Chapter 58
Ifeel guilty that I don’t feel guilty, and that in itself is confusing.
I should feel worse that I’m here in this amazing nest with this amazing alpha and his grumpy packmate and my beta.
It’s not even mine, but I want it; I want them.
I have an alpha back home. He’s my scent match, and this feels an awful lot like cheating on him, even if we aren’t being intimate.
Sadly, I’ve had more emotional intimacy with sleeping and cuddling Moose than I have with my own alpha since he’s always so busy. Fate and his scent say he’s supposed to be mine, but as time passes with no contact, I feel more like an afterthought to him than anything he actually wants.
Moose has done an amazing job in the nest he put together; it really does make me think of walking along the beach at twilight.
It just needs a sound machine to give the full experience.
I sit on the edge of the mattress—the other end is stacked high with pillows and blankets still sealed in plastic bags—and stare around the room.
He even painted wispy white around the floating shelves to make them look like clouds, and the thought of him using his huge hands with such a tiny brush to get all those itty-bitty details is adorable.
Considering he looks more like the type to brute-force his way through everything, it creates such a strange image in my mind.
Of course, he’s already proven that looks can be deceiving, in a good way.
He’s smarter than I could have imagined, but still has this presence about him.
Like he grew up watching too many Disney movies where the good guy always wins, and nothing really bad can happen.
Part of me wants to ask if he ever saw Bambi, because that one had a shit middle, and his mom stayed dead.
Of course, those movies fucking thrived on dead parent syndrome, mostly moms. Like heroines have a harder time being raised by their dads.
Though I guess in fairy tales, they were mostly clueless.
I would have been fucked if it hadn’t been for Tio Miguel and my cousins.
There is still a slight edge of the paint smell in the air, but Spence said he’s kept the windows open all day, so it’s probably only noticeable because I’m an omega.
I just want to open up the skylight, lie back, and pretend we’re on the beach staring up at the sky.
Me and my beta and my alpha…at least for now I can pretend Moose is mine, right?
He’s not the one I’m supposed to have, but he’s so sweet and kind, and even though my opinion shouldn’t matter for this room, you can see in his eyes how much he wants me to like it.
I kind of want to cry at the unfairness of it all—that this is so amazing, and one day he’ll find someone to actually share it with… that won’t be me.
That’s not fair to him…or her, whoever this hypothetical future mate is.
Deep down, I know I should tell him how pretty it is, wish him well, and leave before I get more attached or let him get attached.
He’ll still have his pack, though, when I leave, and I’ll have Greg, so at least there’s that.
This week has put into sharp perspective how much I’ve missed having my best friend close by, how much I’ve missed having someone to really talk to, to work out with.
This last year…the last six months especially, has been so fucking lonely.
I love Greg, but there are some things it’s hard to talk about.
He’ll listen and let me talk, but he doesn’t have much opinion.
Right after I met him, I couldn’t even go and talk to Adam and Lily about it because of the horrible shit that happened that night to them.
Of course, she’s been holed up in her room since then, rarely leaving, and poor Adam is always on guard—her constant panic flaring in their bond, keeping him on edge.
Even if he wanted to go to classes, I don’t think he could leave her alone long enough to try.
She just sobs whenever he has to go anywhere.
I bought her a taser, but it’s kind of like shutting the barn door after the cows have escaped. The damage is done.
The only time she leaves their room is for doctor’s and therapist visits, and he’s always with her for those, of course.
I think he panics almost as much as she does when he can’t see her.
If I could just get my hands on those fucking alphas—I don’t even know what I’d do.
Probably get myself arrested in an attempt at vengeance.
Greg hugs me tightly from behind, his voice quiet in my ear.
“You ok? You started shaking.” No judgement, just a statement and concern.
My pretty boy, always worried about me. No matter what I say, he keeps lingering under the misconception that he isn’t good enough and that an omega needs an alpha.
But I love him, and while I’m not against adding a few alphas, they would have to understand that he’s mine, and that means he’s here to stay.
“Just thinking about having to go home, Pretty Boy. How messed up the last year has been, how much I’ve missed my friends.
” He turns me around so he can look down at my face.
“You know, Teddy’s here now, and Lily and Adam…
” I trail off, not wanting to elaborate, but I don’t need to.
The pained look that crosses his face is a harsh reminder that he knows.
Hell, he’s a guard; he probably knows more than I do, all things considered.
He pulls me tight against him, burying his face in my hair and rubbing his hands up and down my back, trying to soothe himself as much as me.
“I’m sorry, Sarah. I didn’t even think. I’ve been so caught up in us that it slipped my mind that you might miss the people who came before me.
I know Teddy misses you; he’s told me as much.
I can’t help with the others, though. I’m sorry, Shor—Sarah.
” He usually manages to stop himself from calling me Shortcake or Spitfire.
He knows I’m not fond of having a nickname.
Teddy’s the only one who can give me one, and to be fair, I called him Thicc first. He thought it was an insult, so he called me short, and our relationship just kind of grew from there.
Both snarky assholes together. Greg’s great, but he worries about upsetting me, so he won’t snark with me very often.
I bet Teach is snarky; he seems like he could be the sassy type under that stuffy exterior.
Not Moose, I’d be worried about hurting his feelings—thanks, big guy, now I know how Greg feels.
And Paul seems like the kind to give a small chuckle and then go back to whatever else he’s doing.
Nothing wrong with that; every joke needs a foil for it to work properly.
Speaking of, I wonder where Officer Paul is tonight. They said he was working, but how late will he be out? “Hey, Moose. When does Paul get home from work, anyway?” I turn around to see the big alpha staring at us with so much longing it hurts, and it takes him a moment for my words to sink in.
“Oh, um…he should be back any time now. His schedule has been messed up for a few months, so they might need to have a meeting after his shift, but it shouldn’t be much longer.
That’s why we got his sandwich with no mayo, so he could heat it up when he gets home if he needs to.
” It takes me a minute to remember their to-go order from earlier.
I stare blankly at the big alpha, waiting to see if he’ll elaborate, but he shuffles in place for a few minutes, one big hand coming up to ruffle the hair at the back of his head.
“He…well, he’s not happy about it. But last year…
Did Teddy tell you about Steve and Garret’s dad showing up at Sam’s place? ”
He looks nervous as hell, but something he’s saying stirs a memory.
Kelly mentioned it when we were at the nesting store, something about somebody getting shot and a fire.
But I was kind of dizzy as fuck so I probably didn’t retain anything super well.
“Sorry. It sounds vaguely familiar. Something about a fire?” The poor guy twists his hands nervously, like he’s worried that his answer will upset me.
“Yeah…Ok, yeah. So, it was while Teddy, Sam, and Garret were on their way back from getting his stuff, you know, like, the middle of the night sort of thing. I guess Jake woke up Kelly and Steve ’cause he was going nuts with barking and shi—stuff.
And when they looked out, they saw that Sam’s shop was on fire.
” I had wondered about that, with how the backyard looked.
“Anyway, apparently their dad—Steve and Garret, not Kelly, her dad lives in town—had shown up and set it on fire, and then Kelly called 911 and went out to investigate. He shot Steve and Jake and tried to strangle her. The cops and fire department all showed up, and their dad—Steve and Garret’s, not any of the cops’ dads—ended up getting shot with Paul’s gun.
I wasn’t there, and he doesn’t like to talk about it, but it led to a big investigation into his mental state, ’cause you know, killing people is bad. ”
Holy shit, one of these guys murdered somebody?
Fuck me, but I hope there’s more to this story than they’re letting on.
Wait, no, Kelly mentioned somebody else taking Paul’s gun after the guy wouldn’t stop threatening everybody.
Spence looks like he’d rather be anywhere but here answering questions, and I hate to push, but my memory is kind of fucked up lately.
“But…Paul didn’t shoot anybody, right? Somebody took his gun and—” The big alpha waves his arms back and forth, cutting me off.
“Shhhh. We’re not supposed to talk about it, ’cause Xan could get in trouble.
But yeah. Paul’s a big softie once you get past…
all his stuff. He can’t even squish a spider…
we both tend to call Al for that, and he sometimes relocates them if they aren’t poisonous.
But Xan’s a little overprotective of his people.
Luckily for Kelly, she’s one of his people ’cause she’s worked with them for so long.
I know Steve’s not your favorite guy, but his dad was gonna kill him…
and he trades me recipes. Not that I cook, but I bring some to Paul, and he cooks really good.
” He’s grinning again, like we weren’t just talking about someone who sounds sociopathic.
That’s fine, I probably won’t have to meet the guy since Kelly doesn’t work there anymore.
The big alpha looks at me again, his mouth opening like he’s about to say something else.
Before anything comes out, though, a door opens loudly downstairs and a voice drifts to us.
“Hey. I’m home! Is everybody ok? Is Sam’s pack here?
” The voice goes quieter. “Maybe out back. Shit, I need to mow, or have Spence do it. Don’t want any fucking snakes thinking it’s appealing here. Oh, hey, a sandwich. Mine now.”
Another door opens and closes before he yells again, his voice muffled this time, probably around food. “Is anybody alive in here? Did we have a Roanoke Island sort of situation localized at our house? Fuck me, I knew this place was too cheap. Maybe a poltergeist?”
Al’s voice comes from down the hall. “I was in the bathroom, sorry. Yes, the sandwich is yours; we’re all alive.
Though why Spencer, Sarah, or Greg didn’t reply is beyond me.
” There’s another loud sigh before he continues.
“They should be in the nest. Dear lord, no one had better be having sex in this house without warning us first.” He sounds frustrated as loud footfalls stomp down the hall towards us, and while it makes me want to jump on Moose and wrap my arms and legs around him just to fuck with the pack-lead, I don’t want the big guy to get in any trouble.
Instead of letting me mess with their heads, Greg finally leans out the door.
“Sorry, we’re in the nest, nobody’s having sex, or even removing any clothes.
We were just talking and getting lost in thought.
Sorry my dudes!” Al looks mildly affronted at being called a dude, just as Paul tops the stairs, shoving the last bite of a sandwich in his mouth.