Chapter 7 #2
“At the risk of you throwing my sandwich at me…” Holden gives me a lopsided grin. “ Ah .”
I roll my eyes. “What Auden and I have makes sense. It’s smart.
It’s real . And if I have the urge to indulge in bad habits, like thinking that I have a chance with Robbie because he…
because for a moment there we… because I imagined something that didn’t exist, last time we were hanging out at my place, then I need to fucking stop and remember what’s good for me.
Like after Dad’s heart attack, when he gave up fried foods and had to step down from running Axford Lumber because it stressed him out. ”
“Ames.” He shakes his head. “Ask Beckett how well Dad did at letting go of Axford Lumber,” he says, referring to our oldest brother, who stepped up to run our family’s company.
“And ask Ruby at the diner how compliant he is with the no-fried-foods thing.” He sets both hands on the counter and leans in.
“The heart wants what it wants. Even when it’s the opposite of logical.
Even when it’s popcorn shrimp and truffle fries. ”
“Well, not mine. There’s no future in pining for people who can’t love you back. All you can do is fuck up the relationships you do have. So I’m moving on. With Auden. Probably.” I slide Holden’s sandwich in front of him, pour the soup into a bowl, and drain his pasta.
“Probably. Meanwhile, Auden might be developing real feelings for you. More-than- like feelings.” Holden takes a huge bite from the center of the sandwich while leaving the crust behind like he’s six years old .
I close my eyes and huff out a breath. “You would bring that up.”
“I’m only saying what you’re already thinking, otherwise you wouldn’t’ve sounded so guilty.” He shrugs and chews thoughtfully. “I don’t know how love works, bro—you’d have to ask Beckett and Griffin, I guess—but I’m pretty sure it doesn’t work the way you think it does.”
I give him a scathing glare. “Thank you so?—”
My phone rings, interrupting us, and I groan, recognizing the ringtone.
“Axford,” I answer.
“Ames, hey.” Ravi from dispatch doesn’t pause in his typing while he talks, which is very strange to witness but makes him incredible at his job.
“Structure fire at the old Sullivan Timber mill. Multiple reports of heavy smoke and flames. James, Porto, and Reznik are already dispatched, but James says we’ll need at least three teams. It’s a big one.
Kaur’s on her way in. So are Greene and Herzog.
Still trying a few other volunteers. Should I contact Hugh? ”
“No. He’s sick. Last thing we want is to put someone on the scene we might have to drag out of it. Call Nat Rivera over in Mabel and ask if they can send a crew out. If Sullivan mill’s fully engaged, that’s gonna be a big fucking problem.”
Holden’s eyes widen. “ Fuck ,” he mutters around his food.
I nod. Sullivan Timber shut down operations six months ago under a cloud of scandal. I have no idea how much dry wood and chemicals might still be on-site.
“Call Robbie, please,” I tell Ravi reluctantly. “Apprise him of the situation, but tell him it’s under control. I hate to bother him, but he’ll be pissed if we don’t. ”
“You got it, Ames. And I’ll call Sheriff Axford.”
“Don’t bother,” I tell Ravi. “He already knows.”
Holden’s got the remains of his sandwich wrapped in a napkin and his phone in his hand by the time I hang up, calling in some of his own people to set up a safety perimeter.
“I’ll drive,” he says as we make our way to the front and say goodbye to Jana.
The wind nearly takes off the door to Holden’s SUV as we climb in.
I blow out a breath. “Know what’s worse than a giant structure fire in the middle of a freezing cold night?” I mutter.
“Yeah,” Holden says. “That fire in the wind .”
He drives the two blocks to the Emergency Services building in mere seconds, and I jump out without waiting for him to stop. I’m already running through gear, protocols, team assignments. Getting into the headspace where I work from muscle memory.
I didn’t always want to be a firefighter. Not like Robbie did. But it’s a part of me now, and I’m damn good at it.
“Axford,” Hugh calls from near Engine 1, then immediately breaks into a coughing fit like his lungs are trying to escape his body. “Gear up. We’re rolling in ninety seconds, Cinderella, and you don’t wanna be late.”
“That doesn’t even make sense,” I shout. “Go home and get back in bed.”
“I’m feeling better. So much better, I was already here—” He coughs again. “Catching up on paperwork. I’m going stir-crazy at home.”
I shake my head. “Then go back to your paperwork. I’ve got this, Hugh. ”
I grab my turnout gear from my locker. Around me, radios are crackling, boots are stomping, engines rumble. Greene’s there, suited up and bouncing on his toes like he’s getting ready to run a race.
I catch his eye. “Greene. You sticking by my side tonight?”
“You got it.” He gives me a salute, then laughs, hyped up and eager, like he’s already feeling the adrenaline rush.
I make a mental note to keep him close.
Hugh appears, fully geared up despite my warnings. “Axford, Greene, Herzog, Delphi, you’re with me.”
I try again to persuade Hugh to stay behind. “Dude, the winds are high. It’s gonna be a clusterfuck?—”
“I’ve been at this longer than you have, Ames.” He claps me on the shoulder. “It’s my job to take care of these guys. Would you stay back, if it was you?”
I shut up because while I’d like to think I would, that I’d be smart about it, I’m a little too aware these days that while logic might talk a good game, my heart won’t always listen.
We load into Engine 1. I’m in the back with Greene and Delphi, who’s not quite a probie anymore and actually follows instructions. Through the window, I see Holden getting back in his SUV, phone pressed to his ear like he’s coordinating with dispatch.
The ride out to Sullivan Timber takes less than five minutes, but as always when I’m heading to a fire, it feels long. My blood’s up, and I’m thinking about the wind feeding the flames.
Then we pull into the long driveway, past the metal gate and the No Trespassing signs, and I see the sky’s lit up orange .
The Sullivan Timber mill is a sprawling, two-story structure. There’s an old, retrofitted sawmill from the 1800s on one side and a recently constructed wing of offices on the other.
It appears at first that the whole thing’s completely engulfed because the roof on the mill side is already up in flames, and the firelight’s glinting off the windows of the offices.
But as we get closer, I see that the east side of the building hasn’t caught…
yet.The way the wind’s sending sparks and embers spiraling into the night,though, it’s only a matter of time before it does.
Hell, the entire pine forest, which is about a hundred feet from the structure on two sides, is liable to become a giant pile of kindling.
“Holy shit,” Greene says next to me, eyes focused on the internal structure of the mill, which is glowing like a hellmouth.
On the one hand, I don’t blame him for gawping. I’ve done this job for over a decade, and I want to stare too. We don’t get a lot of structure fires this big around here. But also…
“Focus,” I snap, tapping his helmet.
When we pull up, Tanker 2’s already in position. James and Porto have found a hydrant and are deploying hose.
It’s almost funny that I was lamenting how loud the wind was just an hour ago, and now I can’t hear it at all. It’s drowned out by the roar of the engines, which are almost drowned out by the roar of the fire.
Hugh’s voice comes over the radio. “Structure’s a total loss.
James and the crew on the first team cleared it.
Priority now is containment. Wind’s gusting—” He breaks off for a second.
“Thirty miles an hour out of the west, so watch for spot fires and flying debris. Engine 1 crew, we’re taking the western exposure.
Standard defensive operation. Keep the exterior wet, protect the tree line. Understood?”
We all mutter agreement, but I grab Greene’s biceps anyway and force him to look at me. “Standard defensive operation means no one gets within fifty feet of the structure. Got it?”
He nods.
We’re pulling hose when the chief’s truck screams into the mill parking lot, lights flashing. The door flies open and Robbie jumps out, already wearing half his gear.
I shake my head, wanting to yell at him for gearing up while driving, but I can’t. For one thing, he’s too far away. For another… my chest’s gone tight at the sight of him.
All those things I should feel for Auden—the knowing, the needing , the literal you’re the last thing I think about before I head into danger ? I feel them now in spades, and my brain’s too busy doing my job to shut them down.
“Chief on scene.” Robbie’s deep voice cuts through on the radio. “I have command. James, what’s the situation on the east side?”
James, who’s part of the team that was already on-scene fighting the fire on the mill side of the building, gives us his report. Meanwhile, Robbie’s shaking his head at Hugh, clearly pissed that he’s here, and Hugh’s glaring back defiantly.
After James is done, Robbie up-nods at me and yells, “Axford. C’mere.”
I leave Greene pulling hose and stride over. “Yeah?”
“That stubborn fucker,” he says, nodding at Hugh, “should be home.”
“Told him that. ”
Robbie huffs out a breath. “Keep an eye on him. If he’s flagging, you tell me. I’ll get him out of here if I have to club him over the head and cart him out.”
“Understood.” I head back toward the fire.
“And Ames?” Robbie shouts.
“Yeah?” I turn my head.
Robbie’s mouth opens, then closes. He shakes his head once. “Stay safe.”
I nod.
A second later, Robbie moves away, coordinating with a new crew that’s arrived from Mabel and setting up zones.
“Let’s move,” Hugh shouts, and we start advancing with the hose.