29. Wes
***Wes***
Istood around the kitchen with my brothers, each of us waiting to speak until we could no longer hear Daisy and the kids.
She was putting them to bed and we didn’t have much time to talk because I wanted to be there when she put Hazel to bed.
Hazel had been quieter the past few weeks and I wanted to know if something was going on with my daughter.
Max spoke up first. “I don’t want anything to do with her or whatever this is. You two handle your shit.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “She said you know how she tastes.”
His cheeks actually went red and he choked on whatever denial he started to put out. When he had control over his breathing he just shook his head. “I’m out of this.”
Flynn and I watched him leave from the kitchen door and then turned back to each other. I stared him down but he didn’t buckle. If anything, he stood up taller and smirked at me.
“Whatever you think you have with her, you’re wrong. She’s mine.” Flynn shrugged like he hadn’t just pissed me off.
“She’s not yours, Flynn. She’s not something either of us can own.” I waited a moment and then gave into my base needs. “If she was one of ours, she wouldn’t be yours.”
“I’m not backing down, Wes.”
“For now. You never stick to anything, Flynn. You can’t commit. Never have and you probably never will.” I braced my hands on the island and frowned at him. “She isn’t someone you can play house with for a few weeks and then bolt as soon as you have to make a real choice to be with her.”
Flynn stood up straighter and glared at me. “Fuck off, Wes. You think you’re any better? You touched her and then acted like it was the worse thing you’d ever done. You can’t commit to her anymore than you think I can.”
“Bullshit. I’m going to make this work.” I ignored the pain in my chest at the thought of him bringing up Sarah. I’d been fucked up for a long time but I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life, the rest of Hazel’s life, being closed off and miserable. “I’m not backing down, Flynn.”
He smiled but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “I guess it’s game on, then, because I’m not walking away from Daisy just so you can fuck it up.”
“So, we’re both going after the same woman? The woman who happens to be our little brother’s ex?” I let out a humorless laugh. “This definitely won’t blow up in our faces.”
“I promise to still love you after Daisy chooses me.”
“You’re still my little brother, jackass. I can still kick your ass.”
He laughed. “Keep thinking that, big bro.”
I flipped him off and then hurried upstairs so I could catch Hazel before she was asleep.
I heard the muffled voices of Hazel and Daisy from a few feet down the hall and made a decision I didn’t quite understand.
I wasn’t the type of person who snuck around and put their ear against whatever door they could.
I wasn’t a nosey person. Something about their voices made me pause and quiet my footsteps, though.
It wasn’t that either of them sounded upset. It was just something in Daisy’s tone. I found myself tiptoeing to my daughter’s door and as much as it embarrassed me, I’d do it again and again if it meant finding out what had been going on with Hazel.
The door was cracked and I immediately heard Hazel’s soft voice twisted with sadness. “I wish you were my mom.”
My stomach sank and my knees nearly buckled. For a moment, a bolt of wild anger at Daisy consumed me. She couldn’t replace Sarah. If that’s what she thought she was doing, she’d lost her mind. Hazel had a mom and-
“You have a mom, Hazel. From everything I’ve heard, she was the best mom ever.
And I know she loved you so much. Still loves you so much, because even when someone isn’t here with you anymore, a love that big doesn’t just go away.
It can’t. So, I bet her love is still everywhere in this house and if you think about it, you’ll feel it.
She loved you so much that her love is probably all around this house and the village.
Maybe all over the entire state. Even all over the country and maybe even the world.
You’re so loveable that I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if this entire planet was oozing with her love for you. ”
All the anger that had been covering up the crushing feeling of Hazel longing for a different mom vanished and I was left with a strong aching pain and the feeling that I’d fucked up. I just didn’t know how much I’d fucked up yet.
“Dad doesn’t talk about her. No one does. I want to ask questions but I’m afraid to upset him. I don’t remember her but I want to.” Hazel’s voice cracked right along with my heart. “Are you going to leave, too, Aunt Daisy?”
I heard Daisy shift on the bed and knew she was moving closer to hold my daughter because that’s the kind of woman she was and because my daughter needed to be held.
I had to bend forward and hold myself up with my hands on my knees.
Breathing through my nose, I strained to hear how Daisy responded.
“I think if you told your dad how you feel he’d make sure you could ask any questions you need to.
He loves you more than anything in the world and you mean the world to him.
Talking about your mom might hurt him but he would never want you to not know the amazing woman who gave birth to you.
Maybe we could start a memory book for you before the summer ends.
You could write down the things you learn about her.
No matter how small. Like if she liked oranges.
Or if she hated the color blue. Anything. Would you like that?”
Tears filled my eyes. My daughter didn’t know if her mother hated the color blue. My failure was so massive that I didn’t know where to start with making it right.
“Yes, please!” Hazel went quiet again. “What happens at the end of the summer? Do you leave?”
Silence dragged on until Daisy let out a controlled sigh.
“I have to go back to my home in Atlanta. My bakery needs me. That doesn’t mean I’ll be gone forever, Hazel.
I’ll make sure you can talk to me whenever you want or need to.
As long as it’s okay with your dad. And if it’s okay, I’ll come back to visit when I can.
And when you’re old enough, maybe you can come visit me.
I’ll put you to work in the bakery. How’s a penny a day sound? ”
Hazel giggled but there was sadness beneath it. “Do you have to leave because I wasn’t always very nice?”
“God, no. You were never rude or mean to me, honey. You were just making sure you could trust me before you opened up to me. I understand that so much, Haze. If it was only based on you, I’d stay forever. You’re my favorite nine-year-old in the entire world.”
“Do you know any other nine-year-olds?”
Daisy let out a loud laugh. “Caught me. But even if I knew a thousand kids your age, you’d still be my favorite.
I love you, Hazel Calloway. You’re the smartest, kindest, funniest, cutest nine-year-old in the world and I don’t need to know anyone else to know that.
You constantly impress me. And you’re a brilliant big cousin. And dog-sitter.”
“No one is a good dog-sitter for Hank, Aunt Daisy.”
“Shhh. We don’t need to talk about that.
And if you say his name three times, he just appears and eats your bed.
So, be careful.” The bed creaked again as Daisy stood up.
“Okay, it’s time for you to get to sleep.
I need well-rested kids in the morning if we’re going to decorate cupcakes and jump on the trampoline for nine hours, as you suggested. ”
Hazel made her normal anti-sleep noises but I could tell she wasn’t far from knocking out. “Aunt Daisy?”
“Yeah?”
“I love you, too.”
Daisy sniffled and had to clear her throat to speak again. “Thank you for finally trusting me, Haze.”
She lingered at the door for several more minutes, watching Hazel to make sure she was asleep before leaving the room.
When she did step out I was still standing there, probably looking like I’d just been through a bear attack.
A soft gasp escaped her at the sight of me but she quickly recovered and grabbed my arm to drag me away from Hazel’s door.
“Are you okay?” She stopped next to my bedroom door and looked up at me with concern clear on her face.
I didn’t stop to think; I just wrapped myself around her and held her as close as I could. “I didn’t know.”
She sighed and wound her arms around me, holding me almost more than I was holding her. She stroked my back, soothing me even when I didn’t deserve it. “About how she was feeling about her mom?”
“Yes. I… I fucked up.” I pulled back so I could see her face, see if she thought I was as awful as I felt like I was. She was watching me with a gentle face, though.
“It’s not too late. Help her make the memory book.
Show her that she can be curious about her mom.
” She reached up and cupped my cheek. “Everyone mourns in their own way, Wes. What you did to survive doesn’t mean you fucked up or that you’re a bad father.
Not making a change now that you know what she needs would make you an ass.
You’re going to make things better, though. Aren’t you?”
I nodded roughly and held her hand to my face, leaning into it. “I am.”
“Okay, then. There’s no need to drag yourself through the mud. Just do better. Hazel is a normal kid, Wes. You didn’t break her.”
It felt so good to hear Daisy comfort me and I knew in that moment how much more I needed of her in my life.
Daisy gently pulled her hand away and smiled sweetly at me. “Tomorrow’s a new day. Get some sleep.”
She turned to leave.
“Daisy.”
She stopped and looked back at me.
I’d spent weeks telling myself she deserved a better man than me.
Someone who wasn’t still carrying around grief and guilt like they were a second skin.
Someone who hadn’t touched her and then made her feel like shit for letting him.
Standing there, watching her after everything I’d just heard her say to my daughter, I finally realized what fucking bullshit that was.
Her eyes widened. “What?”
“I need to tell you something.”
“Okay…”
“What happened between us wasn’t a mistake.”
She went still.
“I know I made you feel like it was.” My jaw tightened. “I fucked that up.”
“Wes-”
“No. Let me finish.” I reached for her hand. “I’ve wanted you for a long fucking time, Daisy. Longer than you know. Tyler leaving didn’t make me want you. It just meant I finally didn’t have to hate myself for it.”
Her lips parted, but nothing came out.
“When I touched you, I panicked. Not because I didn’t want it.” I tightened my fingers around hers. “Because I did. Because being with someone after Sarah was supposed to feel wrong.”
Her expression softened.
“It didn’t.”
“Wes…”
“That scared the shit out of me.” I swallowed hard. “And instead of dealing with that like a grown man, I made you feel like you were something I regretted. And I’m so fucking sorry.”
She smiled and grabbed my hands. “I don't want you changing your mind again.”
“I won't.”
Her eyes lifted to mine. “How do I know that?”
“You don't.”
She frowned.
“Not yet.” I brought her hand to my chest. “So I’m going to show you.”
“Show me what?”
I thought about everything I knew about Daisy. How quickly she jumped up when someone needed something. How easily she spent herself taking care of everyone around her. How hard she worked to make herself impossible to leave.
“You’ve spent enough of your life proving your worth to everyone else.” I lifted my other hand and cupped her cheek. “Let me prove mine to you.”
A tear slipped over my thumb.
“That's a pretty big promise, Calloway.”
“I know.”
“And you're kind of an asshole.”
“I know that, too.”
Her mouth twitched. I leaned closer but stopped before my mouth reached hers. I wasn’t taking anything from her this time. “Can I kiss you?”
Her expression softened. “Yeah, I’ve already made enough questionable decisions this summer. What’s one more?”
I laughed and then I kissed her. There was nothing frantic about it.
Nothing like the last time I’d gotten my hands on her and lost my fucking mind.
I held her face and kissed her slowly, feeling her relax against me until her hands settled against my chest. I wanted her to feel safe again.
When I pulled away, Daisy kept her eyes closed for another second before looking up at me.
“Goodnight, Wes.”
“Goodnight, Daisy.”
She started down the hall. “Daisy?”
She glanced back.
“I meant what I said.”
“Which part?”
“All of it.” I held her gaze. “But especially the part where I prove it.”