10. SEVEN
SEVEN
C aitlin held her sleeping daughter as if she added a layer of protection from the staring eyes of her in-laws…or ex-in-laws. Jordan had left the room to get coffee and snacks, leaving her alone with their questioning stares.
She gulped, focusing on her daughter and her sweet innocence that had made the initial uncomfortableness less scary. It hadn’t taken long before Isabelle started rubbing her ears and eventually crawled into Caitlin’s arms and promptly fell asleep.
“She’s adorable,” Jordan’s mom said.
“Thank you.” Caitlin lifted her gaze to meet her eyes briefly, knowing that the questions would come now that little ears were asleep. “I’m sorry I kept her from you.”
Jordan’s dad cleared his throat, and his mom sucked in a deep breath. “Can you tell us why?” his mom finally asked, emotion quivering her voice.
“I…uh, well, I thought it was the best decision…” The words she had rehearsed flew from her mind as she struggled with even being intelligible. It had almost been easier to tell Jordan.
“You thought the best decision was to take our granddaughter away from us and her daddy?” Jordan’s dad sat forward in his seat. The heart attack had left him thinner than he used to be, but the steel-hardened eyes hadn’t changed a bit.
Caitlin swallowed, cementing her gaze on her daughter, pulling strength from the love that she had for her. “At the time, yes, I did.” She glanced up as Jordan came into the room, relief flooding her the moment his sympathetic eyes met hers. “I didn’t mean to hurt anyone. I thought it would be less painful if I…just left.”
Jordan cocked his head as if trying to figure her out. He set down the tray of coffee mugs and crackers and cheese on the coffee table, then sat beside her.
“I still don’t understand.” His father shook his head.
“That’s because you don’t know I had told her I,” Jordan glanced at Isabelle, then leaned forward, lowering his voice, “never wanted kids.”
“Lots of men say that,” Jordan’s mom said, glancing furtively at her husband.
“Dad? Really?” Jordan said. “You didn’t want us?”
“Now, wait a second,” Jordan’s dad sputtered, glaring at his wife. “It’s not like that.”
“Of course he wanted you.” Jordan’s mom set her hand on her husband’s thigh with a smile. “He was in love with you the moment he saw you, but…before we had you or your sister, he definitely wasn’t sure he wanted kids at all.”
Jordan’s dad shrugged. “Now here comes the point where she tells you that a man doesn’t know what’s best for himself and that’s why he needs a wife.”
Caitlin squeezed her lips together to hide the smile that wanted to escape.
“It’s the truth, Jim, and you know it.” She patted his thigh, then drew her hand back. “Why didn’t you give him the chance to find that out?”
Caitlin opened her mouth and closed it, and tried again, but how could she tell her how adamant her son had been and the ultimatum he had given her?
Jordan adjusted his position beside her and cleared his throat. “I had made myself clear. I…” He cleared his throat again. “I had told her that if she couldn’t understand that kids…” he glanced down at Isabelle, pain living in his eyes, “weren’t a part of the picture for me, she should…leave.”
Caitlin couldn’t tear her eyes off Jordan. It was the truth, yes, but how much courage had it taken him to admit that to his parents? Why would he do that…for her?
His mom gasped and his dad grunted, and they both fell back in their chairs. Caitlin still couldn’t take her eyes off Jordan, but he avoided her gaze, fiddling with the coffee cup in his hands instead.
“I never denied it was my fault she left,” Jordan said, his tone miserable but holding a conflicting sound, as if he didn’t know if he agreed with himself or not. “I’m not perfect.”
“We know you’re not perfect, son,” his father muttered.
Jordan gave half a chuckle. “Thanks for your vote of confidence, Dad.”
“Oh, honey, you know what he means. We never expected you or your sister to be perfect. That would be unfair. We only expected you to learn—”
“—From our mistakes.” Jordan’s hands froze as his voice faded and his gaze drifted from his mug to Isabelle. “I have learned from this one.”
“Me, too,” Caitlin whispered, emotion choking her words and burning her eyes.
“Some lessons are harder to learn than others,” his mom said with a sigh. “Oh, my heart hurts for the two of you, and for that precious granddaughter of mine.” She reached out, sweeping a tender finger along the softness of Isabelle’s hair.
“That spitfire’s gonna be just fine,” Jordan’s dad said as he reached for a cracker. “And so are you two. You’ll do what’s right for her.”
“She is the priority,” Caitlin said, drawing in a deep breath and glancing at Jordan, who gave her a slight nod.
“Have you talked about counseling?” His mom twined her hands together. “I’ve heard great things about Tyler’s new wife. She’s done wonders for Krista.”
“Oh…I, uh, I don’t think Isabelle needs…” Caitlin started, feeling horrified that she thought she had damaged her daughter so much she needed therapy.
“Not for her,” his mother said gently.
His dad grunted again, shoving another cracker in his mouth, and Caitlin hid her smile behind her mug.
“I don’t believe the Myers’ men think much about talking through their feelings,” Caitlin said, hearing the note of amusement in her voice.
Jordan’s mom sighed. “You’re probably right. Well, I should get your dad home before the game starts. You’ll come by next week? Bring Isabelle?”
“I would love to, but…I…” Caitlin’s heart hammered as she realized she had only shared part of the truth with them. Her lips quivered, and she turned to Jordan in panic.
“There’s more,” Jordan said, and his parents settled back into their seats.
“You’re pregnant?” His mom gasped with a gleeful eye.
The blood drained from Caitlin’s face, causing pins and needles and an odd feeling that comes right before passing out. “What?”
Jordan laughed, loud and raucous. “If only it were that simple.”
“A baby, simple?” His dad growled.
Jordan cleared his throat, glanced at Caitlin, and she gave him a nod. “Caitlin’s dad has gotten himself in a bind. We’re not really supposed to talk about it, but Caitlin and Isabelle might…be in danger.”
“Danger!” His mom’s hand went to her chest, and her face drained of color. “By who? What?”
“My dad has clients of, um, questionable character, and well, he’s been subpoenaed in a case against one of them.”
“And you think they’ll be after you and your daughter to get to him?” Jordan’s dad edged forward.
“He’s afraid of that.” Caitlin gave a quivering nod.
“Stupid….” Jim continued to mutter under his breath.
“Now, Jim, we don’t talk about Caitlin’s father that way. I’m sure he’s doing what he feels best for his family,” his mother reprimanded.
“I’m sure he is,” Caitlin said, her arms tightening around Isabelle, wondering what would have happened if Dad had never taken that job. Money wasn’t everything.
“This can’t get out, Mom. You can’t tell your girlfriends.” Jordan leveled a stare at his mom.
His mom waved it away. “Of course, dear. Family business stays family business. The question is, what are you going to do?”
“Well, that’s why my dad sent me here. I…I think he wanted me to find Jordan…to, well, make amends. He knew I would be safe here.”
“You better believe it,” Jim growled again. “So that’s why men are standing guard around your place?”
“I told them to stay out of sight.” Jordan sighed.
“Well, I didn’t see any men.” His mom looked around as if she would see them now.
“You think I wouldn’t notice things like that, son?”
“I should have known better.” Jordan smiled with a shrug. “Your observation and attention to detail surpass almost everyone’s.”
“Almost?” Jim arched an eyebrow, his lips twitching slightly.
“Well, yeah, you know, you’re getting older, and I’ve stepped up my game, and…” Jordan laughed as he moved out of his father’s reach when he tried to smack him.
“Why you little twerp,” Jim said, but humor lined his voice, and Caitlin relaxed against the back of the couch as Isabelle murmured in her sleep.
“It’s good to be back.” Her thought had transferred to words without her intention, quieting the fun squabble between father and son.
“You’re here, and that’s what matters. Our boy will keep you and our Isabelle safe. I know it.” Jordan’s mom stood.
His dad followed suit. “Not sure you should keep this quiet, though. Better to have the community behind you.”
“We told Derrick yesterday. He’ll have his men keeping an eye out, and we have the men her father sent.”
“And we have seen no one suspicious around here…” Caitlin added, trying to scoot to the edge of the couch to stand up with the added weight of Isabelle.
Jordan wrapped his arm around her to support and help as she did. “Want me to take her?”
“No, I’ll go put her down while you say goodbye to your parents.” She turned to them. “You’ll visit again soon? I want Isabelle to get to know you.”
Jordan’s mom wrapped her and the sleeping Isabelle in another hug. “You kidding? You couldn’t keep me away with a ten-foot pole. She’s my granddaughter. I’ll come over Monday while Jordan’s at work to keep you company.”
“I’d like that,” Caitlin said, blinking back the tears that had formed again.
His mom stepped away and his dad stepped over. “I still don’t understand why you left. My son, well, is my son, stubborn, bull-headed, and, well, maybe doesn’t always know what’s best for him, but he would have done right by you and your little girl.”
Caitlin bit her lip and nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“Well, you’re here now, and that took courage. Staying will take even more.” He kissed her on the forehead. “I’ll see the two of you soon.”
Caitlin couldn’t stop the tears streaming down her cheeks, so she turned quickly, starting for the hall toward the bedrooms. Jordan paced her for a few steps.
“You okay?”
“Yeah, I…yes, go on.” She motioned back to his parents with her chin and continued into the bedroom that she and Isabelle shared, gently shutting the door behind her.
She laid Isabelle on the bed and curled up behind her, unwilling to let her go yet. The tears continued to fall as she berated herself for causing so much pain to those she loved. His parents, though outspoken about their lack of understanding, still welcomed her back with open arms.
They stepped right back into her life and the life of her daughter as if Caitlin had never left, or maybe even more. Maybe like the prodigal child returned. Would everyone accept her as willingly?
Jordan had supported her, even backed her up when he didn’t have to. Could that mean there was a possibility he would grow to forgive her?
She squeezed her eyes shut, unwilling to stop hoping on forgiveness.
Jordan sighed as he joined his parents on the porch where his dad adjusted the cowboy hat he always wore, unless in a house or church. The way his clothes hung on him pained Jordan’s heart, but he still had that fire in his eyes when he met his gaze.
“Say goodbye to your mother, son. We have to have a few words man-to-man before we leave.”
“Be easy on him, Jim. He’s been through a lot.” His mom squeezed his dad’s arm as she came to wrap her arms around Jordan. “I love you, son. For what it’s worth, I’m happy she’s back. It will take work to forgive her for keeping Isabelle hidden, but she’s here now. Don’t forget to focus on what’s right in front of you.”
“Thanks, Mom,” he said, holding onto her, letting her sweet, comforting smell ease his heart. “She’s something else, isn’t she? My daughter, I mean.” He said as he pulled back.
“Oh, she’s a doll. I can’t wait to spend more time with her.” She cupped his cheek. “You take care of them.”
“I will,” he said.
“And, Jordan? Take care of yourself, too.”
“I’m fine. Love you, Mom.”
“Love you, honey.” She eyed his dad, then met his gaze once more. “Good luck.”
“Thanks,” Jordan muttered, watching her slide into the driver’s seat of her car.
“She still won’t let me drive,” his dad grumbled.
“Give it time, Dad. She almost lost you.”
His dad grunted, and he turned to meet his rock-steady gaze. “What’re you gonna do?”
“What do you mean, what am I going to do? I’ll take care of my daughter like a father should.” Jordan crossed his arms.
“That’s a given. I meant about Caitlin.”
“Oh,” Jordan shrugged. “Before…before I knew Isabelle was mine, I was ready to welcome her back with open arms, pick up where we left off and try to be a better man.”
“What’s stopping you now? Don’t you have more reasons?” His dad’s piercing gaze, though, told him he knew…understood the baggage that came with that, and his question was another test.
Jordan warred between clamping his lips shut, getting angry and walking away, or spilling his guts. He drew in a deep breath, released his arms and shook them out. His gaze focused on the forest surrounding his house, property he would love full of his family. Then he finally turned his eyes back on his dad.
“When she left the first time, I thought I would die. I wanted to die.”
“I know that. We saw you go through it, worried everyday, but you got your feet back under you and took life by the horns, just like I knew you would.”
Jordan cocked his head at his dad’s words, as close to a compliment as he would likely get from his father, and hearing the love underneath them. He dropped his head. “If…she left again…and with Isabelle…it would finish me.” He growled, hearing the resemblance to his father’s. “I’m not as strong as you think.”
His dad raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
“It hurts,” Jordan squeaked out the words, rubbing his chest, feeling the pain as if it were physical at the thought of losing them.
“Son, loving takes courage. It means you are giving a piece of your heart away, knowing that one day you will lose it.” His father glanced back at his mom. “It’s a hard fact to face, but that’s the truth of it.”
“What if she leaves?”
His dad sighed. “You know my days are limited, son. It’s only a miracle that I’m still here. Will you walk away from me because you know my number’s coming?”
“Don’t be crazy, Dad. You know I’m not going anywhere.”
He nodded his head. “That’s your answer.” He gripped his arms, his hands still strong as steel. “We only have the days God gives us with the ones we love; live for them, not in fear of what happens afterward.”
Jordan nodded, processing his dad’s advice. Finally, he asked, “How do I forgive her?”
“Time, son. Give it time.” He brought him into a strong clasping hug, then patted his back and walked to his car, where he turned before he got in. “I love you, son.”
“I love you too, Dad.” He lifted his hand in farewell, only lowering it when they were out of sight down the drive.
Time.
His heart clenched, reminded of how little time he had left with his dad. What would he do without his advice?
Jordan sat on the porch swing for a long time after his parents left. Finally, the call of Isabelle’s sweet laughter brought him from his reverie and into the house. He shut the door quietly behind him and watched the mother and daughter wrestling around the front room, his front room, as he hung up his hat.
Leaning against the wall, he watched them, letting their laughter fill his heart. If he could forget how they came to be there, he could live his life in happiness. Yet, the moment Caitlin turned to him, the smile died on her face and her eyes clouded with pain and fear, bringing back the past that would never go away.
“Daddy!” Isabelle cried, scrambling to her feet and racing toward him.
He caught her up in his arms, swinging her around, then holding her close. “Did you have a good nap, sugar cakes?”
“I dreamed of horsies!”
“Horsies, of course.” He smiled as he carried her into the living room, avoiding Caitlin’s watchful stare.
“Can we go see some?”
“Well,” he finally met Caitlin’s eyes as she shook her head. “I don’t think that fits in the plans right now, but soon.”
“What soon? Tomorrow?”
Jordan laughed. “Well, I can’t deny your tenacity. Soon, sugar cakes. I have some ideas. How about for now, you can pretend I’m a horsie.”
“You a horsie?” Isabelle cocked her head.
“Yeah.” Jordan got down on his hands and knees and neighed. Out of the corner of his eye, Caitlin snickered and covered her mouth. “Climb on.”
Caitlin helped her on his back, then moved the coffee table and some toys out of the way so they had a cleared area.
“Hold on,” Jordan said, taking slow steps one knee and hand at a time.
“Whoa!” Isabelle said, gleefully clinging to his neck. “You wobbly horsie.”
“Oh, yeah. Well, wait until I become a buckin’ bronco,” Jordan said, rearing up a little.
Isabelle squealed in delight, laughing as he started walking again on the carpet in the living room. He made it to the wood floor, quickly spinning back to the carpet as the hard floor bit into his knees.
“Faster! Faster, horsie!” Isabelle squealed, squeezing her legs around his waist.
He moved quickly until she started to lose her hold, and he swung her around to hold on to her as he flipped to his back, panting with the play. “Well,” he said as her giggles quieted down, “I can tell you’re going to be a great rider.”
“I ride good!” She cheered, sitting up on his stomach.
“You do. You squeezed with your legs and held on tight. That’s the way to start.” Jordan picked her up and set her beside him as he moved into a sitting position. He glanced at Caitlin, who focused on their daughter.
“She’s always loved horses,” she said, half to herself.
“I would love to take her to Josie’s camp,” he said, his eyes following Isabelle as she crawled to the table where her horse toys were.
“Josie?”
“Yeah, Camp Hope’s director?”
“Oh, that’s right. How’s she doing?”
“Married a rodeo star some years back now, and they adopted a boy…that was quite the story.” Jordan furrowed his brow. “You know, for a small mountain town, we have quite a bit of drama.”
Caitlin smirked. “Don’t all small towns have drama? Thought that’s what made small towns the way they are.”
“Well, yeah, gossip mills and everybody knows everybody, but I mean…the dangerous kind of drama.”
“Oh…you mean like mine,” Caitlin said with a sigh.
“And Josie’s, and Chasity’s, and Megan’s…” He shook his head. “Hope Lake had always been so uneventful, but now…”
“We’re ruining it.” Caitlin’s shoulders drooped.
“Actually, I was going to say it was getting exciting.” He laughed.
Caitlin lifted her head, meeting his eyes as the furrow between her brows deepened. “Exciting? That’s what you call this?”
“Well, maybe that’s not quite the word. I mean, do I want you to be in danger, of course not, but small towns rarely have so much going on.”
“Guess Derrick’s got the run for his money since he took over.” Caitlin settled back into the couch, her gaze resting on Isabelle making her horses buck and rear.
“Yeah, it all started with that missing woman Derrick helped find. Maybe the city’s getting a little too close.” Jordan shrugged. “Anyway, nobody’s gonna find you two out here.”
“I hope so.” Caitlin bit her lip, her full focus on their daughter.
“Hey,” Jordan said, moving to sit next to her. “I won’t let anyone hurt her…or you.”
“And what about you?” She turned her tear-filled eyes to him. “Who’s going to protect you?”
“I don’t need protection,” he said, sitting up straighter.
She raised her eyebrows.
“Besides, who’s going to get past Mr. T and his gang?”
Caitlin rolled her eyes. “I really don’t get the Mr. T thing…he looks nothing like him.”
“Minus the gold chains and the Mohawk…”
“And the dark skin and the way he talks?” Caitlin shook her head. “There’s no resemblance.”
Jordan laughed, easing back onto the couch next to her. “No, maybe not…except for his size and intimidating attitude. Not that he intimidates me.”
“Of course not,” Caitlin snorted, with a small smile playing on her lips. “That would be silly.”
They watched Isabelle play in silence for several moments before he turned to her, an idea taking root in his mind. “So, we can’t take you guys out…what if we brought a,” he waggled his eyebrows to the toys Isabelle played with, “here?”
“Here?”
“Yeah, I got space. I mean, not an arena or anything, but there are acres of land.”
“It’s not like she’s ready for a trail ride.” Caitlin stiffened.
“She’ll sit with me. I’ll keep her safe, Caitlin.” He sat up, staring hard at her, wanting her to know that she could trust him with their daughter.
“I didn’t say you wouldn’t,” she said, biting her lip. “Who would bring a hor…” she stopped when Isabelle turned toward them, smiled at the girl, then continued after the play continued, “here?”
“Well, if not Josie, I could ask Tyler. He’s breeding them now.”
“Tyler is breeding horses? I thought he didn’t want the ranch life?”
“Time changes people, Caitlin.” Jordan scooted to the edge of the couch. “I bet Krista would love to teach Isabelle how to ride. She taught Tyler’s wife how to ride, and the kids at camp.”
“I don’t know…I mean, they’ll probably be angry with me, too. Derrick could hardly even look at me.” She hung her head.
“They’ll get over it.” Jordan stood up, but glanced back at her, feeling her gaze.
“And you?” Her eyes searched his. “Will you get over it?”
Jordan shifted his weight, glanced at their daughter and then at her again. “I’m trying. It’ll take time.”
She lowered her head and nodded.
Jordan sighed, rubbed the back of his neck, and left the room, needing space between the heaviness of her expectations and fear and his own crazy, mind boggling thoughts.