Chapter 5
CHAPTER FIVE
Jarod walked into Books and Brew and claimed the same stool he’d occupied nearly a week earlier. Ever since waking to find Stephanie missing from his bed last Friday morning, he’d been busting his ass, working major overtime—five eighteen-hour days in a row. He’d been kicked by the old be-careful-what-you-wish-for curse. He’d worked as a beat cop for years, always reaching for the ever-elusive detective’s badge. Now he was sitting in the coveted chair, and paying for it. He’d been thrown into a big case the first week out of the gate, and he’d logged a shit-ton of hours as a result.
On the plus side, he and his partner had cracked their case, nabbing the pusher whose drug dealing on the local college campus had landed two co-eds in the hospital. For his efforts, he’d cleared the suspect he’d followed into the bar last week. Stephanie would be relieved to hear that.
On the downside, he’d cleared the Books and Brew suspect. His excuse for hanging out at the bar—as Stephanie’s pretend boyfriend—had been swept away before he’d even taken advantage of it.
It was three o’clock on Wednesday afternoon. He had the next three days off, and he was ready to settle the score with Miss Stephanie Harper. He’d been pissed to discover her gone the morning after the greatest sex of his life, although he hadn’t been completely surprised. There was something about Stephanie that told him she would try to hold him at arm’s length.
She might try, but she sure as hell wasn’t going to succeed. While the timing on starting a relationship was all wrong for him, he wasn’t about to let the best thing to happen to him in years simply slip away. He may be starting a new job and on the rebound from a crappy relationship, but he didn’t give a shit. He suspected she didn’t want to start a relationship, either. However, Stephanie was going to have to give him a damn good excuse why not. He wanted to go out with her, take her on a real date and get to know her better.
He glanced around the room. Jayne was helping a customer find a book, but aside from that, the place was empty. He’d purposely come during the off-hours, determined to have a talk with Stephanie that wouldn’t be interrupted.
Stephanie wasn’t behind the bar and, for a moment, he worried she’d skipped town in her desire to avoid him. He chuckled. While their night together had made a huge impact on his life and plans for the immediate future, he wasn’t certain her feelings were as engaged—one way or the other. He’d have to work on changing that.
More likely it was her day off—a thought that hadn’t occurred to him. From their short conversation last week, he’d gotten the impression she practically lived at the bar. He envisioned her as a workaholic. While he admired her drive and commitment toward making the place a success, he was concerned she pushed herself a bit too hard at the expense of everything else.
The sound of clinking glass caught his attention, and he turned in time to see Stephanie emerge from a back room with a tray of clean glasses. She was halfway to the bar when she spotted him.
“Oh. Hey.” Her tone told him nothing. Damn, she was a frustrating woman. Was she sorry about running away last week or pissed off at him for not calling during the days between then and now? He’d picked up the phone a hundred times, but he wanted to have this conversation face-to-face. This was the first opportunity he’d had to make that happen.
He lifted his hand in a casual wave. “Hey.”
She walked behind the bar and placed the glasses on the counter. “What’s up?”
His temper sparked at her nonchalance. He’d been thinking about her 24/7, that’s what the fuck was up. Instead, he said, “Not much.”
“Been keeping the mean streets of Portland safe from double-parkers?” She gave him a friendly smile and his anger melted away.
“Something like that.”
She started putting the glasses away, hanging them by the stems on the rack above her head. It felt like she was trying to avoid making eye contact.
“You missed a helluva breakfast Friday morning.” He couldn’t resist getting in a little dig.
“Oh yeah?” She kept working.
“Yeah. Eggs, hash browns, bacon, the whole works.”
She cleared her throat uneasily, her gaze never wavering from her task. “I had to be here to open up. Early delivery.”
“Stephanie. Look at me.”
She glanced his way, a look of pure irritation on her face. He grinned. He liked her feisty side. “I’m sort of busy, Jarod.”
He looked around at the empty bar. “Yeah, I can see that.”
“God, you’re a smartass.”
“Takes one to know one. Is there something wrong, Steph? Did I hurt you the other night?” It was the one fear he’d carried the past few days. He hadn’t been a gentle lover. He wondered if he’d gone too far, giving in to desires he’d always suppressed for fear of scaring his lovers away. She had responded to his rough touches, pleading for more, but perhaps he’d read her wrong, pushed her too hard.
She put down the glass she was holding and shook her head. “Of course you didn’t hurt me. I mean, I’m not going to pretend I wasn’t a little sore the next day. We went at it like dogs in heat, didn’t we?”
She never minced words. It was refreshing. “You can say that again. I was worried…”
Her gaze softened. “I’m fine, Jarod. It was a spectacular night.”
Her words soothed away the last of his anxieties. He gave her a cocky grin. “Spectacular, huh? That sounds a hell of a lot better than nice .”
She rolled her eyes, but he could see she was amused. “You’re awfully quick to claim all the credit there, hotshot. You have to admit, I was fucking awesome.”
He leaned closer. “You were incredible. Go out with me tonight.”
As far as segues went, that had to be the lamest, but he wanted to see her again.
“Go out or go home with you?”
“A date. I want to take you out on a real, old-fashioned date. Movies and dinner.”
Her face betrayed her desire to go, but there was clearly something holding her back. Jarod could see her searching for a reason to say no. Rejection was not an option.
Turning, he caught Jayne’s attention. “Hey, Jayne.”
Stephanie’s friend smiled when she saw him and excused herself from her customer for a moment. “Hi, Jarod. I didn’t see you come in. How’s the reading coming along?”
“Great.” He wasn’t lying. He’d managed to sneak in quite a bit of reading time during a stakeout one night. Apart from the razzing he caught from the other guys for reading a chick book, he’d actually enjoyed the suspense aspect of the story, and the sex scenes were damn hot. He kept imagining Stephanie in the role of the heroine and had spent more than a few times jacking off in the bathroom as a result. Rather than be distracted from his purpose, he forged on. “Looks pretty quiet in here today.”
“Wednesdays are our slowest days,” Jayne confirmed.
“Oh yeah? So it wouldn’t be a problem if I stole Stephanie away tonight? Date night.”
“A date?” Jayne’s tone confirmed his suspicions. Stephanie didn’t go out much.
“You know, I didn’t say yes, Jarod.” Stephanie’s arms were crossed. “I have a lot of work to do.”
Jayne snorted. “It’s like watching paint dry here today. I’ll call Sophie and get her to mix the dozen or so drinks we’ll be lucky to sell tonight.”
Stephanie gave her friend a dirty look, but still didn’t reply.
“Stop looking for an out and say yes, Steph. It’ll be fun.” He gave her what he hoped was a charming grin.
She closed her eyes, but her face betrayed her. She wasn’t annoyed or even upset. He took that as a good sign. “Fine,” she finally said.
“Terrific. I’m going to run home and shower. Pick you up around six?”
She nodded. “Wait.” She grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down her address. “Pick me up at my place.”
He pocketed the paper as Jayne returned to her customer. Walking toward the open end of the bar, he crooked his finger. “Come here a minute.”
“What for?”
He chuckled. “Just come here.”
She stomped over to him. “You know, we’re going to have to talk about your tendency to be too controlling. I don’t answer to?—”
When she was within arm’s reach, he pulled her to him, silencing her with a long kiss. He’d missed her lips, the taste and scent of her. She lifted her arms, wrapped them around his neck and joined in.
When Jarod pulled away, Stephanie raised a suspicious eyebrow. “Shutting me up again?”
He shrugged. “Nah. Just sealing the deal with a kiss. I’ll see you at six.”
He left the bar feeling optimistic. It was turning out to be a very good day.
* * *
Stephanie laughed as Jarod dissected some of the lamer parts of the movie they’d just watched. Neither of them had been anxious to see the evening end, so when Jarod suggested they hit a local all-night diner for dessert, she’d happily agreed.
As far as first dates went, she wasn’t sure she’d ever had more fun on one. Jarod was far too easy to be with. They shared a similar sense of humor, relying heavily on cutting wit and sarcasm. He also didn’t take himself too seriously, which was a nice break from the last few yahoos she’d gone out with. Men like Hank, who lived by the I’m-a-stud-worship-me belief. While Hank masked his insecurity with muscles and bravado, Jarod didn’t put much stock in his looks, even though he was incredibly handsome and totally built. He had a quiet confidence in his sexuality that was refreshing and completely attractive.
“So you solved the case already?” Conversation over dinner had been relatively safe—both of them giving the well-rehearsed life-history stories. Standard fare for first dates. However, there was something about sharing a cup of coffee at midnight that invited more personal revelations.
“Yep,” he admitted. “Thought you’d like to know your guy was cleared.”
“Guy? I thought you were following one of the Romantic Hearts ladies.”
Jarod shook his head. “Nope. It was that fella in the corner, drinking the scotch.”
“Elias?” Stephanie couldn’t help it. She laughed. “Oh my God. I wish you’d told me who you suspected that night. I could have saved you some trouble.”
Jarod grinned. “I’m not sure he was ever a serious suspect, but it was my first day on the job, and the lieutenant of the drug task force simply assigned me a couple of long shots to ease me into the case.”
“Yeah, well, he’s about as long a shot as you could get. Elias, the drug pusher.” She snorted.
“He’s a professor at the university where the two girls ODed. The only thing they had in common was his class. Like I said, he wasn’t ever a serious suspect. We were just dotting the I’s and crossing the T’s. What’s the deal with that guy anyway?”
Stephanie shrugged. “He’s a regular at the bar and a true gentleman. I think Jayne has the hots for him.”
“Big age difference, wouldn’t you say?”
“I don’t know how old Elias is.”
“According to the information I gathered on him, he’s forty-two.”
“Oh. Wow. Well, it doesn’t matter. He’s never asked Jayne out or expressed any interest. So you had to follow him around all week?”
“Actually, no. I only tailed him that one night. He was cleared immediately when we caught a big break on the case the day after you and I met. That’s when things sped up. We set up surveillance for several days and then a sting operation. Made the arrest late last night and spent my morning wrapping up the paperwork.”
Stephanie took a sip of her coffee. “Good for you. Although, I must admit I don’t think I’d like your job. Paperwork and I don’t get along. I drive Jordan nuts because of my lame record-keeping. I think I’ll leave the law and order stuff to you.”
He studied her face for a long time and she finally caved under the unreadable expression. “What?”
“I just gave you more details regarding a case than I ever shared with Cheryl, and believe me, she would have been hanging on the edge of her seat and begging for more.”
“Into cops, was she?”
He shrugged. “I guess. Problem was I always ended up feeling like I needed to embellish the story to make it interesting for her. It was irritating.”
Stephanie took the last bite of ice cream and wiped her mouth with her napkin. “Sorry, but Cheryl sounds like a tool.”
“Let’s just say I appreciate the fact that you don’t place the same importance on my stories of work. I love my job, though I’ll admit certain aspects of it annoy me. The paperwork ranks pretty damn high on the aggravating list. But being a cop is only a small part of who I am.”
She nodded, understanding his frustration with his ex. She felt the same irritation with her mother. “My mom does the same shit to me. She’s this high-powered executive and a major workaholic.”
Jarod grin. “Guess the fruit didn’t fall far from that tree.”
She knew he didn’t intend to insult her. He didn’t know about the animosity between her and Beverly, but his words still grated. “Meaning?”
“From what I gather, you work your ass off at that bar. When was the last time you took a night off?”
“I took tonight off,” she joked.
He narrowed his eyes. “Before tonight?”
She bit her lip, refusing to answer his question.
“That’s what I thought,” he said.
“What I’m trying to say is, in my mother’s eyes, I’m a failure. Having a bartender for a daughter isn’t exactly something she can brag about to her friends at the country club.”
Jarod frowned. “You’re a hell of a lot more than just a bartender, Steph. You’re a successful entrepreneur, a creative businesswoman, a good friend and the best lover I’ve ever had.”
She smiled at his vehement defense, laughing at the last. Then she made her point. “Not sure I can brag about that lover part to Mom, but thanks. And, for the record, you’re a lot more than just a cop.”
He nodded, looking pleased that she got it.
“I guess now that Elias has been cleared as a hardened criminal, you don’t have any reason to hang out at Books and Brew anymore.”
He snorted. “Are you kidding me? I have every reason to hang out. You’re there.”
She fell silent. Compliments seemed to come so naturally to him and she never doubted his sincerity. He made her feel warm and tingly inside.
The waitress came over and offered to fill their coffee cups. Stephanie glanced at her cell phone. It was well after midnight. She waved the waitress off. “No thanks. Any more of that and I’ll be up all night.”
Jarod agreed and asked for the bill. A small part of Stephanie was sorry to see the night end.
“Did you finish your homework?” she asked, hoping that Jarod hadn’t had a chance to finish reading the romance novel. If he bailed on the group discussion, she could too.
“Yep. I even highlighted a few parts to talk about.”
“You’re joking.”
He shook his head. “Nope. I’m totally serious. Did you read it? Because a deal’s a deal—I’m only doing the discussion if you do.”
“I read the damn thing. Talk about a waste of time.”
Jarod studied her face seriously. “You really are missing that romance gene.”
She started to reach for the bill when the waitress put it on the table, but Jarod beat her to it. “I’ll pay.”
She pulled her wallet out of her purse. “You treated for dinner and the movies.”
“My date, my tab.”
“Christ. You know, you have a tendency to throw in a lot of last-minute rules.”
He tossed a few bills on the table. “Just part of my appeal.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, right.”
They rose and walked to the parking lot together. Jarod opened her door. It was an old-fashioned, gentlemanly thing to do, but she liked it. She wondered when guys had stopped doing that. None of her dates in the past had ever opened her door for her.
Soon they were on the road, heading back to her place. They were both quiet for a few minutes, but the silence didn’t feel awkward.
Finally, she said, “My mom’s been married four times.”
“Four times. Wow. That’s quite a track record.”
“I think it has something to do with the fact she’s never at home because she’s always working. Add to that, her habit of holding everyone she meets up to an impossible standard, and as a result, she spends most of her life being disappointed.”
“Couldn’t have been easy growing up in that kind of environment.”
She scoffed. She’d read enough psychology books in her life to understand her childhood wasn’t as bad as it could have been. “I’m not playing the poor-me card here. I had a fine upbringing. My dad is still in my life. My stepdads weren’t pricks. My mom, for all her faults, loves me. I know that. I’m just saying I notice there aren’t a lot of romance books out there that show how tough forever really is.”
“Maybe your mom hasn’t figured out the trick to romance, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.”
She looked out the window of the car and sighed. “All I’m saying is, I think that has a lot to do with my lacking the romance gene. Real life is never as frilly and perfect as those stupid books portray. I have a hard time suspending reality enough to believe in the fairy-tale ending. In my world, ‘happily ever after ’ begins with a pre-nup, averages about four-to-six years and ends in a divorce lawyer’s office.”
Jarod didn’t reply, and she wondered what he was thinking. She’d gotten accustomed to at least having a feeling for where his thoughts lay. Unfortunately, right now, she didn’t have a freaking clue.
They rode the rest of the way in silence, which gave her too much time to worry about what she’d just said. Regardless of her assurances to the contrary, she was coming off as someone with definite mommy issues. For the first time in a long time, she didn’t push away the thought—dismissing it as a mistake. Tonight with Jarod had been amazing and yet, in the back of her mind, she was already plotting the end, trying to figure out her escape route.
Shit. The words “physician heal thyself” drifted through her mind.
When Jarod pulled up in front of her apartment building, he put the car in park. She noticed he didn’t turn it off, and she was disappointed. Maybe she’d scared him off with her cynicism. Wouldn’t be the first time she’d unloaded too much baggage and sent a guy packing. “Wanna come up for a nightcap?”
He shook his head. “Not tonight.”
Her heart fell. While she’d had a terrific time, Jarod didn’t seem to feel the same way. She should be relieved. She’d let herself get carried away with him, and it was time to rein in her emotions, get grounded once more.
“Okay. So thanks for tonight.”
She reached for the door handle, but Jarod stopped her, gripping her wrist loosely.
“I don’t agree with you.”
She gave him a puzzled look. “About what?”
“Romance books. I believe in love, Stephanie. It exists. I think you use your mother’s experiences with the emotion as an excuse to avoid feeling anything more deep and meaningful than friendship.”
Her chest tightened as Jarod said the very words she’d just thought. Reverting to character, she took the easy way out. “That’s not true.”
He ran a finger along her cheek and she repressed a shiver. He hadn’t touched her much tonight and she’d missed it. “I’ll prove it.”
He leaned closer and kissed her. As always, she melted. Jarod’s kisses were deep, sensual, and they drove her to an entirely different plane. She felt like she was having an out-of-body experience, not only able to feel, hear and taste everything, but to also watch it from above. Each stroke of his lips against hers was unique as he alternated between soft, gentle touches to hard, serious kisses that demanded her surrender. His fingers tangled in her hair, tilting her face according to his whims, his desire.
Stephanie gripped his shoulders and held on for dear life. As they parted to suck in some much-needed air, she repeated her invitation. “Come upstairs with me.”
He rested his forehead against hers. “No.”
“Why not?” She hadn’t misread those kisses, and she sure as hell recognized the bulge in the front of his pants. He had to be in agony with that raging hard-on.
“Because I’m not in this for sex, Steph. I want more.”
Her heart missed a beat. “How much more?”
“I want the whole enchilada. I want you. Girlfriend. Toothpaste globs in my sink.”
Her cynical soul laughed, though she felt like crying. She couldn’t give him that. She didn’t have the time or…the courage.
“Don’t be ridiculous. We just met. We’ve known each other less than a week.”
He nodded. “I know. And a week ago, I probably would have agreed with you that what I’m proposing is crazy. This week, I’m seeing the world a bit differently. I’m a cop, Stephanie, and I’ve gone with my gut instincts more than a few times as I worked to solve cases.”
“What does that have to do with anything?”
“My gut is telling me you’re special. That there’s a very good chance we’d be a pretty cool couple and have a hell of a lot of fun along the way.”
Her mouth went dry and she licked her lips, trying to find the moisture to speak, to refute his insane comments. “It’s too soon,” she whispered. “There’s no way you can know we’re that compatible. Hell, this was only our first date.”
“You’re right—I can’t know for sure. That’s why I’m going to keep hanging out at Books and Brew. That’s why we’re going to keep dating. And that’s why I’m not coming upstairs tonight.”
She narrowed her eyes, confusion warring with the panic and disappointment in her chest until he pounded the final nail in her coffin.
“I’m not going to let you confuse what we have with lust. I’m in this for the long haul, for a relationship.”