Chapter 30 #2
Mom, of course, is excited for me. She’s also frustrated that I didn’t take the initiative, lamenting the fact that I let two perfectly good grandbabies go before she had the chance to meet them.
My dad is more practical about the situation, trying to coach me on how to approach this without getting arrested for stalking.
Thankfully, they look the other way when I do a follow up to make sure that there haven’t been any domestic violence or police reports filed against them.
She may have told me she was happily married, but she’s mine, and even if I can’t have her, I need to make sure she’s safe.
If I happen to “accidentally” run into her around town from time to time, so be it.
I meet her husband a few weeks later at the diner, and she introduces me as the sweet officer who helped with her tire. He thanks me kindly for looking after his family and acts nothing but polite. Which makes me feel like an ass for mooning after his wife.
Then I see them one day at the grocery store, all shopping together. There’s no real way to ingratiate myself into their relationship without being obvious. I’ve got no connection to them other than knowing she’s my match.
Months’ worth of pining finally bring me to a decision.
There’s no way around it if I want a future with her, and by extension, them.
I show up at their home on a Saturday afternoon and confess my feeling to both of them, admitting that I believe she’s my scent match.
Her husband is tense, but she’s polite about it.
She says she appreciates how kind and thoughtful I am, and while she finds me attractive—much to his irritation—she loves him and the family they have together.
She isn’t interested in me other than as a friend.
I’m more than welcome in their home at any time, but I’ll never be more than that.
In retrospect, it could have gone so much worse, but I’m crushed, defeated, my heart ripped out of my chest and laid bare upon the ground.
So I do the only thing I can…I go home and sob like a little bitch.
I’ve found my scent match, something so rare that it’s almost a myth, and she rejects me.
Josh and Spence find me that evening. They come over to watch TV at my place sometimes since Dad has football games on Saturday evenings that he likes to watch.
Josh rails against the rejection on my behalf, but I know I can never do anything that might upset her, and my continued presence would just frustrate her husband.
I don’t hate the man even though I want to.
She loves him and he makes her smile. But being happy for her and the life they have doesn’t negate being sad for myself.
Josh and Spence stay the night, making sure I eat and calling in sick for me when I’m lost in my own mind.
Nothing matters now; not food, not water, and certainly not work.
When Josh finally leaves on Monday for school, Spence stays to make sure I’m ok—and the next day, and the day after that.
His parents finally show up, and while none of them understand losing a fated mate, they know I’m in pain, and are here for me.
Even his younger sister, who’s just out of middle school, takes a turn just sitting with me so I won’t be alone.
My own parents try to stop by at some point, but they just want to push me to try again.
While I appreciate their encouragement, they don’t understand.
She and her husband are betas and they don’t believe that we belong together…
I can’t risk losing them entirely by ranting that the universe has ordained that we need each other.
It doesn’t matter anyway, she’s gone. They all are. They had moved to the area so her husband could work at the glass factory, but once that went out of business, not too long after the original owners died, well…there was no real reason to stay around.
Last I heard, they had moved back west to be near his family, with the usual promises to stay in touch since we were friends. But we were never really friends, and I haven’t heard from them in almost five years.
Not that I couldn’t look them up if I tried.
I have enough resources—when I’m not sort of suspended—that it wouldn’t be a problem to find them if I was so inclined, but I’ve figured out that a clean break is better.
No more driving past their house at all hours, or “randomly” running into them around town.
I’m pretty sure her husband knew…before they moved.
There was no way that they saw me around that often by chance.
I love my parents, dearly. But they still think I made the wrong decision by not pressing the matter—and sometimes I wonder if they’re right. After all, I’m still alone, and the idea of anyone other than her feels like a fist twisting around my guts.
And that’s part of why we work. Alistair has his head shoved too far up his own ass to ever find love; the man sabotages himself at every turn in an attempt to keep his heart safe.
He doesn’t think we realize it, and with Spence, I’d have to agree.
But I see how he is. Spence just wants someone to love and care for.
I won’t say it doesn’t matter, because I saw how he was with Kelly.
But he needs someone sweet that won’t take advantage of him, someone that can put up with Al’s self-destructive bullshit, and someone who will leave me the hell alone because I’m more than happy to be cordial, but I don’t want anybody else.