Chapter Twenty-Eight
Roux
March
T ime passes in a blur these days. Not fast enough, that’s for sure. I love the days when I can hole up in my room, reading and letting time pass quicker than usual. At least in my room, I’m not forced to be someone I’m not. I can be me.
The door to the apartment closes and I perk up, wondering if it’s Jordy. Being in the same apartment with him is difficult. I crave to crawl back into his arms and beg for him to take me far, far away. With each passing day, I grow weaker and weaker. He’d do it. Jordy would do anything for me, which is exactly why I need to remain strong.
It’s times like this, though, that I wish I had a friend. Charlotte is nothing to me now. I’ve given up trying to be friends with her. She’s so far removed from the girl she once was, even going as far as getting kicked off the cheerleading squad. There’s nothing I can do about it, though. Garrett and Kelsey have been forcing her to go to counseling and forbidden her to see Ryan, but nothing’s changed. Ryan has his claws in her and he’s not letting go.
My phone buzzes and for a brief moment, I worry Wes has gotten a new number. After the day Kayden pulled a gun on him, Wes backed off. He texted me a few times after, begging to see me, but when I blocked him again, he never tried to make contact again. I’m stupid for thinking it, but in times like this, I even miss his friendship.
It’s not Wes, though.
It’s my boyfriend.
Kayden: Want a car for your birthday, baby?
I roll my eyes.
Me: Is it a chopped car?
Kayden: They’re untraceable. No one is coming after my girl. What do you want?
Me: I don’t want a stolen car.
Kayden: Fine. Let’s call it not stolen. Better? Now tell me what you want. I can get you anything, baby.
Me: I can’t drive.
Kayden: I’ll teach you.
Me: Can’t you just drive me everywhere?
Kayden: I will but you’ll need a car for the days I’m busy. I don’t want you to have to rely on your brother. Or him.
Him being Jordy.
Kayden can’t see straight most days from being so jealous of Jordy. It’s stupid too since he got the girl. Jordy has nothing.
Me: Surprise me.
Kayden: Anything for my girl.
Hollis peeks his head into my bedroom. “Hey, sis.”
“Hey,” I say. “What’s up?”
“Just seeing if you wanted to grab a birthday dinner just the two of us. Roan’s on call.”
I glance at the clock. If he’s on call, he’ll probably hang out at the fire station considering they’ve been busier than usual, and he practically lives there these days. I’m disappointed he won’t have dinner with us, but it’s the nature of his job, so I’m familiar with this sort of thing happening. “He’s been working a lot.”
“This arsonist is running the fire department ragged. I want to kill whoever is doing this,” he grumbles.
“Me too.” I slide off the bed and hunt down my shoes. “You okay?”
He frowns. “Not really.”
“Why?”
“I saw Sidney today.”
I wince at hearing her name. She’s done nothing but give my brother trouble since he started pursing a paternity test. A test we were granted at Christmastime finally.
Roan is Sebban’s father.
Since then, Sidney and Gio have made our life a living hell trying to fight Roan on visitation. It sucks so bad seeing the desperation in Roan’s eyes. He just wants to get to know his son. I want to know my nephew. The latest shit they’ve thrown our way is Roan’s relationship with Hollis. They’ve twisted it into something ugly and perverted. As though two gay men fuck all the time and in front of everyone. As if they’d have sex in front of a little kid. I hate them for what they’re putting my brother through.
“How did that go?” I ask, my voice turning icy.
He sighs. “She started bitching me out, but then Sebban disappeared. Just poof. Vanished.”
I remember how he’d run off and hid at the yarn store that day. It was scary.
“Where did he go?”
“Well, we searched the whole damn strip of shops. Cops arrived and everything. With it snowing, it put everyone on high alert. We found him in a hamper filled with soiled linens in the kitchen at that fancy steak place on the corner of Main. He’d fallen asleep, so he didn’t hear us calling for him.”
“Maybe she should focus on not letting her kid run off rather than fighting Roan tooth and nail on custody,” I hiss. “I hate her.”
“She’s just scared,” he mutters.
“Don’t defend her. She was your friend and at one time cared about Roan. This is mean and cruel.”
He sighs. “Yeah, you’re right. I really thought if I could just talk to her, she’d be cool.”
“At least you tried.”
“I’m going to change and then we can head out.”
He leaves and heads to his room. Quickly, I get ready, bundling up against an unusually snowy March, and then walk into the living room to wait on him. The door opens, and Jordy walks in, snow dusting his dark hair.
Every time I see him, my heart crushes in on itself.
Every. Single. Time.
His dark eyes bore into me, drinking in every detail of me, before settling on my lips. “Hey, Little Hornet.”
“Hey,” I mutter, unable to meet his stare. “We’re going to dinner for my birthday if you want to come with.”
He sets a stack of mail down on the table. “As much as I want to, I can’t.”
“Yeah,” I agree, my voice shaking and unstable.
I’m staring at the carpet when his black, snow-dusted boots come into view. He holds out an envelope addressed to me. I can tell by all the prison stamps it’s from Dad. I start to take it from him, but he doesn’t let go. His other hand tucks a strand of hair behind my ear. Tears burn at my eyes. If I look at him, I’ll cry.
“Got big plans for your birthday besides dinner with the rat?” he rumbles, his thumb stroking down along my jaw.
“Kayden’s having a big party later tonight.”
His knuckles slide under my chin and he lifts up so I have to look at him. “Be safe, please.”
“I always am.”
His eyes roam over my face as if he’s trying to memorize it. “Goddammit, Roux.”
The tears won’t stay in. They slick down my cheeks, dripping off my jaw. I try to hold in the sob, but it claws its way out.
“Shhh,” Jordy murmurs. “Don’t cry.”
He drops a soft kiss on my lips that makes me whine. Once he pulls away, he sets to swiping the tears away with his thumbs. His intense gaze sears into me until Hollis clears his throat.
“You okay?” Hollis asks.
“Yeah,” I croak out. “Just sad Roan couldn’t make it.”
Jordy reluctantly pulls away. To distract myself, I tear through the envelope to find Dad sent me a birthday card with eighteen wrinkly dollars in it. The card is different than his usual Disney one. It’s simple. Navy blue with a white flower on the front. He’s written me more than his usual few words.
Kiddo,
Happy birthday, angel. I can’t believe you’re an adult now. Time flies in here. I wish to fuck I could be there with my baby girl to celebrate. I’m always thinking about you and Roan. Always. Maybe you can talk your brother into coming to see me one day. I’d love to see my kids. I know I fucked up, baby girl, and I’m sorry. If I could go back to that bar, I would’ve let those shit for brains go on and not done what I did. Sometimes my temper gets the best of me and that hurts the people around me. I see that now. Hope Jordy is looking after you. You’re brave as shit. I just want you to know that. You and Roan are both two of the fiercest kids I know and I’d like to think you got it from me. Thank fuck you got your momma’s looks. Tell those boys to take you out someplace nice or I’ll kick all their asses. Love you to pieces.
I’ll always have your back, Roux. Even when it seems impossible, Daddy is always near. Love you and your brother. Happy birthday, baby.
Dad
I tear up as I tuck the money back in the card and take it to my room. It gets stowed away with all the other cards he’s written me. I save all the money so that if he ever gets out, I’ll take us to dinner with it. I quickly text Roan.
Me: All I want for my birthday is to see Dad. Can we arrange for that to happen? I know you’re busy, but it’d mean a lot to me. Love you and be safe.
When I come back into the living room, Jordy is already in the shower and Hollis is waiting for me by the door.
“Ready, birthday girl?”
“Ready as I’ll ever be.”
I said a small shindig.
Not this.
Not every single person Kayden knows.
I’m used to these parties by now, though. Ever since I made it official that I wanted to get back together, I’ve been to every single party Kayden goes to. Rex hosts plenty of them. Now that Jordy is doing his bidding and I’m with Kayden, Rex leaves me alone. Pretends I don’t exist. It’s fine by me since he scares the living shit out of me.
“Dance with me, baby,” Kayden purrs, his mouth stinking of vodka as he mauls me with a kiss.
I grimace and turn my head. He takes the opportunity to suck on my neck as he grinds against me. When I’m with Kayden, everything goes numb. I let my heart turn to ice and do what I must to get by.
“Fuck,” Kayden groans, nipping at my ear. “All these bitches are looking like skanks in their short skirts, but you’re fine as fuck in jeans and a sweater. You’ve got me by the balls, baby. Rex says I’m pussy whipped.”
I laugh. “Being nice to your girlfriend isn’t the same as being pussy whipped. I don’t boss you around.”
“I just tell him to fuck off. He doesn’t know what it’s like to love someone.”
Kayden only loves himself, but I preen for him anyway.
“Aww, you’re so sweet.” I hug him and rest my cheek on his chest, closing my eyes.
We slow dance to a fast song. My mind is on a million other things, all of them far away from this party.
“I thought since we’ve been dating off and on for a year now that we could…”
I tense in his arms. “What?”
“Make love, baby. I’ve waited so long to have you. We’re getting along so good, too. Please let me show you how good it can be.”
“Kayden,” I start but freeze up.
I knew it would come to this.
“I’m getting there,” I murmur, trying desperately to make him believe that. “It never feels right with all these people around. We’re never alone.”
He pulls back, his brown eyes darting all over my face. “I can make them all leave.”
“Maybe just plan a date for the two of us,” I offer. “See where the night takes us.”
His grin is wide and boyish. “You got it, babe. Soon.”
He drops a kiss to my lips and I’m thankful I’ve dodged our main point of contention. Sex. Or lack thereof.
“Let me show you your present,” he says. “Maybe we can fuck on it.”
“Kayden,” I say, swatting at him. “Don’t be a dick.”
He chuckles as he drags me out of Rex’s place and outside. The snow is coming down hard. He bypasses a few sports cars and comes to a black, suped up Range Rover.
“Surprise,” he says, mashing the buttons and making the lights blink. “She’s all yours.”
“A chopped car?” I ask.
“Someone else’s trash is our treasure.”
“It’s not their trash if you steal it from them.”
He snorts out a laugh. “The dude we took it from has bigger shit to worry about.”
“Like what?”
“Like the fact your old boyfriend set his house on fire.”
I freeze at his words. “What?”
“Like you don’t know what Jordy does for my brother now.” He smirks at me. “Jordy starts the fires and your brother puts them out. How’s that for fucking hilarious?”
I want to choke him in this moment.
“That vodka is making me feel sick. Can you take me home?”
He frowns. “Wait. Baby, I’m sorry. I was just joking about Jordy being your old boyfriend. I know you hate that jealous shit. Please don’t go. I did all this for you.” He waves at the bumping party behind him and then at the car.
“I know,” I squeak out. “You’re so sweet. I really don’t feel good. Hollis and I had steak earlier. Must have not settled right. I feel like I’m going to puke.”
His irritation morphs into worry. “Yeah. No big deal. We’ll go out on a date soon and I’ll give you your other birthday present.”
“What’s that?”
“I’m going to lick your pussy and give you your first orgasm.”
My cheeks burn red hot. Over the past several months, we’ve made out and he’s dry humped me with his hand up my shirt, but that’s as far as I’ve allowed it to go. I certainly didn’t ever come with him. All I can think about is the last time someone else made me come.
Him.
Jordy.
“I, uh, Kayden, don’t be gross.”
He laughs. “Trust me. It’s going to be all kinds of nasty. I’m going to eat you out for days, baby, until you can’t walk anymore. I’ll wear your scent all over my face.”
I somehow manage to drag him to his car. We make it home in one piece. After a long, annoying make out session, I manage to untangle myself from him. It’s after two in the morning before I finally crash.
I wake to shouts.
Panic.
Terror.
Scrambling, I rush to my bedroom door and fling it open. The front door to the apartment is standing wide-open, snowy wind billowing in. Hollis and Jordy, both in just their boxers, share matching horrified looks.
“What?” I demand, rushing over to the door.
Roan peels out of the driveway in his truck, slipping every which way in it. Whirling around, I slam the door closed and turn toward them. Jordy is already approaching me with his blanket. It’s then I realize I’m only wearing a T-shirt and panties. He wraps me up in the blanket and I give them both a questioning look.
“What just happened? Where did Roan go?”
“He got called out,” Hollis croaks.
“For work?” I ask.
Jordy’s hand splays on my back over the blanket. “Yeah.”
“So? That always happens. What aren’t you telling me?”
Jordy presses his lips to the top of my head. “Mike said it’s Sidney and Gio’s address.”
My legs give out beneath me, sending me and Jordy falling to the floor. He pulls me to him, rocking me.
“It’s going to be okay,” Jordy whispers.
The sounds coming from Hollis—tearful and pained—tell me it’s not.
“Sebban.”
“Shh,” Jordy murmurs. “Shh, Little Hornet.”