Chapter 15
Ilie there for a few more minutes, willing my body to move.
It’s not until Shaggy starts grumbling at me and thumping that I manage to make myself get up.
“Sorry, baby. I’ll go get your food and some fresh litter for you.
I’ll be back as soon as I can, but Greg will be right here if you need anything.
” My beta smiles up at me from where he’s still lying on my bed.
Then he gets up and goes over to Shaggy’s run and starts trying to figure out the latch.
It’s not complicated, and I have no doubt that my bun will be loose by the time I get back.
I just hope he doesn’t leave a bunch of poop all over my room in retaliation for the car trip.
Bunny bombs are not something I want to deal with right now.
Making my way downstairs, I walk as quietly as I can down the hallway, hoping to sneak past my family, or at least the women in my family.
My dads and brothers don’t usually get too invasive about my love life, but Mamá…
well, there’s a reason I wanted poor Greg to stay safely hidden away.
The shit she says is awkward enough for me, I don’t want him to have to deal with it.
Sadly, my sneaking only works so well when my niece Arya pops out into the hallway.
The loud shriek of delight makes me smile and cringe at the same time, and I open my arms as she pelts down the hallway full tilt, springing into the air to wrap me in a hug.
She got her dad’s genetics, so she’s already almost chest-high on me, big for her age, and heavy as she slams face first into my boobs.
I catch her to keep her from taking us both down, but still stagger a bit into the wall.
“Oof, you’re getting so big, Killer. What did your mom say about throwing yourself at people?
” I’m trying for a stern look, but fail miserably as she grins up at me.
She’s missing her two top front teeth, and her voice comes out with a lisp.
“Mommy thays that I’m not thupposed to run in the houth, and ethpethially not jump on grammy…but it’th fine to jump on you.” I can feel my eyebrows go up in speculation, then I remember that Shelly is still mad about the whole name thing.
Meh, not my problem.
I hug Arya tighter before I let her slide down me until her feet touch the floor.
This kid is gonna be taller than me in a couple of years and I wonder if she’s going to take after our baby sister and be one of the rare female alphas or just a really big beta.
It’s still possible she could be an omega—built like Teddy, probably—but I have my doubts.
“Mija! My sweet girl, there you are!” My mom’s voice echoes down the hallway and I wince slightly before plastering a smile onto my face.
“Mamá, hi—” I don’t get any more out before her hands come down on my shoulders, holding me at arm’s length to look me over.
“Mija, I told you, you won’t get any mates like this. You have to stop with the muscles. Why all the muscles? Every time I see you. It’s like you’re trying to make yourself too manly. You will never give me more grandchildren like this.”
And there we go.
Let’s make this about you, Mamá.
Trying to remind myself that she loves me, and she only says these things because she wants me to be happy, I step back. “Mamá…Mom, we’ve talked about this. I don’t even know if I can have kids, remember…all the doctor’s visits? PMOS? Ringing any bells?”
She just huffs at me before bending slightly, lifting Arya into her arms like she doesn’t weigh a thing, and walking back into the kitchen—expecting me to just follow along.
As much as my mom complains about my working out, I don’t really have anything on her.
Well, maybe more definition, but I gotta get the stress out somehow, and the gym is my safe space.
It’s like meditation. Not that she’d understand that either.
She thinks mindfulness is new age hokum.
It’s also ironic that my hormonal issues and possible inability to get pregnant are the same reason I build muscle so well.
Polyendocrine Metabolic Ovarian Syndrome is so fucking weird.
The doctors can’t seem to pick one symptom, and they can’t even seem to diagnose it as anything other than a bunch of symptoms, with no causes or real ways to fix it.
Everything equals out to, “You probably have this, but we can’t be sure.
You’ll possibly have a hard time losing weight, you could gain a lot of muscle, and you may or may not have difficulty having kids.
” Not like I’ve tried that last one since I don’t have a pack.
Greg and I haven’t talked about it either.
I let my gaze drift towards the stairs, thankful that he came with me.
As much as I didn’t want to subject him to my family, I don’t think I could have handled this trip alone.
Knowing I have scent matches out there who don’t have time to even see me.
Then dealing with my family’s questions about settling down.
Speaking of which. I turn and walk through the archway leading into the big dining area to see Mom set Arya on her feet next to Shelly. She takes Sasha’s new baby from her arms before walking back over to me. I can’t fucking do this right now.
My mom tries to push the little one into my arms. “Here…Here, hold your new nephew. Don’t you want one of these for yourself?
Look how sweet he is.” I’m sure he is sweet; he smells sweet.
That amazing baby smell that makes me tear up when I think too hard about it.
But I don’t want to cry right now, I just want to go back upstairs and hug Greg and Shaggy and let myself have an emotional breakdown.
I hold my hands up, refusing to take the little guy. I love babies, but I can’t do this right now. “I’ll hold him soon, Mamá. I’m tired, and I don’t want to risk hurting him, ok? I feel a bit unsteady after the long car trip.”
My mom sidles closer, pushing him against my arms. “No, no, he needs to meet his Aunt Sarah. Take him, take him.” I step away again, trying to free the words from my too-thick throat.
“Mamá, I can’t. Ok? I need to…” Swallowing convulsively, I can feel the back of my eyes start to sting.
“I need to go get Shaggy’s stuff out of the car and get him settled in, then get some rest. I’ll…
I’ll hold him in the morning, I promise.
” I keep trying to get away, backing towards the archway, but she isn’t having it.
Finally, Sasha stands up and stomps over. “Fine, I get it, you hate me and my baby. Fuck you, I’m leaving.” I gape after my sister as she roughly takes her newborn from our mother and cradles him against her chest before stomping out the archway behind me.
What the fuck just happened? Shelly speaks up next.
“Fucking hell, Sarah, would it have killed you to just hold the kid? You know she’s still dealing with the crazy ass pregnancy hormones right now.
Cut her some slack.” She’s giving me a dirty look as my mind spins, trying to figure out how this is my fault and not our mother’s for trying to push the kid on me in the first place.
My eyes are burning as I spin on my heel and see Daddy walk out of the living room.
Sasha’s sobs are clearly audible behind him.
“Well, kiddo, your sister’s asking her mates to take her home right now.
Thanks for ruining Christmas.” The look of irritation on his face does me in.
He can’t even bother with a stronger emotion as I feel like my own chest is caving in.
I’m exhausted and barely holding in my own tears, but I’m the strong one; I’ve always had to be the strong one.
So I bite back my reply and go to push past them.
A quiet voice calls my name, and I spin around, waiting to see where the next attack is coming from, but it’s Greg, standing at the bottom of the stairs.
He has Shaggy propped up on his forearm like a football, and the eyes that meet mine are full of concern.
“Sorry, you’d been gone a while. I just wanted to make sure you were ok.
Do we need to go? I can get him loaded up pretty quick if that’s what you want.
It’s no problem to just head back to campus tonight. ”
Daddy growls behind me. “Oh, of course, come in, start some shit, then leave. That’s fine.” I bite my tongue to keep from sobbing as my mom comes out of the kitchen, her voice quiet and placating.
“No, my love. She said she was tired. I should have listened. It’s not her fault she doesn’t feel like holding Nathaniel just yet. It would have made Sasha happy, but we can’t all get along. You know how the girls are.”
Greg growls, actually growls, and it’s not a sound I’ve heard from a beta before.
His eyes are filled with fire as they look past me at my family.
“Let’s go, Sarah. You don’t have to deal with this shit.
” But he’s wrong. I do have to deal with this shit.
I’ve always had to deal with this shit. It’s just the way they are; they love me, and they just want me to settle down and have a family and be happy.
Daddy scoffs behind me. His voice is a whisper meant only for Mamá when he says, “Shouldn’t expect anything else from a beta.”
Greg winces and his eyes plead with me to let him take me away from here.
Instead, I step into his arms and Shaggy wriggles between us.
“Just say the word and we’ll go. Please, please say the word, I hate seeing you this upset.
Especially for no fucking reason.” His voice is a quiet murmur against my hair, soft enough that I barely hear, and I shake my head where it’s pressed against his chest. He’s been living with me for a month now, he’s seen the fallout of my mom’s twice-a-week phone calls.
I try not to show how much they hurt sometimes, but it seems like I’m doing a shit job.
And I do want to go home, what feels like our home.
Just the three of us where there’s no judgement, no pressure, and I can pretend I don’t have a pack of alphas that don’t want me.
I can pretend that I’m fine with just the two of us, that I don’t want a family.
I can pretend, at least for a little longer that I know what I’m doing. Fake it till you make it, right?
If my scent match doesn’t even want me, how bad must I be?
Not Greg, he’s mine regardless, but John…
he can’t know about all my issues, so it shouldn’t be a breeding kink.
But who even knows with alphas? Maybe he’s my scent match but I’m not his, or I don’t smell right since I can’t have kids… maybe can’t have kids.
Shit.
Why can’t I be good enough?
Before I know what’s happening, Greg’s arm goes under my legs and Shaggy settles against my stomach as I’m lifted up.
“Let’s go upstairs. You can watch him while I unload the car.
You shouldn’t have to deal with this bullshit.
” He’s not being quiet anymore, and I know that comment is directed more to my family than me.
It’s loud enough that Sasha screeches from the living room.
Once we’re back in my room, he settles me onto my beanbag in the corner so that Shaggy can hop down onto the floor if he wants to.
I don’t even realize I’ve been crying until he reaches over to my old desk and grabs a box of tissues, dabbing one down my cheek, and smiling encouragingly at me.
Now that I’m paying attention, my eyes feel hot and puffy, and I probably look horrible.
Shaggbutt crawls up my chest, head-butting me in the chin while Greg gently blots off my tears.
“Where’s the closest bathroom? I’ll get you some water and a cool washrag before I go to the car.” I shake my head at him; I can deal with this. I did for a long time before he got here. There’s no reason for him to be on their bad side.
“Thanks, Pretty Boy. But how about you just get our stuff for now?” His face falls before I can finish.
“I appreciate it. I do. But I want you back here as fast as possible in this room so that you can hold me while Shaggy works out all the energy he’s been building up.
We’re going to have to go down later for dinner, or at least to get food, and I want to have enough time to huff my beta and unwind some before facing the gauntlet again. ”
He gives me a soft smile and nods once before standing up and heading to the door.
Only looking back once before he closes it quietly behind him.
He doesn’t like seeing me hurt, which is good, I don’t like pain.
But he needs to understand that I can’t just not be around my family.
They’re my family. They gave me life, raised me… they’re important.
My hands run over Shaggy’s nose and down his back, relaxing in the so-soft fur under my fingers.
My eyes drift closed as I just let touch take over and focus on one sense at a time.
It’s only for a week, and Christmas is in a few days.
If we have to head back early, then we can.
I’ll have done my duty, made an appearance, and proven that I’m a decent kid for showing up when they asked me to. That’s the important part, right?