Hercules.
At some point soon, I’d need to have a conversation with Jed to see where his thoughts were.
I really hoped he didn’t want more children, which was unexpected.
What was also unexpected was an overpowering feeling that I wanted to do more with teenagers and, particularly, those like Zoe who hadn’t had a great start in life and needed someone to believe in them.
I had no idea what that might look like but it felt like the right path for me. Would Jed agree?