10. Daisy
***Daisy***
After swimming in the sun for more hours than we should’ve that day, the kids and I were exhausted by the evening.
None of us even felt up to the candy bar.
When Wes and Max came home, though, I still pulled myself to my feet and trudged towards the kitchen.
I was aware that I looked rough after a day in the sun with my hair and makeup ruined but I was still unprepared for Wes’ doubletake.
I put my hands on my hips and frowned. “Really? Do I look that rough?”
He blinked a few more times and then shook his head. “No! No, sorry. I’ve just never seen you look so…”
“Normal?” I shrugged. “Hank decided to push me into the water and ruined my careful plans of swimming without a drop of water touching me from the neck up. I’ll get started on dinner. Hamburger steaks and mashed potatoes sound good?”
He cleared his throat and rubbed his jaw while looking everywhere but at me. “I’ve got it.”
A jolt of panic washed through me. My therapist would’ve loved to get a play by play of my thoughts right then. “Um, no, I’ve got it. It’s my job. Plus, I like it.”
Wes met my gaze finally and shook his head. “It’s not your job. You’re doing us a favor by nannying the kids. You’ve been cooking and cleaning like we expect you to, but we don’t. I can cook. I promise.”
I wanted to argue. I wanted to shove him out of the way and rush to the kitchen to prepare a feast. I needed to prove that I was worth keeping around.
It was that thought that made me take a deep breath and a step back.
I was always fighting to prove my worth, even when people didn’t expect anything from me.
My parents had made me fight for their love and Brooke had been no different.
Still was no different. I’d learned early that I was only as good as what I could do for someone.
Years and years of therapy had allowed me to see the pattern but it wasn’t easy to stop it.
“You seem tired. Why don’t you take a bath or something? We have the kids. The house won’t fall apart without you for an hour.”
I nodded even though it made me feel sick. “O-okay. Just holler for me if you need anything.”
“Okay. I’ll holler if I need anything.” He smiled as he mimicked my accent. “Get out of here. And take your demon dog with you.”
Hank, responding as if he’d been called, walked over, long ears dragging the ground and proving that the sun had worn him out, too. He let out a deep sigh as he sat directly on top of Wes’ feet and then he put his head down and started snoring.
Wes scowled. “Is it faking? There’s no way he fell asleep that fast. Get your dog off me, woman.”
I bit my lip to stifle my laughter. “Sorry, I’m needed in the bathroom. If he’s in the same room as me when I bathe or shower he gets weirder than usual. This actually works really well for me.”
“Weirder than usual?”
I winced. “Yeah. He’s a watcher. Like…no blinking. If someone told me he’d been reborn after a life of serial killing, I’d buy it in those moments. It’s creepy.”
Wes stared at me, his jaw muscles working. “And you’re just going to leave me with a reincarnated serial killer?”
Without thinking it through, I reached out and squeezed his bicep. “You’re a big boy. You can handle it.”
Then, when we both just kind of froze, I let out an awkward laugh and waved before turning and hurrying away, the feeling of his flexing muscle burned into my memory.
I was no longer exhausted when I locked myself in my bathroom and turned the shower on the hottest setting.
The small interaction with Wes made sure of that.
I forced myself to go through my normal self-care routine, despite the pressing need to get back out there as fast as possible so I could be useful if anyone needed anything.
My beauty routine, my style, my whole thing was something I’d built and created for myself.
It was one of the very few things I did just for me so it mattered.
It made me feel special without anyone else’s validation.
It’d gotten more tailored, more specific with the success of the bakery.
The things I used were much better quality than the things I started with but the emotion behind the self-care hadn’t changed.
Taking care of myself felt good. And I deserved it.
No matter what I felt when I was around other people, still struggling to feel loved without feeling needed, I knew I deserved the self-care. It mattered.
I finished my shower and stood in front of the bathroom mirror naked while I quickly semi-dried my hair.
It was another act of defiance against everything from my childhood.
It was harder after being dumped for my much thinner little sister.
Only once I had my hair in curlers, under a silk wrap, did I dress.
My white silk pajama set was just as vintage as everything else I owned, with a drapey babydoll top and frilly bottoms. The top billowed out around my hips and dipped low enough across my chest to be a little daring.
I pulled a matching silk robe over it, though, and slipped my feet into an equally over-the-top pair of faux-feather trimmed slippers, taking the whole look from bedroom to morning after, making breakfast.
I wore similar pajamas every night but I’d made sure to stay hidden all the night previous.
There was nothing explicit about the clothing, nothing that came off as an attempt to get laid, but I knew it was sexier than normal pajamas.
Tyler had always made me wear his flannel robe around the house if I wasn’t dressed for the day yet.
I didn’t have Tyler’s flannel robe anymore, though, and I wasn’t going to hide who I was just because I was covered from throat to ankles.
All that bravado went right out the window when I entered the kitchen and all three of my current male roommates stopped everything to stare at me. My face flamed bright red and I unconsciously took a step back. Seeing them drop everything to watch me made me dizzy with something like power.
Flynn recovered first and he ran his hands over his hair while moving closer. “Damn, Daisy. I didn’t know pajamas could look like that.”
“They’re just pajamas. And my hair is in rollers.
I’m not exactly gracing a runway right now.
” I shrugged and pretended like my heart wasn’t racing but as soon as I spotted the bottle of wine they’d opened I rushed to pour myself a glass.
I needed something for my nerves. “Is there anything I can help with?”
Flynn poured himself a glass and tapped his glass to mine. His eyes were playful as they raked down my body. “I could probably think of a few things.”
Wes slapped the back of his head and growled. “Go be useful and get out the plates.”
Hazel walked into the kitchen with three empty cups in her hand.
She put them in the sink and then saw my pajamas.
Her eyes widened and a smile tugged at her lips.
It occurred to me that she’d probably never seen super girly pajamas.
She was being raised by a family of men. “Those don’t have cartoons on them.”
I grinned and shook my head. “They don’t. Do you have any special pajamas?”
Her eyes shifted as she thought about it. “No. They all have cartoons.”
“Do you want some special pajamas?” I was careful to keep my eagerness out of my voice. Hazel had walls up and I didn’t want to spook her the moment she started staring at me with interest.
“Maybe.” She quickly ran back to the living room as if nothing had happened.
Wes groaned. “My daughter can’t wear things like that.”
I raised a single eyebrow. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed. “I just mean that she’s going to dress like a nun until she’s forty and I’m dead.”
“Is it going to be a problem? Should I buy different pajamas?”
“No.” He barked the word, a short and loud punch of a word. “No. I mean… They’re nice.”
“Nice?”
He turned his back to me as he fussed with something in the sink. “More than nice.”
I looked down at my feet and tried to fight the grin threatening to overtake my face. “Thank you.”
His voice was gruff as he spoke again. “Wash up for diner.”
At that, I did grin broadly at his back. “Yes, sir.”
He shot a look over his shoulder at me that killed the grin on my face and any sort of denial that I was attracted to him. His eyes were heated and he looked like he was going to say something but he caught himself before he did. “And get your dog.”