Thirty-Nine
Sally lay in Matt’s spare bedroom, staring up at the ceiling while trying to make sense of the last few hours. She placed a finger gently on her lips and felt the soft, swollen skin tingling against it. It had been a very long time since she’d sat on a sofa, in semi-darkness, and kissed like a teenager. It had felt both good and strange in equal measure.
Part of her felt guilty, however, and it was this that was preventing her falling asleep. She knew there was no need to feel this way, Steve was dead and would never have expected her to become a nun in his absence but that didn’t alleviate the sensation that she was cheating on him. The other part of her, however, was thrilled she and Matt had stepped onto the bridge which would lead them from being friends and take them, hopefully, towards something more meaningful.
In between kisses, and sips of brandy, they’d talked about where they were headed and both had agreed they’d like to find out but at a gentle pace. Neither of them wanted to rush forward into a full-blown relationship. Sally was sure that Matt was most likely battling with the same emotions as herself, through the wall in his own bedroom. They were both coming into this with baggage and needed to be sure it wouldn’t impede them over time.
They’d also talked at length about his wife and the rift in the family. Sally felt his judgement had been clouded by the grief he’d been dealing with.
‘I’m not saying you were wrong,’ she’d said to him, ‘but perhaps, with the passing of time, now would be good to begin mending things. For Flora’s sake, if nothing else. It can’t be easy for her.’
He’d acknowledged this but the main turning point had been when she’d gently pressed home a point about his wife.
‘Matt, I can’t help but feel, given what you’ve said, that you blame your mother-in-law for not stopping Flora from leaving that night. That, even though something had occurred which made her want to leave, you think more effort should have been made in keeping her there until the morning.’
‘I do! I blame her for upsetting my Flora in the first place and for not keeping her safe.’
‘Look, this is only a thought and forgive me if I’m talking out of turn here but as an outsider, there are two things which have come to mind. The first is that, with being pregnant, is it possible your Flora was maybe just a bit more emotional than would normally be the case? While I’ve never been pregnant myself, I know plenty of women who have and this seems to be something they’ve all had in common due to the hormonal changes going on.’
Matt had looked at her in surprise and after a moment, agreed it was possible and a fact he’d never thought to consider.
‘The second thing that jumped out at me straight away, however, is when you mentioned how strong willed your Flora could be. Short of tying her up, do you honestly think there is any way your mother-in-law could have stopped her from leaving that night once the idea was in her head? Be truly honest here – do you?’
Matt had been holding her hands at the time and his grip had tightened considerably as he thought this over. When they finally relaxed, she knew he’d come to terms with what she’d said.
‘You’re right. Wild horses wouldn’t have stopped her from getting in that car once she’d made the decision.’ He’d let out a long quiet sigh. ‘It looks like I’ve been blaming all the wrong people.’
‘From experience, I know that putting the blame on others makes it easier to cope with the grief. Blaming the person who’s died feels all wrong so we shift it somewhere else. The thing is, in many cases, there is no blame. These things just happen. That’s how life works.’
‘But, your husband… he was killed by a stupid boy-racer who lost control of the car he was driving too fast. Surely you must blame him?’
‘I did, at the time, but now I see he was just a stupid, immature little boy who will have to live with what he did for the rest of his life. He’s now in prison and due to stay there for a few more years but his punishment will never remove the horror from his mind.’
‘How do you know that? How do you know he cares about what he did?’
‘Because he sends a letter of apology to me every year on the date of the accident. That boy is never going to forget.’
‘And that doesn’t upset you?’
‘Not anymore. It did the first time but after that, it kind of helped. Thinking about it now, it’s helped me to move on. Once you forgive, you break the chains that are holding you down. I think I can say my chains are well and truly broken.’
Sally thought about the answer she’d given to his question and was comforted in knowing she truly had moved on and as she turned over, pulling the quilt tighter around her shoulders, she felt the bed dip lightly in the bottom corner as Herbert jumped up to join her. He’d been asleep on Flora’s bed for most of the day, moving only for some turkey, and was still there when they’d come up the stairs but clearly felt he needed to remind her that he was still the number one man in her life.
He padded up the bed towards her pillow and she raised the quilt for him to slip underneath. Once he had taken up his position in the crook of her bent knees, she gave a little sigh of happiness and drifted off to sleep while thinking how Karen was going to pee her pants in joy when she filled her in on this latest development.
The following morning, Sally was delighted to find no awkwardness between her and Matt. Their conversation was light-hearted although there were odd moments where his gaze lingered on her a little longer than normal or she caught him looking at her mouth with a hint of desire in his eyes. She really hoped Flora had suddenly been struck blind through the night because there was no way she was going to miss these signs – that girl was sharper than a Gordon Ramsay Henckels knife!
‘So, Sally, I keep meaning to ask, what are you planning to do with the rest of the land around the house? How many acres are behind it – thirty? Thirty-five?’
‘I understand it’s about thirty, Matt, but I’m not very good with large land measurements. I prefer to go with “a lot” – I can work with that!’
Matt chuckled. ‘It’s still quite a bit though.’
‘Yeah, it is. I’m thinking of allowing it to stay wild, the same as I’ve done at the front. I’ve had a few walks out on it and I’m sure some foxes and badgers have moved in and set up home. It would be a shame to move them out.’
Flora sat down at the table and poured out some tea from the pot in the middle.
‘The badgers could be protected so you may not have an option there,’ she said.
‘I think you’ll find they’re both protected – by Sukie and Pete.’
Sally looked at Matt over her slice of toast.
‘Oh, how so?’
‘They hadn’t long moved into the manor when they received a visit from some toff over in the neighbouring county advising them that he was the leader of some hunt group or whatever they call themselves, and that their ride outs often took them across the bottom of Pete and Sukie’s land. As such, he was there to advise them of this and ensure they didn’t have a problem with it.’
‘I thought fox-hunting was banned now?’
‘It is and instead they’re supposed to do a form of drag racing where they lay out a scent for the hounds to follow but their excuse is that, if a fox crosses the path and the hounds go after it, there’s nothing they can do.’
‘What a load of bollocks!’
‘Yes, Flora, I agree. Just repeating what they say.’ Matt turned back to Sally. ‘Anyway, from what I’ve heard, Sukie went ballistic at the bloke and told him in no uncertain terms that his hunt would never be permitted to cross their land and any foxes on it were now her protected property. The same goes for the badgers. Pete refused permission for any culling on his land and has gone as far as to advise he is willing to take on any setts which require relocating.’
‘D’ya know, Sukie goes up and up in my estimation every day.’
Matt smiled at her. ‘When it comes to animals, and their welfare, I’d say you are both cut from the same cloth.’
‘Which takes me back to your question, Matt. I have no need of the land from a farming perspective so I’m happy to leave it as it is. Besides, given the shape and lie of the fields, I think they’d be difficult to work with today’s modern machinery which is quite large and bulky. It’s probably why they weren’t sold off with the rest of the land. However, Essie mentioned something about a bloke in the village who’s into beekeeping so I may offer him the use of a field for his hives if he’s interested. No rental costs but he can provide me with honey which I can sell alongside my bramble products. What do you think?’
‘Personally, I think it’s great. You know how I feel about over-development but you could make some good revenue by allowing neighbouring farmers to farm it.’
‘Nah! I’d rather give it back to Mother Nature. Her need is greater than mine, these days. Although, there’s one thing I want to pick your brains over – I found a couple of old huts on my travels and after what Sukie said about writer retreats, I wondered if I could do anything with them. Would you mind having a look and giving me your expert opinion? If it’s possible, they could be another revenue stream.’
‘Of course, I’d be happy to check them out for you and advise.’
Her tummy gave off a little “squeeeeeeeee” sensation at the thought of spending more time with him in a totally private environment because the middle of a field, which she owned, was pretty darn private.
‘Sally,’ Flora cut into her thoughts. ‘Further to your writer’s retreat thing, you could also include photographers, birdwatchers, and wildlife enthusiasts. I’m sure you’d gain a good deal of interest from them too.’
‘Of course! That’s a great idea. Thank you, Flora.’
‘Any time, happy to help.’ She gave Sally a grin and a wink as she stood and left the table.
Sally smiled back at her but couldn’t help wondering what the wink was all about. Had the girl already clocked the shift in the relationship with her father. If she had, then her discretion was much appreciated as Sally didn’t think Matt was quite ready to share this change with his daughter just yet.
‘Okay, you two. It’s time for me to make a move and get out of your hair so you can prepare for your next visitor’s arrival. Are you looking forward to seeing your grandfather, Flora?’
‘Yes, I am. He’s always fun and I know he’ll enjoy the day out.’
‘I’m sure you’ll all have a lovely time together.’ She looked at Matt as she said this, a subtle reminder of their conversation from the night before and was reassured when he gave her a small nod.
‘We’ll make sure a good time is had by all. Flora, why don’t you give Craig and Essie a call and see if they fancy joining us. I’m sure there’s enough food to feed a couple of extra mouths.’
Flora was throwing herself into her father’s arms while squealing with joy as Sally left the room. When she looked back, Matt caught her eye and mouthed, ‘Thank you’ over Flora’s shoulder. Sally gave him a big smile, happy that the fractures in this family were now slowly healing.