Chapter 42
Snake
Snake never expected to be hiding in the woods, staring at Clairidia Castle through his monocular, but here he was.
“They don’t know we unlocked their country, right?”
“Right,” Sugar said from his hiding place in a sprawling elm. “I’m still second-guessing our decision to let Dagger portal inside to check out the jail.”
“The little fella is pretty cagey. Plus, it’s late. I imagine everyone’s turned in for the night.” Iggy adjusted his night vision goggles. “Fewer guards than I expected.”
“And only four at the door,” Snake said. “Half are female.”
“Reptilians are getting more progressive. About time they caught up with the rest of the universe,” Sugar said.
“Except Earth.” Gunner crouched next to Snake.
“Your planet prefers to spin backward,” Snake said. “No offense, lad.”
“None taken.” Gunner waved a hand toward the guards on the ground. “See the giant swords on their backs? We can probably outrun them.”
“I don’t see guns. Do you?” Iggy asked.
“No guns.” Snake directed his gaze higher. “Above, it’s a different story. Four sharpshooters in each tower.”
“I wouldn’t call them sharpshooters,” Sugar said. “Those antiques they’re holding probably don’t even fire. I can see the rust from here.”
“Can you see anything beyond the gates?” Snake asked.
“Only the eerie red glow of the laser security system. Every inch of this place is covered so well, a bee couldn’t sneak inside.” Sugar shimmied down the tree. “Not what I expected.”
“Same. I pictured tanks and dozens of Reptilians brandishing machine guns.” Gunner lowered his binoculars. “This seems doable.”
Snake’s jaw tightened. Gunner’s upbeat tone didn’t fool him—there was a tremor behind it, one Snake recognized all too well. He checked his watch. “Dagger’s been gone five minutes. I told him no more than three—get in, take a look at the setup, and get out.”
“What if he can’t get out?” Gunner asked.
“He’s a clever lad. I’m sure he’ll be….” Iggy startled as sirens wailed. “Well, shit.”
Snake groaned. “He’s been spotted.”
“Or tripped a sensor,” Sugar said. “Don’t panic yet.”
“Too late.” Gunner rubbed his arms.
Snake scanned the landscape. From the right, he saw grass parting as something unseen zipped through. Oblivious, the guards ran to the left, shouting, “Who goes there?”
Dagger popped into view.
“Let’s go!” Snake made a portal behind thick shrubbery and followed the rest through, sighing with relief when his feet touched Scuirian earth. He watched Dagger lock down Clairidia again, wondering why his clothing was bulgy in the front. “How did you trip the alarm?”
“Not me.” Dagger unzipped his jumpsuit. “Him!”
“Saul?” Snake rubbed his eyes and said it again for good measure. “Saul? How did you set off the security system?”
“Bustin’ out of jail. Holy crap, am I glad to see you guys.” Saul hopped to the ground and said something to Dagger in fluent Vixenese.
“No problem,” Dagger said with a salute.
“How in the bloody hell did you end up in Clairidia Prison?”
“Well, Snake, it’s a story best told over whiskey.”
“That’s my kind of story.” Snake led everyone to the ship’s bar, where Horatio was already seated.
“Something strong, boss.” Saul climbed up onto a bar stool. “You won’t believe the shit that happened to me.”
Horatio blinked. “Saul? I didn’t recognize you at first without the… ” He tapped the front of his neck.
Saul held up a paw. “I’m a little sensitive about my naked appearance, so do me a favor and don’t mention it.”
Snake poured shots all around, using a silver thimble for Saul’s. He knocked down two before he was ready to talk.
“I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention any of this to the princess.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” Snake said. “I’m curious. Why work for someone else when you’re part of a successful family business?”
“The prestige is nice, and the pay is better. But the real perk?” Saul swirled his drink. “She knows things. People. The kind you don’t meet at family reunions.”
“How’d you end up in jail?” Horatio asked.
“I tagged along to help my nephew Larry with a job in Clairidia Heights.” Saul cut through the air with a paw. “Big mistake. The gems were part of a sting operation. We were in the middle of a transaction when—boom. Cops. Larry’s got little ones, so I told him to scram. I wasn’t so lucky.”
“Did they rough you up?” Gunner asked.
“Nah, I mean, they weren’t chummy, but they didn’t break my knuckles either.
Here’s the funny part: They took me to Clairidia Prison and locked me in a human-sized holding cell.
As soon as the guard turned, I wiggled through the bars and made for the exit.
Lizard Face said, ‘Hey, you can’t do that.
’ I said, ‘Looks like I just did, asshole.’”
Saul’s ears flattened.
“You won’t believe this shit—he stuffed me in a fucking bird cage!
Lemme tell ya, I bitched up a storm. The guard got pissed.
Told me I’d get the gas, and then he’d skin my carcass and use it for a hat.
The dickweed. Nobody makes a hat outta Saul.
” He scratched behind an ear with one of his back feet.
Snake topped off Saul’s drink. “How long were you in the bird cage?”
“Couple hours. A new guard showed up—some Clairidian kid—gave me a bigger pen.
But the best part? This one had a padlock.
I popped it with the paperclip I keep hidden in my tail fur.
While the kid finished his rounds, I used a crumpled-up lunch sack as a decoy and hid.
Next time the door opened, I zipped out and ran like a motherfucker.
Everything went smooth as silk. Took a dumbwaiter to the first floor, found an open window, but when I hit the grass? Shit took a turn. Ran up the first tree I found, and there was your boy.” Saul nodded at Dagger.
“What were you doing in a tree, Dagger?” Snake asked.
“Castle has magic ward outside now. My portal didn’t work, so I bounced into a big tree. Saw King Red through a window. He was pacing, head down, rubbing his hands like he could not get them clean.”
“Sounds like he’s rattled,” Horatio said. “Good.”
“When the sirens went off, King Red ran. I turn around to do the same and saw him.” Dagger pointed at Saul.
“I knew Vixenites could make portals, so I said, ‘Hey, son, be a pal and get me the fuck out of here.’ Next thing I saw was you guys.” Saul stroked his bare neck. “They took everything—uniform, satchel, wallet. My mother’s picture was in there. Lousy jerks.”
“You’ve been in Clairidia Prison before,” Snake said. “Can you tell us about the layout?"
"I can tell you every detail about the place, right down to the lunch menu.” Saul’s beady eyes glittered. “But first, tell me why you need to know.”
Snake gave him the lowdown on Horatio’s plan. Saul shook his head and tipped his thimble in Horatio’s direction.
“Gotta hand it to ya, boss. You’ve got nuts of steel.”